A commenter noted this a month ago, and it’s SO TRUE: Kate Upton has completely usurped Brooklyn Decker in every way. It’s like the cultural zeitgeist will only accept one big-boobed blonde at a time, and that girl gets all of the attention, all of the magazine covers and all of the “controversy”. I remember when Brooklyn was criticized for having a not-so-modely body and I remember when Brooklyn’s whole look was considered too downmarket for the high-fashion editorials and larger modeling campaigns. And now Kate Upton is getting all of it. I believe Brooklyn was actively looking to be usurped, though – by the time she had become a big “thing” in the modeling world (the pinnacle of which was her 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover), Brooklyn had already decided to really try to be an actress. She’s done a handful of projects – she was in Battleship, What To Expect When You’re Expecting and she guested on New Girl recently – and I suspect that she got this Women’s Health cover for some acting project, maybe? Here are some highlights from the interview:

Who Brooklyn would choose as a body double: “It’s got to be Jennifer. She’s so active and had to be in a bikini for Just Go With It – she just had this glow about her. I was a bit awestruck! I was invited to do yoga with her on set but they had so many good yogis I was intimidated and chickened out.”

Being married to Andy Roddick: “The biggest thing for me about being with Andy is that athletes in general tend to appreciate different things about women’s bodies. They’re not so concerned with how someone looks, more about how strong and healthy they are. For me, marriage has taken the emphasis off my looks and appearance – the emphasis modeling ingrained in me – and given me a healthier outlook on the female form. Being married to an athlete has changed my perception of women and what my body is capable of.”

There’s tons of junk food on photo shoots and film sets: “Imagine the best junk food you’ve ever seen, available 24 hours a day – that’s what sets are like. There are sweets and doughnuts in front of me all the time. My rule of thumb is that if I’m working, I eat healthily. I have such a sweet tooth that I can’t let myself indulge because work is where I spend most of my time, so when I’m at work, no bad food.”

[From The Mail]

Is it weird that I like what she says about her husband and how she learned to see herself through his eyes? I understand what she’s saying – Andy probably approached everything from the perspective of a trained athlete, which means it would be foreign to him to withhold food to lose weight or to only focus on how someone looks and not how they perform. That being said, I doubt Roddick would have married Brooklyn if she wasn’t a beautiful, big-boobed model. Let’s be real.

Photos courtesy of Women’s Health.

Here are even more photos from the LA premiere of Battleship last night – I already covered the Hot Dudes from the event here. This is just the fashion post, for what little “fashion” there was at the event. Rihanna wore this Adam Selman gown which… looks cheap. It makes Rihanna look cheap, but I think it probably do that on any girl. From the way Rihanna was posing in it, I don’t think she’s very comfortable. She probably didn’t like it but it was too late to pick another dress. Do you like her Angelina “Leg of Doom” pose? I kind of do. So many celebrity women are doing that now. The dress even looks like a knock-off version of Angelina’s 2004 Oscar dress.

As for the on-going concerns about Rihanna’s health and whether or not she’s feeling bad about everything that’s going down with Chris Brown (go to yesterday’s post to recap), Rihanna didn’t seem to talk about it while on the red carpet. She looks… okay. I’m not going to say “she looks healthy” because I don’t really know. What I didn’t mention yesterday was that after she unfollowed Chris on Twitter, she tweeted “Aw, poor dat #neaux1currrrr”. Meaning “no one cares” (I had to read another site to figure that out). And then Chris Brown tweeted, “Assumptions! I didn’t say any names so if u took offense to it then its something you feel guilty about.” And then Chris unfollowed Rihanna on Twitter too, because he’s a little bitty baby. A baby full of violent rage.

And here’s Brooklyn Decker in Christian Dior. Seriously, that’s the designer ID. I couldn’t believe it either, because much like Rihanna, I think Brooklyn is the kind of girl who makes expensive clothes look kind of budget. This sheer-skirt-panel thing has to end. Brooklyn has a great figure, but this makes her look all kinds of tacky. Plus, it feels so bridal/bridesmaid-y to me.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Do you know how many talented people are in Battleship? Not that many. Okay, Liam Neeson is in it, for one. And Taylor Ktisch, although… I’m still struggling to refer to him as one of the more talented actors of his generation. Let’s see where he is by the end of the year. And of course, there’s Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker. It doesn’t seem like “the girls” do much but stand around, sometimes squinting, sometimes looking up into the sky with a look of sexy bewilderment. And to round out the cast, there’s Alexander Skarsgard. So, the cast is… odd. An odd mix of talents. Anyway, Skarsgard and Brooklyn Decker (wearing a “Brooklyn” t-shirt – ugh) were at WonderCon to promote Battleship over the weekend. Funny story: some photo agencies labeled these photos “Battlefield press conference”. SHIP!!

So… Alex looks nice. He’s so friggin’ tall, it’s crazy. Most actors’ feet don’t hit the ground in these weird WonderCon chairs, but look at Alex’s crazy legs. Sigh… I’d be up for some Viking Hotness, but I don’t think he would be into me. He likes blondes. Look at how he’s sizing up Brooklyn. Damn it, ASkars! That girl is married. But he doesn’t care.

Last week, they finally released a trailer for Battleship that actually shows some of the “plot” (insomuch as these films have a “plot”). You know what I’m tired of? I’m tired of these “an entire city is decimated in a matter of seconds” movies. It bugs me because all they ever show is the CGI architecture being destroyed. The human toll isn’t as interesting/watchable as “look at this building being destroyed.” Alex is barely in this trailer too:

Meh. I’d rather watch Prometheus.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

We’re wrapping up our exhaust(ive/ed) fashion coverage of the Oscars and the night that would never end. I just wanted to give a shout out to Amy Adams for looking like a siren at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in this incredible Vivienne Westwood gown that fits her like a glove. Holy crap that dress is a knockout! Amy really has sharp red carpet style, I remember MSat gushing over her when she was all over awards season in 2008, and she’s grown on me so much since. Amy is back after having her baby and boy is she ever! She only did The Muppet Movie last year, but this year she has at least three movies coming out. Nice to have you back Amy, you sexy yet wholesome thing.

Minnie Driver was also stunning in an absolutely elegant draped metallic and silk gown. I haven’t found a designer ID on it yet, but it could be Alberta Ferretti as she’s worn that designer in the past and it’s similar, but not identical, to some of the other incredible dresses by that designer. I just wasted several minutes going through photos on the Ferretti website. Those dresses are phenomenal. Look at how on point this look is.

Brooklyn Decker looked super sexy in a low cut spaghetti strap gown with delicate fishscale beading. I can’t find a designer ID on this dress either, but that’s not stopping me from drooling over it. This is like the perfect boob to coverage ratio. This is how you show a lot of cleavage but avoid looking sleazy. How does she do that? Is it because we’re sure she’s not going to slip a nip?

Allison Janney really worked that striped silver draped gown. I don’t even like horizontal stripes but they look fab on her. This just reminds me that Janney wasn’t at the Oscars. But still the stupid Monaco royals got to go, just by calling in a favor to the CEO of Disney, who stammered an explanation of how he knew them. Translation: they begged for an invite, and he helped them out.

I don’t really have strong feelings about Brooklyn Decker. I think it’s kind of funny that when she had long hair, every dude in America was like “Brooklyn Decker is the hottest thing on the planet” and as soon as she chopped off her long blonde locks into an unfortunate mom-style football-helmet style, all of a sudden dudes aren’t lusting after her. I also think she’s kind of dumb, but… she’s harmless. Anyway, Brooklyn is married to Andy Roddick, the tennis guy who I’ve also never really had strong feelings about. Do people still talk about him in regards to his game? He was pushed aside for Federer, and Federer is being pushed aside for Nadal. Only one golden boy at a time? Perhaps. Apparently, according to In Touch, Andy is still competing, and he wants Brooklyn to be a standard-issue tennis wife. The problem? Brooklyn’s career is blossoming, and she’s working steadily in films now. She doesn’t have the time or the inclination to just sit around and watch her husband.

It seems like Brooklyn Decker’s two-year marriage to Andy Roddick may be a losing match. According to an insider, tennis pro Andy, 29, isn’t too excited about his model-turned-actress wife’s exploding career, and it’s creating a big rift between them.

“Brooklyn is always traveling for her acting roles, and Andy is not happy about it,” the insider explains. “He seems to want her to follow him around like a good tennis wife.”

But Brooklyn, who is currently filming What to Expect When You’re Expecting in Atlanta with Jennifer Lopez, refuses to slow down – and is threatening to leave her controlling hubby.

“They are constantly fighting,” the insider adds, “and she has had enough.”

But, despite their problems, a close friend says they are not splitting and Brooklyn, 24, will be in the stands while Andy plays in the US Open in late August.

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

You know who they remind me of? Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. Like, they’re rarely in the same city, they usually keep their marriage low-profile, they probably got married much to young (in Brooklyn and Scarlett’s cases, absolutely). Dual careers, with the women as the “bombshells” that other dudes lust after. And I do suspect that Roddick and Decker will end the same way as Ryan and Scar.

Maybe it’s all about the mom hair, though. Maybe Andy was like, “Girl, YOUR HAIR. I can’t even.” Or maybe Roddick should have just stuck with Mandy Moore. Mandy doesn’t have a lot going on, and I’m sure she would have loved to be a “tennis wife”.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

The ESPYs were last night. Don’t even ask me what they are or what the award signifies, because I have no idea. Also, please don’t ask me who won what. Seriously, I cannot emphasize this enough: if you make me talk about sports, you will be so, so disappointed in how little I know. I pay attention to the Olympics… and really, that’s about it.

Anyway, here is Brooklyn Decker in a Jay Ahr strapless, leather dress. The shoes are gold Louboutins, and the hair is by your mother. That’s what kills me about Brooklyn Decker, who is genuinely a pretty girl: her messed everything up by chopping off her hair. I think she knows it, too. When she had long blonde hair, everybody was all over her. Then she chopped it off into a 40-year-old soccer mom style, and now, suddenly, no one really gives a crap about her. That’s the power of the hair! As for the dress – it’s pretty cute. I don’t think Brooklyn has much style in general (or her stylist hates her), but she managed to find a cute, young, sexy little dress. The hair almost kills it, but whatever.

Guess who else was there? Kerry Washington? I’m guessing, because THIS looks like the old Kerry Washington, the girl I was fond of when she started working a lot, circa 2004-05. In the past few years, it seemed like she had some Madonna-esque chicken-cutlet cheek implants put in, and she also looked rather emaciated. Well, she’s back! She’s gained some (needed weight), her cheeks look normal-ish… well, I think the cutlets are still in there, but the added weight doesn’t make them so noticeable. YAY!

Here’s a side-by-side of Kerry in 2008 and now.

To end: just a touch of Seth Meyers. Go ahead, touch him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I just got through yelling at Bryce Dallas Howard and declaring her the worst-dressed at the MTV Movie Awards, and then I chanced upon these two ladies, Jessica Szohr and Brooklyn Decker. I’m still holding that Bryce was definitely the worst dressed, but Jessica especially really wants attention for all of the wrong reasons. Jessica’s senior-citizen jumpsuit is alice + olivia by Stacey Bendet. I mean… seriously? She’s a really pretty girl, she has a great figure, she’s in her 20s, and she’s going to show up to this event LIKE THIS? This looks like a painter’s coveralls, via a Miami retirement community. It also looks like paisley vomit.

Speaking of matronly fugness, what’s up with Brooklyn Decker? She used to look like every dude’s fantasy of a bikini model – long blonde hair, big boobs, dressed like a teenager. But ever since she appeared in Just Go With It, it’s like Brooklyn is aiming to appeal to middle-aged women by styling herself just like them. She’s got a mom haircut and this No. 21 dress looks like the top off of a cheesy ensemble for a 1970s housewife going to her first key party. Brooklyn has a great figure, and she has those enormous boobs, but I’m getting the feeling that she has no idea how to cover those puppies up while still looking under 40.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

It’s the time of year that all young starlets prize over all others; that is, the moment when the Maxim 2011 Hot 100 List reveals itself to the world. As is customary, the annual list contains many of the same swimsuit and lingerie models that I’m not terribly familiar with, but a few names seemed rather surprising. Paz de la Huerta, drunken, violent mess, came screaming in at #84 with a smear of dark lipstick, and Taylor Swift took #20, which is strange because Swifty is certainly pretty but not, you know, hot. Jake Gyllenhaal will be thrilled, I’m sure.

Other highlights include the following ladies: #69: Emma Watson (which shall provide another convenient taking a break from college excuse); #64: Miley Cyrus (if only because she’s barely legal); #61: Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon’s daughter); #58: Christina Aguilera (naturally, Maxim used a very old photo); #56: Christina Hendricks (who should’ve at least made the 20s); #54: Vanessa Hudgens (validation, finally!); #42: Emma Stone; #38: Lindsay Lohan (no comment); #36: Brooklyn Decker (her likely response? “Duh.”); #35: Kim Kardashian; #31: Evan Rachel Wood; #30: Sofia Vergara; #28: Lea Michelle (not if her stylists have anything to do with it); #26: Kate Middleton; #25: Britney Spears (minus a few hot dergs); #22: Rihanna; #21: Jessica Alba (yawn); #17: Megan Fox (she was #2 in 2009 and #4 in 2010); #15: Olivia Wilde; #14: Scarlett Johansson (who wastes it by dating crusty old Sean Penn); #12: January Jones; #10: Jennifer Lawrence; #8: Natalie Portman (bitchface extraordinaire); #7: Anne Hathaway; #6: Bar Refaeli; #5: Mila Kunis; #4: Cameron Diaz; #3: Katy Perry; #2: Olivia Munn; and finally, #1: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (a.k.a. “Megan Fox 2.0).

Conspicuously missing from the list? Miranda Kerr (truly a surprise considering her Victoria’s Secret popularity), Gwyneth Paltrow (the curse of the Goop finally kicks in) and Taylor Momsen (probably because she’s still underage).

Yes, Maxim is merely a lad mag, but this list of ladies is rather underwhelming, isn’t it? Several of them have seen much better days, several of them are alcoholic messes, and a good number of them merely feel like obligatory token additions. You can read the full list at Maxim.

Photos courtesy of Juan Rico/Fame Pictures

Once I saw the photos from the Berlin photo call of Just Go With It, I figured that we would be getting premiere pics today too. And how! I guess Jennifer Aniston deserves yet another slow clap for changing up her routine slightly with this dress. I mean, yes, it’s black and short, and she does black and/or short quite a lot. But this short, black Nina Ricci dress had some gunk on the shoulder, and Aniston did something slightly different with the flat iron. Slow clap. Although… when I saw the photo above, my first thought was Madame Butterfly. My second thought was Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Not good references for Aniston.

Also… I guess Aniston went over to sign autographs and stuff, because the photographers got some extreme closeups of Aniston… and…um…there are pictures of me from my college days that look a lot like this. In college, I called it “maintainin’”. It meant that I found the just-right ratio of bong hits to vodka shots. That’s what Aniston looks like to me… drunk and stoned, and maintainin’.

I like Brooklyn Decker’s Max Mara dress a lot – the lilac color compliments her. That being said, she might be pretty when she gets to pose in a bikini, but the bitch needs some help working a red carpet. In most of the shots I’m looking at, her body looks really awkward. Also: with that rack, she might want to choose dresses that have a tad more support. I’m just sayin’. They aren’t going to be perky forever.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston and Brooklyn Decker are promoting Just Go With It in Germany today. The film is actually named “My Imaginary Wife” in Germany, which makes sense because the original English-release title was The Pretend Wife. Anyhoodle, I learned some new things about the cast of Just Go With It today. I learned that although Brooklyn Decker has a great figure and millions of young guys want to do her, Adam and Jennifer will pull rank and insist that they pose together, just the two of them, before Brooklyn is invited to join them. I also learned that Brooklyn has a pretty good bitchface.

As for the fashion faceoff… Team Aniston on this one. I like her little black dress (designer unknown), and I like the necklaces. My only complaint is that she stole this look completely from Reese Witherspoon’s recent Berlin photocall for How Do You Know?- go here to review Reese‘s identical ensemble, down to the long chain necklace. Perhaps this is all about Jake Gyllenhaal?!?

Meanwhile, Brooklyn Decker wore what I’m sure she thought was high-fashion. Maybe it is. It’s looks like the Marc Jacobs pajama-wear-as-high-fashion look from several years ago. But the real star was Brooklyn’s bitchface!

Photos courtesy of WENN.