I watched most of yesterday’s Lohan-centric episode of Dr. Phil. It was pretty awful, but the vibe was different than the crack-drama-tastic promo we watched last week. When you sit there and watch Dina for minutes at a time, you realize how screwed up she was and is. When I say “screwed up” I mean, yes, she has mental health issues and issues in general, and I also mean “screwed up” as in “she was high and/or drunk”. Vulture and TMZ have some slices from the (surprisingly extensive) interview:

Believe it or not, this wasn’t the low point of the interview. This was actually Dina being somewhat coherent. She got worse as the interview progressed, and what struck me most of all is that Dina is a really bad liar. Like, she doesn’t have a “poker face”. When she lies or deflects and simply acts crackie to avoid answering a direct question, it’s really obvious what she’s doing. But you know the most shocking part? Dr. Phil did a video link-up interview with Michael Lohan, and I swear to God, I think I ended up agreeing with The Vagina-Kicker about more than half of his answers. Like, Michael did an armchair diagnosis of Dina, saying that in his opinion, she’s mixing sedatives with alcohol, and that she’s the one who desperately needs to be in rehab. I mean, I get it, he’s still an abuser and an awful human being. But so is Dina, so where does that leave us?

Other highlights (if you want to call them that)… when Dr. Phil was showing Dina the list of Lindsay’s crack scandals and legal scrapes, Dina said, “I know but, we’re in LA, so… If she was living in New York, five of them would be obsolete.” Dr. Phil responds, “You’re missing the point.” And Dina hedges, “I understand that demise. But…you’re under a microscope here. In New York it’s not like that.” I also found it interesting that Michael Lohan sent a number of allegations to Dr. Phil, which Dr. Phil then read off to Dina, and she crack-lied and deflected and refused to answer all of them, including questions about how she had allegedly out-right stolen thousands of dollars from Lindsay, and how Dina was still getting 20% from all of Lindsay’s work, and how Lindsay is the cash-cow supporting her entire crackie family.

In the end, it was just sad. I guess I was expecting that. I don’t actually feel bad for any of the Lohans, except Lindsay’s younger siblings, I guess. But other than that, I have to admit: Michael Lohan is right, and Dina needs some kind of intervention. Mother Crackie is a f—king mess.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

It’s been nearly a year since we’ve had reason to ponder the miraculous continued existence of Courtney Love on Twitter. Honestly, I don’t know why she didn’t take being sued for defamation (for several tweets last year) as a sign that she should eschew all social networking platforms. Does Twitter help her sell records or concert tickets? Probably not, so Court needs to just stay away from Twitter because she is clearly not capable of censoring her own thought processes (or in most cases, even spelling them out correctly). But I guess Courtney’s big mouth would still get in trouble anyway without the help of the internet because — just in the past few months — she’s still managed to attack the Muppets, hilariously claim to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach, and to blame her benzos addiction on Winona Ryder and Andy Dick.

So when this story about Courtney’s latest round of Twitter ranting popped up, my initial response was “Shut up, Courtney.” Apparently a few nights ago, Court got the bright idea that 43-year-old Dave Grohl (formerly the drummer of Kurt Cobain’s Nirvana) was trying to seduce (i.e., “macking on“) her estranged daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. This conclusion was based upon Courtney speaking with the voices in her head Frances’ roommate, who supposedly knows Dave’s driver and said that Frances was in the car with Dave and he was massively groping her. The entire Twitter rant is screencapped at Gawker, but I won’t replicate it here because it’s full of profanity. There are several reasons why — not the least of which is that Frances seems to prefer the exclusive company of her boyfriend, Isaiah Silva — it makes no sense why Frances would ever be in Dave’s car, but common sense matters very little to Courtney Love:

Courtney Love has accused Dave Grohl of attempting to seduce her 19-year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain.

The Hole singer, who is estranged from her only child, made the accusations on her private Twitter account last night. She claims that her daughter’s roommate told her that the Foo Fighters frontman – who is known as one of the nicest men in rock – “hit on Frances,” according to Gawker.

Grohl,43, is, for the uninitiated, the former Nirvana bandmate and best friend of Frances’ father, Kurt Cobain. He has therefore known her since she was a baby.

Grohl responded to Love’s accusations in a statement, he said: “Unfortunately Courtney is on another hateful Twitter rant. These new accusations are upsetting, offensive and absolutely untrue.”

After the initial incredible allegation, Love went on to threaten a Twitter account she obviously believed belonged to Grohl, although it is actually linked to a German IT worker who hasn’t tweeted since 2008, according to the website.

She talked about Grohl’s “pathology,” insisting that Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins resembles Cobain and is in the “submissive drummer position” in his hugely successful band. It has to be noted that Hawkins actually looks more like Grohl, albeit with Kurt-coloured straw blonde hair.

She also argued that the fact Grohl called one of his daughters Violet is salient, as a Hole song shares the same name. However, his eldest child, who turns six on Sunday, was named after Grohl’s maternal grandmother, as he’s stated in many interviews. The happily married rocker also has daughter Harper, who turns three next week, by his wife of nine years, Jordyn Blum.

He is one of the most beloved artists in the world, and unusually for a rock star, all the tales about him relate to his generous and moral character.

Unencumbered by actual facts, however, Courtney also accused Grohl of being “sexually obsessed” with Kurt then relayed information from a driver who claimed that Grohl had “his hands all over” Frances in his car. She also insisted that the Ohio born star, who grew up in a suburb of Washington D.C, has tried to seduce Courtney herself in the past.

This is far from the first time Love has attacked Grohl. Last November, the singer started ranting about him taking food from her child’s table at a festival in Brazil after a fan flashed a poster of Cobain in the audience. It’s alleged the pair have clashed over Nirvana copyright issues, yet Grohl has kept his counsel about Love and his friend.

[From Daily Mail]

Naturally, Dave’s publicist has denied the veracity of Courtney’s claims, and I’m pretty sure that Courtney must have imagined this so-called “conversation” with Frances’ roommate. Wouldn’t you think that a precondition to being friends with or even living with Frances would be to never have contact with her mother, who lost custody of Frances in 2009? In the aftermath of Frances’ freedom from Courtney, we also learned how Francis’ cat died and and her dog was nearly lost as well because of Court’s hoarding and pill-gobbling issues. So my initial statement still stands — shut up, Courtney.

Even though I don’t think anyone ever believes anything Courtney says at this point, this story is pretty horrible. I hope Frances ignores it, and I hope Dave sues Courtney for defamation. He’s been married to wife Jordyn Blum for nine years, and they have two children together. Dave doesn’t need this kind of crap from Courtney Love.

UPDATE: Gawker now has an response from Frances on the situation: “While I’m generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I have never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I’m in a monogamous relationship and very happy. Twitter should ban my mother.”

Courtney Love is pictured at the Salvatore Ferragamo’s fragrance launch on 3/20/12; Frances and Isaiah are pictured on 4/17/10; Dave Grohl pictured with family on 7/17/11 and with Jordyn Blum at the Elton John Oscar party on 2/26/12. Photos courtesy of WENN

This photo is from another disgusting challenge on Fear Factor, described below

I need to talk about this story finally after reading about it for a couple days. This is a follow-up and it’s just a gross as the original stories. Apparently on an recent taped episode of Fear Factor, contestants were made to drink donkey semen. This really happened, but the episode hasn’t aired and it never will thank God. Two of the contestants who participated in the show called in to a local radio station to discuss their reaction. One woman said that she understandably vomited (who wouldn’t?) and she described how it tasted. There aren’t enough exclamation points that I can put after “EWW”!!!! As a result, Fear Factor execs gave them a call and reminded them about their confidentiality agreements.

As if forcing contestants to drink donkey semen wasn’t bad enough, “Fear Factor” executives are apparently waging a campaign of fear against contestants.

In the wake of NBC’s decision to yank Monday night’s episode featuring the (poor) taste test, twin contestants Claire and Brynne Odioso gave an interview Tuesday morning with their hometown Tampa Bay radio’s “Cowhead Show” describing in detail what their mugs of donkey semen — complete with urine chasers — tasted like. (Bitter with “with hints of hay”, for those who are really curious.)

A few hours later, however, the twins were reminded in a phone call from a show representative that they had signed confidentiality agreements. The staffer warned them to stop talking to the media or else face legal reprisal, TMZ reported.

“We are disappointed because we wanted to share the experience with our friends and family,” Brynne Odioso told Patch.com

“We feel no animals were harmed during the stunt, and it is known that animal semen is consumed in parts of the world like Australia and New Zealand.”

The episode, entitled, “Hee Haw! Hee Haw!,” was replaced with a rerun on orders from NBC’s parent, Comcast, after news of the donkey semen stunt leaked on the Internet, to much disgust.

“Fear Factor” host Joe Rogan had hinted at what lay ahead in a December interview with The Daily News.

“I say, in the real world, in a healthy society, you’re not supposed to eat animal d—, but guess what, here you have to eat animal d— if you want to win $50,000,” Rogan said.

[From The NY Daily News]

I had to google to see if it’s true that they actually drink semen in Australia and New Zealand. It’s not some long-standing cultural practice that I could find. All I found was this article from last year about how they served horse semen at a food festival as a “fad energy drink.” It sounded like a “dare” drink and a publicity stunt for the company that made it.

I’ve seen clips from Fear Factor, and they were either bungee jumping from high places or eating whole live bugs like spiders and scorpions. I guess they remove the stingers and ensure they’re “safe.”For $50,000 you could not get me to even smell this donkey stuff. Ok, maybe I would smell it, that’s good money. But I’m such a chicken sh*t I would never go on this show.

Modern humans have only been around for about 200,000 years. In comparison dinosaurs ruled the earth for 135 million years. We’re going to be a blip in history some day. When some future civilization looks at the legacy we’ve left, it’s not all going to be classical music and great literature. There’s so much more of this tasteless, disgusting throwaway reality crap that passes for entertainment. I guess I shouldn’t care about Fear Factor. Most of the programming on VH1 and MTV is much more disgusting and embarrassing to me as a member of the human race.

Here’s another “drink” that they had to consume on Fear Factor. This actually aired. It was “‘crappaccinos” made of pureed stinkbugs, flies and hornworms and topped with live, unblended bugs.” How is donkey sperm more disgusting than this?

This one is possibly the worst. “One partner dives into a tank of cow’s blood to retrieve cow hearts that their partner must then fling into a box with their mouth.” Who watches this?!

The header photo is described as “a meal of live roaches or live grasshoppers, with a side of rat-hair tortilla chips and live maggot and blood salsa.”

As many of you pointed out on yesterday’s Linnocent post, Linnocent was a drunken, cracked-out mess at a party for V Magazine on Wednesday night. The basic gist of the story was that photographer Jasper Rischen was photographing inside the event, as he had been hired to do by V Magazine, probably for a feature in the magazine’s next issue. When Rischen took a photo of or near The Cracken and Mother Crackhead, Linnocent threw a cocktail at Rischen.

He tweeted all about it, writing, “Wow. Lindsay Lohan is as trashy as they always say. She threw drinks and glasses to me as we tried to take a shot for @vmagazine.” And then he called her a C-U-Next-Tuesday. Then, responding to a Linnocent defender, he tweeted: “Youre right, sorry for the c-word. But I’ve never seen such a hostile group in a club before than Lindsay and her friends…I used to always like the girl, without having met, and thought the press overreacted. But she’s simply looking for trouble.” Then he just went all out after getting some nasty tweets, and he put this photo up with the message, “This is when LiLo just threw her drink at me and @CPXSanders. Don’t her friends look lovely”:

Mother Crackhead just sits there, looking at Linnocent like a puppy looks at another puppy who has just snorted a big line of coke.

My absolute favorite thing in the world is this report from New York Magazine about the incident. I adore the added insult of Linnocent “sucker-punching” a bystander. “MOVE THAT PERSON, I’M LINDSAY LOHAN.”

Lindsay Lohan continued on her path of Fashion Week mayhem at last night’s V Magazine Black and White Ball at the Top of the Standard. The crowd (which included Alexander Wang, Carine Roitfeld, and Rachel Zoe) seemed to be in good spirits, when Lohan, without warning, rose from a banquette in a sunken section of the club (where she was sitting with her swashbuckling compatriot from Cynthia Rowley’s show) and sent a drink — still in its glass — sailing over the wall and directly at a cocktail waitress.

After the waitress cleaned herself up, she told The Cut that the soaking had been a case of poor aim. After tossing the glass, Lohan yelled to the waitress, “Not you, him!” indicating a nearby man in a white T-shirt. From there Lohan, accompanied by Rowley and the ill-mannered pirate, nibbled on French fries (she threw those, too) and refused to speak to reporters. She then moved her group to another section of the bar, sucker-punching a seemingly innocent bystander as she walked past.

Just when it seemed things couldn’t get stranger, the lights came on and the music went off. “She’s bleeding!” yelled a man at the bar. Medics surrounded a brunette woman, lying with her black sheer-stocking-ed legs elevated on a white leather couch, adjacent to where Lohan had been sitting. When they lifted her up to place her on a stretcher, the back of her black dress was soaked in blood. Broken glass, a security guard confirmed after she had been rolled out. By then, the crowd had thinned out.

[From New York Magazine]

Yep. Sounds about right. Don’t you imagine that this is what it’s like to party with Linnocent every night? Every night, crack drama and thrown glasses and blood everywhere and camera flashes. So, so… ugh. She’s just ridiculous. Oh, and here’s Page Six’s version of events:

It was a bloodbath at the Top of the Standard when a Fashion Week partygoer fell on broken glass minutes after Lindsay Lohan pitched a drink at a photographer.

A female guest at the V magazine party in the hotel’s Boom Boom Room on Wednesday night fell onto a table as Carine Roitfeld, Mario Testino, Linda Evangelista, Mary-Kate Olsen, Courtney Love, Alexander Wang, Rose McGowan and Usher partied on.

Multiple witnesses told us that the woman fell from a flight of steps near Lohan’s table. Her tumble caused glass to shatter and cut her arm.

A witness told us: “There was so much blood spurting, it was like a horror movie. The party was packed and blood was spurting onto people’s clothes. Paramedics were called, but they took more than 20 minutes to get there, and a friend held the girl’s arm to try to stop the bleeding.”

The music was turned down and the lights were turned on as staffers tended to the unidentified victim, whom we’re told is OK.

Lohan, partying with her mom, Dina caused a stir moments before by throwing a drink at a guest who tried to get a picture. Photographer Jaspin Rischen said on Twitter: “Wow. Lindsay Lohan is as trashy as they always say. She threw drinks and glasses to me as we tried to take a shot for @vmagazine. [bleep]” But a Lohan rep said, “Lindsay did not throw anything at anyone, plain and simple. Making up stories about Lindsay has become a pastime for many people.”

Lohan then headed to the Electric Room at the Dream Downtown. Once there, she threw a drink at photographer Todd Eberle, which landed on his laptop. Eberle confirmed the incident, telling us with sarcasm, “I’m thrilled to be a part of Ms. Lohan’s colorful history!”

[From Page Six]

OMG. “Lindsay did not throw anything at anyone, plain and simple. Making up stories about Lindsay has become a pastime for many people.” EVERYBODY SAW HER. Everybody saw her throw the glass. But who are you going to believe, The Cracken or the lying eyes of more than a dozen less-cracked-out witness?

And in case you get the impression that Linnocent was simply not in the mood for ANY photos, you’re wrong. She posed by a zebra, looking especially crackie, at the same party.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

For years, Madonna’s “charity” Raising Malawi has been mired in fraud, lies and simple bad business. Madonna has long been accused of using the “charity” as a front for Kabbalah, for exploiting Malawians, for wasting resources and for wasting everybody’s time. While it’s no secret that millions of dollars raised by the charity (at a high-profile fundraiser that brought out many of Madonna’s friends) have gone missing, nor is new information that Madonna assembled a crack team of con artists and grifters to “run” the charity. Back in January, Madonna even announced that her planned $15 million Kabbalah girls’ school had been scrapped, and since then, everything has been in a holding pattern. Now the New York Times has a new detailed report on everything that’s gone wrong – you can read the full piece here. It’s an interesting read about how a hyper-narcissistic celebrity was too oblivious, corrupt, stupid or inept to follow through on any single charitable promise she made, but merely showed up for the photo-ops.

A high-profile charitable foundation set up to build a school for impoverished girls in Malawi, founded by the singer Madonna and fellow devotees of a prominent Jewish mysticism movement, has collapsed after spending $3.8 million on a project that never came to fruition.

The board of directors of the organization, Raising Malawi, has been ousted and replaced by a caretaker board, including Madonna and her manager, officials with the organization said Thursday. Its executive director, who is the boyfriend of Madonna’s former trainer, Tracy Anderson, left in October amid criticism of his management style and cost overruns for the school. These included what auditors described as outlandish expenditures on salaries, cars, office space and a golf course membership, free housing and a car and driver for the school’s director.

Most strikingly, the plans to build a $15 million school for about 400 girls in the poor southeastern African country of 15 million — which had drawn financial support from Hollywood and society circles, as well as the Los Angeles-based Kabbalah Centre International, an organization devoted to Jewish mysticism — have been officially abandoned.

That prospective move set off a fierce backlash when first raised earlier this year, with Malawi officials saying they were stunned and asserting that Madonna was blaming management breakdowns because she had been unable to raise the money she had promised.

“A thoughtful decision has been made to discontinue plans for the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls, as it was originally conceived,” Michael Berg, a co-director of the Kabbalah Centre and the co-founder of Raising Malawi, said Thursday in an e-mail to the center’s members who had contributed to the project. The e-mail announced the replacement of the board of directors.

Madonna has lent her name, reputation and $11 million of her money to the organization that she founded with Mr. Berg. She has been a regular visitor to Malawi, attending at least two ceremonies at what would have been the site of the school in Lilongwe, and has adopted two children from the country.

On Thursday, in conceding the shortcomings of her charity, Madonna issued a statement saying she was still intent on using the organization, which has raised $18 million so far, to advance improvements in the beleaguered nation.

“There’s a real education crisis in Malawi,” she said. “Sixty-seven percent of girls don’t go to secondary school, and this is simply unacceptable. Our team is going to work hard to address this in every way we can.” She and her aides offered no explanation of why, given her high interest in the project, she had not noticed the problems as they began unfolding.

Trevor Neilson, a founder of the Global Philanthropy Group, which Madonna recruited last November amid signs of upheaval at her charity, said he told her that building an expensive school in Malawi was an ineffective form of philanthropy, and suggested instead using resources to finance education programs though existing and proven nongovernmental organizations.

Mr. Neilson said that an examination found that $3.8 million had been spent on the school that will now not be built, with much of the money going to architects, design and salaries and, in one case, two cars for employees who had not even been hired yet.

“Despite $3.8 million having been spent by the previous management team, the project has not broken ground, there was no title to the land and there was, over all, a startling lack of accountability on the part of the management team in Malawi and the management team in the United States,” he said. “We have yet to determine exactly what happened to all of that $3.8 million. We have not accounted for all the funds that were used.”

But in a statement, Madonna said she was pleased with other work that Raising Malawi had done in helping children in Malawi, even as she acknowledged its problems. “While I’m proud of these accomplishments, I’m frustrated that our education work has not moved forward in a faster way,” she said.

Raising Malawi will not disband and will instead use its money in different ways to help the poor in a country where Madonna has sought to become a major philanthropic presence, foundation officials said.

[From The New York Times]

Some of you might suggest that I give Madonna a break, or that things simply happen and it’s no one’s fault. Bullsh-t. Madonna is a smart woman, and she’s been able to make herself into one of the richest, most profitable pop stars and celebrities ever. The fact that absolutely nothing went right, that nothing got done, that none of Madonna’s promises were fulfilled and that millions of dollars were lost, stolen or simply blown on dumb, useless projects, that all proves to me that Madonna simply doesn’t care. That she was just doing all of this for attention, and that it was just some whim, some phase she went through to try to get more attention for being more like Oprah/Angelina/Clooney. She only cared about showing up for the photo-ops. She couldn’t even care enough to donate her own money to the projects she announced, sending out a video asking for donations. Her apathy disgusts me, and her atrophied ambivalence regarding the promises she made to the Malawian people is criminal.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last Thursday night, John Galliano was arrested and held briefly for assault and anti-Semitic hate speech in Paris. Eyewitnesses and victims claimed that Galliano had said various crap about Asians, Jews and handbags, but Galliano’s rep pulled a Lohan and crack-denied all of that junk. Well… it turns out that Galliano really is a total dirt bag racist/anti-Semite. Shocking, I know. I shall call this “The Full Gibson”:

Drunk off his ass. For real. He’s slurring and making little drunk bitchfaces. Not that being drunk excuses saying “I love Hitler.” I mean, Mel Gibson didn’t even say that!

John Galliano’s troubles may have multiplied over the weekend as a second complaint of alleged anti-Semitism was formally lodged against Dior’s chief designer – and a bombshell video surfaced showing the designer declaring: “I love Hitler.”

On Friday, Galliano was suspended by Dior following his overnight arrest on charges of assault and making anti-Semitic and racial remarks to a couple during a reputed sparring match in the Paris café La Perle.

The undated video obtained and posted online by Britain’s Sun is said to have been filmed in the same café but not on the same evening as Galliano’s arrest.

In the cell-phone video, the designer, appearing to be seated at a bar, is seen insulting people. Slurring his words, he tells them, “People like you would be dead. Your mothers, your forefathers, would all be f—ing gassed.”

During the Thursday night incident that led to arrest of Galliano, 50, and prompted a police probe, the designer allegedly assaulted a woman, pulled her hair and told her she had “a dirty Jew face.” He also reportedly hurled racial slurs at her companion, who is of partial Asian ethnicity.

Over the weekend, a second police complaint was lodged against Galliano, when a 48-year old woman came forward, asserting he had subjected her to a similar tirade at the same locale on Oct. 9. Several eyewitnesses from this earlier episode have confirmed to PEOPLE the authenticity of her charge.

On Monday afternoon, police in Paris’s third arrondisement (municipal district), where the incidents allegedly occurred, convened a hearing to draw together all the parties and their attorneys.

Though none of those allegedly on the receiving end of Galliano’s outbursts are, in fact, Jewish, under French law the making of anti-Semitic remarks qualifies as “incitement to racial prejudice,” a criminal offense that potentially carries a sentence of up to six months in prison.

[From People]

Okay, so this looks bad. This is the kind of “holy crap” moment where you’re going through your mind’s fashion files to think about which celebrity women always wear Galliano for Dior, and whether or not they too are horrible drunk anti-Semites. That’s where it’s going next – people are going to look at some of the major celebrities who have worked with Galliano over the years, and those celebrities are going to be asked, “Did you know Galliano was so horrible?” Imagine asking Nicole Kidman that. Or Charlize. Or Marion Cotillard.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Back in October of this year, Lisa Rinna finally went in to a plastic surgeon to have her horrible duck lips repaired, after a silicone tragedy befell them many years ago. You see, Lisa used to get hot lead (or whatever) injected into her lips back in the ‘80s. And something happened and the procedure became permanent, and Rinna became known as “that chick with the disgusting lips”. So she had them worked on… only now the cure seems worse than the disease. Prepare yourself, this gets GROSS.

LISA RINNA is trapped in a plastic surgery nightmare – her surgically altered “trout pout” lips won’t heal!

The former Melrose Place star, 47, recently underwent a procedure to remove silicone from her lips that had been implanted back in 1986. But now her recovery hasn’t gone well – and she’s terrified that if she smiles too much her lips might bust open!

“Her doctors told Lisa it’s going to take months longer for her to heal,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER. “Lisa’s trying not to talk or even smile for long for fear of popping open her lips. She told a pal, ‘I look like I’m mad all the time, but I’m just trying to get my lips to heal properly!’”

While lip injections are popular in Hollywood, the procedure can lead to serious complications, Dr. Anthony Youn, a leading cosmetic surgeon told The ENQUIRER.

“Any time you have anything permanent injected into the lips, you are playing Russian roulette with your face,” Dr. Youn divulged. “There are serious risks.”

While Rinna was under the examination table, her doctor warned her: “The tissue is under tension. It’s not coming together.”

According to Dr. Youn, her lips could take up to six months to heal. Her pal said: “The whole thing has been driving Lisa crazy!”

[From The National Enquirer, print and online editions]

The Enquirer’s print edition has absolutely disgusting photos to go along with the story, which I’m very glad we can’t reprint here. Her mouth basically looks like (AVERT YOUR EYES IF YOU GROSS OUT EASILY) a ripped, bloody anus. It’s disgusting. And unsanitary. I don’t see how she can even function with her mouth like that – how does she eat? How does she brush her teeth? Ugh.

Photos courtesy of Bauer-Griffin and Fame.

Mother Crackhead has gone on the record, FINALLY. After days of just being an unnamed source in Radar and TMZ’s reporting, Mother Crackhead has deigned to give us a Christmas present… the gift that keeps on giving, cracked-out delusion. According to Dina Lohan, “the situation” between Lindsay and the Betty Ford employee who wanted Lindsay to take a Breathalyzer was “a little sketchy.” You’re telling me, Mother Crackhead! No, seriously, Dina wants us to know that although she thinks the Betty Ford Clinic is “fabulous,” she has no idea how someone with that kind of “background” even got around her little crackhead daughter.

Dina Lohan says the story that she told Lindsay Lohan to refuse a breathalyzer test is pure poppycock.

Dina is lashing out at Dawn Holland, the former Betty Ford chemical dependency tech who told TMZ Dina was jawboning with Lindsay over the phone, instructing her to just say no to a breathalyzer test.

Dina says, when she was speaking with Lindsay, she was merely trying to comfort her after what the employee did to her. Lindsay claims Holland berated and grabbed her.

Dina adds, “I stand behind my daughter 100% … the whole thing with the woman is a little sketchy.”

And finally, Dina has praise for Betty Ford: “With all the fabulous employees they have, it’s unfortunate that someone with this kind of background gets through. I stand behind Betty Ford. It is such a fabulous facility. They have been nothing but great. They really helped my daughter and changed my life, too.”

[From TMZ]

Ugh, Mother Crackhead. Here’s my theory: whenever Dina won’t let something go, whenever she starts in with multiple interviews “defending” her little crackhead daughter, that’s when you know the jig is up. Of course, the jig is always up with Lindsay’s crack hustle, which is why I’m completely Team Random Fired Betty Ford Clinic Employee. Also: I think Dina probably did tell Lindsay to not take the Breathalyzer. You know, because of the Shirley Temples.

By the way, in case you were thinking to yourself “Damn, I hope Lindsay goes to jail really soon”… not so fast. TMZ reports that unless Lindsay is found guilty of battery and assault, this whole situation won’t affect Lindsay’s probation. BUT – the key here could be Lindsay’s non-compliance with the alcohol test on the night in question:

Sources connected to the case tell us the Probation Department will not recommend to Judge Elden Fox that he violate her probation for the alleged assault when Lindsay appears on January 3. We’re told the Department will only recommend action if Lindsay is convicted of criminal battery.

But it gets more complicated on the subject of alcohol. Under the terms of Lindsay’s probation, she’s required to comply with drug testing, including tests administered at Betty Ford. By refusing to submit to a breathalyzer test a week ago Sunday morning, Lindsay arguably violated this term of her probation.

We’re told the Probation Department has not made a recommendation to the judge on violating her probation based on the breathalyzer test — at least not so far.

Ultimately, it’s up to Judge Fox. Worst case scenario for Lindsay … back in the pokey for 6 months.

[From TMZ]

I know I sound like a broken record, but seriously, what will it take for this bitch to go to jail? She would have to kill someone, right? And even if (and when) she kills someone, Mother Crackhead will still be squawking about how the murder victim deserved it, but someone else did the murdering.

By the way, since this is likely one of the last posts on Lindsay for the year, I thought I’d bring out my favorite photos of her:

Photos courtesy of WENN

Remember this? Lindsay Lohan claimed she had a stalker, and Betty Ford moved her to a different location for her own protection, allegedly, and I wondered aloud if this was all part of some kind of elaborate crack hustle? Yeah. I told you so. TMZ reports that Lindsay’s Sober House roommates were drinking heavily one week ago, and that’s the real reason for the roommates being moved back into the main Betty Ford facility. So where does Lindsay’s crack hustle come into the picture? Well, although TMZ claims there is no “proof” that Lindsay was or is drinking again, the Betty Ford Clinic still moved her back to the main facility too, for “intensive therapy.” Which I believe is the new code for “the crackhead never learns.”

Lindsay Lohan’s roommates had a party a week ago last Saturday night, and TMZ has learned the booze was flowing and the girls got in a heap of trouble.

We’re told Lindsay and her roomies were staying at a satellite house at the Betty Ford Clinic. The roommates were “drinking heavily” and somehow the Betty Ford people found out and busted them.

The roommates were moved back to the main facility at Betty Ford, which has more supervision.

As for Lindsay, we’re told there was no evidence she had been drinking, but we’re told after the incident Betty Ford officials decided Lindsay could not leave the area for Christmas.

We’re also told Lindsay has gone back to the main Betty Ford facility, not for punishment but for “intensive therapy.”

By the way, sources connected with Lindsay are telling us she went out with two of her roommates the night of the party to a bar. We could not independently confirm the story, however, again, we’re told there’s no evidence Lindsay was drinking.

[From TMZ]

I seriously doubt this will be the end of the story, and I suspect that within 24 hours, a stiff tequila-soaked, menthol-scented wind will blow through and Mother Crackhead will be squawking about how “Everybody in the Betty Ford Clinic will be fired, basically.” Also – what are the chances that all of Lindsay’s roommates were the ones drinking, while our little crackhead was just soberly brushing her hair and doing her nails, innocently? Yeah. My guess: The Crackhead Is Back. And it was probably HER plan to get the booze and get sauced at the Sober House.

Rachel Uchitel is famous for being a dumb whore. But she wants to change people’s minds – Rachel wants us to know that she’s a victim too. A victim of her crazy vagina. I think. No, according to Rachel, she’s got a disease, and it‘s not (just) The Herpe. Rachel‘s disease is that she thinks that every time a married dude pays her to have sex and keep her mouth shut, that it means that he‘s her knight in shining armor come to rescue her from her whoredom. That’s a disease now, just FYI. According to Rachel, “People think it is a moral issue if somebody falls in love, all over the place. It is not, it is a disease and disorder; it is where you feel like you have a hole in your heart and you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save you.” FOR REAL. She can’t help it, people. She’s got a DISEASE.

Rachel Uchitel, in a rare TV interview with the Today Show on Monday, talked about her addiction to love and how it led her astray – and into Tiger Woods’ bed. Uchitel, 35, also denied talking about her affair with Woods in a recent Daily Mail article, saying she only discussed her stint on the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab with the English paper.

Uchitel, the Manhattan hostess who was the first mistress reported in the Woods infidelity saga, appeared on the show in a sexy black skirt and pumped-up lips alongside her Celebrity Rehab mentor, Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Uchitel was quoted by the Daily Mail earlier this month saying she’d “never ever imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be caught up in a scandal like this,” as well as admitting she’d “plunged headfirst into relationships which I should never have been in.”

Not so, Uchitel said Monday.

“Those words never even came out of my mouth,” Uchitel, who received a rumored payout estimated as high as $10 million from the golfer in exchange for her silence, told The Today Show Monday. “The interview was about Celebrity Rehab. I knew that I needed help,” Uchitel, who said she went on the program to deal with a love addiction. “And I wanted to get it from Dr. Drew.”

Uchitel also said she was being treated for addiction to Ambien and other prescribtion medications, which she did not identify. Pinsky said that Uchitel’s condition is partly triggered by traumatic events in her past, such as the premature deaths of her father and her one-time fiancée Andy O’Grady, who perished in the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center.

“I’m a completely different person now than I was before I went on the show,” Uchitel said.

In an earlier exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com, Uchitel foreshadowed what she would say on Today.

“People think it is a moral issue if somebody falls in love, all over the place,” Uchitel told us. “It is not, it is a disease and disorder; it is where you feel like you have a hole in your heart and you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save you. But it is not an excuse for anyone’s behavior. You get stuck in relationships that are not right for you; you basically put a mask over somebody’s head and pretend they’re somebody who they’re not. In the end, you get disappointed when they don’t react the way you want them to.”

The new cycle of Celebrity Rehab — described by Dr. Drew as “the most intense season” yet — premieres on Wednesday at 10/9c on VH1.

[From Radar]

Everybody’s always a victim, aren’t they? Every a–hole is always in a state of perpetual martyrdom, always pulling some angle to excuse their stupid behavior. Whatever happened to a chick like Rachel saying “Yeah, I slept with Tiger Woods because I wanted to, because I’m so dumb I thought he’d marry me.” Stupid is not a disease. Stupid is just stupid.