Rocker Ozzy Osbourne, 62, made some rather good points about how Lady Gaga and her ridiculously costumed T&A are everywhere lately. Osbourne gave a (supposedly) surprisingly coherent interview to US Weekly in which he covered his career, his family and his advice for Gaga. Contrary to the title, he wasn’t entirely negative toward Gaga and basically told her to put it away for a while.

Us: Any advice for any of the current music stars out there?

OO: I do think Lady Gaga should take a break for a little while. She’s getting to be too much, and she doesn’t watch the exposure of her clothes. She’s just too overexposed. She could be the next Madonna if she played her cards right. I like her, but I’m getting a bit sick of her. When I turn on the TV, I see her wearing another lamp shade or whatever. She needs to take a break, I think, for an hour or so. I love her, I think she’s really, really entertaining, but she’s doing a bit too much. Every day it is something else. The specialness of her is gonna get killed if she doesn’t calm it down. Who manages her? Someone should whisper in her ear and say back off for a couple of months — let people gain interest back. Let people want you, you know?

Us: Are you proud of Kelly? She’s such a big star now!

OO: Kelly’s doing so well. That girl works so hard, she really is a hard-working kid. Both of them have come to be great people. None of us expected it to take off like it did — it went through the stratosphere! They didn’t know how to handle it, so they ended up on alcohol, drugs, but they’re both clean now.

Us: Aren’t you proud of her for losing all that weight?

OO: Oh yes, I’m proud of my daughter. But if she’s fat, whatever, I love her. But I’m so happy for her, and everybody’s always giving me compliments about how wonderful she looks. She’s currently working on a film in New Orleans, but I don’t know what the role is or anything else about it.

Us: Do you have any guy you’d like to see her with?

OO: No. I don’t get involved. As long as he’s not a bad guy or does bad things, or beats her… And, listen to me, if anybody beats one of my girls, I don’t have to do anything, ’cause my wife will get there about four hours before me, and do what she’s gotta do!

That was really nice what Ozzy said about Kelly! I get the impression that this interview was “translated” though, so that it made sense to people who don’t speak mumble. I’ve never heard Ozzy utter a sentence that I could understand completely. No wonder they didn’t post the audio.

Jack Osbourne has spoken out about his troubled past, saying that following his mother Sharon’s diagnosis with cancer he felt suicidal. After admitting he had a problem, Jack and father Ozzy went to rehab together.

“I started getting suicidal,” Jack reveals in an exclusive interview with In Touch. “I was just doing loads of drugs and drinking. I was miserable.” Jack, 23, who started going down the wrong path when he was just 13, hit rock bottom on Easter in 2003. “I disappeared for the long weekend,” says the reality star. “When I came back, I knew I needed help. I was like, ‘Okay, I will do this.’”

Jack’s dad, rocker Ozzy Osbourne, an admitted alcoholic and addict for decades, also convinced him to get help. “He said, ‘If you go to treatment, I’ll go to treatment as well.’” Jack checked into Visions Adolescent Treatment Center in Malibu. “A year passed and then two and then three and now it’s nearly six,” says Jack, who has gotten into healthy activities like kickboxing. And he intends to stay clean. “I don’t have a plan,” he explains. “I’m just going to keep doing what I’ve been doing and hopefully not drink. I don’t ever want to come back to rehab again.”

In Touch

When I look at the Osbourne family, my first impression is often of compete chaos – Ozzy is clearly in a place we can’t see, and Sharon seems to be constantly involved in or dealing with the repercussions of a foul-mouthed fight. Despite this, they seem to be reasonable parents. Sure, two of their three kids have been in rehab, but at least they could get them to go to rehab. Jack Osbourne seems to have truly gotten his life on track, in recent years he has continued on the reality television track but moved onto more worthwhile causes. He went to Namibia and filmed the tensions between elephants and humans, and took a rally car from London to Mongolia for charity.

Kelly Osbourne has just left rehab, and contrary to reports that she is already married, her mother Sharon says she won’t be ready for marriage soon, but she still supports her relationship with model Luke Worrell.

Kelly Osbourne’s famous parents, Sharon and Ozzy, have banned her from marrying fiance Luke Worrall for another five years.

The 24-year-old recently completed her third spell in rehab, where she was treated for drug and alcohol addictions, and her mother insists she needs to grow up before she can even think about marriage.

Music manager Sharon tells People magazine, “Neither of them is ready for domestic bliss right now.”

And Kelly, who has been engaged to model Worrall since November, agrees: “I’d become one of those cracked out housewives with a vacuum cleaner, hopped up on Dexedrine.”

San Francisco Chronicle

Sharon Osbourne, who has been voted Celebrity Mother of the Year in 2006 in England, does seem to have raised children who grew into responsible adults. They might fall off the rails, but at least she’s there supporting them and helping them pick up the pieces. Plenty of parents write their children off when they misbehave. Two healthy, happy children wasn’t an outcome anyone expected when Sharon was busy brawling with Ozzy and her parents, exposing her children on reality television, and sending excrement to her enemies in Tiffany boxes.

Jack and Sharon Osbourne are shown at American Idols “Top 12 Party” on 3/5/09. Credit: Nikki Nelson/ WENN.com

Kelly Osbourne is out and about promoting World Contraception Day, talking about how she has a sexual health check up several times a year, and revealing that she had a pregnancy scare at 13.

Kelly said: “I convinced myself I was pregnant when I was 13 and I hadn’t even got my period.

“There are so many rumours and also so much wrong information being passed around, so it is a really important message the World Contraception Day is trying to give out.”

Kelly – an ambassador for World Contraception Day – also revealed she gets tested for sexually transmitted infections every three months.

The 23-year-old admitted having unprotected sex in the past and has the tests for her own peace of mind

Kelly, who is currently dating model Luke Worrall, said: “I am not the kind of person who talks about my sex life, but I am not afraid to talk about contraception.

“I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested for sexually transmitted infections and most of the time I don’t even need to. I just go for peace of mind.”

[New magazine via The Sun]

Kelly was sexually active at 13? Is there any way for me to lock up my children until they’re 25, I am absolutely not ready to parent adolescents!

Kelly made the comments when out promoting World Contraception Day, and this story suggests to me that maybe her parents weren’t ready to raise children and possibly would have been good candidates for said contraceptives. Kelly seems to have worked herself out now, but shouldn’t she have a parent working out that she was sexually active before she even started puberty, and sitting down for a chat about the birds and the bees?

Admittedly, if you had Ozzy Osbourne explain anything to you, you’re likely to walk away more confused than when you started. And I shudder to think of the vulgarities Sharon would have used to explain the process, which alone might have worked as a contraceptive.

Kelly Osbourne is shown wearing a pink wig leaving Kate Moss’s daughter, Lila Grace’s birthday party on 9/26/08. Credit: WENN

Kelly Osbourne seems to be outdoing her mother in the disgusting behavior department. While Sharon seems to think that the word ‘f’ck’ serves as an adjective and verb, Kelly has recently spat in the face of a comedian after he called her fat and now she’s slapped a British reporter.

Reporter Zoe Griffin tells her side of the story here.

She began ear-bashing me about two lines in my column when I wrote her model boyfriend Luke Worrall had to ask friends how an earthquake was caused.

It was at that point Kelly shouted loudly in my ear: “I have an issue with you. My boyfriend knows what an earthquake is and everyone has been laughing at him and he’s upset.

“And then you take the piss out of my dad by saying he’s thick and he’s not.

“He’s like seriously clever.”

I could see the poor lass was getting her knickers in a right twist, so I said: “OK, look, I don’t want to fall out with you over this. If you want I could do something next week mentioning Luke’s achievements. Is he doing anything right now?’

But the livid party girl retorted: “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

That’s when I felt a hard slap to my right cheekbone. I put my hand to my face while my friends looked on aghast.

I was in a state of shock. Not for long, though. Soon Kelly came rampaging back over with a female friend jabbing a finger in the air, telling me that I’d have to watch my back if I shared my story with readers of this column.

Mirror

The reporter here, Zoe Griffin, seems to be a complete bitch (for a start, is it unreasonable to ask what causes an earthquake?) but the Mirror has run stories in the past describing Kelly as being funny, down-to-earth and genuine. Despite the fact that at the time she was spouting four-letter-words about how you can’t criticize her boyfriend or family.

If this story is true than it is the second time that Kelly has attacked a Mirror journalist (once verbally, once physically) about the one set of remarks about her family. Zoe says that Kelly hit her hard enough to make her head snap back, and I don’t are what anyone writes about your family, you don’t hit them. If for no other reason than it makes you the bad guy, instead of the person that leveled the insult, and draws more attention to the whole incident.

Kelly Osbourne is shown on 8/28/08 with Natt Weller leaving Shelley Studios in Notting Hill. She is wearing sunglasses to cover a black eye she was seen out with several days ago. Wonder how slap-happy Kelly got that? Credit: WENN

I remember one of the first things I learned in philosophy class was how to write guarded statements in papers so it was harder to argue with your idea. Making sure not to make definitive statements, and using rejoinders like “often”, etc. I found this annoying as hell because as a result you never actually said anything or stood for anything. But celebs – and anyone who is quoted a lot – could learn a lot from the guarded statement idea.

Say your dad is Ozzy Osbourne. And you give a nice long interview, and at one point say, “My dad is not an idiot.” That would have been a great time to preface it with, “generally,” or “for the most part,” or even “with the exception of when he’s on a lot of drugs.” Because when your dad is Ozzy Osbourne, making such a definitive statement is really asking for people to argue with you, and hunt around YouTube for a few minutes to prove exactly why you dad IS an idiot.

Jack Osbourne wants to set the record straight about his famous father. And that means taking a few swipes at the MTV reality show that put his family back on the map. “I think The Osbournes, to a degree, tarnished the public’s perception of my dad as a bit of a senile, funny, bumbling guy,” Jack tells Rolling Stone magazine. “Yeah, my dad can be that guy, but it’s not [all of] him.” Now Jack is trying to rejuvenate his dad’s rocker legacy. He has recruited his own pals and his dad’s former bandmates to contribute to a documentary he began shooting in January.

The result, he told the music mag, will be a kind of filmic memoir. The Black Sabbath frontman is dyslexic and “refused to do a book,” Jack adds. “So this is more like a talking book, a really thorough autobiography.” And despite their close family bonds, Jack insists the film won’t be a puff piece.

“My dad’s not an idiot – he’s nothing short of a genius, in my opinion,” he explains. “He does have huge flaws, and we’re trying to really paint an honest picture of that.”

[From People]

To Jack’s credit he did point out that Ozzy can be bumbling. But he really shouldn’t have allowed so much as a two second pause to breathe between that and the [but] “he’s not an idiot,” quotation. In fact just to be safe, I’d say something like, “For the most part, generally, he’s more often than not not a complete idiot most of the time.” Yeah it’s a grammarian’s worst nightmare. But it’s really, really safe. I kid of course.

Jack’s documentary sounds like it could be pretty interesting. While both he and sister Kelly spent some of their most struggle-filled, least-attractive years on television (everyone goes through that stuff at their age, they just did it on MTV), they both seem to be slowly growing into reasonably healthy adults. Jack in particular. It’ll be interesting to see what perspective he brings to his “talking book,” and see to what extent Ozzy’s problems were exacerbated by being over medicated by his doctor like the family has long claimed.

Here’s Jack and Ozzy this past Halloween. Images thanks to Fame.

This morning we covered the story that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are pitching their own variety show, which they envision as a modern version of Sonny and Cher’s show. Now comes news that the Osbournes have signed a deal with FOX for a six episode variety show starring Sharon and Ozzy and their two more publicity-seeking children, Jack and Kelly. Variety reports that it will be a throwback to 70s variety shows like Sonny and Cher and Donny and Marie. It will include audience participation skits, comedy, and gameshow-type elements. This could either be a mish mash or they might be able to pull it off if it’s well produced. It will be produced by James Sunderland, who is an executive producer on the show Sharon is a judge for, “America’s Got Talent,” and it’s planned for a Christmastime release:

Mike Darnell, Fox’s prexy of alternative programming, envisions the show as something of a throwback to the heyday of variety skeins such as CBS’ 1970s staple “The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour” and ABC’s “Donny and Marie.”

The plan is to blend musical perfs by the Osbournes and others with comedy sketches as well as gameshow, audience participation and out-of-studio taped elements. One idea being kicked around is for a segment dubbed “The Osbournes Meet the Osbournes,” in which Ozzy and Co. spend time with another Osbourne clan, Darnell said.

“We’ve been talking about how to renew the variety show concept and make it feel new for years now,” Darnell said. Deal came together quickly in the past two weeks as Fremantle circulated a DVD to major nets with comedy bits featuring the family and other prototype elements. Multiple nets bid on the show, but it landed at Fox in part because Sharon Osbourne and Darnell hit it off and had similar visions for the show.

Darnell hopes to launch the series, which will be shot in Los Angeles, with a Christmas special. The emphasis on music and performance would seem to make the show a natural companion for “American Idol,” but Darnell said any skedding talk was premature.

Eugene Young, chief creative officer for FremantleMedia North America, said the show would “tap into what the Osbournes do best, which is be themselves.”

Some segments will include the former Black Sabbath frontman “skewering pop culture,” while others will “tap into the sibling rivalry” between 23-year-old Kelly and 22-year-old Jack, Young said.

[From Variety via Huffington Post]

I liked Sharon Osbourne’s talk show, and maybe I’m the only one because it was canceled after one season in 2003, but I think she’s fun and can keep the show moving. Ozzy mumbles a lot and is hard to understand, but maybe if he sticks to performing and hanging around he’ll do fine. Kelly is a decent singer and had that “Papa Don’t Preach” cover as well as an album. She also appeared in the London production of musical Chicago.

I would watch one episode of this to give it a try. The Osbournes are going to have to control their swearing though or there’s going to be a lot of bleeping and editing required. That gets old quickly so they hopefully have enough other entertainment to make it worth watching.

Photo Credits: Kelly Osbourne is shown with her boyfriend Luke Worrall at the Glastonbury Festival on 6/27/08 and 6/28/08 thanks to Nick Pickles for WENN and Danny Clifford/Hottwire.net for WENN. Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly are shown at the Brit Awards on 2/28/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

I think being a rockstar would be great, it’s still on my career ambitions list. Right under supermodel. I’m not sure how old I have to be before I give the rocker dream up (supermodel ambitions died as I left my teens) but I’m guessing 75. I’m looking to Mick Jagger for advice.

While there are many great perks to the rockstar lifestyle, the experience must have less meaning if you can’t remember it. Case in point: Ozzy Osbourne.

68-year-old Ozzy has recently been paid a £1 million advance to write his autobiography, due for release in May 2008, but it seems he can’t remember enough stories (and I suspect chronological order is also a problem for him) to actually write the book.

‘I cannot imagine the book being ready in 5 months, because so far Ozzy hasn’t written anything – he hasn’t even got a ghostwriter yet,’ a pal tells the Daily Star.

‘So it is going to be some time before the book actually appears, if it ever does.’

Ozzy recently confessed his powers of recollection aren’t fanastic.

‘My memory isn’t what it used to because of the drugs and alcohol I’ve been living on for the best part of my adult life,’ he said. ‘I often get asked, “Is it true you snorted a line of ants?” Knowing me, there’s a very good possibility. But do I remember it? No way.’

Now Magazine

This is a real shame, because beyond the notorious bat biting incident I’m pretty sure Ozzy would have some great rock ‘n’ roll tales to tell. Apart from the simple stories of drink and drugs, I’d love a detailed breakdown of what was actually going through his head as he bit the head off a live bat. And a live dove. And killed the family’s pet cats. Is PETA onto this man?

Unfortunately, I doubt Ozzy could give me a clear idea of what is going through his head right now, let alone during his time with Black Sabbath, but hopefully he’ll get a great ghostwriter. His wife Sharon has written an autobiography, can’t she help?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Ozzy Osbourne is shown performing at Whembley Arena on 6/19/07, and with his wife Sharon on 7/28/06 at the launch of their t-shirt line. The also auctioned off many personal items earlier this month including cars and furniture to benefit Sharon’s colon cancer charity. Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.

All relationships have their quirks. The beauty is that most relationships are private, and the quirks stay between the couple. For example no one would ever want to know that my ex-boyfriend and I had nauseatingly cute nicknames for each other involving woodland creatures. And no one would ever want to know that Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne have a suicide pact. Yep, if one of them kicks it, the other is supposed to swallow a vat of poison and join them in the beyond. Alright they weren’t detailed enough to specify poison, but that seems the way they’d go.

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne have agreed on a suicide pact – so they can both die at the same time. Rock matriarch Sharon, who is also Ozzy’s manager, has revealed she and her husband agree they cannot live without each other, and so they’ve chosen to go to the grave together.

She explains: “Whatever it was, where you know you’re going to die, we would want to choose the time where we want to leave. I would go with my old man, and he would come with me… (Fortunately) my husband is better than ever, health-wise.”

But the macabre suicide pact doesn’t kick in until 2012, with busy Sharon adding she can’t contemplate taking her life “in the next five years”.

[From Ireland Online]

Um… good for you? I never know what to say in these kinds of situation. Whenever someone tells you they have a suicide pact, it’s always so awkward. First there’s the revelation, and then there’s you trying to act like you’re supportive and non-judgmental, and then you have to tell them that’s great but you don’t swing that way… wait that’s all for coming out of the closet. How does one tell others they have a suicide pact? Well I guess if you’re anything like the Osbournes (and what couple isn’t, at least a little bit?) then you go on “Extra” for that explicit purpose. Can anyone say “attention starved?” Maybe it’s time to put Ozzie back on the pills and let him shuffle down Hollywood Boulevard. Compassionate? No. But probably a little more fun than a suicide pact.