I once read that most famous people – be they Hollywood celebrities, politicians, or other well-known public figures – become famous because they have a combination of drive and some type of delusional personality disorder (there’s a couple to chose from). Put those two things together and you have the winning recipe for a lifetime of fame and money.

A perfect example is Tyra Banks. Tyra seems to suffer from some form of severe narcissism combined with delusions of Oprah. She’s on the cover of the upcoming issue of the New York Times Magazine, and gives a great quote that perfectly illustrates just how highly she thinks of herself.

Talk about a major coup for Tyra!

Not only is this cover stunning, it officially puts Tyra in another league.

According to the New York Times, the article “goes inside the world of Tyra Banks - ex-cover girl, ex-Victoria’s Secret model and the reigning star of two popular TV shows, ‘America’s Next Top Model’ and ‘The Tyra Banks Show’ - learn how the 34-year old entrepreneur turned herself into a brand.”

“I think I was put on this earth to instill self-esteem in young girls,” says Tyra.

[From Cover Awards via Gossip Rocks]

That’s a pretty interesting thing to say, considering Celebitchy wrote a story about how horribly Tyra treated an 11-year-old girl who was a guest on her show. Tyra embarrassed Linda and her mother Claudia on national television, refused to meet with them before or after the show, and wouldn’t pose for a picture or sign an autograph. Tyra makes a good deal of money from every show she hosts, and is profiting from humiliating this poor little girl. Linda has to go to school and likely be teased by classmates due to the experience. Tyra just gets to take a pile of cash home in exchange for exploiting Linda’s embarrassment.

What a fabulous way to instill self-esteem in young girls. Tyra no one can stand you – your abrasive personality is cringe-worthy. But there’s a fine line between your own high self-esteem and blatant narcissism, and you crossed it a long time ago. Don’t act like you’re doing anything good for anyone but yourself – let alone young girls.

The judge in Heather Mills’ divorce case mentioned in his ruling multiple times that she was less than believable, and called her “distasteful,” “explosive,” and “volatile,” explaining how she failed to make a case that she was owed hundreds of millions. According to Heather it was Paul’s lawyer who wronged her, and she tried to make her point by dumping a jug of water over her on the last day in hearings. Outside of court that day, after having doused Paul’s lawyer Fiona Shakelton, Mills said “she has called me many, many names before meeting me when I was in a wheelchair.”

Now Mills is explaining her childish antics, and bragging about how great it was on an interview with Britain’s GMTV this morning. She even took a dig at Shakelton’s age:
“I cleansed and baptized her. I thought she looked fantastic - I thought it did her the world of good and now I’m getting lots of offers to restyle the hair of women of her age.” [via The Huffington Post]

And Mills couldn’t resist talking about her ex husband’s love life. McCartney was most recently spotted vacationing with his new girlfriend, American Nancy Shevell, in Antigua. He has also been linked with American actress Rosanna Arquette:
“I think he’s got three different girlfriends so I wish all the girls the best of luck. Better them than me.”

Mills is also fighting for transcripts of the court hearings to be released, hoping that it will air her grievances against Paul in a more efficient manner. She calls the coverage of her divorce “one sided.”

Just when you thought this woman couldn’t get any more annoying, someone gives her a platform and she takes it, flailing around and yelling at the top of her lungs. She’s like the paranoid village idiot of the media age. Everyone is out to get her, she’s always right, and she’ll tell you about it ad nauseum, creating general amusement for all.

Bai Ling is one of those people that are only interesting because she’s so freaking delusional. She can’t act worth beans, prances around in the most moronic outfits in Hollywood, and thinks everyone knows and loves her, when it’s more like everyone knows her as that lady that doesn’t really make sense and always flashes her nipple. I don’t really want to encourage her manic delusions or anything, but this one is sort of funny: she thinks she and Angelina Jolie had crazy chemistry and should have gotten it on… and now that Brad’s in her life, Bai is fine with him jumping in on the good times too.

“Angelina Jolie is so hot that she even drives her female costars wild! Actress Bai Ling, who worked with Jolie on two projects — Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Jolie’s documentary A Place in Time says that the two shared a ‘special attraction’ during filming.

“‘I felt this energy between us, when we look at each other there’s an energy, an attraction,’ Ling told Us Weekly at our Hot Hollywood party on September 26. ‘Her eyes transfer a sexual energy to me that makes her irresistible.’ Ling said that Jolie, 32, made her a promise while on the set of Sky Captain. She recalled: ‘Angelina said, ‘Next time we’ll play lovers.’”

“So did the twosome get physical off-camera? ‘We could have hooked up, but it just wasn’t the right time or place. But she told me, “My heart’s open to you.” Ling continued: ‘She is like me. She is totally open sexually.’

“The China native said that the last time she saw Jolie was at this year’s Tribeca Film Festival. She added: “I’ve always thought Brad [Pitt] was the sexiest man on the planet. So now that Brad and Angelina are together, now maybe I could experience both at the same time!’”

[From Us Weekly]

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Gross. Not two women together, or even a threesome, but just the thought of Bai Ling with absolutely anything other than a ravenous tiger makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. That woman is cra-to-the-z. I just made that up, and I’m going with it. Let’s hope it catches on. Seriously, there is this level of delusional that’s funny, there’s a level of delusional that needs medication, and then on top of both those levels, there’s Bai Ling. A bit of (unintentionally hilarious) history of Bai Ling’s delusions:

“Many of the events in Bai’s past have only been verified by Bai herself; her past in China is especially in doubt. No independent source besides Bai has verified her claims of her time spent in the Chinese army. The same is true of her time spent in New York as a visiting scholar, when her age would have made her a suspiciously young candidate for such an honor, especially given the paucity of her academic achievements. Finally, her participation in the Tiananmen Square protests would have been quite remarkable, given the fact that she attended the 1989 Moscow International Film Festival one month later as a member of an official Chinese movie group.

“Bai once claimed publicly that she was engaged to Nick Carter, but Carter immediately denied it and the two have never married. She has further claimed that she was “cut out” of Star Wars due to her appearance in Playboy magazine while also insinuating a large role for her character; George Lucas denied this, citing the facts that the edit had been done months before the Playboy appearance was known and stating that Bai’s role was only a few lines of unimportant dialogue. Additionally, Go Fug Yourself has documented Bai numerous times appearing publicly in revealing outfits that happen to “slip” and show her nipples in pictures, despite the fact that she was attending as a guest at events with no overt sexual content.”

[From Wikipedia]

Now I know Angelina Jolie has been pretty public in the past with the fact that she goes both ways – and she used to be pretty messed up, drugs and cutting and wearing vials of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck or some such thing. Though to be fair, most of us have at least half a beaker of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood somewhere in our homes, so that’s not all that bizarre, in and of itself. But given Bai’s longstanding history of lying about random shit (yeah I really believe you were at Tiananmen Square you crazy, self-serving wacko) I really doubt much of any of this is true. But I look forward to hearing about how she was actually Neil Armstrong.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s some assorted Bai Ling skankiness. I spared y’all the nipple shots. Images thanks to PR Photos.