Paris had a bad week. Busted for DUI, caught making out with Travis Barker despite claimimg to have been with his lookalike friend, and now the victim of a clever prank by likable freewheeling billionaire Richard Branson.

Branson held a Mad-Hatter themed party Saturday night, and Paris asked if she could dress as Alice in Wonderland and be the belle of the ball. Branson agreed, but had as his servers dress as Alice too! When Paris showed, he asked her to fetch him a drink:

Oops Paris! The only way you can win is by staying in and keeping to yourself for a little while, but that’s not going to happen, is it?

Thanks to Fark for linking this story.

Here are some low-res pictures of Paris getting arrested for DUI. [via]

Oh Paris! Here’s a recap of the latest news about her thrilling DUI arrest.

Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox were photographed canoodling at a party in Malibu over the weekend. I’m not sure who the older woman is, but Aniston is majorly sucking up to her while Courteney looks kind of annoyed. Aniston is also all too aware that she’s being photographed.

No wonder Aniston is so self-conscious around the paparrazi. She just settled a lawsuit for an undisclosed amount with a photographer who took topless photos of her sunbathing at her place. Aniston is going to donate the settlement to cancer research, cause she realizes that she’s not known for charity work and better improve her public image fast.

The paparrazo’s defense is pretty weak and kind of laughable. He said that he “didn’t go looking” for Aniston topless, even though he was outside her house with a telephoto lens, and that he uh, didn’t want to sell the naked pictures, even though he mailed them to magazines.

This is Aniston’s second settlement with a photographer over nude photos. She got 1/2 a million dollars in 2003 for nude pictures of her that were taken and published in 1999. No word what she did with that cash.

Here are Aniston and Cox at the party. [via]

Lindsay Lohan wrote an e-mail to gossip mogul Perez Hilton damning the hoards of paparrazi that follow her everywhere. Before you question the authenticity of the e-mail, Perez has hung out with Lohan. He also works out of a Hollywood coffee shop that stars frequent, and just saw Lohan on Wednesday morning. Her grammar isn’t that great, but she’s probably dashing off the message on her Blackberry while surrounded by photographers:

The paparrazi are going too far if some kids almost got hit.

So Lindsay feels sorry for herself? Judging from the amount of photographs of Lindsay that hit the ‘net on a daily basis, she must have a hard time just getting away from it all.

She seems torn between loving the publicity and nightlife and wanting to have a little peace and quiet. She certainly plays to the cameras when it’s to her advantage.

Maybe if she quit showing up for every event she could stem her popularity just enough to get some precious alone time. It might do wonders for her credibility, too.

A new editorial claims Lindsay is headed for Tara Reid country and that she’s the one who courts disaster. We have to agree:

Slow down, Lindsay, and the paparazzi will too. You don’t need to be roadkill.

Here is Lohan at the Saturn X Games kickoff party on 8/2. I don’t know who the guy is that she’s posing with, but some of you probably do. [via]

Jessica Simpson’s controlling dad is at it again. Her manager dad Joe is said to be partially to blame for the dissolution of her marriage to Nick Lachey and now he supposedly wants Jessica to stop hanging out with Eva Longoria, because she steals the limelight from Jess.

He didn’t just tell Jessica that he didn’t like her seeing Eva, he went behind her back to dupe Eva into not attending Jessica’s birthday party with the rest of her friends.

Poor Jessica is going to be left with a half-assed hairdresser as her only friend in this difficult, single time. She needs all the girlfriends she can get and that’s awful of her dad to try to cut Eva Longoria out of her life.

Maybe now that the news has got out Jessica will tell her dad to step off finally. It’s about time she dumped him as her manager and stepped out on her own.

Here she is at Lodge Steakhouse in LA with some other girlfriends. The pictures are from Sweet Kisses.net, where they say she “shows off her fuller figure.” Teetering between a size 6 and 8 doesn’t seem like a full figure to me, but I suppose everything is relative in Hollywood.

And who’s that tight-faced woman in the terrible pink gathered dress behind her? She doesn’t look fun or trash-talking like Eva. (Not that I like Eva, but she’s probably fun to hang out with.)

Page Six has this big story that P. Diddy slept through his own party in Saint Tropez, but you know, at least he’s oversleeping to attend parties and is keeping his business appointments, unlike La Lohan, who has it the wrong way ’round:

Hollywood parties are business appointments, though. I’m all confused.

Diddy throws enough parties that I’m sure people will forgive him for showing up a bit late. I just want to know if he’s still serving Cristal.

In attendance were Ivana and a possibly surgically enhanced 24 year-old Ivanka Trump, Paris and Stavros, Penelope Cruz, and the Duchess of York and her oldest daughter, Beatrice.

Diddy has just recorded an album in which he sings for the first time. He said it was nerve-wracking:

Here are some far-away pictures of Diddy on a trampoline at his party from Hello! Magazine, and a few of Paris at the party from JiveRecords.eu.

Lindsay Lohan got a harsh letter from the CEO of the production company running her latest film, “Georgia Rule,” that makes it clear that her bosses aren’t buying the “heat exhaustion” excuse. I initially believed that Lohan was working every day and just had to go to the hospital once for whatever reason, because I’m gullible like that and there are plenty of pictures of her on set. It turns out that Lohan skipped a entire day of work and planned not to go in the next day, either.

Lohan’s bosses are pissed that she showed up late to work a bunch of times and held up filming for a day, since
it costs big bucks to keep all those actors hydrated and gaffers fed. They sent a letter to the hotel she stays at last Wednesday.

This letter hit the Internet, thanks to The Smoking Gun, on Thursday. Instead of staying at home, maybe renting a movie or buying shit on eBay, Lohan was out partying again this weekend, and she didn’t just stay close to home.

She went to Vegas with her boyfriend of one whole month and was seen at Jeff Beacher’s variety show. She was photographed flashing her trademark peace sign.

Lohan has become a parody of herself and will have a steady career of increasingly more embarassing endorsements if she doesn’t slow down and focus on her acting. Oh wait - she can sing too, right?

Lohan is shown at the show in question in Vegas on Saturday. She is also seen outside of The Ivy restaurant with her boyfriend, Harry Morton, who seems to think that a pack of cigarettes can shield him from the paparrazi.

Lohan and Morton got new tattoos in the wee hours of the morning last week, but they didn’t pull a Scary Spice ‘n Eddie Murphy, and opted instead for trite symbols that will last much longer than their relationship.

Pictures [via]

Lindsay Lohan is recanting her accusation that Paris Hilton is somehow responsible for the nasty missives that were sent to Lindsay’s friends from her hacked Blackberry. Paris probably figured out Lindsay’s password and sent the messages, which sound just like Paris’ hate-filled idiocy, but Lindsay can’t prove it and doesn’t want to deal with getting sued.

Defamer has an eyewitness who claims that Paris complained loudly to her entourage that “firecrotch” was calling her “again” and sent two calls from Lindsay to voicemail.

Poor Lindsay needs a gal pal or a trusty hairdresser who can keep up with her. She’s wearing out her fuck buddies quickly and doesn’t have anyone to have a raspy chat with.

Lindsay attended Jeremy Piven’s birthday party in two different flesh-colored bikinis. There are several things wrong with her outfits. In the pictures of other party-goers she seems to be the only wearing a bikini. Does she really need the attention that badly? She also managed to chose swimwear in two colors that are completely unflattering to her skintone. I’m also a fair-skinned strawberry blonde and I know better than to wear pink or light tan. It just makes her looked washed up. I mean washed out. Then again, maybe she was going for that nude look.

Pictures [via]

Thanks to Millie for pointing out the other two pictures leaked from Angelina Jolie’s baby shower. [via] People are saying that it’s crappy of one of their friends to shop the pictures around, but that it’s likely that they’re stolen. One commentor on DListed notes that there’s a rumor that one of Brad’s bodyguards is behind it.

The photo of Angelina and Zahara on the beach is lovely, and it’s nice to see Brad and Angelina laughing and looking like they’re having a good time.

We’ll have to wait and see where these photos turn up and who gets threatened with a lawsuit. It’s sure to be big news come Monday.

Celebirty Baby Blog had this picture that’s supposedly from Angelina Jolie’s baby shower showing the heavily pregnant actress wearing a feather boa and joking around with Brad:

Whoever has those 450 digital photos of the Jolie-Pitts could easily retire on the income from selling the pictures, but doesn’t have a clue how to market them properly if they’re e-mailing blogs about it. (No offense to the fabulous Celebrity Baby Blog.)

Stay tuned as more pictures are released. They’re sure to spread like wildfire.