These are new photos of Justin Bieber making sweet love to the paparazzi’s lenses while outside his hotel in Amsterdam. His international tour of terror continues in the wake of poor Mally the monkey, who remains in a German shelter after Bieber threw a tantrum and left the country. Now he’s moved on to the Netherlands, and while there he visited the Anne Frank House. I’m sure Bieber wasn’t interested in learning anything at all about history but was just visiting for ill-advised PR reasons similar to his ridiculous new bangs. Sadly, Bieber didn’t take any lessons from the experience if his entry into the guest book is any indication — all he cares about is himself as usual, and he seems convinced that poor Anne would have “been a belieber.” Seriously, here’s what he wrote according to the historical site’s Facebook page:

Yesterday night Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank House, together with his friends and guards. Fans were waiting outside to see a glimpse of him. He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In our guestbook he wrote: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.”

[From Anne Frank House on Facebook]

Yes, of course. Anne would have had plenty of opportunities while hiding from the Nazis to listen to Bieber’s abysmal tunes if he had been alive during the same time period. Because it’s all about Bieber, right? Surely, he could have helped Anne through it all because his God put made him famous so that he could help people. A little egotistical imp who refuses to pull his pants up for anyone could have made a little thing called WWII disappear in an instant. Nazis, LOL.

This kid … is unbeliebable.

Here are some photos of Biebs performing last Thursday in Antwerp, Belgium. Yes, he’s shirtless. Yes, I am sorry.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News

In Touch sends us nice email heads-up with information on their upcoming stories, and when I saw the photos of Octomom Nadya Suleman as Angelina Jolie I actually cringed. I’m not even an Angie-loonie (like Kaiser) and I found these photos terribly offensive. That’s probably because I actively dislike Octomom at this point, whereas at some point I just found her crazy. (Although that was an awfully long time ago.)

Anyway this was pretty much a genius PR move on either In Touch or Octo’s part, since it’s led us to talk about her again. They had her pose as Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Oscars doing her iconic Leg and as Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. It’s hard to find the right words to capture how disturbing and ridiculous she looks. Their Photoshop artists were working overtime on this one. In terms of Suleman herself, her life is such a mess of debt, scamming, mental illness and now addiction that it’s futile to try and keep up. The last thing that we reported on her was that she’s being investigated for welfare fraud. This is a little filler interview with Suleman and her supermommy delusions, but the photos are much worse than what she says, which is pretty typical for her.

Nadya Suleman instantly became known as “Octomom” when she gave birth to octuplets as a single mother of six in 2009 — and she’s become infamous in the ensuing years for her questionable judgment and controversial life choices.

Now, the mother of 14 channels her inner Angelina Jolie — another mother to a big brood — for an exclusive shoot in the new issue of In Touch, dishing about parenting, her future, and why she doesn’t have it as easy as famous celebrity moms.

“I do a lot!” Nadya tells In Touch of her hands-on mommy-ing. “I’m a cook, a chauffeur and a nanny,” she says, adding that she doesn’t have the perks of fame like other famous mothers of big broods — including her idol, mother of six Angelina Jolie.

“I admire her,” says Nadya, dressed as Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. “She saves children’s lives.” And despite comparisons to the actress and idol, she doesn’t think they have that much in common. “I get that we both have a lot of kids, but I don’t think I look anything like her.”

Nadya — who lives in Palmdale, Calif., with 4-year-old octuplets Noah, Maliyah, Isaiah, Nariyah, Makai, Josiah, Jeremiah and Jonah (plus her other kids, Elijah, Amerah, Joshua, Aidan, and twins Calyssa and Caleb, all of whom were fathered by the same donor) — says she’s going full-throttle, 24/7.

Between making lunches and bath times, Nadya clips coupons and spends “a couple hundred dollars a week on groceries” — and laundry: “I do several loads every day — there’s always clothes in my washer.”

Though she says she’s staying in the entertainment industry to pay her bills, Nadya — who claims she’ll get her master’s degree in psychology “when my kids are in college” — believes things are starting to look up.

She recently bought a new house and says the kids (the older ones are in public school; the octuplets start preschool soon) are enjoying their big new backyard. “We’ve hit rock bottom,” she says, “but our struggles are what shape us.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

Every home that Octo has lived in since she became famous has gone into foreclosure, even her parents’ home. So this detail at the end that she got a new home is news to me, and it was probably made possible by the state of California. She filed for bankruptcy last year, she trashed the last place where she was living and never paid rent and yet she now bought a new home somehow. I don’t want to try and figure it out.

Getting back to the ridiculous comparisons to Angelina Jolie, who has less than half the number of children than this woman, a partner, a career and more than enough means to care for her family, Octo may say she doesn’t “look like her,” but you know she’s tried to. In 2009, Life & Style reported that she was “obsessed” with Angelina and the Chicago Sun Times claimed that Suleman sent Jolie “multiple letters” which “creeped her out.” There was another story that Suleman used to work as a stripper using the stage name “Angelina.” Oh and this is what she used to look like before she had a ton of plastic surgery. She got a thinned out nose and big puffy lips.

Life and Style cover from February, 2009:

In Touch’s upcoming issue:

Justin Bieber covers the May issue of Teen Vogue because, well, the magazine certainly knows its own demographic. As always, a photoshoot with Bieber involves the teen dreamer posing like a heartthrob, but surely, there’s no willing audience for that here, right? Pull up your pants, kid. With the headline, “Justin’s Crazy Year,” the interview is of course an exercise in delusion at the hand of a kid who skyrocketed to worldwide stardom at a very early age while no one can possibly tell him what to do. From Bieber’s own words, it’s clear that he believes he’ll be around for quite awhile, and he’s very cocky about it. Sadly (and yes, it is sad), Bieber’s already on a swift path towards a meltdown all while tweeting about being “blessed“. Now he’s telling Teen Vogue that God made him a pop star “not just because I’m talented but so that he can help people. Here we go:

He loves social media: “My Twitter is really nice. I have so many fans that I rarely ever see a nasty tweet. I don’t read YouTube comments because those can get you sad. I see so much stuff on the Internet, sometimes I just want to go to Twitter and just go after people. But then I just think twice: If someone is dissing me, I’m going to make this person way more famous by tweeting them.”

On his song “Yellow Raincoat”: It started as a warm-up guitar riff–it’s got that Tracy Chapman meets Eric Clapton vibe. When I heard it I thought it was brilliant. In the studio, I said something that sounded like ‘raincoat,’ and I liked it. I was thinking of what I was going through. The raincoat is a metaphor for putting up a wall, not letting anyone affect what I do, because I know who I am and what type of person I am. It doesn’t matter what they say, I’ve got this yellow raincoat covering me.”

On his strong religious beliefs: “I think that’s part of the reason I’m here. Not just because I’m talented, but because God had a purpose for me to just help people. I’m spiritual … although I slept in [and missed] church yesterday. I haven’t been to church in so long, and I planned on going, and I slept in. I was upset. It’s all good. God forgives me.”

Don’t believe the rumors of his awful behavior: “I don’t need to address every speculation. Remember when Cam’ron dissed Jay-Z? Jay-Z didn’t even respond. Why didn’t he respond, because he’s Jay-Z.”

[From Teen Vogue]

Uh, where to begin? At first, I was going to get on the Bieb’s case about favorably comparing himself to Jay-Z, but I feel like that would be shooting fish in a falsetto bucket. Bieber will never be a music industry mogul. For now, he can sing songs that other people have written, and maybe he’ll end up trying his hand at production once all of his current fans grow up, but he’ll never be as successful at spinning gold on his own as Jay-Z.

What actually makes me shake my head is Bieber’s insistence that God made him famous so that he can help people. Aside from well-executed photo ops of Bieber visiting his fans in the hospital, what has Bieber done to “help” anyone? Every bit of his do-gooding is aimed at preserving what little “good boy” image he has left. Does he think his voice or his live performances help people in a genuine way? Then perhaps he could show up on time for his concerts. Just a thought.

Meanwhile, this photoshoot continues to be hilarious. Aww, look. Biebs is climbing the monkey bars! Just like his former pet.

Photos courtesy of Teen Vogue

Kirstie Alley really needs to step away from the social media with her crazy Scientology bias against psychiatry. Everyone’s favorite Xenu puppet of delusion took to her Twitter account after she happened to catch a television commercial for the Abilify antidepressant. I think I’ve seen the ad spot she’s talking about, which is one that shows a bouncing happy face. Well, Kirstie seems to believe that children will see this commercial and want to take this drug, you know, just for fun. Say what?

Just for a second, let me backtrack and say that I don’t agree with Kirstie when she says that psychiatric drugs are the devil, but I don’t think that kids should take them unless it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t doubt that there are some children whose parents will medicate them because it’s easier than dealing with behavioral problems. One of my friends went through a big custody battle in court and won sole custody of his daughter because the mother kept doctor shopping, and the poor little girl was on all kinds of meds because, well, let’s just say that the mother had issues of her own. In that case, the court-appointed doctor determined that (just like the father suspected) this little girl did not have any psychiatric problems, but this was a very extreme case where the mom just kept insisting that her kid take these drugs to be “fixed.”

In contrast, there are kids who do genuinely benefit from drugs for depression, ADHD, and other mental-health maladies. Some kids (and adults) really need such such medication, but Kirstie doesn’t see that, of course. She’s conditioned to follow the L. Ron Hubbard-dictated doctrine that holds psychiatry out as the root of all evil — including the Holocaust and the Xenu volcano debacle. As such, we can’t expect any common sense from Kirstie in this department, and here are some of the bizarro things she said on Twitter about pharmaceutical companies and their eeevil drugs:

“HOW is it legal to INTICE people to down TWO mind altering drugs by using cartoon characters to depict the DRUGS? ABILIFY. Big PHARMA not marketing to youth? ABILIFY… Talking umbrella, cute little smiley pill, while lethal side effects like suicide r rattled off. I have a great name for a psych drug NOT targeted at children…Broccoli-ifi. At least when that dirty creep across from the campus is selling smack we see the intensity of it. Same dude on TV Drug ads…just bathed. You can hate me for my viewpoint .but on this it won’t change..some things are just not right..a ‘little bit of slavery’ is not acceptable”

[From Kirstie Alley on Twitter]

Does anyone else find it ironic that Kirstie is likening psychiatry to the promotion of slavery when the CO$ itself runs on slave labor? From young children in the Sea Org to Tom Cruise’s mechanics and housekeepers, the entire cult relies on slavery. Yet all of that is easy for delusional celebrity members to ignore when pushing their cult’s wacky ideology. L. Ron Hubbard hated psychiatrists because he felt that doctors at the Veteran’s Administration had failed him.

Somehow though, traces of psychiatric drugs were found in Hubbard’s system after his death, but celebrity members will never acknowledge such truths. Remember how Tom Cruise famously jabbed his finger at Matt Lauer and gave him a profound lecture on “psychiatric abuses” while promoting War of the Worlds? Tom insisted that poor Brooke Shields didn’t need antidepressants for postpartum depression because “there’s no such thing as a chemical imbalance.” That’s basically the same deluded point of view that Kirstie is presenting in her silly Twitter rant. How unfortunate.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

Lana Del Rey covers the February issue of Madame Figaro magazine, and she’s been styled as a snake skin- and fur-wearing child of the 1960s. The look here is rather severe with Lana’s new dark hair hanging limply around her face, which is filled and photoshopped into oblivion. Lana has had a pretty big past year though — she’s appeared in an H&M campaign/homage to David Lynch, been named GQ UK’s woman of the year, appeared on the cover of Vogue UK, and possibly hooked up with her childhood crush, Axl Rose — so her fans will probably eat this photoshoot up anyway. In the interview, Lana and her growing ego talk a bit about how she’d love to be like Angelina Jolie, which leads to an obvious remark about how her lips are already halfway there. She also touches a bit more upon her history with alcohol rehab while she was a teenager. Here are some excerpts:

She’s not just a fabricated face: “Music was my passion, but my work with this foundation is more important. I myself had the chance to be [helped by an establishment]. Helping others now feels like it’s my turn to give something back. I want to become a sort of Angelina Jolie. Like her, I think fame is nothing in itself, but it can be put to good use – by using it to generate money for charity for example.”

She’s always been weird: “As a child, I felt different. I always wanted to make my life a work of art.”

On her early issues with alcohol: “When you no longer drink, it is more difficult to celebrate. In fact, when I quit drinking, I lost my life. It took my all to reinvent myself. Find the roots. It was very difficult. At the same time, I had never felt rooted in whatever I’ve done or wherever I’ve been since.”

[From Le Figaro]

The excerpts released thus far from the interview don’t really clarify what Lana means by “this foundation,” but I’d wager a guess that Lizzy Grant is merely trying to reinvent herself once again. I’m not sure whether she’s also alluding to designs of being an actress (or merely a prospective humanitarian), but it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if Lana wanted to use the latter as a means to achieve the former. Hell, she could slap on some Marchesa, and Harvey Weinstein would instantly be in the mix. Maybe he’d even produce one of her as-yet-unwritten screenplays for a very special price. One never knows.

Photos courtesy of Madame Figaro

Let me first start out by saying that I am seriously bummed that our photo agencies didn’t get any photos of Tom Cruise at the Tokyo premiere of Jack Reacher. Tom is always very manic and entertaining when he hits Japan because he’s pretty huge there, and I mean that in a figurative and literal sense. Not only do the Japanese enjoy Tom’s movies, but Tom loves the fact that he can actually tower over some of the men in the country. But we will have to make do with these (sort of) old photos of Tom while he was in NYC last month to appear on Letterman (where Tom learned the “F” word). I never noticed before how much I love how Tom’s shadow is wearing lifts too.

To divert slightly from the main point today, a story in this week’s In Touch paints a lovely picture of Tom’s new relationship with Cynthia Jorge, the 26-year-old restaurant employee with whom he was dirty dancing in NYC clubs. Apparently, Cynthia feels that dating Tom “feels like a fairy tale,” and “they have a lot in common and are seeing where things go.” But they’re taking it slow! “They’re getting to know each other. It’s like any relationship in the beginning phase.” This basically means that Scientology is performing its filtering functions right now. Cynthia is probably undergoing the usual processing method of introductory auditing and incisor filing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if her family and friends haven’t spoken to her in weeks. So sure, it’s a “fairy tale” if there ever was one.

Now back to the “F” word. Tom has spoken that word before in some of his movies, but I’m not sure that he knows what it means. I’m not trying to be rude — that’s just how I see Tom: asexual and (to paraphrase Mimi Rogers) the proud owner of a “pure instrument.” Yes, I believe that Tom is Suri’s biological father, but I’m not entirely convinced that he had actual sex to get there. Instead, it seems like Tom has a hero-like fascination with CO$ leader David Miscavige.

The relationship between Tom and Dave is being detailed further in a new book by Lawrence Wright (staff writer from The New Yorker) called Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief. The Hollywood Reporter provides a multi-page summary of this book, but it’s a lot of stuff that we’ve heard already (including the familiar details about how Miscaviage and Tommy Davis instructed Isabella and Connor Cruise that their mother, Nicole Kidman, is a raging sociopath), so mostly, I am going to excerpt the parts about Tom and David Miscavige’s strange relationship. In short, not only are Dave and Tom the ultimate “big beings,” but they also plan on getting in their little spaceship of love together for an actual rendevous with L. Ron Hubbard himself once day. Here are some excerpts, which include a disturbing story about Dave’s dogs and Tom using the “F” word to describe his hopeful candidacy in running the United States:

Miscavige’s taste in music and movies: [Every evening], Miscavige retires to his den and drinks Macallan scotch and plays backgammon with members of his entourage or listens to music on his $150,000 stereo system (he loves Michael Jackson) or watches movies in his private screening room (his favorite films are Scarface and The Godfather trilogy). He usually turns in around three or four in the morning.

Miscavige makes Scientologists salute his dogs: Miscavige keeps a number of dogs, including five beagles. He had blue vests made up for each of them, with four stripes on the shoulder epaulets, indicating the rank of Sea Org Captain. He insists that people salute the dogs as they parade by. The dogs have a treadmill where they work out. A full-time staff member feeds, walks and trains the dogs and enters one of them, Jelly, into contests, where he has attained championship status. One of Miscavige’s favorites, a Dalmatian/pit bull mix named Buster, went on a rampage one day and killed 10 peacocks on the property, and then the dog proudly laid out his kill for all to see. Buster also attacked various members of the staff — sending one elderly woman to the emergency room — before being transferred to another base, causing staffers to joke he had been sent to the dog equivalent of Scientology rehabilitation.

Tom & Dave plotted to take over the US: “Bush may be an idiot,” Miscavige observed, “but I wouldn’t mind his being our Constantine,” referring to the first Roman Emperor to convert to Christianity. Cruise agreed. “If f–ing Arnold can be governor, I could be president.” Miscavige responded, “Well, absolutely, Tom.”

Tom & Dave have a future rendezvous with L. Ron Hubbard: “[Miscavige would] say that Tom Cruise was the only person in Scientology, other than himself, that he would trust to run the Church,” one former Sea Org member recalled. Rathbun observed: “Miscavige convinced Cruise that he and Tom were two of only a handful of truly ‘big beings’ on the planet. He instructed Cruise that LRH was relying upon them to unite with the few others of their ilk on earth to make it onto ‘Target Two’ — some unspecified galactic locale where they would meet up with Hubbard in the afterlife.”

[From Hollywood Reporter]

HAhahahaha. Tom Cruise as Presidential candidate? Don’t worry, it would never happen. Neither Tom nor the CO$ could afford the pay cut (the article points out that in 2004 alone, Tom “donated” $3 million to “the church”). Also, even if Tom managed to convince a political party to nominate him, there’s no way he could handle even one live political debate. It would be all about blinding-white smiles and sticking his finger in his opponent’s face. “But what about the economy, Tom?” You don’t understand the history of psychiatry! I do.”

There’s also a separate article from Hollywood Reporter that is devoted to the portions of Wright’s book that cover John Travolta’s “blithe” acceptance of “the faith,” and it details an auditor’s defection from the CO$ after her baby (who was denied vaccinations) had developed whooping cough: “The baby’s eyes were welded shut with mucus, and her diaper was wet — in fact, her whole crib was soaking. She was covered with fruit flies.” The really sad part of this story? It is probably all true.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet

I’ll be perfectly honest here in that I don’t know too terribly much about Lena Dunham. She’s one of those ironic hipsters who not only pens but also annoyingly acts within HBO’s “Girls” series, and she recently scored a $3.5 million payday for her very first (as yet unwritten) book. She is also now part of Judd Apatow’s crew because she published an essay for This is 40, and she is described by the Hollywood Reporter as Apatow’s new “prized pupil.” Once you’re part of Apatow’s club, you are seldom thrown to the wayside (just ask Paul Rudd or Apatow’s own wife, Leslie Mann) unless (like Katherine Heigl) you dare to speak against the master. So Lena Dunham had best be careful how she operates in the future and stay on Apatow’s good side, but she’s making an odd start in this essay by turning her nose up to writers who dare to get paid for their services. She’s not really trying to make friends outside her little group, is she?

Lena Dunham Doesn’t Write For Money And Doesn’t Think You Should Either

This statement comes at the beginning of an essay she penned for the published screenplay for Judd Apatow’s This is 40, where Dunham ponders the “many reasons” people write which include “glory” and the ability to use the keyboard to “figure things out.”

As for filthy lucre? That’s deemed “a weird plan.”

On one hand, this statement makes complete sense. Most writers barely make a dime from writing, something a cursory look at the Who Pays Tumblr can demonstrate. Going into the field to make a few shekels is about an effective a strategy as moving to Casablanca for the waters, despite the fact that, once upon a time, Charles Dickens not only wrote for money, he was pilloried by critics for doing just that.

On the other hand, people do need to pay the rent, and it isn’t exactly nice to discover that someone who is earning $3.5 million for her musings is so clueless about the things the rest of the world often needs to take on to get by like, say, corporate writing gigs or staff positions on television programs on that can kindly be described as less profound than “Girls.” It gives ammunition to all of those critics, formerly thought of as humorless, who pointed out the absurdity of presenting Dunham’s Girls as a generational statement as if all Millennials come from a privileged, artistic background. They just need space, time and an understanding boss so they can find their way in the world after their well-off parents pull the financial plug.

Let me be clear: Dunham’s Hannah, the autobiographical character she created for “Girls,” does not suffer from a permanent shortage of funds. She could be better described as having a cash-flow problem, which is not the same thing at all. This is the sort of situation that gives one the freedom to say writing for money is “weird.”

Here’s hoping the next season of “Girls” takes this issue on.

[From Forbes]

I speak from the perspective of someone who has never watched “Girls,” but CB has watched the show and confirmed that Lena’s character does have a “a cash-flow problem“; and even though she comes from an upper-middle-class family, her parents have cut her off, so she’s very “cash poor” and subsists by the good grace of her friends and crappy jobs. I honestly don’t see why Lena’s zeroing in on people who write for money, and if Lena’s character is truly autobiographical, it makes even less sense that she’d pick on a profession that’s very hard to break into and even harder to make a living while doing. Unless, that is, Lena’s trying to convince the world that her own unexpected financial success (seriously, $3.5 mill in a time when many publishers are struggling to hold their doors open?) was an unintended side effect of her hipster cred. Like hipster karma or something.

Incidentally, Lena has also just also posed for Entertainment Weekly in a new Twiggy-inspired pictorial. Accordingly, she was ironically observed to have been “obsessed with her final transformation” and was spotted taking photos of herself in the mirror after the shoot. Naturally.

Photos courtesy of EW.com and WENN

I’ve been scratching my head for quite a few hours over this story. It just doesn’t make any sense at all. Author Lee Child currently presides over one of the most successful literary franchises on earth, and his entire series is based upon a 6’5″ brick sh-thouse (with a 50-inch chest) named Jack Reacher. At no point does Child ever cease to remind his readers what a physically imposing yet benevolent beast Reacher is, and now when it came time for his baby to hit the big screen, Child was perfectly content to let Tom Cruise option the material and even star as the main character. The obvious question here is this — have the Scientologists gotten to Lee Child?

It can’t be that simple though. I mean, I sort of get it. Child has written (and correct me if I’m wrong) 17 Jack Reacher novels. So he’s a franchise-minded kind of guy, and so is Tom Cruise, who loves his action franchises because they mean virtually guaranteed mega profits with very minimal creative effort involved once the ball is rolling. And lift-makers ’round the world will tell you that Tom Cruise wants nothing more in life but to be considered the biggest being ever, right? So now we’ve seen a few Jack Reacher trailers wherein Tom talks tough, kicks some crap around, and gives a guy a noogie before the the bad guys run off screaming. Tom seems blissfully unaware of how ridiculous he looks, but now Lee Child has spoken out in a new featurette about how “Tom Cruise is a fantastic Jack Reacher.” WTF?

[From Yahoo!]

Look, I don’t have a problem with Tom Cruise being portrayed as an ass-kicking tough guy in an action movie. Nor do I take an issue with him playing a vigilante character either. So why didn’t he hire some writers to create a new character for him instead of slapping the “Jack Reacher” label on top of it? The main issue here is that, within Child’s own books, the physicality of the character is integral to the stories being told. I don’t care how so very sensitive Tom claims to be to the Reacher fans — they have every right to be upset. Hopefully, they won’t back down and reward this nonsense by buying movie tickets. But they probably will, and Cruise’s reign of terror will continue.

Poster and movie stills courtesy of AllMoviePhoto

I want to thank all of you for your words of encouragement yesterday… I knew I made the right decision to simply block out the horrible premiere of Liz & Dick. It probably would have given me a rage-stroke. I probably would have become a crackhead just from watching it, like the crackiness was airborne or something. Anyway, Lindsay’s turn as a bloated, crack-faced Elizabeth Taylor was universally panned. And I do mean UNIVERSALLY. Everyone thought she was awful. Except for Michael Lohan, but he doesn’t count. Vagina-kickers NEVER count. But surely we’re forgetting one other person too, right? Yes, Lindsay thought her performance as Elizabeth Taylor was nothing short of brilliant and epic and Oscar-worthy. She’ll probably try to parlay this Lifetime movie into an appearance at the Golden Globes. And Radar says she’s definitely trying to parlay this “success” into a TV show. I guess TLC is planning a Faces of Meth reality show…?

Even though critics raked Lindsay Lohan over the coals for her performance in the Lifetime television movie Liz & Dick, the former child actress is determined to star in her own television sitcom, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

“Lindsay has asked her manager and agent to look into getting her her own television sitcom,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Lindsay feels that the small screen would be a great way for her to revitalize her acting career and that a comedy would be the best bet. Lindsay feels most comfortable doing comedy and it was Charlie Sheen that told her she should do it. Charlie told Lindsay that it was an easy way to make very good money and help her to get her movie career back on track. Lindsay is loving the idea of having her own sitcom and would love to play someone in a story based on her crazy life.”

As previously reported, the critics may have roundly panned her performance as Elizabeth Taylor in Liz & Dick, but Lindsay is finding one diehard fan in her father Michael.

After the web exploded with viewers making snide comments about LiLo’s turn as the iconic actress and humanitarian, the patriarch of the Lohan family took to Twitter to claim that “all the critics should find new jobs!

“They know nothing about @lindsaylohan talent! She has more talent in her pinky then all of them together,” the proud dad tweeted. “You proved the critics wrong @LindsayLohan you are one of the best, so gifted, so amazing! Now apply it ALL! God bless you! And our family!”

Meanwhile, the comedy community got an early Christmas gift with the LiLo film, as many took to Twitter to contribute their snarky insights on her supposed comeback project.

Dane Cook: “I just realized Liz & Dick is on. No, I wasn’t watching it, but I can literally smell it.”

Morgan Murphy: “If you want to see something better than Liz & Dick, go to YouTube and search for ‘explosive diarrhea.’ … Liz & Dick has shown us all what it looks like when the girl who smokes in the parking lot gets cast as the lead in the high school play.”

However, “Lindsay isn’t fazed at all by the criticism. She thinks everyone is insanely jealous of her, and like it or not, she was trending on Twitter last night. Lindsay hopes that she could get her own television sitcom like Kirstie Alley did with Fat Actress. Lindsay admires what Kirstie did and wants to follow in her footsteps,” the insider says.

[From Radar]

Believe it or not, I don’t think the biggest problem is that the Cracken wants her own TV show – I mean, she’s delusional and money-hungry, so of course she wants her own TV show. What bothers me is that she thinks her life has “sitcom” potential. Dear Crackie: Your life a crack drama, not a sitcom. Your life is like Breaking Bad without the award-worthy acting. Your life is like The Wire, only without the brilliant writing. But most of all, your life is like a really awful reality show that never ends and has no real plot. Maybe National Geographic will do a “Crackies in the Mist” special. “This is the crackie in her natural habitat, the Marmont. Let’s watch as the crackie flaunts her rotting plumage to attract a wealthy mate. The crackie ‘presents’ herself by throwing a drink at a younger, more fertile crack interloper, then shrieks her crack-siren call.”

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

After yesterday’s post about Rihanna “giving thanks” to Chris Brown in Berlin over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was prepared to give up on her. I’m still heading in that direction. However, Rihanna has upped the ante by posting a photo of Chris Brown in bed to her Twitter account with the following caption: “Dis ni**a…….” At least, we can safely assume that this is Chris because, who ever this dude is, he’s got the same tattoos, and his butt is hanging out of his pants. It’s certainly not Justin Bieber, so it’s gotta be Chris Brown.

Rihanna just doesn’t care anymore, does she? Girl is defiantly thumbing her nose to all those who suggest she not date her abuser. She and Chris are both insisting (through their “music”) that their relationship is “Nobodies Business,” but Rihanna clearly has no problems with getting teary on Oprah for all to see. But yeah, I get it. She’s entirely “unapologetic” until he hits her again. Oh, and both Chris Brown and Drake were cleared of criminal charges in connection to their NYC club brawl from last year. Because consequences would just be too much to ask for in Breezy’s world.

Here are a few photos of Rihanna performing in London on 11/19 as part of her crazy-ass 777 tour. She looking classy as always.

Photos courtesy of Twitter and Fame/Flynet