This week’s Goop newsletter is all about Gwyneth Paltrow being so very English and posh, and we American peasants simply do not understand what a pleasure it is to live with all of the civilized people in England. So Dame Goop has written a special letter to all of us, letting us know about all of the amazing beauty products she single-handedly finds in all of the “regular old English pharmacies.” Ye Olde Pharmacies, I think she meant to write.

One of the many exciting things about living in England for a good part of the year is the perpetual discovery. I am constantly delighting in what might be very ordinary for people who are native to this land. An example would be the regular old English pharmacy, which is stocked with a variety of amazing affordable products, many of which are not available outside of the UK. We hit up the French Pharmacy a few months ago, and now we have compiled a list of the some of our faves here in England in case you find yourself on these fair shores. And if you already live here, well, you know what I mean.

Love, gp

[From Goop]

We actually got a request from a Goop-fan for coverage of Gwyneth’s list of products (which you can read here). The Goop-fan points out that on her list of 16 products, five of them can be found in any given Target or Walmart. HOW GAUCHE. I mean, Dame Goop thinks Yardley soaps are so special that she can only find them in the UK? By the way, I have a lot of relatives that live in Europe and India, and all of them spend a fortune on cosmetics and soaps and stuff whenever they come to America – they stock up on stuff for the year whenever they visit the US. It’s because A) the average Walmart, Target and CVS has such a big variety of products and B) Everything is cheaper here, partly because of the weak dollar and partly because everything is just cheaper.

In other Goop news, Our Lady of Smug Condescension has deigned to take another role in a peasanty film. A “moving picture” as Goop says. A “talkie”. Gwyneth has taken the role of Pablo Picasso’s lover and muse Dora Maar in a film that’s about Picasso painting his seminal work Guernica. The film is called 33 Dias, and Antonio Banderas will play Picasso. Ooooh. That should be interesting. First of all, Antonio looks nothing like Picasso. Think Alan Arkin, honestly. And Dora Maar was more of a Jennifer Jason Leigh type. Plus, Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore already did this.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I have mixed feelings about this Gwyneth Paltrow story. I feel like The Sun (a British rag) is trying to make it seem like “Goop speaks to her father’s spirit, isn’t she CRAZY?” when in reality, I think she just misses her dad. Bruce Paltrow died 10 years ago, and Gwyneth consistently references him in interview after interview, and she even made her cookbook all about the lessons that Bruce gave her. Incidentally, I wonder why Gwyneth seems to negate her mother’s influence in her life – Gwyneth rarely says anything about Blythe Danner. Anyway… Gwyneth seems to have given an exclusive interview to The Sun, which is sketchy because The Sun reported yesterday that Gwyneth is trying to start a bitch-fight with Kate Moss. Why the exclusive?

GWYNETH Paltrow says she chats to her late dad’s wedding ring — as it contains his spirit. The star claims she has been in regular contact with Bruce Paltrow since his death from throat cancer.

Gwyneth, 39, added in an emotional interview: “I always hold on to his wedding ring. I ask it questions, I feel like it keeps me safe. I really sense the energy of his soul, I don’t think that evaporates. I feel my dad, I still feel his love, I still speak to him and I still love him.”

TV and film director Bruce died in Rome in 2002 while celebrating his daughter’s 30th birthday.

Gwyneth, who won the best actress Oscar for Shakespeare In Love in 1998, blames his death at 58 on smoking. But she says it had a positive effect by turning her into a fitness freak.

She added: “Half the reason my life is good and has real, true value is that he died. I’d obviously rather have him alive, but he gave me so much in his death.”

Gwyneth now has a strict exercise and yoga regime, avoids carbs and sticks to a diet of grains, fruit and veg that matches her blood type.

When Bruce became ill she tried to get him on healthy food like gluten-free noodles — but he said it tasted like newspaper.

Her Coldplay star hubby Chris Martin dedicated a song to Bruce on his X&Y album in 2005.

In 2006 Gwyneth claimed the couple’s London home was haunted by 19th-century classical musician Adolphus White, who died there.

[From The Sun]

I don’t think it’s weird to speak to your late father’s spirit. Am I alone in that? Eh. I’m not going to bash her for this. She likes to remember him, she likes to reflect, so just let her. I will say that in true Gwyneth fashion, she makes her father’s death all about her. But that’s a given. It’s all about what his death taught HER, what she learned, how devastated she was and is. Once again, where’s Blythe Danner in all of this? Where’s Gwyneth’s brother Jake? Is that a question only a peasant would ask?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Gwyneth Paltrow and her square butt are pissed off, y’all. In case you hadn’t heard, Gwyneth is the next Martha Stewart and has taken great care to develop her own Goopy lifestyle company, which is perfectly complimented by Goop’s self-aggrandizing cookbook, My Father’s Daughter, a compliation of 150 fancy-pants recipes. Now Goop is outraged that the New York Times has not only penned an article about cookbook ghostwriters but has included Goop’s book amongst those that are guilty of the practice. How peasanty! Goop has tweeted her displeasure:

On prior occasions, Gwyneth has admitted to having help while putting together her cookbook in the form of Julia Turshen, but Goop has tried to minimize Turshen’s contribution by describing her as a “kitchen assistant.” Still, I can see why Goop might be freaking out because, in her eyes, this makes the Goop brand look bad — mostly because Goop is so tight with Mario Batali, and the New York Times has revealed Turshen as a former ghostwriter of Batali. Here’s the relevant part of the article that has irked the Goop:

Because cookbook ghostwriting brings low pay, nonexistent royalties (most writers are paid a flat fee, or a percentage of the advance doled out by the publisher) and only a few perks, most ghosts don’t last long. When a ghosted book is successful, watching someone else get credit for your work is demoralizing. And when books do not sell, which is usually the case, it is tiresome to play and then repeat the roles required: muse, publicist and interpreter.

But it can also be a gateway to better things. Julia Turshen, who is writing a second cookbook with Gwyneth Paltrow after their collaboration on My Father’s Daughter, began as the ghostwriter for the ghostwriter on a book by Mario Batali, tagging along with a notebook as the chef filmed a culinary romp through Spain.

“The guy I was reporting for ended up off the project, and that’s how I got started,” she said. Ms. Turshen, like many younger ghosts, is generally thrilled to be paid for the combination of writing and cooking.

Oddly, one of the best qualifications for the job is ignorance: the tricky steps and specialized skills that a chef will teach the ghostwriter as they work together are the same ones the writer will have to teach to a home cook in the text of the book. The best ghosts are the ones who anticipate the reader’s questions.

“It actually helps to be an idiot,” Ms. Turshen said. “A hungry one.”

[From New York Times]

Okay, I’ll bite on this one. It is almost certain that Goop wrote every bit of her own prose during the interludes before and in between recipes. Kaiser points out that there’s no one else on earth who would write that an outdoor wood-burning pizza over was “one of the best investments I’ve ever made” besides the Goop herself. This is not to mention other Goop-penned gems such as “One year I was given a birthday present I’ll never forget — a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver,” “I grew up going to the island of Nantucket (off the coast of Massachusetts) at the end of every summer,” “I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun… except hot dogs (sorry, Dad),” and “When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” Stuff like that is the bread and butter of Goopy condescension, and it’s all Gwyneth. So Goop wins on that point, but technically speaking, did she “write” the entire cookbook (which is mostly recipes) on her own? No way. Goop did not author those 150 recipes all by her lonesome. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that Goop had help concocting most of those recipes that weren’t already written by her father.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

Gwyneth Paltrow has been hired as the new face of Swedish fashion label Lindex for their Spring 2012 campaign titled “Modern Preppy.” Goop replaces Reese Witherspoon, who fronted the Autumn 2011 campaign that was presented as a highly affordable fashion line. Reese’s relatively down-to-earth vibe seemed to be a pretty good fit for Lindex, but fashion lines can be fickle and probably just wanted to move onto the next face. The real question is this — why has Goop signed onto promote a clothing line that presents itself as accessible to the unwashed (or even worse, uncleansed) masses?

Perhaps Gwyneth has fallen prey to the same erroneous train of thought — “those peasants will never find out” — that she fell prey to while shilling frozen, processed food for an Austrian grocery store. After all, Lindex is even more down-market than Goop’s Coach campaign, but Lindex is headquartered in Sweden, which is so far away from uncultured America, right? The strange thing though is that I feel like I’ve already seen Gwyneth in a few of these outfits, albeit much pricier versions. Like this one:

Goop has also starred in a little behind-the-scenes featurette to promote the new line. In addition to the visual delight of Goop working a series of pretentious poses, the video also treats us to her grating voice. She actually says, “Sexy cool or easy chic? What am I? I’m both.”

When Lindex presents its new collection in the big spring campaign, its model will be the talented actor and fashion icon, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Lindex’s big spring campaign will feature a Modern Preppy look. The campaign was inspired by the sporty, relaxed lifestyle that is characteristic of USA’s East Coast gems, such as Long Island and the Hamptons, yet with a certain Scandinavian touch. The combination results in a fresh, new feeling.

“It’s simply great that Gwyneth Paltrow will be modelling the new collection. She is a fashion icon, synonymous with the Modern Preppy concept, which makes her perfect for this role. She also personifies the Lindex brand in an exceptional way because she is such a positive, warm and energetic person. We are overjoyed,” says Johan Hallin, Director Concept & Marketing at Lindex.

When Gwyneth isn’t wearing elegant gowns on the red carpet, her style preference is stripes and “casual chic”. The decision to use her as Lindex’s model was an easy one, since she is practically synonymous with the Modern Preppy look.

“I really love the clothes! I would never represent a brand that I wouldn’t wear myself. I love the top and shorts that I was photographed wearing, as well as the chinos and blazer. These are the kinds of clothes that I wear everyday. I also love stripes and I wear striped clothing practically all the time,” says Gwyneth Paltrow about the collection.

[From Lindex]

Okay, I will concede that Goop looks somewhat at home in these clothes, but there is no way in hell that she would have ever spontaneously recommended this line in her weekly newsletter unless it cost more than most families’ monthly gross income — because she inherently believes that a $400 t-shirt feels so much softer against the skin than a commonly affordable one. Still, a couple of these outfits don’t look bad, and Goop did okay here even if she’s wearing cheap (to her) clothing.

Photos courtesy of Lindex

Here are some photos of Gwyneth Paltrow two nights ago in Paris, for the Louis Vuitton/Marc Jacobs event. Goop wore pre-Fall 2012 LV. She should really rethink those pants. And she should rethink her insistence on such dated hair styling, but that’s always a problem. I covered other photos from the event here – Kristen Stewart, Sparkles and Sarah Jessica Parker were also at the event. But I’m sure they all paid homage to Dame Goop, of course. Gwyneth is always at the top of the pyramid.

Did you guys get a chance to read the Goop newsletter this week? I’ll admit, I’ve stopped reading Goop for the most part. When Gwyneth “went on holiday” and didn’t update the newsletter for a month, I stopped paying attention. This week’s newsletter is particularly hilarious because it’s full of Goopy Chicken Soup For the Elitist Soul – it’s all self-helpy and “love yourself” and “take responsibility for you!” Here’s Gwyneth’s intro:

Close relationships of any kind require a certain level of awareness that I have only recently come to understand. I have never been much of a self-help person, but when Conscious Loving was recommended to me by basically the wisest person I have ever met, it had a huge impact on my life. The fact that we create and are responsible for the difficulties in our relationships was difficult to digest at first, but as I read on, I realized that Gay and Kate Hendricks’ approach was not only groundbreaking, but was changing the way I related to the people I love and also, myself.

Love,
GP

[Via Goop]

“I have never been much of a self-help person” = because she thinks she’s perfect. Because she has no room for improvement. Her job is to improve the peasants. Gwyneth then asks Gay and Kate (Dr. Gay and Dr. Kate) some pointed questions, and they answer – the whole thing seems like it was just cut-and-pasted from a long email. I guess it’s noteworthy that Gwyneth asked Gay and Kate “How can a couple recover from infidelity?” Their response was basically: feel whatever you’re feeling, take part of the responsibility for your partner cheating on you, don’t play the victim, talk about it and listen to each other, and “create a new relationship based on what they really want.” It’s interesting if you believe that Chris Martin was screwing around on Goop with Kate Bosworth and God knows who else.

But my absolute FAVORITE part is when Gwyneth asks, no joke, “Why is learning to love yourself important to making a relationship with another person work? How do we even begin to learn how to do that? Is there a short exercise you could provide?” OMG. Gwyneth wants a “short exercise” on loving herself. But of course, it’s not for her. She already adores herself. She can’t even understand the peasant-y mindset of NOT thinking that you are the best, most amazing person ever. Perchance the peasantry would benefit from a short exercise?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Sometimes it’s just too easy to hate on Gwyneth because she’s so bloody unaware of the reality of the world outside of her own well-financed little bubble. She’s constantly doing pretentious stuff like selling her own $400 Goop-branded colon cleanses and exposing her own hypocrisy by shilling frozen processed food when she thinks the peasants aren’t watching. However, Goop wants us all to know that she knows we make fun of her, and she has alluded to as much during a guest spot on this morning’s episode of ABC’s “The Chew,” which is co-hosted by her dear friend Mario Batali. During her visit, the hosts asked her several quick questions during the Celebrity Egg Timer portion of the show. Her answers were less than illuminating.

During the sixty seconds (of hell), Goop sort of makes fun of Goop, and she admits once again to not being able to do her own makeup. Surprisingly, Goop did not find a way to namedrop Beyonce during these sixty seconds, although she did work in an obsequious reference to Batali himself. The video clip isn’t cooperating too well with an embed, but you can watch it here, and here are some excerpts.

The best dish that Chris ever cooked: “Ummm, nothing.”

The funniest person she knows: “My dad. He’s dead. Does that still count?”

When she feels the sexiest: “When Mario Batali is cooking.”

When she had her last hangover: “After the Oscars.”

What her blog would be called if it wasn’t Goop: “SpoiledWhiteRichGirl.com”

What she had for breakfast: “Coffee.”

Her essential makeup item: “Makeup? Um, I would say maybe blush? I don’t know, I’m not so good at makeup.”

[From Popwatch]

So has Gwyneth earned any points of goodwill by making fun of herself with the “SpoiledWhiteRichGirl.com” quip? Some people might think so, but to me, it feels like Goop is just passive-aggressively hitting out at those who’ve pointed out the ridiculousness of her website, which is essentially a compilation of weekly newsletters urging the peasants to buy $50 blank notebooks, $75 cake knives, and $1850 watches. This is not to mention her outrageous spring wardrobe recommendations — last year’s cost $18,000, and this year’s costs in excess of $20,000. Sure Goop gets that we all think she’s a pretentious, snobby brat, but she still thinks that we’re all wrong. In Gwyneth’s mind, she’s white and rich but definitely not spoiled. After all, it’s not her problem that she refuses to relate to anyone who makes a mere $25,000 per year. It’s our problem, right?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

Lea Michele covers the March issue of Prestige Hong Kong, with a glam photoshoot. I usually don’t really mind Lea that much because I’m not a “Glee” watcher, so she seems pretty inconsequential and much like the latest primetime television flavor of the month. However, this interview just reads like she’s bullsh*tting us. For one, Lea insists that she and the rest of the “Glee” cast are a big, happy family. I can sort of buy that she tolerates the rest of the cast and thinks that they tolerate her back, but I doubt they’re as tight as she claims. At the very least, Lea is disliked by the wardrobe, hair, and makeup departments of the show; yet she seems oblivious, which is probably a good thing.

Here’s another telling tidbit — Lea actually namedrops Gwyneth Paltrow here, which is strange because (as far as I know) the only other celebrity to namedrop Goop is one Courtney Love. Someone needs to tell Lea that Goop does the namedropping, not the other way around. It’s a law of the universe or something. Anyway, here are some Prestige excerpts:

The “Glee” cast is tight? “We have sort of bonded together in a way, like what we’ve been through no one else can really understand. We have this incredible connection as a cast. We’re sort of inseparable. If we didn’t get along the way we did, I think you’d be able to see it in these episodes. The fact that we are such a family, I think that transcends, and I do think that is one of the reasons why the show is as successful as it is. [P]eople can try to make up as much drama as they like, but the truth is that we really are the happiest family.”

On guest stars: “Everyone is so fantastic. We have such great people who come on. I mean, it’s like everyone that they pick is so fantastic. I had such a great time with Gwyneth [Paltrow], though. She’s such an awesome person. I can’t believe the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to work and sing with Gwyneth Paltrow. She is definitely up there as one of my favourites.”

On kissing Ashton in New Year’s Eve: “That was actually the first scene we did. It was day one of shooting. The first thing I did was that scene. We didn’t do it too many times. Garry Marshall is a very fast director, so maybe we just did it a handful of times. I come from Broadway [laughs]. I’ve done a lot of things. That’s child’s play compared to some of the stuff that I’ve done.”

On making Maxim’s “Hot 100″ list: “Actually, I didn’t know that I was until you just told me. That’s awesome! That’s really cool. I’m a role model to a lot of young girls who watch Glee and it’s important for me to remember that in my daily life and in the roles that I choose right now. For things like that, I think that it’s an honour. I still sort of don’t see myself in that way. But why not? I think it’s really cool that people see me as being that kind of sexy person. I see it as just sort of a side of me.”

She not wild, just one of those homebodies: “Well, I do have 14 tattoos. But I also do come home every single night and watch reality TV with my cat. I’d say for the most part I’m a very outgoing person. I have a lot of energy. I love being around people. But I’m not wild in the sense of ‘going out’ wild. I’m much more homebody. I’m much more being in intimate places with people. I definitely say I am an outgoing person. I’m an energetic, spontaneous person. But the wild stuff…if it’s there, it’s private.”

She’s not dating anyone: “I was in a relationship for a very long time [with Theo Stockman] and I’m newly single now for the past couple of months and just enjoying taking care of myself and working right now at this point in my life.”

On her career goals: “Well, for the past five to 10 years I’ve had the opportunity to do a little bit of everything. I was on Broadway. I did an arena tour this summer. I did a movie. I did an animated movie. I’m on a television show. I’ve gotten to work for some of my favourite charities and do things that I feel like I’m making my mark in the world and for the planet. I have had a number-one song on the iTunes charts, sold thousands of records from the show. And my dream would be to continue to be able, as an actor, to do all those things.”

[From Prestige Hong Kong]

Do I actually believe that Lea wasn’t aware that she’d made the Maxim “100 List” (at #28, no less)? Not for a moment. Her denial of dating anyone is rather sketchy as well. This interview was conducted on Grammy’s eve, and Lea reportedly spent Valentine’s Day with Corey Monteith. Not that it really matters if she’s evading dating questions, but it is rather amusing that Lea is cutting down her kissing scene with Ashton Kutcher when her red carpet behavior made it seem like she really wanted a shot with Sir Douche. My guess is that he gave her the “just friends” speech, and her “child’s play” comment is a bit of retaliation, but I could be wrong.

As for this photoshoot, Lea looks good but in a very costumey way. It’s really hard for me to find her pretty when her attitude seems so rotten.

Photos courtesy of Prestige Hong Kong

Yes, we’re still doing some backup coverage from the Oscars. So let’s keep talking about one of the most talked-about looks from the Oscars, Gwyneth Paltrow and goopy superhero cape, all by Tom Ford. Now that I’m some-odd 40 hours removed from Super-Goop’s cape, I do have to admit… it was a smart look, style-wise. If she had just gone with the Tom Ford gown, it would have been too plain, too bridal. With the cape, she really snazzed it up, though. Too bad she took off the cape for her presenting duties, and for the after-parties. I would have enjoyed it more if she rocked the cape all night.

In other Goop news, while Gwyneth was at the Governor’s Ball (just after the Oscars), she was asked about her BFF Beyonce and little Blue Ivy. Gwyneth deigned to speak about BIC!

She’s only seven-weeks-old, but Blue Ivy Carter is destined to become a star like her parents Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z.

“She is going to be an entertainer,” Gwyneth Paltrow, 39, explained to Hollywood Life at the Governor’s Ball Sunday. “She just has this glow around her like her mother.”

Paltrow has been close pals with the hip-hop power couple for more than a decade. “Beyonce is doing great,” Paltrow said of the first-time mom, who welcomed Blue Ivy in New York City on January 7. “She’s just a natural at being a mom.”

As for Blue Ivy? “She’s stunning,” Paltrow gushed. “She has the most beautiful eyes.”

Though Paltrow wowed at Sunday’s 84th Annual Academy Awards in L.A. wearing a Tom Ford design, Knowles, 30, and Jay-Z, 42, were on the opposite coast dining in New York City’s West Village Saturday afternoon.

[From Us Weekly]

I hate it when people talk about how a baby is going to be a “star”. I know it’s just filler chatter and it doesn’t mean anything, but I feel like it’s wrong to put that on a damn baby, you know? What if Blue Ivy wants to be a teacher?

Oh, and I know CB will enjoy this – I found this interview with Gwyneth’s makeup artist for the Oscars, who is kind of delusional about how Gwyneth’s makeup situation looks so, so rough.

Gwyneth Paltrow sported an “elegantly bronzed” look on the Oscars red carpet, says her make-up artist. The actress dazzled at the 84th Annual Academy Awards in a chic caped Tom Ford gown and minimal accessories. Gwyneth worked with beauty professional Leslie Lopez to achieve her stunning make-up.

Leslie explained she wanted to create a look that “complemented the dress and was still sophisticated enough for the red carpet,” describing it as “elegantly bronzed”.

According to website Beauty High, the make-up artist started with NARS Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturiser in order to give Gwyneth a “dewy base”. She then created a radiant glow with Super Orgasm Illuminator on the “apples of her cheeks”.

For the eyes, Leslie applied Alhambra Duo Eyeshadow on the eyelid for a “pop of gold colour”. She then added Maybelline’s brown liquid eyeliner in the lash line. She finished the overall look with NARS Larger Than Life Volumizing Mascara and used a slick of gloss on Gwyneth’s pout.

Meanwhile, hairstylist Adir Abergel created a “sleek and modern interpretation of the low-nape ponytail.” He prepped Gwyneth’s hair with Fekkai Coiff Ironless Straightening Balm from the roots to ends of her damp hair. He then created a deep side parting using a comb and blow dried the hair without a brush, making sure to “keep the part and desired shape to the hair.”

Adir then flat ironed the hair until it was “completely smooth” and pulled the hair back into a low ponytail. The hair professional chose to allow the elastic hairbands to show as he wanted to give Gwyneth’s tresses a bit of “raw edge”.

[Via The Telegraph]

The rubber band in her hair just killed me – that was worse than the too-orange makeup (which was caked on, as you could see when she was on stage). There’s nothing “raw edge” about wearing a rubber band in your hair at THE OSCARS. Especially with that sleek Tom Ford look – the rubber band was just tacky. Peasant-y, if you will.

Oh – people claim that Chris Martin came out to party with Goop after the Oscars. I haven’t seen one photo of him, though.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I cannot stress this enough: Gwyneth Paltrow came to the Oscars wearing a CAPE. “Goop” isn’t just her nickname and her specially-made newsletter for peasants – it’s also her superhero name. Dame Goop, with a cape! So here is Gwyneth in Tom Ford – this is from the same line of beautifully-made cream-white designs that Lindsay Lohan has been wearing, y’all. Gwyneth wasn’t nominated – she was only there to present (with Robert Downey Jr.) and to party. She didn’t change clothes for the Vanity Fair party, she merely lost the cape. Also – she went on stage to present without the cape too. And I really disliked her bit with RDJ – it was cheesy. I get that they’re friends, but their “banter” needed more work.

As for the wisdom of wearing an actual cape… I don’t know. My first reaction upon seeing her on the red carpet was that Goop looked like a vestal virgin, a high priestess of some sort. I ended up liking the structure of the “cape” – it seemed more like a smartly-draped coat, really. As for the dress – it was kind of meh. On Goop. The dress would have made a smart, minimalist wedding gown, truly.

My biggest complaints about Goop were her hair and makeup. I’m trying to get a shot of the back of her hair, just so you can see the effect of that low ponytail – it really looks like she just pulled it back with a rubber band. Trashy!!! And while I’m happy that Goop finally got her roots done, she needs to lowlights or something so she won’t look so washed out. And CB noted – “She still doesn’t know how to do her makeup!” Her makeup really did look like hell last night – and Gwyneth PAYS people to do her makeup.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Here are more photos from the Women In Film event held last night in LA – CB already covered the women of The Help here, featuring a gorgeously natural and wigless Viola Davis. These photos are just some of the random ladies who wanted to see and be seen during Oscar weekend. Let’s start with Dame Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow. Goop was actually the hostess of the event… of course. She wouldn’t deign to come to such a downmarket (!!) event unless she was the “hostess”. “Hostess” meaning “Goop acted superior to every peasant in the room.” PopSugar identified Goop’s jumpsuit as “Boy. By Band of Outsiders”. Sure. It just looks like an ill-fitting jumpsuit to me. I don’t think Goop has the figure for deep-V-necks, but she thinks she does. Also: what’s with the pleating at the waist/hips? Is she a Kardashian? Because that’s the style Ol’ Kat-face does all the time. Last thing: STOP STRAIGHT-IRONING YOUR HAIR. For the love of God. It’s not 1998 anymore.

Goop’s mom was at the event too. Blythe Danner (aka Mother Goop) looks awesome. She’s 69, and I believe that’s her natural face too.

Oh, hello, Demian Bichir. You look nice. Good luck, sweetheart.

I don’t hate Jennifer Morrison’s halter jumpsuit, I just don’t think it’s flattering on her figure – she’s got a GREAT body, but you wouldn’t know it here.

Here’s Selena Gomez in Ani Lee. I mean… it’s cute? It’s too low-cut for her, I think. The dress should either girly or sexy, and not try to convince me of both simultaneously.

I kind of love that Shailene Woodly wore this outfit to a big Hollywood event. One, those pants are AWESOME. Two, she looks her age – she’s 20. Three, she’s covered up. Four, she doesn’t have a face full of makeup. Five, seriously, look at those pants. I wish more young women understood the greatness of an awesome pair of pants.

Photos courtesy of WENN.