For whatever reason, I just found this Us Weekly story interesting and funny. Us Weekly compiled a list of aliases used by celebrities and published them online. Meaning that these probably aren’t the celebrities’ aliases anymore. Some of the aliases are just kind of dumb (Jay-Z = Frank Sinatra? RLY?) but there are a few cool ones. I kind of think Brangelina’s aliases are supremely uncool, though. Brad Pitt is Bryce Pilaf? Angelina is Jasmine Pilaf? NOoooo.

Ever heard of Bryce and Jasmine Pilaf? They’re only two of the biggest stars in the world. Bryce is an Oscar-nominated leading man in Hollywood, known for movies like Ocean’s Eleven, Fight Club, and Moneyball. Jasmine is his longtime love and the mother of his children — not to mention a successful actress with roles in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Changeling, and A Mighty Heart.

Sound familiar? It should — because Bryce and Jasmine Pilaf are actually Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The megastar couple, who have been together for more than seven years, use Bryce and Jasmine as their boring cover identities when checking into hotels. It helps to protect their privacy so they can travel incognito.

In fact, as the Oct. 22 issue of Us Weekly revealed, many A-listers use aliases when checking into hotels or making dinner reservations. Justin Timberlake, for example, goes by Mr. Woodpond — which makes new wife Jessica Biel, whom he married in Italy Oct. 19, Mrs. Woodpond.

Twilight star Kristen Stewart has a mock moniker, too: Chuck Steak. And Johnny Depp often registers as Mr. Drip Noodle. Hip hop star Jay-Z uses the alias Frank Sinatra, whom he raps about — “I’m the new Sinatra” — in his Big Apple anthem “Empire State of Mind.”

Justin Bieber, meanwhile, checks in under the name Chandler Bing, a.k.a. Matthew Perry’s character on Friends, while Fergie goes by Penny Lane, a street in Liverpool made famous by the Beatles in their song of the same name.

Other silly secret identities? Tom Cruise’s Cage Hunt, Usher’s Mr. Dinero, Mila Kunis’ Senor Pants, Ben Stiller’s Clyde Tibenus, Chris Rock’s Slappy White, Steven Tyler’s I.K. Malone, and Kate Beckinsale’s Sigourney Beaver.

Perhaps the best alias, though, belongs to Bryce and Jasmine Pilaf’s pal George Clooney, who has been known to check in as Arnold Schwarzenegger, the real-life former governor of California and Clooney’s co-star in the movie Batman & Robin.

[From Us Weekly]

My absolute favorites on this list are Sigourney Beaver (excellent!) and CAGE HUNT. OMG. Tom Cruise demands that even his hotel aliases sound like action heroes and/or “games played on David Miscaviage’s pleasure yacht.” Tom could have gone for humor or realism, like Squee McFancyPants or Lipo Brazilian, but no. Cage Hunt!!!! Mr. and Mrs. Woodpond are dorky names, of course, but are those names cooler than Mr. and Mrs. Pilaf? Yes. Yes, they are.

In other Brangelina news, People Mag had this nice story about the Jolie-Pitt kids sending their letters to Santa:

Santa Claus can look forward to receiving something special himself this Christmas – six handcrafted letters from Angelina Jolie and her children from the heart of rural Kent, England.

Jolie and all six of her children – Maddox, 11, Pax, 8, Zahara, 7, Shiloh, 6, and 4-year-old twins Knox and Vivienne – made a special visit to the village of Littlebourne in Kent to send Santa their Christmas letters on Friday. And locals were thrilled to catch a glimpse of the famous family.

“It was so cute. All the children sent messages to Father Christmas and were absolutely beautifully behaved,” Littlebourne post office assistant Fiona Lindsay tells PEOPLE. “Just like any other kids in a sweet shop they were excited, but Angelina controlled them perfectly.”

“It was lovely,” she adds. “They were all very polite. They were just a bunch of gorgeous, happy kids.”

Brad Pitt and Jolie have been staying in Kent while he films the final scenes for zombie thriller World War Z.

Staying in a luxury converted barn in the nearby village of Ickham called The Treasury, the brood managed to keep a low profile for their entire week-plus stay, enjoying visits to nearby Howletts Wild Animal Park and Waterstones bookshop in Canterbury.

Pitt was also spotted taking Maddox to a screening of Skyfall at the Vue Cinema in Broadstairs – home of English writer Charles Dickens.

The family has since moved on from the area, but their visit has left an indelible mark on the locals in the sleepy English town.

“[Jolie] was so polite and a really nice person,” Lindsay says. “I was quite shocked at first but Angelina was so lovely I soon relaxed.”

“The children bought a packet of sweets each, plus a few toys and some magazines, and we ended up having a general chat about how they all were and what they were going to eat that night,” she adds. “I suggested they pop over to the fish and chip shop across the road as it is a shame to come to England and not have some. I just hoped they liked them!”

[From People]

One, if you’re old enough to watch Skyfall, you’re old enough to know there’s no (SPOILER) Santa. Two, I cannot believe Brad is STILL filming scenes for World War Z. Poor Brad. Three, I would love to see Zahara’s letter to Santa. And Shiloh’s. I imagine Z’s letter is all, “Dear Santa, I would like a pink tutu, a white pony and world domination. Yours, Z.” Shiloh’s letter is probably: “Yo Santa, I want a dirt bike, a machete and a flak vest! Thanx, Shilox.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Earlier this week, we showed you the early teaser trailer for Brad Pitt’s World War Z – go here to review my story. Brad actually, physically filmed scenes for the film over the course of a year if you include the long and exhaustive initial film shoot last year and the extensive reshoots this year. The reshoots were done as an attempt to fix the giant mess the director (Marc Forster) had made. Now the complete first trailer has been released, which I’m including below. Keep in mind: this film still isn’t going to be released until June of next year. If you don’t like this trailer, there’s plenty of time for even more reshoots!

Okay, I have to admit… it looks much better than I was anticipating. The CGI looks really good, and Brad looks great. A few quick questions: do the zombies have some kind of strategy to take over the world? Meaning, are they smart enough to take out the cell towers so that Brad can’t call his well-positioned friend? Also: why is Brad’s character so special that he’s being sent to lead an army to fight the disorganized zombie armies? And finally, can a brother get a flak vest? Brad’s fighting the Zombpocalypse in a windbreaker the whole time!

Here’s another video of the trailer (it’s the same trailer).

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Yes, I will use LITERALLY any excuse to post old photos of Angelina Jolie and her first husband, Jonny Lee Miller. I’m old enough (God, I’m old) to remember how hot JLM and AJ were together. Younger people think Brad Pitt and Angelina were the hottest version – to which I say, NOOOoo. JLM and Angelina were so young and crazy, and they were simply too fiery to survive. What’s weird is that I don’t think JLM was or is really that “crazy”. I think he was and is basically a decent guy who really loved her, and that’s why she kept coming back to him after they divorced (HOT), and that’s why they’re still friends to this day (true story).

Anyway, the Enquirer has gotten my JLM-AJ nostalgia going full force. The story is dumb and funny, and ultimately harmless. Apparently, Angelina is a “secret” fan of Jonny’s new CBS show, Elementary – that knockoff of Sherlock. And Brad is SO upset about it. Brad is just going to cry about it and then storm out of the house!

Brad Pitt has a love rival in his own living room – fiancée Angelina Jolie’s handsome ex-hubby Jonny Lee Miller! Jolie brought out Brad’s jealous streak by secretly recording Johnny’s hit new TV series “Elementary” – after telling him the show was “a dud.”

The lovers’ spat started after Angelina tuned in to the show’s first episode, telling Brad that she wanted to “critique Jonny’s acting performance and see how he’s aged,” a source revealed to The Enquirer. “Afterward, Angelina told Brad that she thought the show was so bad she could barely make it through the entire episode.”

But later Brad discovered that Angie had been recording the show behind his back and then watching the episodes when he wasn’t around, added the source. What’s worse, their kids were watching it too!

“Her daughters Zahara and Shiloh have a crush on Jonny, and Angelina’s boys think the show is cool too,” noted the source. “Of course, when Brad found out their kids were fans of Jonny’s show, it made him even more furious!”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

It’s kind of creepy to think that Zahara and Shiloh would have “crushes” on mommy’s first husband, right? Besides that, I’ve seen a few episodes of Elementary – while it’s nothing shocking for network television, it’s not appropriate for children to watch. So, that part of the story doesn’t ring true. But sure, I’ll buy that Angelina still watches movies and TV shows that feature Jonny. Why not? HOT.

Photos courtesy of WENN and jonny-leemiller.com.

Obviously, I had a completely different idea of what World War Z was going to be as a film. I didn’t read the book, and I don’t plan to, but from what I understood, Brad Pitt is playing some kind of UN-type, a journalist or diplomat who goes around and talks about what happened during the Zombie Apocalypse, and the actual ‘World War Z’ is told through flashbacks? Is that not what really happens in the book? Because it looks like that is definitely not happening in the movie. In the movie, it looks like Brad Pitt is playing “the one man who can save the world”. And it looks like a mess. Entertainment Tonight aired the teaser on Monday night, ahead of the full trailer which will be out on Thursday. Here you go:

Okay, I’ll just need to save my judgment call for when I see the full trailer. Full disclosure: I’m really not into apocalypse movies, zombie movies, or the-world-is-ending zombie apocalypse movies. So I’m not the target audience for this, even if it is really well-done. If I hear that it is a really good movie, I might see it. But from what I keep hearing, it’s a mess. Brad was filming it for the better part of 2011, and then once principal photography was over, Brad had to go back and do extensive reshoots and apparently he’s not even talking to the director at this point. Brad’s not only the star – he’s a producer. And I’m worried that this will be his Waterworld. Or his Battlefield Earth.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Note: Previously we included some photos from Architectural Digest’s slideshow, which they have asked us to take down. You can see AD’s slideshow here The photos are property of AD and Pollaro Custom Furniture. In one of the photos, Brad is sitting with furniture maker Frank Pollaro “in the wine cellar at the actor’s home in France.”

Anyway, you might ask yourself, “Why is Brad hanging out in his wine cellar with a furniture maker? Is he having some new, specially-designed pieces added to his sex dungeon? A coffee table perchance?” Well, sort of! Brad is collaborating with Frank Pollaro on a small line of furniture, from bed frames/headboards to dining tables to armchairs. I’m including some of the Architectural digest images of Brad’s designs at the bottom of the post, and you can see the AD slideshow here. It’s not my taste, but you have to understand, I don’t really think all of this “modern” stuff is very liveable or half as “utilitarian” as it looks. Brad sat down for an interview in the December issue of AD to preview the collection, which you can read here at Architectural Digest.

I could totally see a bunch of rich people clamoring for Brad’s pieces. I’m being serious – there are probably a lot of rich people who want to own some Brad Pitt Designs. I like simplicity of design too, but my style is more eclectic, and I think a little modern goes a long way, you know? If you go full-blown modern, pretty soon you’re just living in a white box with lots of glass and chrome. Which brings me to some photos of Brad’s designs… I think the woods chosen are ugly, and the “uninterrupted line” tables look like someone was playing with a paperclip and got an idea for a table. I kind of like the white leather armchair….? It’s impractical, and it says “I’m a bachelor with no animals”… but it looks comfortable.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Considering Brad Pitt was paid $7 million for his super-idiotic Chanel No. 5 campaign, he must feel like he’s got some money burning a hole in his pocket. I mean, not that $7 million is that big of a deal to Brad – he’s reportedly worth in excess of $200 million, last I heard. Still, it’s nice to get a sweet paycheck for something dumb like that Chanel thing. So Brad’s conscience was weighing on him and he decided to write a check to make it all better. Brad has donated $100,000 to the Human Rights Campaign for their campaign against state ballot initiatives in Maryland, Maine, Minnesota and Washington that would ban gay marriage.

A longtime proponent of marriage equality, Brad Pitt has put his money where his mouth is.

The actor has donated $100,000 to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) to support the organization’s efforts in campaigning for marriage equality in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington State.

“It’s unbelievable to me that people’s lives and relationships are literally being voted on in a matter of days,” Pitt, 48, wrote in an email to HRC members and supporters on Wednesday. “If you’re like me, you don’t want to have to ask yourself on the day after the election, what else could I have done?”

Chad Griffin, president of the country’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, praised Pitt for his support and his donation, saying that his money “delivers vital resources into these campaigns.” Adds Griffin: “We’re proud to be working with him as we show that fundamental fairness will win at the ballot box.”

Pitt, who confirmed his engagement to longtime partner Angelina Jolie in April 2012, spoke out in July 2011 after New York legalized same-sex marriage, praising the state but noted that there was still much work to be done.

“It is each American’s Constitutional right to marry the person they love,” he said at the time, “no matter what state they inhabit. No state should decide who can marry and who cannot.”

[From People Mag]

I heard a Democratic congressman from Minnesota say the other night that their state’s gay marriage ban was probably going to fail, and Pres. Obama actually came out for the Washington State ballot measure and encouraged Washington voters to vote yes on the referendum to allow gay marriage in the state. I do wonder when Brad gave the money – it seems like it’s really late in the election cycle to donate this chunk of money, but it could be that the HRC made a direct appeal to their big donors because they needed extra funding for their GOTV work on election day. Or maybe Brad was just discouraged by the numbers and he was like, “F—k that, I’m giving a hundred grand!” I really don’t know.

Photos courtesy of Chanel and Fame/Flynet.

Jennifer Aniston is HAPPY. Doesn’t she look happy? Don’t you believe she’s happy? Don’t you believe that she never, ever thinks about Brad Pitt ever, or do you need her to mention his name in an interview and talk about how she’s over him? She’s HAPPY. And everything else to the contrary is just a coincidence, a dirty, homewrecking coincidence perpetuated by The Leg and Heidi Bivens. Anyway, in that vein, Star Mag has two stories about Jennifer and how happy she is. These are the tabloid equivalent of a forced smile, but whatever. I’ll take ‘em.

The first story is just a little blurb about Aniston being obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey (eh), and how she and Justin Theroux are “trying for a baby” by finding inspiration in that horrible book. A source says, “They’ve acted out some of the scenes. They’re at it like crazy, and she said they’ve been having wild fun with feathers and blindfolds and dirty talk.” I like to imagine that she makes him wear the feathers. And then there’s this:

Jennifer Aniston can’t stop beaming! She was grinning ear-to-ear on the set of We’re The Millers, and she was flashing a dazzling smile at Justin Theroux while on a romantic date at the Chateau Marmont a few weeks later. Of course, the reason for her through-the-roof mood elevation isn’t just because of her engagement to Justin – it’s also because she finally feels she’s over Brad Pitt,

“Jen still can’t believe such an amazing relationship has finally come her way,” says a friend. “She really wasn’t expecting to fall in love, and it took her by surprise.”

Jen has tried to forget Brad over the past seven years, but friends say their tumultuous relationship still weighed heavily on her… until recently.

“She used to think about Brad all the time,” the insider confirms. “But these days, he barely crosses her mind. It’s like, ever since she met Justin, she has really finally started to get over Brad and what happened in their marriage.”

Jen even wrote Brad a note, telling him she has forgiven him for the past and hopes they can be friends… she doesn’t hold any grudges against him and Angelina. She’s only looking forward to her future with Justin.”

Jennifer and Justin share “incredible physical chemistry” according to sources and “Jen’s been bragging about Justin’s impressive equipment and says he’s the most sensual, erotic man she’s ever dated. She says Justin is way better in bed than Brad!”

“Justin makes her feel special and treats her like a queen… she definitely wears the pants in the relationship, and Justin is happy to let her have her way. He does everything he can to keep her smiling. Jen always says how ‘authentic’ Justin is. She truly admires him.”

“Jen thinks Justin will be an amazing father. But she’s telling friends she wants them to get married before they start a family. It’s like she’s starting her life all over again with Justin. Jen has never been so happy!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Sigh… I remember tabloid stories about Aniston bragging that Vince Vaughn was better in bed than Brad. Then it was that rent-a-date model dude. And then some other guys, and then John Mayer. There were others. Each time she got a new boyfriend, magically a tabloid story would appear about how “hot” the sex was compared to boring old Brad. I mean, it’s an obvious coping mechanism if it wasn’t so petty and dumb, especially seven years out. But sure, happy, happy, happy. She’s never felt like this before. He treats her like a queen! She doesn’t even think about Brad anymore and that’s why she compares every man she’s with TO Brad! She even allegedly wrote Brad a note saying that she finally, seven years later, FORGIVES him. Star is making it like she’s Mother Teresa with tweaked nipples and a copy of 50 Shades. Ugh.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Jason Thomas/Filmmagic.

Last week, Brad Pitt’s first two commercials for Chanel debuted online. They were met to near-universal derision and laughter. To be fair to Brad (I guess), he probably didn’t have much control in Chanel’s “vision” for his Chanel No. 5 campaign. To be unfair to Brad, he’s a big enough star where he could have had more input, or he could have simply walked away when he realized that he was just going to be staring off into space, yammering about No. 5 being an inevitable revolution or whatever. Here’s the original again:

Anyway, Saturday Night Live got into the fun with FOUR spoof commercials. In the first one, it’s just a straight-up spoof of Brad’s commercial, and I think this one is the strongest, especially when “Brad” says: “I’m sorry – is there really no script? ‘Cause I’ve been talking to myself for like two hours straight and I’m starting to sound insane. What? You want me to sound less coherent? Really? Okay, I can just start making up words? You like that. All right. Is it just me or do I look super homeless? That’s what you want? Rock ‘n’ roll.” (sidenote: I’m sorry these are Hulu videos, I know people outside of the US won’t be able to see them)

In the next three spoofs, the joke gets progressively less funny. Here’s “Brad” selling Taco Bell:

Dog condoms:

Tattoo removal:

Yeah… maybe it would have been funnier with just two commercials? Four seems like overkill. Taran Killam – who stars as Brad in these spoofs – is funny enough, but he could work more on his “Brad-accent”.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’m including some of the press-kit images that Chanel sent us for Brad Pitt’s campaign. The black-and-white images are by Sam Taylor-Wood (Sam Taylor-Johnson, really), and the color images are by Mario Sorrenti. I prefer the ones in color – Brad looks more like a dude who is slowly taking off his tuxedo because he’s coming to bone you. In the b&w images, he looks like the dude operating a backroom weed shop. I flat-out LOATHE the image they chose for the official print ad too – it looks poorly Photoshop’d, and for the love of God, Brad really needs to close his mouth.

Anyway, Chanel released their second commercial – it’s basically the same commercial as before, only this one has more chicks.

Compare it to the first ad – same bulls—t “script”, but this one is just Brad:

Meh. I guess I like the one with the chicks more? It gave me something else to concentrate on other than the dumb script that Brad is reciting. I really don’t understand this new Chanel tagline either – “Chanel: Inevitable”. RLY? It is “inevitable” that I’ll wear Chanel No. 5? No, it’s not. I asked for Ralph Lauren’s Safari for Women for Christmas, thank you very much.

PS… The Guardian has a funny story about how Brad’s Chanel ads are awful, but that Chanel ads have a history of being kind of awful.

Photos courtesy of CHANEL.

Brad Pitt’s first official ad/commercial for Chanel has come out! And it’s a doozy. Except not really. I guess I built it up in my head, thinking that it was basically going to be Pantless Brad Pitt holding a box of chocolates and talking dirty to a perfume. I didn’t realize that it was going to be about, like, the universe and how it’s not a journey and we’re all going to die, so we might as well wear Chanel No. 5 or something. I don’t really think “Inevitable” should be the tagline. Wearing Chanel No. 5 is NOT fait accompli!

It’s underwhelming. I almost think it would have been more powerful if Brad had been looking into the camera the whole time. I can’t believe they hired Joe Wright – a solid director known for his period films – to direct this simple, minimalist commercial. It’s weird. Brad released a statement too:

“What’s important to remember about Chanel N°5 is how revolutionary this fragrance is. When it was introduced, it broke all the rules by discarding meaningless ornamentation for an honest and open aesthetic, and a scent which embodies liberation from trend, creating a fragrance which remains as modern today as it was during its inception. Chanel N°5 has always been the most iconic women’s fragrance. The beauty of its success for all these years is both elegantly simple and complex at the same time. That’s what I see being the appeal of this campaign; it goes beyond the abstract of emotion or beauty to evoke what is timeless, a woman’s spirit.”

[Via The Mail]

Dear Brad: I want to defend you, but seriously? Enough with the pretense. It’s a perfume ad, not women’s suffrage. Perfume IS NOT LIBERATING. Perfume is not a revolution.

Photos courtesy of Chanel.