A photo of Jessica Simpson sitting in the grass smiling vacantly graces the cover of People Magazine this week. The title reads “Jessica Simpson: How I Found Love Again” and promises such tidbits as “Why Tony Romo is ‘the love of my life,’ How ‘I had to regain self esteem’ after split with John Mayer,” and “The men who inspired the songs on the new album.” Nothing is sacred to Simpson when she has to sell country music CDs, including her fragile relationship that was once broken from the weight of the personal details she spilled to the press.

The teaser article on People.com reveals that Jessica took the brave step of changing her cell phone numbers and e-mail addresses so that her exes couldn’t contact her, and that she naively believes that relationships should be easy:

Happier personally and professionally than she’s been in a long time, Jessica Simpson tells PEOPLE that boyfriend Tony Romo is her “perfect guy.”

“I just told him today, ‘You’re the love of my life,’ ” she confesses in the latest cover story. “I don’t really ever say that to anybody.”

Simpson, 28 (as is Dallas Cowboys quarterback Romo), also co-wrote a song for her man, “You’re My Sunday” and, in a true modern-day sign of devotion, changed her cell phone number and e-mail address to cut off any potential communication from her exes.

“I don’t want anybody that’s been in my life [before] in my life anymore,” she says. “I don’t even want them to have any way of contacting me.”

Romo hasn’t done the same, but Simpson brushes it off. “I’m not a jealous girlfriend,” she says – even though in a recent interview his ex, Carrie Underwood, claims she still hears from him.

As for her own onetime relationship with John Mayer – which began in 2006 and fizzled out last summer – Simpson survived its rockiness by doing some self-appraisal afterwards.

“I had to regain self-esteem and self-value,” she says.

When it comes to relationships, Simpson says she gives over her heart fully and expects the same in return: “I just love, so I don’t understand when people can’t do exactly what I do.”

[From People.com]

Jessica’s May interview with Glamour magazine, in which she said Tony tried to kiss her on the first date and called him her “future husband,” is said to have embarrassed him and led him to break up with her briefly. People promises that their full interview with Jessica includes the fact that she pines for another marriage and children. How is Tony going to feel about that?

Just about every self help relationship book for women centers around valuing yourself and playing hard to get. They dish out other advice that amounts to the same thing - like keeping busy with your friends, getting hobbies, and generally not centering your life around the guy you’re dating. Jessica isn’t even engaged, she shouldn’t give so much information about her relationship. That’s beyond naive. The guy broke up with her once, she’s a fool if she thinks her relationship is so solid that she should keep blabbing about it like this. Carrie Underwood is laughing at this latest news and circling her wagons, waiting for Tony to call.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are shown out in Dallas on 5/26/08. Credit: Fame

You really can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or in this case, Brooke Hogan. Which looks like an old dog. Last month Brooke very stupidly said that she didn’t think women should be president because we deal with PMS and all sorts of emotions. So basically her thought was, “I’m dumb and I’m a woman, therefore all women must be dumb.” Due to the aforementioned stupidity, it never occurred to Brooke that her idiocy – while not unique to her – is not representative f the entire female gender.

Now Brooke’s decided it’s a good idea to open her obscenely wide mouth again and yap about her deep political thoughts. Quick summary: the aforementioned “I’m dumb and I’m ____, so all people who are ____ must also be dumb” formula still applies.

We’re starting to think that perhaps Brooke Hogan should steer clear of expressing her political opinions. The 20-year-old recently caused a media stir when she wrote on her MySpace blog that she thought it was “crazy” for Hillary Clinton to run for president as women “deal a lot with emotions and menopause and PMS.” In a posting this week, Brooke wrote that most people only vote because “it’s cool” and (like herself) have no real idea what’s going on in and around the White House.

“Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its ‘cool’ to vote for so and so…they aren’t even up to date on information,” Brooke wrote. “I’M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don’t wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said ‘yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!’ …SHE WASN’T EVEN REGISTERED.”

[From Fox News’ Pop Tarts]

Anytime you make Paris Hilton look intelligent by comparison, it’s time to consider having your mouth stapled shut. And I offer my stapling services to you Brooke Hogan, free of charge. Just you, me, and my grandpa’s old rusty Swingline he’s had since before the war.

How about encouraging people to get up to date on the facts? I don’t know one single person who votes because it’s “cool.” She makes it sound like peer pressure to smoke pot. “Everyone’s voting for Obama.. if you were cool like us, you’d do it too.” What the hell? Brooke Hogan is so mind-numbingly stupid that I honestly don’t even know where to begin to attack here statement. So I’ll leave it at this.

Brooke Hogan, you are stupid. You at least seem to know this. But sadly you are too stupid to understand that your level of stupidity is not normal. You are uniquely stupid. This is the only unique thing about you. Just because you are too dumb to do something and instead decide to abstain from it does not mean that is good advice for most other people. They are able to learn. Even pretty stupid people are able to learn more than you. You should focus on more important things. Things the rest of us do automatically. Breathing in and out. I don’t believe you’re smart enough to be able to do this automatic function on your own. Don’t try to multitask. Just focus on mastering the most basic tasks in life, and try to find some happiness in those little accomplishments.

Here’s Brooke on her way into the CW11 studios in New York on July 11th. Isn’t she just the spitting image of her father in drag? Images thanks to Bauer Griffin.

Khloe Kardashian’s jail stint sure changed her. Dramatically. She sounds like a much better, more self-aware, considerate, deeper person for the 173 minutes she spent behind bars. Turns out the reason Khloe got out so quickly was because she was deemed a threat to the other prisoners. No, not because of her face, though I can see where you’d get that.

As soon as she arrived, bomb threats were called into Lynwood Correctional Facility, and the warden deemed it was because of Khloe. And Khloe, being the deep, introspective person that she is, views it as a blessing.

… As for the punishment, Kardashian said she was originally expected to be taken to the downtown Twin Towers correction facility, “one of the dirtiest, toughest jails in L.A.,” but said that come Friday morning, “there were some complications, and I actually could not go down there. It’s a blessing in disguise. That’s my dad being one of my angels.”

The socialite also confirmed that she was instead transferred to Lynwood come her morning surrender and immediately placed in solitary confinement for safety reasons.

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’

“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”

[From E! News]

I can just see Kim and Kourtney on their cell phones at the coffee shop across the street from the jail, calling in threats and waiting with the car motor running. I love how Khloe plays off bomb threats like it’s just this absolute and total coincidence. The moment she steps into jail, a bunch of people threaten to blow the place up.

Poor Khloe, she’s right, she doesn’t need any more problems. What with all the terrible things that have happened to her, like drinking, driving, getting caught for it, and refusing to do community service which resulted in her getting thrown into jail. Why do bad things always happen to such good people?

Only someone as stupid and self-centered as Khloe Kardashian could call a bomb threat a blessing. Because it got her out of jail early.

Here’s Khloe with her family at the “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” season two launch at Les Deux in Hollywood on March 19th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Feminists unite! We have a new leader! That’s right, Brooke Hogan is stepping up to the plate. Or the podium, in this case. Brooke has thought it a good idea to let forth a deluge of her own thoughts. Which I can tell you right now is never a good idea for any Hogan… lest of all this one. Brooke, who is super up-to-date on current events, doesn’t really think it’s a great idea for women to run for president. Why? Well clearly we’re the weaker sex, with all of our hormones and whatnot.

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”

—Brooke Hogan, when asked who she’s voting for by a potential roommate on her series Brooke Knows Best. (Something tells us if Hulk’s daughter really knew best, she’d keep quiet when the cameras were around)

[From E! News]

To be fair, this was possibly filmed when Hillary Clinton was still in the race. But I really doubt that Brooke Hogan pays enough attention to anything other than bleaching her hair to know that she’s dropped out.

So Brooke Hogan thinks that because she’s a moody moron who makes the current president look like the head of Mensa, all women must struggle with similar issues. Thus we’re clearly not fit to run for office. Because Brooke Hogan wants to cry and each chocolate cake four days a month. Thus, if a woman were to be president, we’d probably end up invading a couple other countries based on unsubstantiated information and refuse to leave because our commander-in-chief has some unattended to emotional issues. Thank God we have a man in charge so shit like that doesn’t happen.

Here’s Brooke deep in political thought/suntanning by the pool last Monday. Images thanks to Splash.

Taco Bell has really pissed off 50 Cent. And insulted him. All due to their dumbass publicity stunt. Taco Bell offered to donate $10,000 to the charity of Fiddy’s choice if he’d change his name to 79 Cent, 89 Cent, or 99 Cent – to correspond with the prices on their value menu. Fiddy – being the shrewd dude that he is – instantly called Taco Bell out for being insincere and trying to use his celebrity for free publicity. And the dude is pissed.

Apparently, that was a little too much thinking outside the bun for the lawyered-up rapper, who not only took issue with the promo stunt, but threatened to sic his legal team on the chain. “When my legal team is finished with them, Taco Bell is going to have a new corporate slogan: ‘We messed with the bull and got the horns!’ ” Fiddy said.

The rapper’s rep went one further, calling out the company’s big cheese on his cheekiness. “This is a sleazy and ill-conceived publicity stunt by Taco Bell’s president, Greg Creed, whose disingenuous offer was leaked to the press before it was even presented to 50 Cent’s agent yesterday,” the rapper’s rep said.

As it is, the taco giant’s offer was sent to Fiddy—and, of course, the media—promising to donate $10,000 to a charity of the rapper’s choice if he agreed to the name change. Also requested from the franchise chief was for the newly monikered rapper to pay a visit to one of Taco Bell’s locations and rap his order at the drive-thru.

“We know that you adopted the name 50 Cent years ago as a metaphor for change,” the letter read. “We at Taco Bell are also huge advocates for change. We encourage you to ‘Think Outside the Bun’ and hope you accept our offer.”

[From E! News]

Companies do occasionally do this, but most celebs politely decline. 50 is the first I can think of to call them out. At first I kinda thought Fiddy was being a jerk for not just saying thanks but no thanks, but once I thought about it a little more, I realized it really is aggravating.

Taco Bell isn’t being generous – they know the famous rapper isn’t going to change his name – so they never intended to part with their $10,000. Instead, they’re being cheap, by trying to associate 50 Cent with their corporation to get free publicity. Which I guess I’ve just given them a little more of. Except that the Taco Bell near me is always getting closed down by the New York City Department of Health for a shockingly long list of health code violations. Like rodents and roaches. Which I’m pretty sure end up in the food. There, that should do it. I think I just negated any free publicity. Thanks, Taco Bell.

Header of 50 Cent at the Video Music Awards in Las Vegas on September 8th. Images thanks to WENN.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag might have a better idea of what the world thinks of them than we thought. Or they have even more of an unearned sense of self-importance than previously believed. Now that they’re all “famous” (read: hated) Spencer has made some enemies (shocking!) and is supposedly fearful for his and Heidi’s safety. So they decided to do the smart, rational thing. Hire security? Nope. Why do that when you can spend ten grand on guns!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are the couple that America loves to hate. But while that playful animosity has bought Spencer and Heidi their own 15 minutes of fame and made them a fortune, it has also brought them some negative attention. “Spencer does have a few enemies,” one pal explains. “He’s alienated a lot of people now that he’s rich and famous.”

As Perez Hilton reported on his blog, Spencer, 24, and Heidi, 21, have been concerned about their protection. So the couple visited the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City, Calif., on June 7 and spent more than $10,000 on guns to arm themselves. They purchased two Benelli semiautomatic M4 tactical shotguns, two Wilson close quarter combat .45-caliber pistols and one Scout semiautomatic rifle. “They wanted the exact guns that the U.S. Delta Force uses,” a friend explains. Spencer wants to be prepared for anything,” says the friend.

[From In Touch]

I don’t claim to be a gun expert, but in my experience if you want the “exact guns that the U.S. Delta Force uses” you’re trying to look cool. Unsuccessfully, by the way. If your motivation is protection, that’s one thing. But I’m guessing Spencer is just suffering from a classic case of “my penis is too small, I better buy a gun to prove I’m a man.” And if your penis is so small that you require five guns… well that’s a lot to make up for. Might want to get a muscle car, too.

Here’s Heidi and Spencer at the 19th Annual “A Time For Heroes” Celebrity Carnival in Los Angeles on June 8th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Usher should just quit talking to the press. The 29 year-old singer often makes defensive, shrill statements about his misunderstood personal life that make him seem unbalanced, if not guilty of the very accusations he’s rallying against. In an interview with Vibe, he says he regrets some of the things he’s done in the public eye, including issuing that stupid “open letter” where he wrote in all caps that “I AM NOT BEING LED” by his new wife, Tameka Foster.

When talking about the criticism of his marriage, he went off on a rant. She seemed to claim that women are lesbians because there aren’t enough men to go around, particularly in the black community:

“Am I so much of a bad guy because I decided to get married? Am I so much of a bad guy [because once I got in the situation], I decided to stand for something, build a foundation, and think about my future?” he asked. “As a man, you would respect me for not turning my back on it. … It can never be bad to have a foundation as a man — a black man — in a time when women are dying for men. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men. Are you not studying the stories? Wake up! Black love is a good thing.”

[From MTV.com via D-Listed]

Maybe he meant that there are some women who are primarily straight who decide to turn to their girlfriends or something for lack of men. Surely he’s not saying that lesbianism is a result of a scarcity of opposite sex mates. Either way, it’s a stupid thing to say and Usher sounds like a fool. Look for an obnoxious and screeching statement from Usher claiming his statement was taken out of context, and that the journalist and the entire Internet is out to get him.

One more thing I got out of this is that he’s saying he deserves credit for sticking with Tameka and what he presumes to be his child. He said in an interview published last week that “It’s a conscious decision every day to love the person you’re with.” Usually when you’re happily married, especially in the beginning, you talk about how elated you are and how lucky you feel to be with that person, not how you should be applauded for even marrying them and sticking around. Usher did praise Tameka in the Vibe interview, though. He said “The swagger I possess now definitely comes from my wife. And my son completes me. He changes my perspective on what life is, and what matters.”

Usher said that Tameka is outspoken and that “If something doesn’t look right or she feels like it could look better, she’ll say something.” Unfortunately she can’t censor the idiotic things he says to the press, although maybe she also has 19th century notions of same sex relationships.

Usher is shown performing on Good Morning America on 5/30/08, thanks to WENN.

Yesterday we published the video above of Shia LaBeouf, who turns 22 today - Happy Birthday Shia! - drunk at what looks like a house party. He’s interacting with another party guest, encouraging the guy to smack him. During their stupid banter before Shia gets smacked, Shia calls the guy a “faggot” in order to encourage him to land the blow.

Today Shia’s rep has issued a statement about the video. He says it was taken several years ago, and that could be true because Shia has such a baby face it’s hard to tell if he’s aged since, and that Shia regrets saying the word in any context and is embarrassed that the video got out. It comes across like a sincere apology and is one that can serve as an example for other celebrities who need to issue statements after saying or doing idiotic things:

“The videotape that is currently being circulated is several years old and captures Shia playing a game among friends in which he uses a derogatory word toward a friend,” LaBeouf’s rep tells me exclusively. “He regrets having used the word in any capacity and is very embarrassed that this footage is being seen by anyone.”

[From Mark Malkin on E! Online]

A lot of you pointed out that Shia pretty openly flipped off David Letterman during an appearance on the show in May. Dave and Shia were talking about Shia’s drunken Walgreen’s arrest, in which he described returning to the drug store twice times in an attempt to get cigarettes after a security guard made fun of him and distracted him from his purchase. Dave joked about Shia changing clothes for his second trip to the store, and Shia subtly flipped him off for a moment. You could tell it was deliberate and not just the way he was gesturing with that hand.

The kid is 22 years old and he’s foolish, but his worst offenses are shopping drunk and smoking outside, and unlike a lot of his peers he’s never been busted for DUI. While he did use a very obnoxious and offensive word in a video taken at a party, he apologized properly and sounds like he regrets it.

Amy Winehouse has also sort-of apologized for the many slurs she used in a stupid sing-song rant in which she called four groups “deaf, dumb, blind and gay.” She told photographers “I don’t want to play anything down, but I’m the least racist person going.” Some people commented on that story that it was more like a child’s song and was something her husband encouraged her to sing. Other people said there’s no excuse for what Amy did, even if it was in private. Maybe she needs a good PR person like Shia’s so she can apologize with feeling and explain how that happened. Unlike Shia, she didn’t just use one offensive name for a group, it was a string of them and included mean comments specifically about those groups.

Shia LaBeouf is shown below outside a fan screening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in NY on 5/21/08, thanks to WENN.

Sharon Stone has issued an apology for her ignorant and obnoxious remarks about the Chinese earthquake. She was asked on the red carpet at Cannes what she thought of the crisis in China and she got really haughty about it. Instead of focusing on the terrible humanitarian crisis there or even mentioning the fact that tens of thousands of people are dead with thousands more missing, injured and homeless she said “You know it was very interesting. At first I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans, because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else… And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma?”

The news came out Monday and Stone finally issued an apology that was released today. At least she apologized and said she was deeply sorry, not something like “I regret if people were offended.” The way she’s following up on it sounds kind of half-assed. She said she was “willing” to do charity work. She didn’t pledge money or say she had arranged to work for a charity, she just said she was “willing” to. It’s something I guess and maybe she didn’t have time to make specific plans yet.

“Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people,” the actress, 50, said in the statement. “I am willing to take part in the relief work of China’s earthquake, and wholly devote myself to helping affected Chinese people.”

Christian Dior — which released the statement from the actress — also dropped her from its Chinese ads after her remark last week at the Cannes Film Festival.

Stone (a staunch Tibetan rights advocate) had tied the natural disaster — which has claimed at least 65,000 lives — to Beijing’s policy on Tibet.

[From US Weekly]

There could have been more groveling in there, but it’s not a bad apology as far as they go. I was looking for a large monetary donation from Stone, but her money is probably all tied up in furs and jewelry and it’s not like she’s getting a lot of work lately. She could auction off some of her luxury items for the affected Tibetans, if she only cares about them and not the rest of the innocent people affected by this horrible natural disaster. Saying she’s willing to help is a start I guess. When she’s down on her knees sifting through rubble and helping cleanup efforts, that’s when I’ll consider her apology sincere.

Sharon Stone is shown at the Dior and Elle evening dinner at Cannes on 5/23/08, thanks to WENN.

Magazines must love it when celebrities give controversial comments, because it’s a surefire way to get a lot of publicity. In this case singer Alicia Keys was widely quoted as telling Bender Magazine that the US Government invented gangster rap as a means to incite violence in the African American community. But Keys now says that her comments were misconstrued and she didn’t say that it was all a big conspiracy. She claims that what she meant was that the term “Gangster Rap” was overused by the media to stereotype and dismiss a genre of music that has important messages about the experience of inner city blacks. That’s a decent point, but it’s not likely to be taken at face value after the big hoopla she created with what initially sounded like a whacked out conspiracy theory:

According to an interview in the magazine’s May issue, the 27-year-old singer says: “`Gangsta rap’ was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. `Gangsta rap’ didn’t exist.” She also is quoted as saying that she wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck “to symbolize strength, power and killing ‘em dead.”

“We stand by our story,” Blender spokeswoman Kate Cafaro told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

“My comments about `gangsta rap’ were in no way trying to suggest that the government is responsible for creating this genre of rap music,” Keys said in a statement issued by J Records. “The point that I was trying to make was that the term was oversloganized by some of the media causing reactions that were not always positive. Many of the `gangsta rap’ lyrics articulate the problems of the artists’ experiences and I think all of us, including our leaders, could be doing more to address these problems including drugs, gang violence, crime, and other related social issues.”

As for the AK-47 remark, Keys said Tuesday that AK-47 is a nickname given to her by friends “as an acronym for Alicia Keys and a metaphor for wowing people with my music and performances, `killing ‘em dead’ on stage. The reference was in no way meant to have a literal, political or negative connotation.”

[AP Story from The Huffington Post]

I’ve had to rely on secondhand accounts of this interview because the excerpt available on the Blender website doesn’t include these quotes from Alicia that are causing a stir. You kind of assume that she did make some broad sweeping comments like this if Blender stands by their story. As the Ent Lawyer on Crazy Days and Nights said, it’s not like the government suits were “sitting around listening to The Sugar Hill Gang and [speculating] that if they could just make it more violent that it would lead to black people killing each other.”

As for the media overusing the term “Gangster Rap” to stereotype music they didn’t understand or want to grasp the meaning of, that’s entirely plausible and probably true. A singer who wears a gun pendant around her neck isn’t the one who should be pointing that out to everyone as if it’s a big plot, though. She can really belt out a tune, though, and she should probably stick to that for the immediate future.

Thanks to The YBF for these photos from Blender.