Thank goodness the media has a diligent watchdog like Brooke Hogan to keep us on the straight and narrow. Brooke is absolutely livid at reports that she skipped jailbird brother Nick’s 18th birthday celebration. Because nothing says “You’re an adult” like getting moved to the big kid section of jail.

Brooke says she did show up – but unlike her famewhoring parents, she entered the jail through the back door. Linda Hogan brought a skateboard for her newly adult – and incarcerated – son. In college I volunteered in a state prison, and we weren’t even allowed to enter wearing underwire bras because the wire could be taken out and used as a weapon. But Linda Hogan seemed to think a skateboard would make it through security.

It’s her brother’s birthday – and Brooke Hogan will cry if she wants to. The 20-year-old lashed out at “stupid people of the press” on her MySpace blog for claiming she skipped her sib Nick Bollea’s 18th birthday behind bars on Sunday. She seethed:

Heres how stupid and inaccurate the media can be…
According to the press I didn’t show up to my brothers 18th birthday at the jail.
Lets see…
*hes in jail
*Its an important birthday…the big 18!!!
*I’m only a 4 hour drive to Tampa
*He’s the most important thing in my life.

They must have thought I didn’t show cause they didn’t SEE me.
uhh…there’s such thing as a back door you jerks.

Sunday served as a reunion for the Hogan clan, as Hulk and his estranged wife Linda — whom he recently dubbed “the most formidable opponent I’ve ever encountered” — visited their son in jail.

[From Us Weekly]

Brooke’s present to Nick was flying in a woman he was “very fond of,” according to E! News. At least that’s more meaningful than a skateboard. Brooke also told E! that although she was next to her mother Linda for an hour, the two never spoke or had eye contact.

It’s so tragic when such a lovely, wonderful family falls apart for no reason. I’m not gloating, I swear.

Here’s Brooke and Nick at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas in October. Photographer: Chris Connor. Images thanks to WENN.

In an interview with Access Hollywood earlier in the month, Brooke Hogan revealed that fellow inmates have talked smack to her brother Nick in jail, but that he hasn’t been “physically harmed.” She said he could hold his own and that he’s been able to tell people bothering him to back off. Nick is serving 8 months in jail for his role in a car accident in which his passenger, an Iraq war veteran, was left in a permanent vegetative state. Nick was driving drunk underage last August and drag racing on a public street when he crashed into a tree and escaped unharmed, seriously injuring his friend next to him. Nick and his family have never taken responsibility for his role in the crash and have consistently blamed the victim, pointing out that he was not wearing his seatbelt and that calling him a “negative person” and his injuries “God’s will.”

It’s pretty clear now why Nick’s contact with other inmates has been limited to verbal altercations - up until now he’s been in a juvenile detention facility housed with other inmates under 18. So all that bitching he was doing about being in solitary confinement and not being able to take it in jail had to do with his confinement with other kids. He’s about to get a bitter taste of reality, though, as he just turned 18 and will be transferred to an adult jail with hardened criminals:

Turning 18 has its benefits — you get to vote, you can join the Army, and, if you’re Nick Bollea, you get transferred to a full-blown adult jail.

Bollea, who has been housed with other juveniles at Pinellas County Jail, will be moved to an adult facility on Sunday, aka his 18th birthday. It’s an open dormitory type of setting where he’ll be in close contact with other adult inmates. The inmates are either awaiting sentencing or have already been sentenced in cases ranging from misdemeanors to felonies.

The only way this won’t go down is if a judge orders otherwise. He’ll be released sometime in October.

[From TMZ]

Nick does need to go to real jail for his crime, but we all know what happens in those places and I would never wish rape on anyone. Maybe they’ll put him in a separate area or in solitary so that he’s protected from the rest of the population. Other 18 year-olds who nearly kill their best friends driving drunk don’t get such special treatment, though, and Nick doesn’t deserve it just because he’s a minor celebrity.

Picture note by JayBird: Nick Hogan is pictured at his sentencing hearing on May 13th. It’s hard to believe he’s just turning 18, looking at that forehead. Images thanks to Splash.

Khloe Kardashian’s jail stint sure changed her. Dramatically. She sounds like a much better, more self-aware, considerate, deeper person for the 173 minutes she spent behind bars. Turns out the reason Khloe got out so quickly was because she was deemed a threat to the other prisoners. No, not because of her face, though I can see where you’d get that.

As soon as she arrived, bomb threats were called into Lynwood Correctional Facility, and the warden deemed it was because of Khloe. And Khloe, being the deep, introspective person that she is, views it as a blessing.

… As for the punishment, Kardashian said she was originally expected to be taken to the downtown Twin Towers correction facility, “one of the dirtiest, toughest jails in L.A.,” but said that come Friday morning, “there were some complications, and I actually could not go down there. It’s a blessing in disguise. That’s my dad being one of my angels.”

The socialite also confirmed that she was instead transferred to Lynwood come her morning surrender and immediately placed in solitary confinement for safety reasons.

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’

“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”

[From E! News]

I can just see Kim and Kourtney on their cell phones at the coffee shop across the street from the jail, calling in threats and waiting with the car motor running. I love how Khloe plays off bomb threats like it’s just this absolute and total coincidence. The moment she steps into jail, a bunch of people threaten to blow the place up.

Poor Khloe, she’s right, she doesn’t need any more problems. What with all the terrible things that have happened to her, like drinking, driving, getting caught for it, and refusing to do community service which resulted in her getting thrown into jail. Why do bad things always happen to such good people?

Only someone as stupid and self-centered as Khloe Kardashian could call a bomb threat a blessing. Because it got her out of jail early.

Here’s Khloe with her family at the “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” season two launch at Les Deux in Hollywood on March 19th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Amy Winehouse and drama go together like peanut butter and jelly. If the jelly were made of crack. And the peanut butter were a pipe. Unfortunately Amy Winehouse and drama also go together really well. To say she chases it would be a massive, massive understatement. Amy thrives on it. I seriously doubt she could exist in a state of calm.

Amy’s husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is scheduled to be sentenced for his role in an assault and bribery of a bartender. Blake plead guilty over a month and a half ago, but couldn’t be sentenced until all of his accomplices had completed their trials as well. Fielder-Civil’s mother is afraid that he’ll be let out of jail soon (presumably being sentenced to time served) and has begged the judge not to allow her son to be anywhere near his wife. Georgette Fielder-Civil is absolutely convinced Amy led Blake down the dark path, even though pretty much everyone with two brain cells to rub together believes the opposite.

Amy Winehouse’s mother-in-law is speaking out against the troubled singer - and blaming the 24-year-old for her son’s drug problems. “I don’t want him to go straight back to Amy,” Georgette Fielder-Civil told Britain’s News of the World of her incarcerated son, Blake Fielder-Civil, who is scheduled to be sentenced on Monday. “If he does it could be a death sentence for the two of them.”

Georgette has written a letter urging a judge to keep her son away from his wife. “Giving him and Amy another chance is like putting a gun to Blake’s head while playing Russian Roulette,” she said. But Winehouse’s father, Mitch, has repeatedly blamed his son-in-law for getting Amy into hard drugs. “Everyone knows that — apart from Blake’s mum and dad,” he said.

According to Georgette, her 26-year-old son wants to be Amy’s “savior” and “has every intention to try to stop the drugs.” Blake, mind you, was photographed earlier this month heating what appeared to be drugs in his jail cell and inhaling the fumes through a tube. Amy is “completely unstable,” her mother-in-law said. “Blake is a recovering addict and he’s not strong enough to resist the temptation.”

[From the Daily News]

If nothing else, I admire Mitch Winehouse for being totally open, honest, and upfront about his daughter’s drug addiction. And he’s often said how fearful he is for Amy – not just that she’ll overdose, but that if nothing else she’s killing herself slowly due to her emphysema-like condition. But he’s never denied that Amy has a problem, though he does seem pretty powerless. But generally, you don’t hear him going on about how it’s everyone else’s fault, unless he’s directly responding to the Fielder-Civil family’s accusations that Amy turned Blake onto drugs.

Considering the depth of her denial, I’d guess that Blake’s mom isn’t doing him any favors. If she can’t be real with him, she’s just enabling and excusing his behavior. I absolutely think it’d be a great idea for Amy and Blake to be kept far away from each other. If there were a way to legally make two people divorce against their will, I’d nominate this couple first. But blaming Amy for Blake’s problems is utterly ridiculous, and probably one of those “pot calling the kettle black” situations.

Amy Winehouse is shown out in Camden late Saturday/early Sunday. The photo description reads: “Amy Winehouse went out to the Monarch pub in Camden, arriving at 2.30am and leaving at 5am. On the way home she stopped at the Esso garage grabbed some flowers and ran off.” D-Listed notes that the flowers are probably for Blaaake.

Khloe Kardashian. Just the name makes me want to sucker punch someone in the face. Yeah, I’m that kind of girl. Or at least I’m in that kind of mood. I understand that Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe’s mom Kim likes Ks. Great. Awesome for you. But she managed to give Kim a normal K name, instead of finding some dumbass way to spell an otherwise good C name. Is it any wonder Kim is the only “successful” Kardashian daughter? Khloe’s racking in the DUI’s, Kourtney is… well I don’t know what the hell she’s doing, but that’s my point. I blame this whole debacle on their mom.

Because her name sucks, Khloe sucks, so Khloe got a DUI. She was ordered to serve 30 days in jail [People originally erroneously reported that it was 3 days – which we repeated here], which of course in Los Angeles translates to several minutes. Khloe was in and out in under three hours – not exactly record time, but you could see how they wouldn’t be as worried about her as they were with someone like Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan.

With the jails too full of more serious offenders to find room for her, Khloe Kardashian served less than three hours of her 30-day sentence on Friday in a DUI case. Kardashian, 24, who appears on E!’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians, was processed into the Lynwood, Calif., jail for women at 10:36 a.m. and released at 1:29 p.m., according to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department.

The department, which runs the city’s jails, has an early-release policy for nonviolent offenders due to overcrowding. Kim Kardashian’s younger sister was sent there after she surrendered to the Van Nuys courthouse and was booked at 8:52 a.m. The Lynwood jail is the same facility that housed Paris Hilton for most of her term in an alcohol-related driving case.

Kardashian served her brief time for violating probation following a DUI arrest. Kardashian was arrested for DUI in March 2007, and was sentenced to three years probation. On July 3, she was sentenced to 30 days in jail after failing to complete roadside cleanup duty and enroll in an alcohol education class.

[From People]

I understand that DUIs are generally considered nonviolent crimes. I can see why women sentenced for them don’t put in as much time as murderers. But I think it sends a really bad message. Khloe Kardashian knew that she could do something she didn’t want to do – roadside cleanup duty – or she could go to jail for three hours. It makes sense she chose jail instead of doing her time properly.

Starlets know they won’t have to pay any real consequences. Part of her sentence was to do something she didn’t like – and do it for a while. Probably in the sun. Photographers would probably show up. It would be embarrassing. Why should someone as grand as Khloe Kardashian stoop to that level? Going to jail was much easier and more dignified for her. Of course we’d be talking about a whole different story if she knew she had to serve 30 entire days. Then we’d have some great pics of Khloe dragging a bag around a freeway.

Considering her choices, I no longer feel badly calling Khloe the behemoth monstrosity that she is.

Here’s Khloe outside the Villa Lounge in Los Angeles on Tuesday. Images thanks to WENN.

It’s got to suck being the sister of Kim Kardashian. You can argue all day about whether her assets are real, but she’s definitely beautiful, at least in a Hollywood sort of way. And depending on your views, her sister Kourtney is even hotter. And then there is Khloe. It’s hard to say if she’s actually unattractive, or just seems that way compared to her more genetically blessed older sisters.

Last fall Khloe got a DUI – which was dramatically reenacted on the family’s reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and framed in a way to make it look like it all happened because Khloe, 24, was having trouble dealing with the anniversary of her father’s death. Now Khloe has to report to jail by this Friday – where she must put in an astounding three days time.

Khloe Kardashian, the youngest of the Kardashian sisters, has been sentenced to three days in Los Angeles County jail for violating probation following a DUI arrest.

“She admitted to failing to complete [roadside cleanup duty] and enroll in an alcohol education class,” said L.A. City Attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan on Monday. “Khloe is ready and willing to serve out her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved,” her rep tells PEOPLE.

Over the weekend, Kardashian showed no obvious signs of worry about her upcoming jail term, as she attended a party at the Project Beach House in Malibu with her mother and sister Kourtney. “Khloe actually looked great, really relaxed and having a good time,” says a partygoer at Sunday’s Lia Sophia Clambake. “[She] didn’t look like she had a care in the world and even got a massage.”

[From People]

It’s shit like that – massages, not having a “care in the world” – that makes people hate celebrities. Though using that word to describe Khloe Kardashian isn’t exactly accurate. The “partygoer” says it as though it’s a GOOD thing. Thank God Khloe isn’t being burdened with stress or guilt or any feeling of responsibility for getting a DUI! That would be the real crime.

Something tells me Khloe will do just fine in jail. She has one of those faces that says she could beat the shit out of someone if she had to.

Here’s Khloe Kardashian arriving at Platinum Motors in West Hollywood with her brother and his girlfriend to pick up her customized Range Rover on June 30th. Because that’s what someone with a DUI needs. A new car. Header of Khloe celebrating her birthday at Pure nightclub in Vegas on June 27th. Image below of the Kardashian sisters during a taping of The View on 6/25/08. Images thanks to WENN.

Details have finally been released in the criminal case of Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake Fielder-Civil. Blake has been on trial for assault and perverting the course of justice (akin to witness tampering here in the states). Last week he copped a plea, but it couldn’t be released until this week, due to some stipulations put on the media by the judge.

It’s now been learned that Blake Fielder-Civil and friend Michael Brown tried to bribe pub landlord James King with approximately $400,000 after they assaulted King. It appears they beat him up in June of 2006 due to something relating to a woman: Brown used to date one of King’s friends. Fielder-Civil and Brown attacked King around closing time at the bar, and kicked him repeatedly.

Using two middle men, they offered King £200,000 to withdraw the charges, refuse to testify, and leave the country so that he couldn’t be forced into court. One of the middle men and King brought the plan to the Daily Mirror, trying to sell their story (after they’d already extended the bribe, and King had accepted). The Daily Mirror – being remarkably scrupulous – reported what they’d learned to the police, which launched the investigation. King clearly isn’t that bright, since by going to the Daily Mirror, he alerted police to his illegal activities all on his own.

But the plot was exposed when King and Kelly contacted the Daily Mirror in an attempt to sell their story - and staff informed the police. Kelly claimed that Miss Winehouse, a Grammy Award winner, was effectively funding the bribe, the court heard.

…King, who is being tried for conspiring to pervert the course of justice, said he would ‘effectively throw the case and not turn up’, so that Fielder-Civil and Brown would not face prosecution, Snaresbrook Crown Court, in East London, heard.

When they met journalist Stephen Moyes, in October 2007, he asked if Amy Winehouse was involved in the plot. ‘He was told by Kelly, “Who do you think is paying for it? Of course she is”,’ Mr Larkin said.

But there was no evidence she was part of the conspiracy. King claimed that he was ‘hounded’ by people to stop the case from going to court and suggested money was coming from Amy Winehouse to ‘make this go away’, the jury was told.

[From the Daily Mail]

It’s hard to believe that Amy Winehouse wasn’t involved in this in some way. Where else would Blake Fielder-Civil possibly get money like that? I’m not saying it was Amy’s idea, but I doubt even she would hand over that amount of money without asking what is was for. Police did investigate her involvement, but for whatever reason decided not to charge her. But it sounds like it’s pretty clear that she had something to do with the witness tampering all along.

Here’s Amy Winehouse briefly leaving her London home to hand out ice pops to fans and photographers today. Images thanks to WENN.

Amy Winehouse’s useless husband Blake Fielder-Civil, plead guilty last week to assault and conspiring with the guy he assaulted. Fielder-Civil, 26, beat up Macbeth’s Pub owner James King – and then he tried to bribe King to withdraw his allegations and leave the country. While Fielder-Civil could have gotten about three years for the original assault, it’s the witness tampering – called perverting the course of justice in the U.K. – that’s the much bigger crime. That carries up to life in prison – though Fielder-Civil is unlikely to get such a harsh sentence.

Amy Winehouse’s husband has admitted assaulting a barman and then attempting to cover it up. Blake Fielder-Civil, 26, is standing trial in London on charges of attacking pub landlord James King, and then conspiring with him to withdraw as a witness at the trial. Fielder-Civil and three-co-defendants pleaded guilty last week, but a court order barred reporting the pleas because King is due to face a separate trial. Judge David Radford lifted that restriction Monday.

Soul diva Winehouse and Fielder-Civil married in Miami in May 2007. He was arrested in November and has been in jail awaiting trial ever since. Winehouse was at London’s Snaresbrook Crown Court last week for the opening legal arguments in her husband’s trial.

Fielder-Civil faces a maximum sentence of five years in prison for the assault charge. Perverting the course of justice carries a maximum sentence of life, though that is unlikely to be imposed in this case.

[From the Huffington Post]

I can’t even imagine what Winehouse is going to do as a result of this. Since the plea actually happened last week, it’s safe to assume she already knows about it. Fielder-Civil will be sentenced in about a month, once his co-defendants are finished with their other trials. I would imagine that if he ends up being sentenced for any significant amount of time, we’ll find Amy hallucinating on top of someone’s chimney or something. And that’d be a big improvement for her, behavior-wise.

Here’s Amy Winehouse with her dad Mitch at Guanabana restaurant in Camden, London last night. Amy then stopped at a newsstand for cigarettes and candy. Header of Blake and Amy in November, 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

It’s a big day in Nick Hogan’s universe - all of his wildest dreams are coming true! Actually, I’m guessing it’s a pretty big day for most of the inmates at Pinellas County Jail. That’s right, young Nick’s wish of being released into the general population has finally been granted. Nick was being held essentially in solitary confinement because at the young, vulnerable age of 17, he was the only minor in the otherwise adult population.

Hogan is also a minor celebrity in real life, which translates to major booty in jail life. You’d think if the guy had two brain cells to rub together, he’d want to stay in solitary for that exact reason. But apparently Nick’s conviction that he’s special and different and protected from everyone else makes him believe what happens to other famous young jailbird men won’t happen to him. Good luck.

Nick Hogan’s got himself some company. Two days after a judge denied his request to be transferred out of solitary confinement, Hulk Hogan’s son, who’s serving time for a DUI crash that seriously injured his friend, was moved into a communal cell after a routine assessment of the ever-in-flux jail population, according to a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Hogan, whose real last name is Bollea, was cooling his heels in an isolated maximum-security cell because, at 17 years of age, he was considered too young to live among the jail’s general population.

Attorney Kevin Hayslett argued in a motion filed Friday that his client was undergoing “cruel and unusual punishment” that didn’t fit the crime by being housed in those conditions. He requested Hogan either be granted house arrest until his 18th birthday or at least moved out of the concrete block he’d been calling home to be with other nonviolent inmates.

A judge refused a transfer but, according to the jail rep, a spot for Hogan opened up following a review of current housing assignments. The teen is now sharing space with three other juvenile offenders.

[From E! News]

Something tells me getting locked in a tight space with three other dudes was not what Nick was hoping for when he had his lawyer make that request.

Nick will become an adult in jail, celebrating the big 18 on July 27. He’ll probably get some new adult roommates at that point. What a fun treat for him. Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like the fear of taking a shower or falling asleep.

Header Nick and sister Brooke in January 2007. Images thanks to WENN.

It really is hard out there for a Hogan. I mean I used to feel a little badly for poor Nick Hogan – what with the nearly taking someone’s life and then getting punished for it with 8 months in jail – but now I feel super badly for him. Nick has to spend the bulk of his day in solitary confinement because he’s a minor in an adult, maximum security facility. And I’m guessing he’s more than a little bit of a target in there as well. But Nick doesn’t like it, and wants out. And what Nick wants, Nick should get, right?

Lawyers for Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea, filed a motion earlier today requesting that the 17-year-old be released from solitary confinement and placed into a program that would give him the same treatment as anyone else with the same sentence.

According to the motion, filed in Florida’s Pinellas County Court, Nick, who was convicted to an 8-month sentence after pleading no contest to charges stemming from his August 2007 auto accident, is wrongfully being held in solitary confinement for up to 17 hours a day.

“Nick’s current confinement in maximum security was not appropriate based on their evaluation of Nick, the circumstances of his offense, and Nick’s lack of any prior criminal record,” his lawyer’s claim.

“Treating a minor in this manner is simply unwarranted,” says Morris “Sandy” Weinberg of the Tampa office of Zuckerman, Spaeder. “We are only asking the court to make available to Nick what anyone else in his situation would have available to them, and also to respect the Bollea family’s privacy.”

[From OK! Magazine]

While I have a policy of never feeling any empathy to Nick Hogan, even I have to admit that placement in a maximum security facility for a minor without a record seems pretty extreme. But I’m all for the judge not showing Nick any special treatment. Obviously jail isn’t fun. In fact it’s supposed to suck as much as possible. Sounds like it does. Maybe it really will work as some sort of deterrent for Nick next time he wants to drag race and slam into a palm tree.

Nick Hogan is pictured at his sentencing hearing on May 13th. Images thanks to Splash.