Some people know how to work the dumb angle to their benefit. A great example would be Jessica Simpson. She’s worked her lack of intellect every which way and made a good deal of money from it. But she’s what we’d call “regular dumb” – she’s just a little less bright than your average person, but not exceptionally dumb. She’s not so dumb that she’s clueless about her stupidity. Anna Nicole Smith – may she rest – was a bit clueless. She couldn’t really work the dumb angle to her advantage, because she was too dumb to figure out how. Instead it worked against her. Kellie Pickler seems to be right in between Jessica Simpson and Anna Nicole on the dumb scale. Sometimes you’ll see her say something, and it seems like she’s trying to play it up for laughs. But other times you get the feeling that she’s genuinely a few marbles short of a Hungry Hungry Hippos game. Last week Kellie was on “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” I’ve never seen the show before, but I’m absolutely sure I reached my intellectual peak in fifth grade, so I presume the point of the show is to make the contestants feel stupid.

Kellie certainly managed to look stupid – but something tells me she didn’t quite understand that. During her exchanges with host Jeff Foxworthy, she asked him (in all seriousness – she didn’t appear to be trying to make a joke) if Europe was a country, didn’t know what Budapest was the capitol of – though she thought it might be France – and then was confused if France really was a country or not. She seemed to be thinking out loud in a stream of consciousness fashion, and at some point talked herself into being quite sure that the one thing she DID know about Budapest is that they speak French there. And that was pretty much all she was sure about. Oh, and she’s never heard of Hungary. Turkey she’s heard of. But she seemed to think Jeff Foxworthy was pulling her leg on Hungary.

I know Kellie Pickler had a really hard childhood and probably had bigger things to worry about than geography. I’m not going to fault her for that. But write a check to charity – don’t go on a national game show to demonstrate to everyone that you’re a ditz. Blonds of the world, we need to unite. We need to organize. Women like Jessica Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith, and Kellie Pickler are sending us back to the dark ages – the 1980s – when blond jokes ran amuck. Haven’t we worked too hard to overcome these ditzy stereotypes? No? Alright then. I’m going to go see how long it takes me to screw in a light bulb. Man I hate blond jokes.

Julia Roberts is getting some pretty bad press for chewing out one of the paparazzi who had followed her to her kids’ school. Apparently she was so pissed that she got in her car and was following the guy and blaring on her horn. The paparazzi caught the whole thing on tape, and of course sold it as soon as he got home. It seems like a lot of people are criticizing Julia, but she makes some really good points. There is a line between following celebrities – who have chosen to be famous – and following their little kids, who deserve a reasonable amount of privacy, and didn’t choose fame.

Julia Roberts, a mother of three, has made it clear – in her actions and now in words – that she doesn’t like paparazzi staking out schools in order to get photos. Roberts, 40, recently chased down a photographer in her SUV near a school and gave him an earful, in an incident that was caught on video and shown on TMZ. Asked by Access Hollywood for Friday’s show what she said to the man, Roberts replied, “I just told him a school is not a place for a grown man to be crawling around trying to take pictures.”

She added: “If you want to take a picture of a person, then go to an adult place. Go to the coffee shop, go to the grocery store, go to the restaurant. Don’t stake out someone’s children’s church, school or playground environment.”

In the recent incident, Roberts, who did not have her kids with her, pursued a car of photographers and got them to pull over. Telling one man to shut off his camera, she said, “I want to talk to you about the fact that you’re at a school where children go. Turn it off!”

[From People]

Frankly I think Roberts was perfectly right to get mad. Even if her kids weren’t with her, she was at their school, so it had to do with them. There are worse things than overprotective parents. I think it’s totally normal that her natural inclination is to get mad and go after people that she feels are invading her kids’ space. She might have been a bit irrational, but I’m sure it’s not the first time paparazzi have shown up around her kids. It was probably just the straw that broke the camel’s proverbial back. In an article in this month’s Vanity Fair, Julia mentioned that she thinks it’s wrong for the paparazzi to take pictures of kids and/or publish their faces. She’s standing by what she believes, and every parents has the right and duty to look out for their kids’ well-being. Though the paps did catch her parking in a handicap spot last week, so maybe she’s riled up for another reason.

One of the largest white truffles ever found went for a record-breaking $330,000 at a charity auction held in three locations yesterday. White truffles are fungi that typically grow in northern Italy and Croatia. Truffles come in other varieties, including the well-known black truffle, which can be found in the French countryside. White and black truffles are rare and highly sought after as food. Truffle hunting can be extremely lucrative, as the prized delicacies can be priced at around $11,000 a kilo. (2.2 pounds.)

Dogs are specially trained to hunt the truffles and locate them in the wild. Rocco, an Italian mutt, found the 3.3 pound white truffle near Pisa, Italy at the base of a tree and abut 2.5 feet underground. His owners, Christiano and Luciano Savini, auctioned off the huge fungus for charity. It went to a Hong Kong casino owner in Macau after a bidding war with controversial artist Damien Hirst. The proceeds will be donated to different charities in London, Macau, and Italy.

First sniffed out by a mongrel dog in the woods of Tuscany, the biggest white truffle unearthed in half a century fetched a record $330,000 (£160,000) yesterday at a charity auction more passionate and raucous than if a Rembrandt or Titian had been at stake.

The knobbly, soil-encrusted 1.5kg (3.3lbs) white tuber magnatum pico was the subject of fierce bidding and was finally claimed by the Hong Kong billionaire Stanley Ho, nicknamed ‘The King of Gambling’ and one of Asia’s richest men.

Bidding was linked by satellite between Macau, Florence and London’s Refettorio restaurant, where guests included the DJ Chris Evans and his wife, Natasha. Giorgio Locatelli, consultant chef at Refettorio, took instructions from the artist Damien Hirst, in Cornwall over a mobile phone. After bowing out at $130,000, Hirst told him: ‘I’m walking down the beach. Fuck it!’

The value was heightened by a dry summer which has made white truffles - dubbed ‘white gold’ and the fungal equivalent of caviar - more precious than ever. Trade prices hit £3,500 per kilo at the start of the brief season, from October to December, with Harrods charging £5,500. The previous auction record was set only last month when a white truffle fetched $212,000 in Hong Kong.

At the Grand Lisboa hotel in Macau, 500 guests attended a black tie dinner, many arriving via a heliport on the roof. Fourteen truffles were up for auction at the three locations, some presented on red silk, culminating in the 1.5kg colossus which was announced as ‘the truffle of the century’.

‘It is a beautiful truffle,’ said Locatelli. ‘There is a long decline in truffles from 50 to 100 years ago because of pesticides and the way we are using our planet without respecting it. To produce truffles you need a purity of environment.’

[From The Guardian]

The article notes that a 5.5 pound truffle was given to President Eisenhower in 1954.

I started to cover this because Madonna and Cate Blanchett were expected at the auction, but neither attended according to reports. It doesn’t seem like bidding suffered much due to lack of star power, and the scene sounds like something out of a Bond movie.

The truffle must be cooked and eaten within the next week, as truffles need to be consumed within 20 days or they will become moldy and inedible.

When I read this article I was trying to remember if I’ve ever eaten truffles other than the chocolate kind, and I’ve had meals at restaurants that claimed they were made with truffle oil. It turns out that truffle oil usually doesn’t contain the pricey ingredient, and is typically just olive oil infused with a synthetic truffle flavor. At prices like that, it’s no wonder the oil doesn’t have any real truffles in it.

Here’s a video about the largest truffle, thanks to Telegraph.co.uk:

The header image is of Angela Leong, the wife of the winning bidder Stanley Ho, holding the prized truffle. Image from Reuters.

Suri Cruise is an adorable little girl, with a bob to match her mom’s and the cutest dresses. It seems she also has footwear to match mommy’s too, and it isn’t from Target. She’s Christian Louboutin’s smallest customer.

Christian Louboutin has custom-designed a pair of shoes for tiny Suri Cruise, OK! magazine reports. The company had made a mold of the tot’s feet and hand-crafted a pair of bespoke shoes for her. “She’ll be the youngest client,” said a source.

NY Post

I had wondered if this was a joke because who would risk ordering those shoes, if they aren’t made quickly they won’t even fit 19-month-old Suri by the time they arrive. But then I checked out the rest of Suri’s designer duds and realized that if you’re willing to spend that much on clothes, you really need the shoes to match.

This apparently isn’t Suri’s first pair of designer shoes – Kelly Ripa gifted a pair of Roberto Cavalli crystal encrusted crib-shoes. At least she couldn’t walk and scuff them up. Or do as my kids do and take them off at the park and leave me wandering around looking for both sneakers and children.

Still, I bet Suri vomits on her clothes, fills her shoes with sand and water (usually at the same time), and poops her pants as often as any other kid. If you could pay to get rid of that part of child rearing, that would be some money well spent.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Suri, Katie and Tom are shown in Washington on 11/8/07, thanks to Splash News. I love how that woman in the picture only has eyes for Suri.

Update: According to the December 24, 2007 issue of In Touch, this story is false. They contacted the Louboutin company, which denied the report.

Jay Leno is a man with a big ol’ heart of gold – and a big ol’ wallet full of gold too. He is, very generously, paying his fired non-writing staff for the next week. And longer, if the writers strike continues.

Leno has decided to pay his non-writing staff out of his pocket through next week, sources said Saturday. That could be extended if the writers’ strike is not resolved by then.

Tonight Show executive producer Debbie Vickers is said to have been involved in the decision and reportedly began calling laid-off employees Saturday.

A couple of days after the Writers Guild of America strike began November 5, the star of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno told about 80 of his staffers that they need not worry about their finances. Leno was so adamant about paychecks being safe, many didn’t bother looking for new jobs even though NBC was forecasting layoffs.

So it came as quite a shock on Friday when the entire staff was told that they were not only out of a job but also that they weren’t guaranteed of being rehired once The Tonight Show returns.

“Some people were crying. Some people were screaming,” said one employee speaking on the condition of anonymity.

[From Sydney Morning Herald]

NBC’s Conan O’Brian is also paying his staff of around fifty on a week-to-week basis.

I’m not sure if out of his own pocket means out of Leno’s pocket, or out of his show’s pocket. Either way it must cost him at some point.

Despite the pay offer, it seems that some of Leno’s staff are getting upset that the writer’s are still striking and putting non-writing jobs at risk. Which is of course the exact kind of tension the networks are hoping to create to put pressure on the strikers to end their protest.

Leno himself has also been criticized, with one of his staff upset at earlier promises of people not losing their jobs. He says it gave the staff a false sense of security back when they should have begun job hunting. Although I doubt any television networks are hiring they could have looked for work elsewhere.

The administrative staff are also upset at what they consider to be a very low Christmas bonus of only $200, although I’m not sure what a Christmas Bonus should be in America, in New Zealand we don’t have them. I’m starting a campaign for them right away. I know a lot of people rely on that annual bonus to live.

In the meantime the strike continues, and re-runs are the order of the day on most television networks. Hopefully the strikers negotiate a good deal for themselves, as there is a huge amount of pressure on them to get shows back up and running.

Note by Celebitchy: Rumor has it that recent talks were successful, and that negotiations between the writers and networks are moving forward. The strike is expected to end by Christmas.

Jay Leno is shown on 11/14/07 out on his motorcycle supporting the strikers. Thanks to Splash News.

You know how we enjoy ragging on Heather Mills? Well we just got a little more fuel for the fire. The queen of self-righteousness has long claimed that – while she did a bit of nude posing here and there – it was only tasteful topless stuff. Somehow, no one bought it. Maybe because every third word out of that woman’s mouth is a lie, and she has no concept of reality. Well lucky for the 99.9% of the world that can’t stand her, nude, provocative porn photos of Heather Mills have finally been unearthed – and are scheduled to hit the internet any day now. Don’t worry, I won’t make you look at them now. I’m sure that image is about as appealing as… God, I honestly can’t think of anything as unappealing as a naked Heather Mills. She’s just so shrill and angry. I can’t explain why, but somehow I imagine her body parts are very sharp and angular. Kind of like her face.

Explicit photographs of Paul McCartney’s estranged wife Heather Mills have been unearthed, contradicting her claims that she was never a porn star. The full-frontal snaps show Mills posing on a bed in lacy red corset and stockings with her breasts exposed and her legs spread open to display her private parts.

In the article accompanying the provocative shots, which featured in an X-rated magazine, Mills boasts: “I’m gonna drive you crazy with my body…” The images, taken before Mills lost her leg in road accident in 1993, will come as a blow to the animal rights campaigner, having recently hit out at the press for describing her glamour modeling past as a career in porn.

She ranted, “They (the media) eliminate the whole 20 years of my life campaigning and put in things like hardcore porn queen.” But the latest expose will come as an embarrassment to Mills, as she has continually insisted she was just a topless model and did not participate in any porn photoshoots.

[From Starpulse]

Tee hee. This makes me happy. Actually pretty much anything that makes Heather Mills mad makes me happy. I used to avoid eating red meat and try not to purchase things from companies that test on animals. But then I found out that Heather Mills goes apeshit about that stuff, and it made me want to eat veal, just to piss her off.

I’m guessing that Heather will now come up with some bull about how she meant she never did porn movies, and these are just dirty pictures. She’s just a hypocritical piece of trash. Either way, the photos are pretty much useless - they’ll just serve to embarrass her. I don’t think there’s a man alive that can manage to view Heather Mills in a sexual way. These photos are going to do to lovemaking stamina what even Bea Arthur couldn’t accomplish.

Picture note by Celebitchy: JayBird might not want to subject you to that photo, but I have no qualms about it. The linked version is NSFW but it’s only topless. This really isn’t much dirtier than earlier pictures that came out (link NSFW.) I think that they just want to remind us of these pictures. Thanks to News of The World for the header image.

Actor Anthony Hopkins is going to pursue his dream of becoming a music star. He will embark on a world tour in which he plans to play the piano accompanied by an orchestra. Hopkins will tell narrative stories about his life and acting career to accompany the music.

In a series of shows to be performed in cities across the world, Hopkins will be taking centre stage on the piano, playing music that he has composed himself. The actor will be accompanied by an orchestra, and will narrate stories over the music.

Hopkins, whose film roles include Adolf Hitler, Pablo Picasso and Quasimodo, will also tell anecdotes from his film career.

Despite having performed in more than 70 films, this is not the first time he has found time to immerse himself in music; in 1986 he released a single called “Distant Star”. The song was not well-received in the UK, only reaching number 75 in the charts.

His music tour, which is expected to start next year, will begin in Melbourne before heading round the world. The project is being planned with the musician and film-score mixer, Malcolm Luker, who met the actor when he was working on the score for Hopkins’ latest film, Slipstream. This experimental screenplay had its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year, and was widely panned by critics for its self-indulgence.

Luker thinks Hopkins’ foray into music will be better received. “I think people will be surprised by Tony’s talents”, he said. “He’s a great pianist and an incredibly pleasant and softly spoken man.”

“It’s going to happen either next year or early 2009 but at the moment we’re doing the preliminaries of checking timing, availability and venues,” Luker said yesterday.

He said the proposed venture would not be as simple as Hopkins sitting at the piano. “[It] will feature Sir Anthony playing music, narrating stories over a live orchestra and telling anecdotes about his movie career, such as his famed role in The Silence of The Lambs.”

[The Independent via Huffington Post]

Hopkins released a single in 1986 called “Distant Star” with the b-side “Ordinary Man.” The songs are available below. It’s not as bad as William Shatner’s musical efforts, but it’s definitely reminiscent of Shatner’s mock-worthy work. Both tracks feature Hopkins talking over a new-age sound scape with comically cheesy lyrics. Maybe his storytelling and music ability have improved in the 11 years since he created these awful songs. If his new music will be drastically different he should probably put out a new single to erase the public’s memory of his previous efforts.

Hopkins’ talents aren’t limited to acting and singing. He is also an artist, and had an exhibition of his paintings last year called “Dreamscapes.” His art sells for thousands.

Here are Hopkins’ initial musical efforts, thanks to Hopinksville.de. There have to be old ladies around the world that will pay good money to watch him perform, hanging on his every breathy word.

Distant Star:

Ordinary Man:

Hopkins is shown in the header image on 11/11/07 at the Beowolf London premiere, thanks to PRPhotos.

Will Smith is a much more humble man than I realized. Not only does he keep his own talent in perspective, he has a very modest view of his young daughter as well. Will says that he’s not a great actor and he knows it. What sets him apart and makes him successful is his crazy work ethic.

Will Smith says he’s not a great actor but he’s a hardworking one. “I’ve never viewed myself as particularly talented. I’ve viewed myself as … slightly above average in talent,” the 39-year-old actor tells CBS’ “60 Minutes” in an interview scheduled to air Sunday.

“Where I excel is with (a) ridiculous, sickening work ethic,” Smith says. “While the other guy’s sleeping, I’m working. While the other guy’s eating, I’m working. While the other guy’s making love, I mean, I’m making love, too, but I’m working really hard at it!”

[From OMG!]

I think he could be a great actor if he chose great parts. He got great reviews for his acting in “Six Degrees of Separation” in 1993. Since then he’s chosen a bunch of big budget action and comedy roles, the only exception being “The Pursuit of Happyness” last year. But let’s be honest, “Bad Boys II” and “Independence Day” were a lot of fun, but no one’s taking home an Oscar for their work.

Will’s son Jaden costarred in “The Pursuit of Happyness,” and it seems that the Smith family will be working with each other from now on. His daughter Willow, 7, costars in his upcoming film “I Am Legend.”

“She has a drive,” Smith tells PEOPLE. “She has an energy and she just connects to human emotion. I think a big part was probably [seeing] Jaden after The Pursuit of Happyness. She saw what Jaden did, and she was like, ‘I want that.’”

Still, there shouldn’t be too much tension between the young Smiths. Smith says they have different styles – and goals. “Jaden is [like] Johnny Depp,” Smith says. “He just wants to do good work . . . He loves acting, he just wants to make good movies. “And Willow is Paris Hilton,” Smith says, laughing. “Willow wants to be on TV.”

[From People]

Boy, in about five years when Willow is old enough to really understand how people view Paris Hilton, she is going to be raging pissed at her dad. That’s like saying, “My daughter is awesome, she’s Heidi Fleiss.” Okay not quite, and I realize that’s not the comparison he’s trying to make. But Will Smith seems to be a pretty smart guy. You’d think he could come up with a more reputable personality to compare his daughter to. Anyone would have been better. “My daughter is like Jessica Simpson” would have been a much kinder thing to say. It’s not great, but she’s at least famous for an actual profession or two. Last time I checked, Paris Hilton was famous for her legendary flat affect and wonky eye.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Will, Jada and Jaden are shown at the Pursuit of Happyness premiere in January of this year. Will and Willow are shown on the “I am Legend” set, also in January. Thanks to Splash News.

38 year old actress Renee Zellwegger was spotted out on a date with millionaire hotelier Andre Balazs, 50. Balazs dated Uma Thurman for years and was recently linked with rageaholic Naomi Campbell. Renee and Andre were seen out at dinner, with Renee trying to hide her face from the paparazzi waiting outside. They ended the night at her place so it looks like the date went well for both of them.

[Renee Zellweger] is dating… hotel mogul Andre Balazs… The two were recently spotted getting cozy at Manhattan’s posh San Domenico restaurant.

And when Renee and Andre finished their dinner at 2 a.m., they headed to her place.

Although the actress tried to hide from the cameras, The Enquirer got the scoop on the couple’s new romance.

“Renee is totally into Andre,” a Hollywood insider told us.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 10, 2007]

Single Renee Zellweger is often portrayed as a sad sap by the media. She was said to have been rejected by rock legend Paul McCartney after the two enjoyed at least one romantic date this summer, and she hasn’t had much luck in love otherwise. Her marriage to country singer Kenny Chesney ended in 2005 after four months, and she had an on and off relationship with singer Jack Black White, who married a model shortly after breaking it off with Renee.

Zellweger doesn’t do much to dispel our impression of her. She was recently quoted as saying that she likes to go to parties late when no one will point at her, referring to herself as “the weird actress girl in the corner.” She sure has low self esteem for an Oscar winner and one of the highest paid women in Hollywood. Maybe that’s part of the reason why she’s unlucky in love.

Zellweger stars as the female voice of the lead character in the animated film Bee Movie, which I found thoroughly awful. She said she rented her Hollywood home to co-star Jerry Seinfeld and that it was coincidentally infested with bees. She claims to be unaware that the bees had taken up residence in her home before Seinfeld rented it. Is it scandalous that the star of Bee Movie had to kill a bunch of bees to live somewhere? Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, but it seems likely that Seinfeld had the bees exterminated, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Renee is shown in the header image at the French premiere of Bee Movie last night. thanks to Splash News. The other images are from the US premiere on 10/28/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Britney Spears is so desperate for a boyfriend that she offered Mike Marchand, a waiter and aspiring actor, $25k to date her and appear in one of her videos. She also gave the guy a cell phone so she could have a direct line to him day and night. Britney is hounding the waiter to date her, and has shown up at his restaurant, Mirabelle’s, multiple times in a lame attempt to garner his interest. Marchand doesn’t seem to want to be associated with Britney, and has even tried to tell the media that he’s not dating her. His mom may have blown his cover, though.

“Britney met Mike at the restaurant a couple of weeks ago and she immediately put on a full-court press to get him to go out with her,” an insider told The Enquirer.

“Britney’s in Mirabelle’s all the time now keeping tabs on Mike’s every move.

“At one point, she told Mike she’d pay him $25,000 and give him a part in her new video if he’d start dating her. But the whole thing is stressing him out. He can’t stand how she watches his every move.”

The no-nonsense waiter “initially turned down Britney’s offer, but she’s still hoping he’ll change his mind,” says the source.

“Mike said Britney gave him a dedicated cell phone and she texts him constantly.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 10, 2007]

Meanwhile one of Marchand’s friends told OK! Magazine that it’s not true that he’s dating Britney. The guy may be hoping for an acting career, but he seems to realize that being linked to Britney is only going to hurt his chances. They claim he never dated Britney and she’s only showing up at his workplace to hound him. He did drive to her place once, but he only waited at the gate while trying to return a cellphone that was left at the restaurant.

“Michael Marchand isn’t a new one-time fling,” explains Brit’s closest friend to OK!. “He isn’t a new boyfriend — he isn’t even a friend… And he did not go to Las Vegas with her!”

So how did Brit, who celebrates her 26th birthday next Monday, end up being photographed with Michael? “The only connection she has with him is that she’s eaten in Mirabelle, where he works,” claims the friend.

However, the friend confesses, Michael did indeed attempt to make contact with the divorced mother of two. During one of their dinners at Mirabelle, Brit’s ever-present pal Sam Lutfi left his cell phone on the table. Michael retrieved the mislaid mobile and drove out to The Summit, Britney’s gated community looking down on Beverly Hills. “Michael was not allowed through the gates,” Brit’s friend reveals. “He has never seen Britney outside the restaurant.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Contrary to these other reports that Britney and the waiter are just friends, Star Magazine has quotes from Marchand’s mother about how friendly he and Britney are. She says that “Michael and Britney really enjoy each other’s company,” and that “they like watching videos together and playing Scrabble.” She also says that “Britney is a very sweet person, very down to earth, and is also a very loving and caring parent.”

These quotes come in an inset article about the weird sex room Britney has in her dirty near-abandoned mansion. And she’s supposedly telling friends that she’s pregnant again. When it comes to Britney, anything is possible, but I’m more likely to believe that she tried to bribe a guy to date her over a story that she likes playing Scrabble and is a good mom. The pregnancy story is a toss up, but it seems likely.

Here are pictures of Britney looking uncharacteristically good at the Scandinavian Mansion of Style party on Saturday, where she took home a fur coat, Paris Hilton and a guy. Yesterday was her birthday. Splash News reports that she took a male party-goer back to her hotel while x17 has her partying back at the hotel with Paris. Maybe the new guy will take the heat off that poor waiter.

Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.