Frantic – absolutely frantic – rumors have been floating around the interweb for the last couple weeks that Posh and Becks aren’t happy in America – specifically Los Angeles – and planned on relocating asap. Absolute panic ensued. At least for the paparazzi and Us Weekly. Okay, and maybe a few bloggers. Thank God OK! Magazine is here to help. They had an important heart-to-heart with David Beckham (and by that I mean they checked out his webpage) who assured them the family loves L.A. and would never consider moving. You feel that? Yeah, that’s your pulse slowing down as you stop panicking. Happened to me too.

Rumors having been floating around lately that David and Victoria Beckham are miserable living in L.A.. Just this morning a story in the British press said that Posh and Becks’s dream of making it in the US is “in tatters” and that they have been bickering about how to escape.

Well, the gossips must know something that David doesn’t, because today he said that, far from being homesick, the Beckhams feel “settled” in the States and “can’t imagine” being anywhere else! …It seems like only a few weeks ago I arrived in Los Angeles with my family ready for the next chapter in our lives,” he wrote on his website this morning…. A year later and we feel so settled here, everyone loves California and everyone has made us feel so welcome.

“I can’t imagine being anywhere else in the world right now.”

[From OK! Magazine]

That was easily the closest I’ve ever come to getting sick to my stomach from celebrity-induced relocation panic. What in the world would happen if the Beckhams moved back to London? It’s practically the same thing as dropping off the face of the earth! So now that we’re all calm and cool, here are some pictures of David looking pretty.

Here’s David with son Brooklyn leaving Madeo restaurant in L.A. on Tuesday. Header of David and Victoria Beckham leaving Il Sole on Monday night. Images thanks to WENN.

“Ordinary” is one of those words that annoys people and is totally subjective. Along with “normal” and “regular” and “average.” You know what I think of when I imagine a woman who is “ordinary”? 5’5, 150 lbs, brunette, C boobs. What I do NOT think of is 5’8 (5’4 without the heels), 94 lbs, streaky brunette, DD bolt-on boobs, with occasional trout pout. But apparently that’s what strikes Victoria Beckham as ordinary, because that’s exactly how she’s described herself.

She’s married to one of the hottest men in the world, but when Victoria Beckham thinks about her own looks, she refers to them as simply “ordinary.”

“As you can see, I’m a normal-looking girl, and I just make the best of what I have,” Posh told Allure magazine’s August issue. “I’m not out-of-the-ordinary-looking at all – I’m incredibly ordinary.”

In fact, the former Spice Girl, who claims she has hung up her microphone, said it takes her just an hour-and-a-half – dressing, hair and make up included, to get ready for an event. And as for her fabulous looks – she pieces them together on her own.

“I don’t have a stylist,” Posh revealed. “I deal with that side of things myself. If I need accessories, I’ll go get them myself.”

[From Access Hollywood]

Well it’s great that you’re so down-to-earth and everything, but what the hell? I can’t tell if Posh is trying to be humble or if she really thinks she’s ordinary. And it’s hard to tell if by ordinary she means “I look like most people,” or if she means to say that she looks plain. Neither of which would be accurate. That comment, in addition to her body issues, makes me wonder if Posh has body dysmorphic disorder. It doesn’t seem like she has a very accurate idea of her appearance. Hopefully she was just trying to come off as modest, and she’s aware that the wardrobe/thinness/boobs aren’t exactly average.

Here’s Victoria shopping with son Cruz at Marc Jacobs and heading for lunch at Pink Taco in Century City mall on May 27th. I wonder if she thinks it’s also “ordinary” to have a Birkin ostrich bag, which runs in the tens of thousands of dollars. I’m so jealous. Images thanks to WENN.

Watch out, Victoria Beckham is going to inflict yet another overpriced clothing line on the public. Or what she would like to call ‘up scale’ dresses:

The singer turned designer revaled to industry bible WWD, during a recent interview about her new scent, Signature for Her, that she is currently working a new collection of sophisticated, high end dresses, that she intends to unveil in September during the international collections.

‘It will be something completely different from what I’ve ever done. I’m just putting it together at the moment, they will be very up scale dresses and likely to start at around $1,200 retail. I’m going to be using very expensive fabrics and finishes, lots of embroideries.’

Elle

Victoria already has a line of jeans that retails for upwards of $250 a pair, which she has been criticized for not promoting. They aren’t selling particularly well, probably because as Celebitchy pointed out, if you’re going to buy a pair of expensive jeans you would get a more recognizable brand.

I think the same would go for Victoria’s new fashion line. If I was going to lay down $1,200 on a dress I’d probably buy something from a real designer. Posh has said in the past that there is a ’stigma’ attached to being her, telling GMTV Britain that while she was a pop star and a footballer’s wife, she loves high fashion. I think this stigma is going to be attached to her clothes also.

While loving fashion may be a prerequisite to being a designer, I would have to say that it doesn’t actually make you qualified to design clothing.

Posh is shown at the CFDA Fashion Awards on 6/2/08. That’s not one of her designs. Thanks to WENN for these photos.

Victoria Beckham stepped out for a photo op with her breakdancing three year-old son, Cruz, yesterday. The mother and son pair were seen at Century City Mall at stopped off at a Pink Taco for lunch. Posh wore towering pink heels and a black wrap dress with circular layers of tulle at the hem. She carried a pink Ostrich Birkin bag worth over $20,000.

Beckham is quoted as maybe-recently saying that she’s not interested in acting and that it’s not true that she’s friends with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because she wants to break into the business. Since this quote is attributed to The Mirror, it’s up to question whether she actually said it, if it is taken out of context from an older quote or even entirely fabricated. You can kind of toss the validity dice with The Mirror.

She tells the Mirror, “I’m happy doing what I’m doing right now. I’m a terrible actress.

Everyone thinks I’m only friends with Tom and Katie to be in a movie but it’s not true. I’ve turned down lots of roles.”

[From SFGate Daily Dish]

That must mean that she’s happy with the vast amount of money and recognition she has and doesn’t want to ruin it by launching a failed acting career. That sounds like a strategy Madonna should have used years ago.

Showbizspy reports that Victoria will auction off all her six Spice Girls tour outfits, custom designed for her tiny frame by Roberto Cavalli, to raise funds for a children’s charity.

Thanks to WENN for these photos. The Sun reports that she was also out with Brooklyn, 9, yesterday, but if that’s true I couldn’t find him in these pictures.

There are many people I suspect have a hard life. People who have lost their homes to fire, parents with children suffering from cancer, but none of them seem to suffer quite as much as Victoria Beckham. As she tells the latest issue of Vogue, it’s tough living in high heels and owning purses worth enough to feed a family for a year:

Victoria also denies crash-dieting to maintain her weight in the Vogue interview.

“I would never put my health at risk,” she told Vogue.

“Obviously working out is important. Well, I don’t.

“I have joined a gym but I can’t bring myself to start.

“What do you wear on the running machine? I can’t bring myself to wear flat shoes.”

She also discusses her pain at the damage her children did to “a lilac crocodile Hermes handbag” her husband bought her for Christmas.

“I put the bag on the table - he got it specially made - and one of the kids knocked a candle and the wax went sploosh, all over it,” the Press Association reported.

“And honestly, I nearly cried.”

Sydney Morning Herald

Yes, life is hard for the former Posh Spice. It must suck to have your ultra-rare insanely expensive handbag get wax on it. Not like the rest of us, when our kids spill wax on our $39.99 bag from Target we still have to wipe it off and carry it around.

Victoria must have been having a sad day, we all have them, and couldn’t think of anything obvious to whinge about. There are things in Victoria’s life I think would be hard. Her husband travels a great deal of the year and missed her son’s birthday party. Or that she’s living in a country away from her family. Or any other number of things that we might be able to relate to, but spilling some wax on an ultra expensive hangbag is not something I can relate to. She should just be happy her kid didn’t set the house on fire – children and candles do not mix.

I can relate to the fact that she doesn’t want to go to the gym, the thing in this interview she was kidding about, because she’s worried about looking stupid on the running machine. I feel like an idiot at the gym so I stay home. I suspect that Posh and Becks could probably afford a home gym, where she wouldn’t have to worry about being photographed or watched, and could wear her high heels without concern if she liked. Pick some wedges for the treadmill, not stilletto heels.

Note by Celebitchy: The custom made crocodile Birkin that Posh’s son ruined was probably worth at least $10,000. Similar crocodile Birkin bags went at auction in 2005 for upwards of $10k. Birkin crocodile bags with diamonds can go for 60k and up. You can understand how that would suck for someone, even though my entire wardrobe is worth a small fraction of that. Relative to Posh’s wardrobe, 10k is not a whole lot.

Picture of Victoria Beckham from Vogue found on The Daily Mail.

I’m pretty sure I love the Daily Mail’s obsession with knees more than I love kittens, chocolate, and fluffy clouds. It seriously is that great. If you were to believe the Daily Mail’s headline, you’d know that today Victoria Beckham’s “knobbly knees are the talk of New York.” I have to tell you, this is the best example of truthful, accurate, and ethical journalism I’ve seen all week. I live in New York, so I can verify with 100 percent accuracy that Posh’s knees are absolutely all anyone is talking about. All I saw at the newsstand this morning were embarrassing knee photos - and everyone was whispering and giggling. My inbox was flooded, and the trains stopped running - because the conductors couldn’t focus on keeping the cars on the tracks when they were so blinded by Posh’s knees.

Victoria Beckham arrived in New York ready for the city’s fashion week, but it wasn’t her outfit that had onlookers talking - it was her knobbly knees. Posh Spice also flashed her unsightly wrinkly thighs as she headed out for a shopping trip yesterday.

Perhaps the strain of performing with the Spice Girls in four-inch heels is getting to Victoria’s slender legs. Her penchant for towering stilettos has already taken a toll on her feet - she was spotted with giant bunions while on stage last week.

Dressed in an elegant camel coat, black mini-skirt and knee-high platform boots, the 33-year-old cut a lonely figure as she shopped in Manhattan without her husband David, who is busy training in LA.

[From the Daily Mail]

They actually closed down JFK as a result of the knees. Seeing Posh’s knobbly knees actually made the Statue of Liberty double check her own skirt placement. In fact Victoria’s knees are the direct cause of the Spice Girl’s tour cancellation. Okay I’m done with that, you get the point. I love the implication that Posh’s general leg “unsightliness” has somehow made her lonely and husbandless. This is the second time in less than two weeks that the Daily Mail has written a featured article with a headline attacking a celebrity’s supposedly disgusting knees. What the hell, Daily Mail? Who has good looking knees? They’re just one of those body parts you’re supposed to do your best to avoid when you look someone up and down. Unfortunately they don’t post the names of the articles’ authors, so there’s no way to know if it’s just one crazy, knee-obsessive Brit or if the paper as a whole has knee issues. Do the British in general hate knees? Or is it more that they hate Posh and Eva Longoria? I could make an argument either way. Let’s hope Posh doesn’t read the Daily Mail - clearly she already has some body issues.

Picture Note by JayBird: Header of Posh arriving to the Brasserie Restaurant at the Royalton Hotel in New York City today. Clearly she learned her lesson and covered her knees so she didn’t bring traffic to a halt. Images thanks to Splash. Here’s an older Posh knee photo from the last time she was in NYC for fashion week on September 11th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Several websites are abuzz with the news the David and Victoria Beckham may be planning on adopting a little girl, possibly from Sierra Leone. David recently went there on a charity mission for UNICEF. The Beckhams have reportedly been actively involved in several charitable organizations for several years, however they have chosen not to publicize their involvement until more recently. According to Grazia magazine, David’s trip to Africa affected him deeply, and the couple are now considering adding to their family.

David spent four days in Sierra Leone in his role as a Goodwill Ambassador for United Nations’ children’s charity UNICEF two weeks ago. During his trip, David witnessed a birth and gave immunization drops to a newborn baby.

Upon his return to his adopted home of LA, the footballer said: “I was close to tears. I had to step back and take a deep breath. I’m a very emotional person and I’m even more emotional now I’m a parent. But what stopped me crying was knowing that what these kids are going through is far worse than my feelings.”

[From the Daily Mail]

Though everyone makes fun of Posh for (presumably) being a little vapid, whenever I’ve seen David interviewed he’s come off as very sweet and affable. I don’t find it hard to believe that he really does care about the UNICEF project and was moved by the kids he visited. Whether or not the couple actually want to adopt as a result of that is more difficult to ascertain.

Beckham, according to Grazia, has told friends they are seriously considering adopting following his trip and has sought advice from celebrity pal Tom Cruise, who adopted son Connor and daughter Isabella with ex-wife Nicole Kidman.

The publication quoted a friend as saying: “Adoption is something David has been talking about for some time. If there is one subject that can move him to tears, it’s the thought of being unloved, uncared for and with no hope or future. It was only when David started planning his trip to Sierra Leone that they began talking about adoption again. It’s clear they both think adoption is great. Tom has talked to David about how adoption changed him and how he’s been able to change the lives of two amazing children.”

[From the Daily Mail]

Victoria has long said that she’d like a daughter to add to the family, and has even mentioned that she’s saving all of her gazillion handbags to hand down one day. I’ve always been a fan of the traditional heirloom jewelry, but I suppose heirloom purses are better than nothing. And God knows Victoria’s got plenty of them. She has also said that having a little girl would complete their family. Though the couple was rumored to be interested in adopting a few years ago, nothing came of it. Perhaps it was something they were interested in and never followed through, and now they’re ready to revisit it again.

Picture Note by JayBird: Pictures from David’s trip to Sierra Leone. Header of Beckham with five-year-old Senyo, who finds it difficult to walk because her muscles have been weakened by malnutrition.

I haven’t been able to get a decent night’s sleep in at least a week. I have no idea what’s changed, but suddenly I’m awake for hours in the middle of the night. Last Wednesday, I was having weird dreams about Avril Lavigne trying to make soup out of me. Last night, it was about the New Kids on the Block reunion. Somehow they’d turned it into a reality show, and I was the judge, but there were weird sexual overtones and an oddly big microphone. And I have a feeling that tonight’s nightmare will most likely feature incredibly scary images of Victoria Beckham, naked, having sex, and in some way impaling me with her pointy scissor legs. Why? Because I’ve just learned that the image of Posh’s husband, David Beckham, is being used to promote a brand of Chinese condoms. They’re not actually endorsed by Beckham – in fact it appears many of the Chinese people are rather mortified, as they really like the soccer star and don’t want to offend him. But just putting his face on the box has made it the number one selling condom in China. Something tells me they didn’t use one of the “seductive” photos that also features Posh.

A Chinese firm is using soccer star David Beckham’s name to promote its brand of condoms - without his permission. The firm is claiming men who use the Beckham contraceptive - which has become the best-selling in China - will score in bed like the L.A. Galaxy star does on the pitch.

But fans in the country are calling for a ban on the condoms - because they don’t want to offend the British sportsman.

A fan explains, “We do not want Beckham to think the Chinese people are disrespecting him. We love him here.” A spokesman for Beckham says, “It’s not an official brand.”

[From PR-Insider]

Does using Beckham’s condom mean you have to think about Posh when you’re having sex? I’m pretty sure that would kill nearly any intimate moment. I’m not sure it’s the smartest long-term move by that condom company - I would think that’d knock your sales down by at least thirty percent. Can you imagine the injuries that implants that hard and pointy could cause? Jokes about poking an eye out aside – you really could end up with some sort of spleen puncture or something. Considering the Beckham’s “business savvy” (i.e. ability to make a lot of unnecessary cash from sticking their pictures and names on random products) I’m pretty sure we’ll end up with “Intimately Beckham” condoms here by the end of the week. In other Posh/David news, “Intimately Beckham” was on sale for 15% of its original price at my local Target yesterday.

Picture note by Celebitchy: David and Victoria Beckham are shown in a spread in W Magazine that came out last summer, and in an ad for their perfume.

Victoria Beckham has hit back at suggestions that David’s Goldenballs were digitally enhanced for his Giorgio Armani campaign.

She says, “I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!”

KGET

I wondered what Beck’s might think about his penis being described this way. Is his wife complaining about the size of the package? Is David embarrassed by public discussion of his privates? Probably not, a man who is willing to pose nearly naked for a global advertising campaign is likely to be very comfortable in his own skin. Maybe David told Posh to say this?

I had a closer look at the pictures of David to see if I thought they were digitally enhanced. I had no idea if the pictures were altered. So I kept looking a bit longer. There was no reason to keep examining the picture, but if you look for yourself, you might find yourself similarly captivated.

Sales of white undies similar to the ones worn in the campaign are up 50% in Selfridges department store in the UK. Obviously David’s Goldenballs are doing their job.

The Spice Girls must have the most restrained and logical concert rider in history. We recently reported on some of the crazy celebrity contract riders as mentioned in the book “The Little Red Riders Book: The Backstage Requests Of Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Most Famous Artists” by Steve Lamacq. Among a few of the better ones were Mariah Carey’s request for Cristal champagne, one box of bendy straws, one special attendant to dispose of used chewing gum, tea service for eight, a Honey Bear pack of honey, two air purifiers, a puppy, and kittens. And Mariah’s request were certainly not the most outlandish. Marilyn Manson requested a bald toothless hooker (which we hope was simply a reflection of his dark sense of humor) while David Hasselhoff requests a life-size cutout… of David Hasselhoff. I’m assuming frozen in that dramatic beach rescue running pose.

By comparison, the Spice Girls don’t exactly seem like the divas they used to be portrayed as.

All five have submitted a rider asking for a regular supply of light salads, steamed fish and fresh fruit. Geri Halliwell has asked for Evian and Melanie Brown will have sparkling spring water. [Melanie] Chisholm wants a kettle in her dressing room, Emma Bunton will have scented candles, slippers and flowers while Victoria Beckham’s fridge will be replenished daily with edamame soya beans.

[From the Daily Mail]

The most lavish thing the girls have requested is a daycare to be installed at London’s O2 Arena, where they’re playing 17 sold-out dates. Considering all the kids and nannies they’ll have in tow, it seems pretty reasonable.

The Spice Girls have had a creche [daycare] installed at the O2 ahead of their 17 nights of sell-out gigs.

The group - who, with the exception of Melanie Chisholm, are all now mothers - have requested the facility so their small army of child-minders can keep the children occupied during their two-hour concerts, which start tomorrow.

An insider said: “They all want their babies close by and looked after, so their nannies also come with the package.”

[From the Daily Mail]

When I first started researching this story, I assumed it would head in the direction of “Spice Girls have crazy diva demands.” I also assumed a creche was some type of fancy air ionizer or something. Since the article just called the arena the O2, I was thinking oxygen. So I was mightily disappointed – though impressed – that the girls were just asking for a quiet, fun place to put their kids. So far their concerts are getting pretty good reviews. Emma Bunton took a spill during a show last week and sprained her ankle, but has continued to perform, despite her leg being wrapped and hobbling around on crutches. Say what you want about their talent, but either they’re keeping their petty differences to themselves, or the Spice Girls are – at the very least – consummate professionals.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of the Spice Girls (with Sir Richard Branson) opening Virgin Atlantic’s new terminal at Heathrow Airport yesterday. Images thanks to PR Photos.