Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller may present a united front against his mentally challenged harpy of an ex wife, Denise Richards, but the National Enquirer claims to have insider information that the cracks have already started to appear in their marriage. Charlie calls his marriage to Brooke, his third, his “first real marriage.” His partner may have changed, but the negative dynamic he fosters in his relationships probably hasn’t.

According to the Enquirer, Charlie and Brooke fought most of the time on their honeymoon in Costa Rica and decided to cut the vacation short by five days. They supposedly locked heads over whether to start a family, and Charlie was so focused on his bitterness toward Denise that he was unable to relax and enjoy his honeymoon. It sounds like their relationship isn’t all that different from Charlie’s last marriage.

It was the honeymoon from hell for newlyweds Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller! The couple squabbled nonstop over starting a family and cut their two-week holiday at an exotic Costa Rican resort short, sources say…

“They bickered and argued and ended up coming home five days earlier than planned.” [says an insider]…

The two began butting heads over starting a family even before the plane touched down.

“Brooke wants kids and Charlie doesn’t,” the insider said. “As far as he’s concerned, the joys of parenting have been tinged with misery…

“And when they weren’t battling over the baby issue during their honeymoon, Charlie was complaining about Denise, instead of concentrating on Brooke.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 30, 2008]

The Enquirer says they contacted Charlie’s rep, who said they didn’t come home early from their vacation and that everything is fine between the couple. It wouldn’t be surprising if they were fighting given Charlie’s history. Although Brooke suffered a miscarriage right before the wedding, according to the Enquirer, Charlie was said to have been supportive but firm that he didn’t want to give it another chance with Brooke. You can’t blame him given all the crap he’s still going through with Denise, but that’s a huge issue for a new couple to argue about and if they don’t work it out there’s probably not a lot of hope for them.

Charlie and Denise Brooke are shown on their honeymoon on 6/2/08, thanks to Splash News.

When I read a story about Charlie Sheen apologizing for a three year old voicemail that his ex Denise Richards just released, my first thoughts were “What voicemail rant?” and “Where can I hear it?” Charlie made a reference in his apology to his best man at both of his weddings, an African American guy, so I assumed that the voicemail had the “n” word in it. Evil Beet has a transcript and he uses the word once as an insult to his ex Denise.

Here’s the voicemail transcript:

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Message Received at 1:00pm

Yea, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you’re a fucking liar. Okay. You’re a fucking liar. So, you know what it’s like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You’re a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You’re a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.

[From Evil Beet]
US Weekly has his apology, which reads, “I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings. Three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis… my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation.”

I used to be team Charlie, but now I just wish the two of them would fade into obscurity. I’ve honestly never heard anyone use the “N” word as an insult in person, and it seems outrageous to me that someone would spew it out that way. It’s obnoxious and Charlie should be ashamed. It sounds like he is, though, and all of this happened three years ago in the heat of their divorce and was not meant to be public.

This voicemail never should have been released, but Denise has an endless hole in her psyche that she tries to fill by trash talking Charlie whenever she gets a chance. She just ends up making herself look desperate and needy, and she’s squandered any good will she gained by initially claiming her husband was addicted to porn and was verbally abusive to her. If she would have left it at that she might have been able to step aside and remain the triumphant party. Instead, she seems like a liar and an attention whore to a degree that probably trumps an addiction to prostitutes and the use of a racist term as an insult.

Charlie and Denise are shown in their brief happier times on 3/15/02, thanks to WENN.

Charlie Sheen and his new bride, Brooke Mueller, have a revealing interview in this week’s OK! Magazine to accompany the photos from their wedding. Some of the highlights include the predictably extensive comments about Charlie’s ex, Denise Richards, in which he says he’s not going to say her name, but he still manages to talk about her a lot. They also say they’re trying for a baby right away, but that Brooke isn’t pregnant.

Charlie touts the fact that he got his wedding suit from low-cost chain Men’s Warehouse, which has suits from around $200 to $600, because he’s had problems with designer suits falling apart and he loves their commercials. The bride wore a Reem Acra gown and a headdress made from twigs and woven white wildflowers, in keeping with the ceremony and reception’s “nature” theme. Her engagement ring is a whopping 11.64 carats, but she says she’s only going to wear her wedding band out. There were 68 guests at the non-denominational ceremony including Charlie’s parent’s his three brothers, his co-stars, Jon Cryer and Holland Taylor, and their friends Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart.

Charlie, why did you go to Men’s Wearhouse for your wedding suit?
I like their commercials a lot! I got tired of $3,000 suits falling apart in the middle of certain events. I didn’t wear a tux because they’re hot and they don’t breath.

Are you planning to start trying to have a baby right away.
Charlie: That’s the plan.
Brooke: There’s a rumor I’m pregnant, and I’m not.

How difficult was it hearing the comments your ex-wife Denise Richards made in the media on the eve of your wedding?
I’m so tired of talking about her and all her shenanigans. It is what it is. I don’t even care anymore. I’m going to take a stand to basically never utter her name publicly again, and I think if that’s known, it will put an end to some of this drama.

Have you watched her E! reality show?
No, and I won’t.

How do you both stay centered amid the craziness?
Brooke: The injustice of it makes me crazy, and it’s hard to handle. But Charlie’s a pro. He’s an amazing father, and to hear what she is saying is so difficult. I want to protecthim.
Charlie: I think it’s not accident that whatsherface chose this time to do what she did. It’s pretty obvious that Brooke and I, through our actions and union, are moving on with our lives. Perhaps somebody else should consider the same.

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, June 16, 2008]

Brooke and Charlie are probably obligated to talk about Denise by whatever large sum they received from OK! for exclusive rights to their wedding photos. You can’t help but think that fighting that harpie together helped unite them in a common cause and brought them closer together. Even though they say they’re moving on, you can definitely sense some triumph in their decision to get married and show a united front.

This week’s National Enquirer reports a sad rumor that Brooke suffered a miscarriage 10 weeks into a pregnancy just a week before their wedding. I hope that’s not true. They also say that Charlie wore a “black Pronto Uomo suit.” The most expensive Pronto Uomo suit on Men’s Wearhouse.com costs $500. It’s possible that Sheen was paid for an endorsement, but it sounds pretty genuine considering that he says he loves the commercials.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are shown at the Chrysalis Butterfly Ball on 5/31/08, thanks to WENN.

Charlie Sheen seemed to be ready to stop all the angry, public bickering that went on between him and ex-wife Denise Richards over the last two weeks. Richards dredged it all up again in an attempt to promote her craptastic E! show, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. And Charlie Sheen, being Charlie Sheen, took the bait too many times. But he’d stopped responding by last week, apparently focusing on better things – his Friday wedding to Brooke Mueller. The couple gave a long interview to OK! Magazine, and Charlie managed to slip in a few quick back door insults aimed at Denise.

On a beautiful spring day set against the backdrop of a sprawling Beverly Hills estate, Charlie Sheen and his lady-love Brooke Mueller said ‘I do’ in an intimate and romantic ceremony surrounded by family and close friends, and only OK! was there!

On May 30… Charlie,42, and Brooke,30, exchanged vows under a low hanging canopy in front of 68 guests including Sheen’s parents Janet and Martin Sheen, brothers Ramon and Emilio Estevez and three daughters Cassandra,23,(from his first marriage) Sam,4, and Lola,3.

Celebrity event designer Yifat Oren incorporated nature themes for the couple’s wedding theme and reception, using bowls of pears, oranges and chocolate-hued candles to adorn the dining tables. At one point a beaming Charlie grabbed the microphone and told guests, “I would like to introduce you to Mrs. Charlie Sheen. We did it, didn’t we?” Later a 14-piece rock band played as everyone danced at the groom’s request.

“I was telling a couple of friends last night that this feels like my first real marriage, Charlie confessed to OK!. “The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Ooooh, snap Denise Richards! Actually the former couple were so similar in their lowbrow behavior that the really seemed perfect for each other – even more so after they divorced and the rest of the world had to witness their constant spectacles. Charlie is now supposedly on decent (and quiet) terms with his first ex-wife Donna Peele, so it seems like that comment was more aimed at the brevity of their marriage, which lasted less than a year. But calling his second – and very public marriage – a con is quite the slap in the face.

Brooke has been widely rumored to be pregnant, which she denied in the OK! story. However the couple confirms that the next thing on their to do list is each other: they’re trying to get pregnant right away. Somehow Charlie Sheen having more kids to fight over just doesn’t strike me as a good idea.

Here’s Charlie and Brooke “soaking up their sun while enjoying a romantic honeymoon in Costa Rica,” yesterday, according to Splash. Images thanks to Splash.

Three and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen will marry his third wife, Brooke Mueller, in a ceremony at a secret location in LA tonight. The couple is keeping the location of their wedding ceremony and reception quiet in order to ensure that Charlie’s ex wife, Denise Richards, doesn’t show up or try to film it for her new E! reality show. Charlie and Denise have had a protracted custody battle along with a war of the words in the press.

The NY Daily News reports that Charlie and Brooke have been trying to have a child, and that it’s possible she’s already pregnant:

As her ex Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller prepare to walk down the aisle Friday night, friends of the bride-to-be tell us she may already be pregnant.

“They’ve been busy working on having a baby,” confides a pal. “They have been for a couple of months. It’d be great if they had a son, because Charlie already has three daughters.”

The “Two and a Half Men” star, 42, has a daughter, Cassandra, 23, by Paula Profit, and had Sam, 4, and Lola Rose, 3, with Richards.

Asked if they were trying to start a family, Sheen’s rep Stan Rosenfield told us: “That’s often what people do when they get married.”

The 60 or so people invited to the nuptials know only to wear evening attire and wait for a car to whisk them to a secret location in L.A.

“They had to tell Denise when it was, because they wanted the girls to come, but she doesn’t know where it’ll be,” says the source. “Who knows? She may even crash the event with a camera crew.”

[From The NY Daily News]

As for the he-said she-said with the “sperm donor” e-mail, in which Richards supposedly asked Sheen for some of the stuff to conceive another child after their split, the News claims to have a source who says that a computer expert verified that the e-mails were not doctored and that they came from Richard’s computer.

Good luck Charlie Sheen and new wife. And please don’t let us know the details if you ever get a divorce.

I’ve gotta say, at this point I think both Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards should be banished to some remote, uninhabitable island. They clearly cannot behave like even barely-sane people. The way they talk about each other really should be some sort of crime. If nothing else, they should be horribly, horribly embarrassed by their behavior. Sadly, it seems that’s not the case.

Denise has been doing a ton of press this last week for her upcoming (and crappily reviewed) reality show, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. Not surprisingly, that’s turned out to be a really bad idea. Because whenever she so much as utters the name Charlie Sheen, he feels the need to respond. And the same goes for Denise. And they end up locked in this ridiculous game of one-upmanship that would make Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump blush with embarrassment.

Earlier this week Richards accused Sheen of faking the infamous sperm donor email, after which Charlie Sheen’s friends told the New York Post that Richards was essentially a money grubbing loser.

Yesterday Denise responded by claiming Charlie sent her text messages in which he said he hoped she and her father got cancer and died like her mother.

“For him to slam me saying I’m exploiting the kids, well, he’s exploited our entire situation,” Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages.

Click to see Richards reading her favorite newspaper.

“Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he’s going to Family Day [for daughter Sam’s school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold,” Richards said. “His response was, ‘I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.’ My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

“He missed Dad’s day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?”

[From the New York Post]

For a minute there, you’re thinking to yourself, “Wow, he’s really terrible, Denise must be classier than Charlie.” But then she finishes her interview with the Post by bringing up the sperm donor emails again.

Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: “I don’t want Charlie’s prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We’ll leave it at that. I am so over him. He’s the one who can’t move on. He’s disgusting and he’s hit an all-time low.”

[From the New York Post]

Hey Denise – I can tell just by looking at your easily confused face that you’re not the brightest bulb in the box. So I’m going to point two things out to you. Number one: saying stuff like that about your ex-husband makes you look even less classy than he does. So really, you two are engaged in a battle of one-downmanship at this point.

Number two: that “tranny-infested sperm” is what created your two beautiful kids. So if nothing else, you used to want it. And someday when your daughters learn how to look stuff up on the internet, they’re probably going to run across that comment. And if they’re even just a little smarter than you, they’re going to realize that their mom just said that they were created from tranny-infested parts.

I think those poor girls are probably going to have a lot of psychological issues, simply because they’re Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards’ kids, and they always seem so glum. It’s probably a good idea to remember that when Denise insults her ex-husband, she’s also insulting her children’s father. And the same goes for Charlie.

Here’s Denise Richards leaving her Manhattan hotel and posing with sailors for Fleet Week yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

The open animosity between former spouses Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards just keeps boiling. After Denise went to court to gain the right to feature their two young daughters on her upcoming reality show, Sheen and fiancé, Brooke Mueller, have gone on the offensive, urging people to boycott the show and calling it exploitive. Now, Sheen is placing the blame squarely on the tiny head of the show’s executive producer, Ryan Seacrest.

Charlie Sheen is so furious with Ryan Seacrest for producing his ex-wife’s upcoming reality show that he wants to punch the TV host’s lights out–and that’s no “Idol” threat, say sources.

The “Two and a Half Men” star has been locked in a bitter feud with Ryan ever since Seacrest and E! Entertainment signed a deal with Denise Richards for a summertime series and her two small children with Sheen, Sam, 3, and Lola, 2.

“Charlie opposed this thing right from the start,” a pal told the Enquirer. “He thinks it’s wrong for Denise and Ryan to be exploiting the kids.”

Charlie, 42, was so livid her took the matter to court, but a judge gave the project a green light. After that, Charlie — who has been friends with Ryan, 33, for more than 12 years– called the “Idol” host several times, trying to convince him to stop working on the series.

But Ryan refused to budge, saying, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t about friendship, it’s about business.”

Charlie screamed at him: “How could you do this to me?” said the source. “How can you allow my children to be used as pawns like this just so you and Denise can make money off them? The two of you are despicable! You are the scum of the earth, lower than low! And you better watch out, pal. Right now, I’m so mad I could punch your lights out!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 3, 2008]

The article goes on to say that Sheen’s publicist denies that this conversation ever happened. But I, for one, hope that this time, The Enquirer is right. I’d love to see Charlie wipe the floor with Ryan Seacrest, although it wouldn’t really be a fair fight. I’m so sick of Seacrest and his ridiculous antics. He’s been humping America’s leg for seven years as the host of “Idol,” and his ego seems to be out of control, as evidenced by his completely inappropriate interviewing skills during the red carpet segment of the Academy Awards.

The real victims in this whole situation are Sam and Lola. There has not been a single indication in these girls’ young lives that they have any desire to be in the public eye– in fact, every time Denise drags them to a movie premiere or event, they looks absolutely miserable. Why does she insist on thrusting them into the spotlight when they clearly do not want this kind of lifestyle?

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are shown below at An Evening with “Two and a Half Men” at The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences on 2/27/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

It’s funny to think that guys like Kevin Federline and Charlie Sheen are looking like better parents than their former wives. I mean Charlie Sheen was one of Heidi Fleiss’ most famous clients. So if anyone would know about the ups and downs of pimping, it would be Sheen. He tried to stop his ex-wife Denise Richards from pimping out their kids by featuring them on her upcoming reality show. Despite his objections, the court commissioner decided that Richard’s could go ahead with her plan.

Now, notorious bad boy Charlie seems to be a more sensible caregiver than his ex, Denise Richards. Only Charlie isn’t doing as well as K-Fed at the courthouse.

TMZ reports that despite Charlie’s objections, a court commissioner granted Denise permission for the divorced couple’s two daughters to co-star in her upcoming reality show. Appropriately enough, Charlie seems no way OK with subjecting Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, to constant public scrutiny. Meanwhile, despite certain undisclosed restrictions applied to the court ruling, Denise is “very happy” with the court’s decision, according to the Web site.

[From MSNBC]

Apparently Denise is doing the show with Ryan Seacrest, though what role Seacrest will play is unclear. Ryan called Denise “an interesting personality.” I’m calling Ryan a bold-faced liar.

Mega mogul Ryan Seacrest revealed that he is in talks with Denise Richards to film a reality TV show about her life. The American Idol host and radio personality told Extra that he finds Richards “an interesting personality.”

“We’ve been in talks about doing a series with her. I don’t know if the kids would necessarily be involved. It would be about her, if we do this, and her life. And what she wants to do with it, with her career.”

[From OK!]

I think this show actually sounds like a fabulous idea, because it’ll put that final nail in Richard’s career coffin. She’s got as much personality as a bag of gummy worms. As dull and terrible as anything with her in it would be, I really do worry for her kids. I have never seen so many pictures of two little girls who always look miserable. Catching them in a smile seems incredibly hard. I’m sure having two angry parents doesn’t do much for your happiness, nor does it encourage a fulfilling, carefree childhood. But having those two parents be Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards? That’s probably the one thing that could make it worse.

The world’s longest custody battle still continues, with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen again appearing in court to squabble over whether their daughters Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, should be allowed to appear in a reality TV show with mother Denise. I guess she has to raise the funds for her endless custody battle from somewhere.

Just to bring you up to speed, the couple first filed for divorce in March 2005, following their June 2002 wedding. They briefly reconciled but decided to proceed with the divorce in January 2006, when Lola was six months old. The divorce was finalized in November 2006, but the custody battle has continued right up until this January, following one request from Charlie Sheen to be able to choose his own nannies, and one from Denise Richards to stop the girls staying with Charlie overnight.

Now, the couple are back in court because Denise Richards wants to have her own reality show, and feature her children in it.

“This goes against everything Sheen believes in… and he feels it’s exploitative of the children for the mother’s own vanity and greed,” a source close to Sheen reveals to Extra.

In order for their girls to appear on the show, Sheen has to give his approval. So far, he has refused. Richards will reportedly ask the court to revoke Sheen’s power as father in this particular matter, so she can move forward with the show without his consent.

OK! Magazine

What would the Denise Richards reality show feature? Her getting dressed all pretty and taking her kids to the park? She actually has a couple of movies coming out soon, including Jolene and Deep In The Valley, does she really need a reality show?

She doesn’t have a lead role in either film, and one looks like a teenage flick (there’s a character called ‘Officer Brittany Speared’) but surely that is paying the bills. One thing is for sure, and that is that television does not need another lame celebrity starring in a lame reality show. Can’t we just resolve the writer’s strike and go back to half hour sitcoms?

Denise Richards new movie, Blonde and Blonder, played in fourteen cinemas and made $26,500 in its opening weekend just past.

Picture note by Celebitchy Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are shown at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NY on 11/2/03 in the header image. Charlie used to be really hot. Photo below is of Denise on probably Sam at the Ratatouille premiere on 6/22/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Denise Richards is a 36 year-old adult, not a teenager. She should be too old to be spreading rumors to make her ex’s fiancé jealous.

One story said she’d asked Charlie, after his engagement to another woman, to give her a third child.

This single mom who rises every day 5 a.m. (she and I spoke at that hour) said: “Never. I do not want another child. That was to make his girlfriend Brooke jealous, make her think I wanted to get back together. I’m a single mom. I do not want more children.”

Page Six

I believe you wouldn’t want more children, crazy lady. She might be able to cope with another baby if she didn’t have ten dogs. Ten dogs? Who walks them?

Denise has put her $3.9 million house on the market, and moved into a larger one in the same suburb of Hidden Hills, California. It’s a good thing she bought the new $4.6 million home - not many rental properties are available for pets.

Charlie Sheen is obviously trying very hard to keep his fiance Brooke Mueller happy while this nasty divorce goes on - he’s getting his tattoos removed. I’m guessing the first to go will be his ‘Denise’ tattoo. It doesn’t seem like something you could easily change to another word. Like Pamela changed her ‘Tommy’ tat to ‘Mommy’.

I’d actually be pretty inclined to keep my tattoos, even if they are starting to look lame on a man of Charlie’s age, just as a part of my life history. Then again, I could just keep some photos write down a few thoughts in a journal rather than drawing on myself. Besides, it really, really hurts when you get one. People who say it doesn’t are either fibbing or have a higher pain tolerance than I do.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Denise Richards is shown in a god awful dress at the H.E.R. Luau at The Playboy Mansion on 7/21/2007.