Last night was the annual UNICEF Snowflake Ball, and it got a pretty good turnout. Let’s start with who I consider the best-dressed of the evening, my lovely Uma Thurman. Uma wore this lovely green dress that makes her boobs look AMAZING. Her whole body looks great, honestly. The dress has a built-in corseted waist, Uma’s legs go on forever, and the sheer part of the top is flattering and surprisingly classy. Uma’s face looks slightly Botoxy, but I’m willing to forgive that. Bitch is 41 years old, and she looks great.

Next up: My vote for worst-dressed, Zoe Kravitz. It’s not even that I hate her Chanel dress. It’s the BANGS. Dear God, girl. I know it must suck to be without the Fassdong, but Fassbender-withdrawal is no reason for chopping off your hair and giving yourself these itty-bitty TRAUMAS. I’d also like to tweeze a few of those wayward eyebrow hairs, but I’m sure that’s just me.

Here’s Angie Harmon in Jean Fares Couture. She looks beautiful.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Louis Vuitton. I think the dress is cute enough – but that’s a problem, isn’t it? It would have been adorable on Zoe Kravitz. On SJP, it looks like an almost-50-year-old clinging to youth and girlishness. Plus, her hair is a wreck. My hair looks like this when I pull it back to wash my face at night.

I actually think Kevin Jonas and his wife look super-cute here. She looks especially nice.

And let’s end it on Adrien Brody. I just don’t know, this guy just seems like he reeks of Eau d’Ouchebag.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Here are even more photos from the LACMA event honoring Clint Eastwood. For some reason, Uma Thurman left NYC to come out to LA to do this event. Look… I like Uma, I really do. I think she’s cool and pretty and well-adjusted for a movie star. But Uma has been bugging me lately because I feel like she goes to opening of an envelope these days. Like, she says “yes” to every invitation. Not only that, but she’s started really overdressing for events too. Like, most women at this event were in cocktail dresses, but there were a few simple gowns. Uma went all out in a giant silk skirt WITH A BUSTLE and a fug blouse. It’s overkill for the event, I think. Plus, the outfit is just kind of ugly together. The old Uma, Uma Circa 1998, would have paired a giant bustle-skirt with a cropped, sequined McQueen bustier, and it would have been daring and interesting. This just feels old and Victorian, like she’s in costume.

Speaking of overdressing, Olivia Wilde is really trying to make it happen. This Gucci dress is gorge, don’t get me wrong, and it’s maybe my favorite thing ever on Olivia. But to this event? Once again, it’s overkill. This is the kind of dress she should wear to the Golden Globes, not to an event for a director you’ve never worked with. She does look beautiful, though, so she gets more points than Uma. Incidentally, did Olivia get new boobs? She was flat as a pancake before.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This year’s Paris Fashion Week seems like it’s under-attended. Maybe that’s my American bias speaking – usually, there are lots of American “fashion girls” who end up doing the rounds all week, but there has only been a handful of Americans this year. Maybe it’s because Linnocent is haunting the City of Lights like the Crackhead of Notre Dame. Maybe it’s because French designers just invited more European celebrities this year. I don’t know.

Anyway, these are some photos of a few of the Americans fashion girls who did make it to Paris. There’s Jessica Biel making her way into the Valentino show, and Uma Thurman going into the Chanel show. Biel was out and about in Paris yesterday, wearing Giambattista Valli and looking puffy and slightly pregnant. So Biel must be relieved to be wearing this figure-hugging dress, showing off her distinct lack of baby bump. Sidenote: I really, really hate Biel’s shoes. As for Uma… she always looks pregnant to me these days, but beyond that, she looks gorgeous in Chanel. If you’d like to see a slideshow of Chanel’s show, go here.

So, which one of these girls worked Paris Fashion Week harder? Uma looks gorgeous, and she got to sit front-row at Chanel, the must-have position for any “fashion girl” worth her salt. But Jessica Biel achieved something too – she’s still got a career, she’s still considered a fashion girl, and she still gets invited to these events, all with little to no talent as a clothes hanger or as an actress. I don’t know who to choose!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

I haven’t written anything about Uma Thurman since her giant fashion show at the Cannes Film Festival in May. I swear, she was two seconds away from letting Jude Law get her pregnant. Ha! Like any woman can “allow” Jude to knock her up. It just happens! He looks at you and BAM – you’re pregnant. Anyway, these are new photos of Uma at the Calvin Klein show during NYFW yesterday. I’m assuming the dress is Calvin Klein, but I don’t know about the jacket.

Now, as I’ve been mistaken many times before, I don’t know what to say about the phantom bump I’m seeing on Uma’s mid-section in these photos. In some pics, I swear she looks knocked up. In others, you can see that the dress just isn’t flattering, I think? Anyway, since I’ve made the Bump Watch mistake on Uma before, I’m not calling it this time. I don’t think she’s pregnant. I think it’s just a weird dress and the fact that Uma eats real food. And beyond the weird bunching at the waist, how ugly are the shoulders on this dress?

By the way, if you want to see some really terrible/awesome photos of Uma, go here to INF Daily. Uma even has a pack of cigarettes tucked into her bra. CLASSY.

Last thing – Uma’s ex-husband Ethan Hawke has an interview in the new issue of Details. It’s a great piece all-around, and I might write about it later. Go here to read it for now – but there’s one part I wanted to excerpt:

DETAILS: You and Uma Thurman divorced in 2004. Were there benefits to marrying another actor?
Ethan Hawke: The upside is that they relate to all your problems. The downside is both partners can put their professional ambition at the forefront. For two people who are used to getting what they want, to being idolized by the opposite sex, you can’t expect them to naturally figure out how to be in this enlightened state and create a home. Uma and I were, like, 26 when we met. We were both, like, little stars of our world. I think we did a damn fine job of trying to love each other and raise our two kids.

[From Details]

That’s an interesting take on their marriage, considering it was widely rumored that HE was screwing around with various women. They were both too full of themselves to make the marriage work! I eagerly await 400+ comments about how rude and disrespectful Ethan is being to Uma.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame.

Poor Robert Pattinson. Out of the three Twilight Saga leads, I think that he will have the most difficult time breaking away from the franchise as a bona fide actor, and he seems to believe the same. As such, the Sparkler has largely spent his hiatus time appearing in roles that are quite unlike the brooding, obsessively romantic Edward Cullen. I quite liked him in both Remember Me (as a bit of a rebel) and Water for Elephants (as the veterinarian who woos Reese Witherspoon), but it’s fairly obvious that he’ll never be described as a great actor, and there’s a decent chance that he’ll never be known as a good actor either. Of course, the bloke has a fair amount of charisma upon which to coast, so he’ll probably never be hurting for either roles or money. Emphasis on the latter.

Now, the teaser trailer for his upcoming Bel Ami movie (not to be confused with the European gay porn film company of the same name) has surfaced; and as much as I hate to admit this, Pattinson’s performance here looks moderately laughable:

Bel Ami is an adaptation of the 1885 novel by French author Guy de Maupassant. For the curious, the book is a pretty quick and easy read that doesn’t carry nearly the stuffiness as many other classic novels. In the movie, Pattinson plays the main character, Georges Duroy, who starts out as a poor ex-soldier but soon becomes a successful journalist and goes on to gain lots of power in society. Of course, it’s not really Georges’ power of the pen that causes his rapid ascent but, instead, his manner of seducing the wealthiest women (played by Uma Thurman, Christina Ricci, and Kristin Scott Thomas) in town. This is Pattinson’s big chance to play a bad guy, and while the social climber aspect of the character seems fairly believable as portrayed by Pattinson, I pretty much lost it when he started yelling and gnawing upon his own fist. Still, this is only a trailer so — who knows — maybe he’ll surprise us when Bel Ami finally hits theaters this fall. Then again, maybe not.

Photos courtesy of AllMoviePhoto

Uma Thurman rocked a fuchsia tube dress at the Stephan Weiss Apple Awards in New York last night. I wrested this story away from Kaiser, as we both wanted to talk about how radiant and lovely Uma looks in that color and in that loose fitting dress. This is a look that Angelina Jolie should adopt (ha!) as it’s her style, but more flattering and elegant than the sacks that she normally wears. (Remember those black tube dresses Angelina was wearing all the time when she was in France for the summer two years ago? She would love this dress.)

All that said, though, Uma is tweaking her face. She looks a little “off,” and you can tell that she’s plumped her lips and is using filler and/or Botox to smooth away her lines. Maybe it’s partially the effect of her eyeliner, but her face looks different to me. Her eyes are higher and tighter looking. She’s still a strikingly beautiful woman, but she’s definitely changed. Compare how she looks now (the photos of her with her hair down) to this photo of her with her hair up, taken on May 19 of this year. Look at how gorgeous she used to be.

She is 41 years old, and I get the urge to tweak and freshen, but she messed with perfection, she really did, and ended up with wonk eye and a puffy mouth where her gorgeous lips used to be. She’s still lovely, she’s not unattractive, but she’s different, you can tell, and it’s not for the better. I’m 38, I’ll be honest, and I have really considered getting a little work done, either injectables or otherwise. After seeing these photos I’m decided, though. It’s going to be at least another decade before I consider it again. (Hell I won’t rule it out though.)

As you know already, Uma Thurman is on the Cannes Film Festival jury this year. Uma has been using the festival to outshine almost every celebrity lady – Uma’s fashion has been nearly impeccable. My favorite thus far has been the white Versace, which looked AMAZING on Uma. This Chanel gown, however, might be my least favorite from the festival. I know why it’s a good dress technically, but it looks meh-to-unflattering on Uma. In the profile photos, you can tell that Uma is carrying some weight in her midsection – the Chanel emphasizes it! Tragic. Beyond the fashion, though, Uma’s hair, makeup and jewelry have been consistently fantastic. She really prepared some big-impact looks for the festival. Good for her.

By the way, I’m starting to wonder if Uma has a little something going with her jury member Jude Law. They’ve been posing together on the red carpet – not unusual, per se, but it’s interesting. Even more fascinating is that they seem to be doing some after-hours partying together too. They were both at a Chopard event last night, and while Uma posed with lots of people, this one photo caught my eye:

They both look slightly toasty, a little extra friendly. Is it okay if I want this happen? Uma and Jude would be stunning together. She’s so tall and Nordic-goddess, he’s so dapper and British and kind of skeezy. He usually only dates petite women, but maybe he’ll give a long-legged lass a good go-around. And Uma has a type too – let’s just say that the woman who married Ethan Hawke would find herself at home with Jude’s skeeze. PLEASE GOD LET THIS HAPPEN. (PS… remember Gattaca?)

By the way, I liked her black gown at the Chopard event so much more than the Chanel.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

All of the opening ceremonies and stuff were held last night at the Cannes Film Festival, and of course, all of the jurors came out for the first film in competition, Midnight In Paris. Now that I’ve looked through the photos, I have to say that Uma Thurman stole the show. She had some competition (I’ll get to that), but Uma is BRINGING IT. I think Uma – who has always loved fashion – must be looking to boost her profile a bit with the fashion show that is Cannes, and she decided to go all out as a member of the jury. So for this premiere, she wore this AMAZING white Versace. It has feathers. And it makes her knockers look terrific. I wish more women with curves (or even without curves) would realize this universal truth: Versace makes your body look awesome. Maybe you won’t look classy, maybe you’ll look kind of trashy or tacky, but your body will look awesome. Also: I love the pop of the green earrings.

Uma’s biggest competition, style-wise, was Salma Hayek, who walked the red carpet for some reason…? Who cares why, I suppose. She’s Salma, her knockers are awesome, and she can go anywhere she wants. The dress is Gucci. It’s deceptively simple in design, but I bet you Georgina Chapman at Marchesa would have found a way to screw it up. Not Gucci, though. I really like this look on Salma, but I still think Uma wins.

By the way, does anybody feel like getting pregnant?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

At the Cannes jury photocall, Uma Thurman showed up in a rather stunning, figure-flattering white Dolce & Gabbana dress with which I was initially quite taken, but then I noticed the eyelet detailing. Actually, the sleeve details are pretty okay and not a deal breaker, but then there’s the awful matter of the flowery eyelet pattern in the boob area, which looks very out of place and sort of kills the entire dress up close.

Still and as a former model, Uma knows how to work a less than perfect outfit, and the dress really flatters her from a few feet away.

Other jurors in attendance included Jude Law and Robert DeNiro. Kaiser, CB, and I are sort of wondering how long Jude will take to get someone pregnant in the coat room at one of Canne’s many notorious parties.

Also, the everchanging hair line of Jude must certainly ebb and flow whenever he’s getting some action. Is it possible to remove one’s hair plugs?

At present, Jude’s hair would indicate that he hasn’t gotten laid yet since landing at the airport. However, there are still several days of the festival left to endure, and Jude won’t be alone for long.

Photos courtesy of Lia Toby/WENN

These are photos of Uma Thurman at the premiere of Ceremony last night in LA. I’ll give Uma some credit – she’s aging naturally. She’s not Botoxed and plucked and sucked and pulled and stapled. She has laugh lines and her face moves, thank God. Uma is a rarity, and I love that she’s a 40-year-old woman who doesn’t look desperate and terrified of aging. Kudos!

As for the dress… well, I like it. But I have a weakness for metallics, and I love gold on a blonde. I don’t know who designed the dress (neither does Stylist), but if you made me guess, I would say Prada. Feel free to correct me. I like a good shirtdress, I like the length and I even like the faux-double-breasted detailing with the buttons. The only things I out-right hate are the shoulder pads – she doesn’t need them, and they make the dress look dated.

Also: love the rings. I want that circular ring!

Photos courtesy of WENN.