Crazy Anne Heche is a mommy blogger now. Yes, you read that correctly. She’s so nutty, and I don’t mean to slight anyone who has an actual, documented case of mental illness, but Anne is the one who titled her memoir, Call Me Crazy, while she discussed her famed alter-ego, Celestia, who came out during her 2000 breakdown. That’s all in the past though, hopefully, and I tend to think that she could very well be certifiable, but I think she was also begging for attention and framed herself in the manner most befitting.

Anne is still currently with her Men in Trees co-star, James “McTreemy” Tupper, and they have been engaged for years. Anne has a four year-old son, Atlas, with James, and she is also mother to Homer, 11, whose father is Coley Lafoon. Anne and Coley’s divorce was very acrimonious with Coley winning primary custody while Anne spent most of her time in Canada for work. She was very bitter about the situation and even dissed Coley repeatedly on Letterman, and she’s always seemed quite angry that she has to pay Coley child support. Again, that’s something that Anne would like us to forget as she writes her mommy blogging series for People. In this heavily edited excerpt (which was previously a rambling book with “????” and “!!!!” in abundance), Anne describes how she dealt with a public temper tantrum on the part of Atlas. She frames the incident as one where she felt guilty about being a working mother, so she took Atlas to a toy store where he had a meltdown:

When Attie is upset, his face starts to get red before actual sounds come out. Gradually he manages to emit sputters, umphs and crazy-hot emotional spits which erupt as a precursor to his eventual verbal declaration.

Apparently a skate-boarding-parachute-guy was NOT the toy that Atlas had hoped for. The fit began with not wanting the skateboard part to be attached to the guy part and then the fury traveled its way up the body of skateboard guy to the parachute part, that was apparently NOT supposed to be connected to the guy AT ALL — shoulders, head or otherwise. Attie set off immediately to disconnect ALL parts.

All of Larchmont was listening. “I don’t want this toy, I want another toy!” he cried. Mommy conundrum: Do I escape this tantrum easily and without much embarrassment by allowing my newly-turned 4-year-old to bully and manipulate me into getting him another toy? Or do I do the appropriate thing and try to calmly pry him off the sidewalk, where he is now balled up, yelling that he wants the toy store to be his “new home” and attempt to parent him with discipline?

This is a tough one. I don’t like strangers to be staring at me, especially not while I anticipate my own internal decisions of motherhood with a snotty-nosed fit-fest happening in a corner on the sidewalk. I chose discipline. Self, that is. “Don’t cave, Anne,” I told myself over and over as I witnessed a groovy 20-something, clearly childless couple, wonder out loud, “Is that kid … lost?” And then catch themselves when I shook my head, and then wanted to scream, “Mommy attempting to parent correctly!” But I didn’t. It was written all over me. I was trying to be strong, but felt like a total and complete loser.

I managed to muster enough self-worth and will to know that a spoiled child is not what I wanted for Atlas’ life even more than I didn’t want it for mine. I remembered the wise words of a kind grandmother who once told me, “If you don’t control them at an early age, they will come to control you.”

And then a miracle happened: A beautiful woman who had avoided us on the sidewalk by taking the street, caught my eye just as Atlas was getting buckled in — and she winked at me. Atlas fell asleep within 30 seconds of the ride home. But this day, I had a renewed hope. A support system I never realized I have: Mommies are always out there, surrounding us and encouraging us, giving us strength and a wink when we most need it. We can trust it.

Look around — we are always there, witnessing and thanking you for being strong, parenting against all odds. You fighting the good fight for our children and their future as good, caring, loving citizens, and that’s what counts.

[From People]

This blog of Anne’s is nothing groundbreaking, of course. Nearly every parent out there has experienced the searing embarrassment of a child throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a store or restaurant. It’s not a big deal, really; and although some people will glare at you as if you should never bring your child out in public, I think most people are understanding about the situation and realize that kids do this all the time. I have learned to tune out tantrum-throwing children in stores, but it does bother me when parents don’t seem to care if their kids are throwing fits on airplanes. Like, if I paid hundreds of dollars for my seat, the least you can do is shush your kid, not act like nothing is happening. Even if you have to bribe them a little bit to keep the peace on that flight, it’s worth it for the entire plane’s sake.

With that said, Anne does seem like a good mom though even if she’s acting as if she’s the first person in the world to encounter a public temper tantrum.

Photos courtesy of WENN

Yesterday the NBC upfront photo op happened, and I have to say that I’m disappointed in the photos we have. No one from “Community” showed up that I can find, but more than that the red and orange backdrop is throwing me off, and making all the cute, colorful outfits look like they clash. I know this is a strange complaint, but this is why they use white and black neutral-colored backdrops for these events. Red and orange are popular colors this season, and a large number of the starlets accidentally wore outfits that look fug against the backdrop, but would be perfectly cute on their own.

First off is Eva Longoria in a lovely scarlet silk and cotton Alberta Ferretti featuring ribbon-like details. I think this dress is killer. It’s sexy without showing too much, and it highlights Eva’s amazing figure without being too tight. Our friends at Red Carpet Fashion Awards don’t like Eva’s shoes, and point out that she always wears the same Brian Atwood “Maniac” pumps. I think that she went for some understated shoes so as not to vamp up the outfit too much, and that it works. Eva is one of the women whose bright-colored dress is being overshadowed by the background.

Eva is helming a reality show called “Ready For Love,” in which they’re bringing “online dating to television.” It’s like a twist on The Bachelor, but with three guys and a huge amount of available women. The guys look really hot of course.

Next we have Anne Heche in bright a orange Max Mara skirt (In other photos it looks like she was wearing split pants, but it’s a skirt) paired with a peach silk top with cut-out sleeves. She looks amazing to me here, and I even like her platform shoes, which would seem goofy with most other outfits. This is very fashion forward and Anne looks great. She’s starring in a upcoming show called “Save Me“, about a woman who thinks she’s saved by God and has to spread the word. She plays crazy so well.

“Parks and Rec” star Amy Poehler was super cute in a dark pink knee-length tight dress paired with nude pumps and a cropped leather jacket. I just love that jacket with that dress.

You know I love “Parenthood,” and real life couple Lauren Graham and Peter Krause. Lauren’s oversized shirt, big belt and clunky shoes just aren’t working for her. They look like a great couple I have to say.

Debra Messing also opted for a big belt and paired it with a loose polka dot dress. It’s an ok look, but it’s just kind of mediocre to me.

Fellow “Smash” star Katherine McPhee was in a pink flower print Dolce & Gabanna. I’m not a fan of floral dresses, and this is kind of falling flat for me. Some of you may love it.

Mariska Hargitay was so pretty in form fitting white. She could have gone without the matchy shoes, and mixed it up by varying the color of her footwear.

Adam Levine wore glasses, a plaid shirt and some jeans with a chain hanging out of his pocket. Sadly, his co-judge on The Voice, Xtina, didn’t make it. I was hoping she would bring her drunk orange vamp act to the upfronts.

Jenna Elfman tried to wear dressy shorts with a shirt with big goofy buttons and a little black jacket. It looked ridiculous, but at least her shoes were cute.

Photo credit: WENN.com and Fame Flynet

These are photos from an event sponsored by Audi last night to kick off Golden Globes week. The awards season is upon us, and unlike Kaiser it’s not my cup of tea. I find a lot of these events kind of tedious, and I bet that some of these celebrities feel the same way. The fashion there was kind of a mixed bag. Some women treated it like the actual Golden Globes and wore gowns that seemed over the top. Other dresses were more fancy cocktail party-style, which seemed to be what was called for.

Anne Heche was haughty cray-cray in this long shiny bright crimson and matte purple Ferragamo gown. I really hope this contrasting colorblocking trend is on the way out. Heche just heralded its demise.

Heche’s Hung co-star (although it’s been canceled, boo!) Thomas Jane didn’t even bother and just wore jeans, sneakers, a sweater and a baseball cap.

Viola Davis ruled the red carpet in this metallic scoop neck dress with contrasting silver bands at the waist and hemline. Her hair and styling are amazing. This look is spot on for this event.

Julie Benz was lovely in a tight silver sequin cap sleeve v-neck dress. I’m thinking she needs a belt or something to complete the dress, and those gold shoes are a little much with the metallic theme. Still, she looks hot and I love her hair and makeup.

Julie Bowen rocked this really striking web-look Naeem Khan dress. Her look might be a little too formal for this event but I just love that gown. That’s something I would want to wear over and over again and I feel like she should have saved it for a bigger event. It would have been perfect for the Globes.

Zoe Saldana is doing the knock-kneed hands on hip pose here. I actually love her asymmetrical hemline dress and find the silver collar striking. It works with those shoes too. I’m including a close up photo of her face as she looked different to me in the full length pose. She’s maintaining her Botox at current levels, though.

Joel McHale and his wife are so cute together! They look like brother and sister they’re so similarly attractive. The fact that he’s been happily married for over 15 years makes him hotter to me.

I wondered why this woman Alexandra Breckenridge looked familiar. She’s the hot younger version of the maid on American Horror Story! I’m including her just because she wore this daring but somewhat trashy tight and very short red dress. She looks like she’s going clubbing, not to an event.

Rachel Hunter was also a little trashy-looking in this black satin dress. I don’t like dresses made from just that single fabric, they look more like nightgowns.

This chick Erin Richards is on “Being Human” and I honestly didn’t know who she was until I IMDB’d her. I just have to include her for these insane shoes, which look like a grade school student’s Native American craft project. They’re ugly but somehow fascinating. I think I would wear them once just to see what people had to say.

Ellen Degeneres has been extremely tight-lipped regarding the demise of her relationship with actress Anne Heche. It was fairly obvious after the breakup that Ellen was basically crushed- but she didn’t give much more information on it than that. But now that she has a new book deal to write her memoir, it looks like Ellen might just spill the beans on her three years with the formerly gay Anne.

Ellen Degeneres is using a tell-all memoir to get the last laugh in her infamous split with Anne Heche.

The Emmy-winning comic recently inked a publishing deal for a new book, and insiders say the gloves are coming off!

“Ellen’s always taken the high road when it comes to divulging secrets about her years with Anne,” a publishing insider told The National Enquirer. “But now she’s ready to spill all the details.”

The 52-year-old talk-show queen – who has been married to gorgeous actress Portia de Rossi for two years – had a three-year romance with Anne, 41, in the late 90s. The “Men in Trees” star dumped Ellen and married a cameraman.

A few days after the split, Anne had a bizarre meltdown after taking the drug Ecstasy. She was found wandering outside Fresno, Calif. half-naked and shouting strange obscenities.

“When they split, Ellen bit her tongue and really did not publicly comment on her years with Anne,” the source said.

“But she’s finally prepared to tell the world how Anne used her as a Hollywood stepping stone. She’s got no problems talking about Anne’s bizarre behavior, her drug use, and the way she used men to make Ellen jealous. Ellen is using this book to settle an old score. Anne broke her heart.”

[From National Enquirer, print edition, July 5, 2010]

Heche has publicly commented on the breakup with Ellen. She once said she “changed her mind” about being gay and “closed that door.” I’m not sure that’s how it works, but if that was her thought process on the whole three-year relationship, then no wonder Ellen was so hurt. But do I believe she still dwells on it? Heck, no. She’s married to another woman, and they seem very happy. My guess is, Ellen is writing a memoir and there will be a chapter or two on Anne in the book- but I don’t think Ellen would dedicate an entire book to an ex-girlfriend. I don’t think her wife would like that too much. I know I wouldn’t.

Anne Heche had a truly cringe-worthy appearance on David Letterman last month in which she talked repeated smack about the ex husband and father of her child, Coley Laffoon. Heche came across as unhinged and bitter. She complained about how Laffoon was inviting her to watch him play soccer and said that that all he did for a living was go out to the mailbox and collect her checks. Lafoon issued a whiny statement in response in which he made it clear that he had a job as a real estate agent and said “I wish Anne Heche could see that public bullying isn’t good for the soul or positive for her child. It’s mean.”

Heche and Laffoon will have to work together to successfully co-parent their son, Homer, and judging from the way they’re talking smack about each other in public you can bet they don’t get along behind closed doors. TMZ reports that they’ve been court-ordered to hire a “parenting coordinator” to coach them, and that “parenting coordinator” charges $375 – an hour! I would think that $75 an hour is a little steep. That’s outrageous, but the person does have their work cut out for them that’s for sure:

It’s possibly the worst job in the world — some poor woman has been ordered to get in the middle of the nasty war between Anne Heche and her ex-husband Coleman Laffoon … to teach them how to parent.

After Heche famously blasted her “lazy ass” ex on Letterman, the former couple agreed to get a “parenting plan coordinator” — a highly paid court-ordered chaperone — who will help them play nice for the sake of their son, Homer.

The coordinator will make $375 per-hour to do the following things:

– Coach the parents on effective co-parenting
– Help the parents make joint parenting decisions
– Resolve disputes between the parents concerning the court-ordered parenting plan

Both Anne and Coley signed off on the deal — which will remain in effect until May 1, 2011.

Good luck, parenting lady.

[From TMZ]

Over a year and a half worth of parenting counseling at $375 an hour! If they only see the person once a week for an hour that’s $1,500 a month! Maybe Anne is making good money in her typecast role as the crazy ex wife on Hung. Am I out of touch because I don’t live in LA and have no clue about billing rates? I thought that most lawyers didn’t even make $375 an hour. I would say that’s steep even if the damn Supernanny was coming over. Maybe I’ll start training to be a parenting expert. Screw that – it’s not worth the money to have to deal with that level of dysfunction.

Coley Laffoon and Anne Heche are shown out together in happier times on 2/13/02. Credit: Fame Pictures

Earlier this morning, CB did some great, intensive coverage of Anne Heche’s appearance on The Late Show last night. Anne was… well, crazy. Let’s go with that. She called her ex-husband Coley Laffoon a “lazy ass” and said that she waited to have a baby with James Tupper, the man she began “dating” when she was still married to Coley, “until I met a man that deserved having a baby. And I met James Tupper and I just thought he was such a wonderful dad to Homer that he deserved one of his own, you know?” She claimed that all Coley did for a living was “go out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!” CB said it best by calling Heche a “nasty, bitter, borderline functional person who would like nothing more than to publicly malign her ex husband.” Well done.

Now Anne’s ex Coley is responding. I know I should be on this guy’s side because Anne is such a bitter, ridiculous, whackadoodle headcase, but Coley’s statement to Us Weekly made me laugh. He sounds like a tool. He whines about how he just came home “from showing two different clients two different condominiums” and he basically calls Anne a big meanie and a bully. Giggle. They’re like children.

Anne Heche’s ex Coley Laffoon is firing back after she called him a “lazy ass” on Wednesday’s Late Show With David Letterman.

“After coming home from showing two different clients two different condominiums, I was disturbed to see Anne taking out her personal frustration on the father of her child on national television,” Laffoon, 35, an employee with Los Angeles real estate company Hilton & Hyland, tells Usmagazine.com in an exclusive statement.

On Letterman, Heche, 40, complained about the $3,700 per month in child support she gives Laffoon for their 7-year-old son, Homer.

“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’” she sardonically told Letterman.

Laffoon, who filed for divorce in February 2007 after five years of marriage, also responded on his Facebook page, writing: “I wish Anne Heche could see that public bullying isn’t good for the soul or positive for her child. It’s mean.”

[From Us Weekly]

Dude… chuckle… okay, he needs to hire a publicist, because that’s a terrible statement. If Coley had wanted to come across as sympathetic, he could (and should) have said something like, “It’s unfortunate that Anne felt the need to belittle me, but I won’t do the same. I will always love and respect her as the mother of our child, and I hope in he future she will show me more respect.” If he wanted to come across as hardcore, he should have just issued this statement: “Bitch is crazy. I’m filing for sole custody as we speak.” Why don’t these people ever ask me for help? I’m here to serve you, Coley!

Here are Coley and Anne during happier times in 2005. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

There are all sorts of things wrong with Anne Heche’s interview on David Letterman last night, and I’ll mention a few that stick out. Overall she just seems like a nasty, bitter, borderline functional person who would like nothing more than to publicly malign her ex husband, Coley Laffoon. Heche probably has some good reasons for disliking Laffoon. Laffoon lambasted her mothering skills during their 2007 divorce, but she in turn slung the dirt on him, claiming he had an addiction to online porn. Heche ended up paying a divorce settlement of $275,000 along with $3,700 in monthly child support, reduced from the $15,000 a month she was originally ordered to pay when she was working at the time.

Says she waited to have second child until she met someone worthy
Heche hooked up with her also-married “Men In Trees” co-star, James Tupper, in late 2006/early 2007. Anne had then five year-old son Homer with husband Laffoon, and James also had a child with his wife, according to reports at the time. (It’s hard to verify that Tupper had a child with his ex wife as she’s been admirably quiet about the affair, but reports in early 2007 said he had a kid at home when he was sneaking around with Heche on set. Some stories about the birth of Anne and James’ baby this year, Atlas, claimed it was James’ first child. People Magazine and US Weekly did not make this claim however.)

Anne admitted in an interview last year that she was cheating on her husband when she hooked up with Tupper.

“Well I had to wait [to have Atlas, now 5 months] until I met a man that deserved having a baby. And I met James Tupper and I just thought he was such a wonderful dad to Homer that he deserved one of his own, you know?”

Let’s assume that Tupper didn’t already have a kid when she met him as that’s hard to verify. (He may have a step child, which could explain the conflicting stories.) There’s another offensive level to that statement, which also implies that her last husband didn’t deserve a child. How is her son with Laffoon, Homer, 7, going to feel when he gets older and reads some of the things his mom said about his dad? It’s like she’s saying his father didn’t deserve a child and that Homer was a mistake. Given this woman’s issues, this is going to be the least of that kid’s concerns though.

Calls her ex husband lazy, says she doesn’t want to see him and that all he does is collect checks
Anne then went on to malign Laffoon, telling Letterman that her ex was a “lazy ass,” that the “newest and greatest event of his life” was coaching soccer, and that all he did for a living was go out to the mailbox and collect her checks. By Lafoon’s account, he gave up his job as a cameraman to care for their son, Homer, so that Heche could work. Laffoon claimed during their divorce that he was the primary caregiver to Homer since the boy was an infant. That means that this woman is talking repeated smack about father of her child who she cheated on at work when he was at home taking care of their son. How would she be perceived if she was a man complaining about the same thing?

Heche also detailed how Laffoon had invited her her to see his soccer games on Thursdays and Saturdays, which was likely his way of extending an olive branch after their acrimonious divorce. She went on to sneer that of course she didn’t want to see him – they were divorced.

“He wants me to come and watch him run around in his little white shorts playing soccer… Honestly, I don’t want to come to rehearsal and watch you run around in your tight shorts like trying to pretend that you know how to play soccer… I divorced you! No, I don’t want to hang around with you Thursdays and Saturdays and maybe on Sunday.”

Tells David Letterman repeatedly that his decision to get married was a mistake
Anne tried to goad Letterman into telling her that married life was miserable, and newlywed Dave played along a little, deadpanning that it was “everything I hoped it would be.”

“Congratulations” she sniped. “I warned you. I said it last time I was here. ‘Do not go there. Don’t get married…’”

Dave explained “I found that I have more time now, because I’m not dating.”

Anne then got all condescending and smiled broadly, shaking her head. “I’m sorry for you, Dave.”

No, Anne, we’re sorry for you. You clearly have hate and negativity oozing out of your pores like someone taking a sauna after eating too much garlic.

It got worse after that, it really did. Anne’s crazy came shining through and she went off on several manic rants. While talking about her childhood in New Jersey she called her father lazy, and said that the $100 a week she brought in acting at the age of 12 was more than her dad had ever made. “He was a lazy… it’s over in my life though. I have a wonderful guy who has a wonderful job.”

Anne was promoting her role on the HBO series “Hung,” in which she plays the ex wife of a male prostitute. Why anyone is still willing to hire this insane woman is beyond me. She sure plays bitter ex wife well, though, and I’ll have to check out this show to see if she’s as typecast as I think she is.

Anne Heche is shown outside The Late Show on 8/26/09. Credit: Diane Cohen/Fame Pictures

Anne Heche, 39, and James Tupper, 43, had their first child together over the weekend, a son they named Atlas. Anne also has a 7 year-old son, Homer, with her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. Anne and Coley had an acrimonious divorce, with accusations flying on both sides. Their divorce was finalized earlier this week with Anne ordered to pay an over half million settlement.

Anne Heche and beau James Tupper welcomed their first child together over the weekend, her rep confirms to Usmagazine.com.

Atlas Heche Tupper weighed in at six pounds, 12 ounces, the rep adds.

Heche finalized her divorce from ex Coley Laffoon — the father of her 7-year-old son, Homer — earlier this week.

“Homer is very excited to be a big brother,” a source tells Us.

Heche exclusively confirmed she was pregnant to Usmagazine.com in December. “They are thrilled,” her rep told Us then.

She and Tupper first met in 2006 on the set of their short-lived ABC drama Men In Trees while Heche was still wed to Laffoon.

[From US Weekly]

The names Homer and Atlas both come from Greek mythology, with Homer attributed as the author of epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey and Atlas a Greek God who held up the heavens. Homer and Atlas are odd baby names, but there are worse, particularly among celebrity families. Considering that this is Anne Heche we’re talking about she could have picked something much more stigmatizing. Congratulations to Anne and James.

Anne Heche and James Tupper are shown on 1/17/09. Credit: WENN.com

Anne Heche was legally divorced from her ex-husband Corey Laffoon last June, but they failed to agree on custody and property issues. Laffoon initially asked for $33,000 a month in child support. He was awarded almost $15,000 a month, but Anne couldn’t pay this due to the actors strike. It was reduced further to $3,700 a month when Anne returned to Los Angeles to live after her ABC show Men in Trees was canceled. Laffoon claimed he was making just $6,000 a year before he quit his job as a videographer to care for Homer.

Two years after they first filed for divorce, a property and custody agreement has been made. Heche will pay Laffoon over a half million dollar settlement and he will also receive 1/2 of their community property.

According to the Los Angeles Superior Court documents:

• The pair will share 50-50 physical and legal custody of son, Homer, 7.

• Heche agreed to pay Laffoon a $515,000 lump sum cash payment. He’ll also get half of all their community property, including more than $700,000 worth of stocks and other assets.

• Heche keeps her multimillion-dollar home in Vancouver, B.C.

• Laffoon waived his right to claim any spousal support.

People

Anne has been said to be eager to end her marriage once and for all pending the birth of her son with co-star James Tupper. She was reportedly desperate for them both to be divorced by the time their son is born. If Anne is so concerned about social conventions she might have thought about not dating her co-star while they were both still married, and not getting pregnant while they were still divorcing. There have been no reports of his divorce being finalized, but he’s still got a few months. The new baby is due late May-early June.

Anne Heche is shown out at Sundance with James Tupper on 1/17/09. Credit: WENN

It has been almost two years since Anne Heche and her co-star/boyfriend/baby-daddy James Tupper left their respective spouses and children for each other. Now she’s pregnant with their child, a boy, and wants to get married before he’s born. James Tupper is a little hesitant, if only because of the small issue that he is still married to his estranged wife.

They went public with their romance in 2007, after Heche filed for divorce from her then-husband, Coley Laffoon, the father of her 6-year-old son Homer.

And now the actress is eager for Tupper to finalize his split from Katherine Mayfield, almost two years after he filed a petition for divorce.

A source tells Star magazine, “Anne has told him that it’s gone on long enough. She wants it finished.

“She doesn’t want to give birth to their son while his father is married to another woman. She knows how hard it is to get through a divorce, because she’s done it herself. But she can’t understand why it’s taking James so long to get his act together.”

San Francisco Chronicle

James might actually be deliberately avoiding ending his marriage. Anne was in a lesbian relationship before ‘changing her mind’ as she puts it, and she also has an alter ego ‘Celestia’ who is an alien. Or talks to aliens. Or wants to be an alien. Who can understand a word that comes out of that woman’s mouth? It’s kind of surprising they’ve lasted this long.

Anne Heche and James Tupper are shown out in Sundance on 1/17/09. Credit: WENN