A few days ago, Radar had an “exclusive” report that water is wet, the sky is blue, and Lindsay Lohan was doing drugs and getting hammered at the Chateau Marmont. Another day, another pathetic display from the Cracken. Many of us had questions about the incident, but not about the veracity of the incident. Our questions were “Why isn’t she being drug tested?” and “Is she doing meth at this point?” and of course, “How is she paying for this?” The last question was particularly relevant given that LL seems to have completely moved out of her Venice Beach condo/crack den and is now back to living full-time at the Marmont. Well, Radar has some answers – the Cracken is NOT paying to live at the Marmont. A “friend” is giving her a room.

Lindsay Lohan has ditched her condo in trendy Venice Beach because of security concerns and she is currently residing in a room at the infamous Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles for free, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

The embattled actress,25, moved out of her beach residence because of several stalkers that have attempted to make contact with her.

LiLo has an artist friend who bought a room at the Chateau Marmont for a year, and he offered the room to her because he wasn’t using it.

“Lindsay is currently living in a room at the Chateau and not in a bungalow. She has a very close friend that is an artist that has a room he occasionally uses at the hotel. He learned that she was moving out of her condo, and he offered her the room because he wasn’t using it. This is a temporary situation for Lindsay right now. Lindsay’s team is currently looking for a new residence in the area that would offer her more security, perhaps a house in a gated community or a condo,” a source close to the actress says.
A standard room at the Chateau Marmont boasts 300 square feet, a queen sized bed and the standard rate is $435.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Linds appeared to be under the influence at the hotel on Sunday night.

“Lindsay was spotted going to the restroom with a male companion on numerous occasions in a short amount of time,” an eyewitness told RadarOnline.com. “When the two of them emerged from the bathroom, Lindsay was giggling and her nose appeared red. Lindsay was spotted only drinking water in the lounge area, but she appeared to be loaded on something, and she seemed under the influence. Lindsay’s eyes were glassy and her pupils were constricted.”

The actress is currently on probation for her no contest plea in her misdemeanor theft conviction. Judge Stephanie Sautner has ordered Lindsay to complete her court ordered community service at the Los Angeles County Morgue, but LiLo isn’t randomly drug tested.

“We are not commenting on Lindsay’s living arrangements,” Steve Honig, Lohan’s rep told us.

[From Radar]

If this “artist friend” of Crackie’s is renting the room at the standard nightly rate, the annual cost of housing LL is nearly $160,000. Now, I’m sure that the artist friend is getting some kind of discount, considering he’s renting the room with a year’s advance – but still, you’re talking about six-figures, most likely. What are the chances that the artist friend is a john? What are the chances that the artist friend is a pimp? What are the chances that LL is “working off” the cost of the room in a really sketchy, sad way?

UPDATE: There are a few more LL stories this morning, and they don’t deserve another post. First up, X17 & HuffPo claim that LL is dating Henry Hopper, the 21-year-old son of the late Dennis Hopper. They were spotted together on Tuesday at a Venice Beach liquor store “where they fetched a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and Red Bulls… A source also reports that the pair were sharing lovey-dovey kisses while in the vehicle.” However! TMZ reports this:

Lindsay Lohan says there’s NO TRUTH to reports she was boozing at a SAG Awards after party this weekend … and now, TMZ has learned, she’s threatening to SUE the media outlets that published the story in the first place.

A source close to the actress tells TMZ … Lindsay is already exploring her legal options with her attorneys … because she feels the false stories are sabotaging her effort to save her career.

Lindsay acknowledges she WAS at the party at the Chateau Marmot hotel in Hollywood Sunday night … but insists she was sitting with Alan Cummings the whole time and ONLY drank water.

We’re told Lindsay’s also pissed over reports about a recent gas station makeout session with Dennis Hopper’s son Henry (pictured above), where she allegedly purchased Red Bull and vodka.

Sources close to LiLo tell us the actress is adamant the two are just friends … NEVER MADE OUT … and the only items she bought were soda, chips, and cigarettes.

[From TMZ]

Whatever. Water is wet, the sky is blue and LL is a cracked-out, litigious drunk.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

American Pie star Jason Biggs’ wife of three and a half years, actress Jenny Mollen, 32, has written a long essay for Playboy site The Smoking Jacket detailing her quest to hire a hooker for her and her husband. Spoiler alert, it ended with an unsatisfying beej from the third person they tried and ended up costing over a thousand bucks in total. Supposedly it rekindled their sex life though. I’ll excerpt a little below that won’t make the ads disappear hopefully. You can read more, and more explicit details at The Smoking Jacket.

Note that this whole series of events happened two and a half years ago, since Jason and Jenny have been married since April, 2008 and Jenny writes that they had been married just over a year at the time. The fact that they’re still together now is surprising to me, but to each their own.

“Do you want to go down on him a bit?” Keisha suggested. In my mind I was thinking, “No, dude, that’s why I paid you the six hundred dollars, to do the work for me! I’m going to be over here eating chips.” Of course, there was no way my husband was going to let me get away with that so I obliged.

The most exciting part of the day was Keisha complimenting me on my [beej] skills. I love approval of any kind. Sadly, however, I think it was pretty obvious that my husband and I were both bored. He quickly became flaccid and we were left with nothing to do but stare at each other.

“I kind of feel like you are a giant baby and we are putting a diaper on you,” I blurted out.

“Umm, that’s not what I wanted to hear, Jen.” my husband laughed…

On the plane ride home I texted Keisha and thanked her for her work. What ever it was she had done, worked. I was instantly more aroused by my husband. He seemed so mysterious to me. Even though the actual act was relatively boring and a financial bust, the reliving of it grew hotter and hotter in my mind. “What a sweet whore,” I said to my husband, staring down at the flickering lights of good ole Sin City. He laughed and grabbed my leg. Something was rekindled between us. Or perhaps something blossomed that was never there before. I don’t know which it was, but I felt closer.

[From The Smoking Jacket via WeSmirch]

I learned everything I know about prostitution from watching Cathouse on HBO. It usually costs a thousand bucks for an hour of a working lady’s time at that legal Nevada brothel. For that price you know what you’re getting, it’s safe and they get tested regularly. No judgment from me on anyone who wants to hire a sex worker, as long as both partners are ok with it and it’s someone who is of age, willing, and is not a victim of trafficking. (How can people even tell, though?) Still, it takes some serious balls to write about it like this, even if the writing wasn’t that interesting. This Jenny chick was really negative and mocking of the women she encountered, and I got the impression that’s she was totally over her marriage and this was a last ditch effort to switch things up. I could have been or this could have worked for them given that they’ve been together over two years since this happened.

Also, the commenters on The Smoking Jacket are mentioning how many times she used the word “wh*re” and how dismissive she was of the women in that business. In my opinion she did it both in an attempt to be funny and because she was feeling insecure about the whole process.

I won’t delve any further and will just end with my favorite comment. This kind of sums it all up for me:

It’s kinda like I want to have some reaction to this story – but then I remember this is the guy that stuck his dick into an apple pie and that’s why he’s famous. And this is the girl that married the guy who stuck his dick into an apple pie and that’s why she has some name recognition.
And when I think of it that way -
Where was Stiffler, Tara Reid, Eugene Leavy and that Coolidge Chick the whole time all this was going on ???
In the end it just all seems like another American Pie sequel.
Entertaining – but quickly forgettable.

– From Evan Benz

As for what Jason thinks about this, he tweeted “My wife is in Playboy. Hot.” Deep thoughts.

Here are some of the shots from Linnocent’s newest magazine pictorial, for Blank Magazine (shots courtesy of The Mail). There’s quite a bit of Photoshopping, of course, but it just kills me that even after all of the crack shenanigans, all of the drinking, and coking, and crack thievery and jail and rehab, it kills me that Linnocent is still so photogenic in formal photography. In candids, you can see her drastic aging and her lifestyle all over her bloated crack face, but in portrait and fashion photography, with good lighting and hair and makeup, the crackhead still looks good. Ugh.

In other Linnocent news, the last I head was that she would likely get to serve her 120-day jail sentence in some kind of electric-monitored house arrest situation. It is unknown if the electronic monitor will just be for “location” or if it would also monitor Linnocent’s drug and alcohol usage. Speaking of Linnocent still being a raging alcohol who pours vodka into her Red Bull, Star Magazine has another interview with Keith Middlebrook, the producer dude who claimed that he briefly paid Linnocent’s hotel and liquor bills:

Hell hath no fury like a sugar daddy scorned! In our May 2 issue, movie producer Keith Middlebrook told Star he witnessed Lindsay Lohan drinking Red Bull and vodka at the Chateau Marmont, despite her being fresh out of rehab. Lindsay insisted she was sober, but Middlebrook says otherwise.

“That’s a complete and outrageous lie – I paid for the drinks,” he told us. He has now provided Star with evidence of his relationship with Lindsay – hundreds of revealing text messages. Middlebrook is known for helping friends get out of legal trouble, which he believes made him a prime target for the troubled actress.

Keith told Star: “She said, ‘Keep me out of jail, and I will have sex with you.’ Whether she was joking or not, she made that promise because she is desperate.”

Lindsay’s pals also demanded he wire $30,000 to her bank account and fly her to London, according to the text messages.

Middlebrook refused to fork over any cash until Lindsay committed to his new film, Escaping the Game, which she never did.

“I was warned that Lindsay was a liar, but I did not realize how pathological she is,” he says. “She played me like a piano.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

So, Linnocent is drunken liar who offers sex as a way of “payment”. And I’m assuming she offers sex FOR payment as well. So… are there really people out there who think that Linnocent is anything more than a drunken, coked-out hooker who will do anything and anyone to stay out of jail and to stay drunk and coked-out?

Photos from Blank Magazine, courtesy of The Mail.

Last week, Page Six had an interesting little item about how Lindsay Lohan was managing to live the high life (operative word: HIGH) in New York and Los Angeles over the past month, while she continues to not “work” and somehow maintain her grueling drug addiction schedule. According to Page Six, a 39-year-old hotelier named Vikram Chatwal was paying Linnocent’s bills. We “joke” about how Linnocent is a hooker these days, and the Page Six item seemed to be yet another piece of evidence supporting the “theory,” especially given the quote from a Linnocent associate: “They have a friendship and a business relationship, and that’s it.” Well, now Star Magazine has another suspicious item about Vikram and Linnocent’s “bidness relationship”.

Will love save Lindsay Lohan? The troubled star is currently hooking up with super-wealthy NYC-based hotelier and man about town Vikram Chatwal. He has showered her with perks like penthouse digs, fancy dinners and the use of his private jet during her recent weeklong visit to his Chatwal hotel in Manhattan. And he’s trying to help her stay sober!

“Lindsay and Vikram have known each other socially for a while, but they’ve gotten closer since she got out of rehab earlier this year,” says a source, who notes that Vikram completed a stint in rehab for alcohol addiction in 2009 and has been clean since. “He’s looking out for her and being super protective.”

But since Vikram is in the midst of a divorce from his wife of five years, actress Priya Sachdev, “He and Lindsay are taking it slow,” says the source.

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Look, I tend to have a dirty, trashy mind, and so I was reading all of that and inserting my own little editor’s notes. Like, “Lindsay and Vikram have known each other socially for a while [meaning that they had slept together a few times when Vikram bought her drugs].” And “They’ve gotten closer since she got out of rehab earlier this year [meaning she was in the market for a sugar daddy].” And “He’s looking out for her and being super protective [because she does butt stuff].” Oh, and “He and Lindsay are taking it slow [because Linnocent makes him wait until the check clears].” Here’s an old photo of Vikram, by the way:

Here’s another question: who is leaking this junk? Because when Page Six outed Vikram as her john last week, Linnocent’s people made the effort to make it seem like there was nothing romantic. But then after yesterday’s cracked-out, delusional interview with Linnocent, it’s almost like the cracked-out dumbass literally has no idea what her media strategy is at this point, so maybe she thinks that she’ll play her paying john as some kind of romantic liaison. I don’t know. Crackheads are tricky.

Oh, one more thing – remember yesterday’s Page Six story in which someone told Linnocent that she looked like Victoria Gotti, and one of Linnocent’s people said, “Yeah, a younger, prettier version”? Considering Linnocent doesn’t even have the part yet, it was a pretty dumb move, especially given that Victoria herself is now walking back the Linnocent casting rumors. Victoria tells Page Six: “Though it was said that I insisted she play my part, that’s not true. I didn’t insist and actually have no say in who gets the part… I think Lindsay is a very talented actress and a sweet girl.” Oh, and a source tells Page Six that Linnocent made “an extremely good impression on everyone involved with the film.” Meaning blow jobs.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This might be one of my favorite stories of the week. Or month. Or year! First, some back story. Last year, in Italy, one of the clubs that Elisabetta Canalis used to “frequent” (re: “work for”) was targeted in a large investigation of prostitution and drugs. An associate of Canalis’s went on the record about how she and other women were “paid” to be pretty girls at the club, encouraging rich men to spend their money on booze and coke, and that these girls were often paid in booze and coke. Elisabetta Canalis didn’t come up specifically as one of those cocaine-hookers (“coke whores” just feels harsh), but it was certainly implied, and given what we already know of Elisabetta, is it really so shocking to think that she simply sidles up to rich men and does whatever she needs to do to get them to spend money? Anyway, the scandal never really went mainstream in the American press, and Clooney stuck by Eli, for whatever reason (kinky sex, cocaine?).

Now, a NEW scandal, vaguely related to last year’s. For as long as I can remember, Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has been under investigation. He’s been accused of everything under the sun, and you know what? He’s probably guilty of most everything they throw at him. Currently, Silvio has been accused of paying a 17-year-old for sex at one of his many sex parties. Silvio is about to go to trial, and his defense has asked Clooney to testify. Why, you might ask? Because the 17-year-old girl claims that Clooney and Elisabetta were at one of Silvio’s sex parties, thus, they are potential witnesses. For the record, Clooney has told multiple outlets, “It seems odd since I’ve only met Berlusconi once and that was in an attempt to get aid into Darfur.” Notice he doesn’t say WHERE he was when asked for Silvio’s help. Like, did George lean over and ask Silvio as they made their way through a bed full of teenage girls? Oh, and Canalis has “reportedly denied attending the party.”

Silvio Berlusconi’s defense lawyers on Tuesday named George Clooney, the Italian foreign minister and a bevy of showgirls as witnesses at the premier’s upcoming prostitution trial, an attorney and news reports said. Prosecutors, for their part, have asked to hear from 136 witnesses, including the Moroccan teenager at the center of the scandal and 32 other women who allegedly worked as prostitutes during parties at Berlusconi’s villa, according to Italian news reports.

Both sides presented their lists of witnesses at the Milan tribunal where the trial opens next week. A judge must now decide which witnesses to admit. The 74-year-old Berlusconi is accused of having paid for sex with the Moroccan, who is known as Ruby and was 17 at the time, and then using his influence to try to cover it up. The premier denies wrongdoing.

Clooney was listed because Ruby once said she had seen the Hollywood star and his Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis at one of Berlusconi’s parties, according to the law firm representing Berlusconi.

“We want to see if they confirm this fact or not,” said attorney Piersilvio Cipollotti.

Italian newspapers reported months ago that Ruby had said Clooney, who has a mansion on Lake Como north of Milan, and Canalis were guests at one of Berlusconi’s parties. According to a Feb. 22 report in leading Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera, prosecutors talked with Canalis last month and she denied that she and Clooney attended any of the premier’s parties.

Berlusconi’s defense also listed Foreign Minister Franco Frattini and other Cabinet officials amid the 78 people named as witnesses, Cipollotti said. Mariano Apicella, the Neapolitan composer who performs for Berlusconi, as well as showgirls and TV personalities who frequented Berlusconi’s parties were also named, according to the ANSA and LaPresse news agencies.

Ruby, whose real name is Karima el-Mahroug, turned 18 in November.

Berlusconi is accused of having had several sexual encounters with her between Valentine’s Day last year through May 2, 2010 in exchange for money. The premier is also accused of abusing his influence when he called police in May to get Ruby out of custody in Milan, where she had been held for an unrelated theft. She was eventually released. Prosecutors say the premier wanted to keep his sexual relations with the girl secret. Berlusconi has said he intervened because he believed Ruby was the niece of now ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and wanted to prevent a diplomatic incident.

According to news reports, prosecutors have also cited as witnesses Milan police officials involved in Ruby’s brief detention, as well as three Berlusconi associates also under investigation in the scandal: an ex-showgirl and Berlusconi’s dental hygienist recently elected at a local post with the premier’s party; a TV agent; and TV newscaster and longtime Berlusconi friend.

Berlusconi says he plans to attend hearings of the trial, which opens April 6, as much as his official duties allow. He also faces two other trials and a possible indictment relating to his business dealings.

[From ABC News]

Man, Italian politics, huh? It’s funny and entertaining, but could you imagine if he was one of your elected officials?!? And yes, you know that Elisabetta totally partied with Silvio. At some point, I imagine all of those kinds of Italian hooker-esque girls partied with Silvio. At the end of the day, all this story does is just add yet another headline with the words “Elisabetta. Prostitute.”

As far as Clooney potentially testifying… I don’t even know. I have no idea how this sort of trial works in Italy, but I would guess that if Clooney is in Italy and he’s gotten some kind of subpoena, he would have to appear? But he’s not in Italy – he’s in America, filming in Cincinnati. So, probably not.

Oh, and here’s a photo of “Ruby”. She could be Elisabetta’s sister.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As you know, Prince William selected his younger brother Harry as his Best Man. The Best Man duties in America consist of being in charge of the rings (usually), giving pep talks throughout the engagement, making sure the groom shows up on time on the big day, giving a big speech at either the rehearsal dinner or the wedding reception (or both), and most importantly, organizing the bachelor party. In Britain, it’s called a stag night (and bachelorette parties are called hen parties). Now, there has been quite a bit of gossip about what Prince Harry could be planning for his brother, and considering that Harry is the “naughty” one, I think we have good instincts to be worried. Us Weekly reports that while many details of the stag night are still under wraps, the princes’ stag night has become a “stag weekend” – and it’s THIS weekend. British hookers, strippers and bar wenches are gonna get knocked up with some ginger babies! And some babies with receding hairlines too.

Something tells me there might be one or two royal hangovers on Monday. Yes, the time has finally come for Prince William’s stag celebrations to commence (or, as I believe it’s called in the U.S., his “bachelor party”).

A royal aide tells me that this weekend will mark the start of the boys-only jolly: “It’s top, top secret but the dates have been marked off in the diary and security knows every detail. For privacy reasons we can’t reveal locations, but there will be plenty of booze and some legendary activities.”

Of course, expect William’s brother Prince Harry to be at the centre of the shenanigans: “This is his last weekend before he starts his North Pole trek on March 29,” says the source, “so he’s helped out with a lot of the planning.”

(Slightly less revealing was a St. James’s Palace spokesman, who told UsMagazine.com: “Anything to do with stag arrangements is completely private”).

So what will Kate Middleton be up to while William, 28, is off with his friends? I hear it’s business as usual for the bride-to-be, 29, who will stay in London with sister (and maid of honor) Pippa.

“Apparently there is still much to organize and sign-off,” a friend informs me. “This is the first week that Kate’s started to feel a little nervous. Time is ticking!”

This week we reported that parents Carole and Michael Middleton were contributing a six-figure sum to the April 29 wedding.

Sources say this covers the wedding dress, bridesmaids’ outfits and certain florist fees. But, as some of you have asked, what about the rest of the big day? Especially when security alone reportedly hits the $2 million mark.

St. James’s Palace won’t go into detail, but I’ve been reassured that the money won’t be coming from the British taxpayer. “Most will come from the Queen’s personal wealth, and Prince Charles will footing much of the bill, too,” explains a source.

But there’s another possible donor in the mix: the media. While print outlets, including Us, will take April 29 reporting positions on fee-free basis, I hear overseas TV companies are paying up to $190,000 to hold a camera spot at Buckingham Palace for the wedding week.

One news producer tells me: “We could only report live on location if we paid for the position. Our bill [from the Cabinet Office] came to $128,000!”

Times that by the 300-odd expected outlets, and that could pay for a lot of cake!

[From Us Weekly]

Yeah, not to mention all of the money that’s going to come in that weekend from all of the people who come to London for the wedding. I suspect that everything will even out, money-wise.

Going back to the stag weekend – it’s going to be a hot mess, isn’t it? But I bet the guys have a lot of fun, and I bet Harry has put a lot of thought into planning their activities. I also think Harry seems like he would be really great at throwing parties, in general. He should also be put in charge of organizing Kate’s hen party. You know Harry would make it super-fun.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here’s a link to a photo of Charlie and his three live-in loves

The headline sounds like a joke, only the reality conjures up nasty visions of coke fueled orgies with Charlie’s vacant crazy eyes and gold-filled mouth hanging open. I doubt the guy would be able to spend two days just relaxing at home and watching porn without smoking crack and inviting porn stars over. He needs to be surrounded by women who cater to him, and he needs constant entertainment.

Yesterday we heard that Charlie’s most recent ex wife, Brooke Mueller, has moved in with him, along with their twin boys and a nanny to watch the kids while Brooke gets high with Charlie. Brooke reportedly took Charlie up on his offer to buy her a house in the neighborhood, and is just shacking up with him temporarily while he finalizes the purchase of the home. We haven’t heard whether Denise Richards accepted Charlie’s offer of a house, and she seems too stable and levelheaded to take it seriously. Brooke joins Charlie and two other women, a model and a porn star, in living with him. ET Online has a photo of all of them posing together and both Charlie and Brooke looked cracked out of their skulls.

Charlie, Brooke, the porn star and the model are now all on vacation together in The Bahamas. Charlie reportedly flew them all out there on his private jet a couple of days ago.

I’m a little confused by both Radar and TMZ’s claim that the porn star, Bree Olsen, is Charlie’s girlfriend. I thought the new chick, Bong model Natalie Kenly, was the girlfriend. Since they’re all living and vacationing with Charlie I guess we can assume they’re all girlfriends.

Radar has a new interview with a woman Charlie paid to live with him last year. A very young-looking porn star tells their interviewer that she was with Charlie for four months and that he gave her something like $50 to $75 thousand dollars over that time. He would pay her $3 to $5 k in cash every time they met. It’s pretty dumb to tell that to the press. That money was tax free up until this point. I wonder if Charlie writes it off as an entertainment expense.

Also, Charlie Sheen’s dad Martin Sheen recently compared Charlie’s addition to cancer. He said “the disease of addiction is a form of cancer.” I get the disease model of addiction, I really do, but comparing it to cancer makes light of real diseases. Charlie is not a victim.

The National Enquirer has an epic story about Mariah Carey’s sister Alison. Did you know Mariah had a sister? Apparently. Alison is Mariah’s older sister – she’s 49 years old, and she’s the mother of four. She’s also an HIV-positive hooker. Seriously. At first I was like “Oh, that is so wrong of the Enquirer to out someone as HIV positive.” But then I kept reading… and Alison gave the Enquirer an interview! She claims she’s not really a hooker: “You have no idea how badly I need cash right now…But I’m not having ‘sex for money’! I provide personal companionship and erotic body rubs.” Meaning hand jobs, right?

MARIAH CAREY is on top of the world preparing for the birth of her twins – a boy and a girl – but her down-and-out sister ALISON – a mother of four – is so strapped for cash she’s selling herself as an “adult escort,” The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

Alison Carey Scott – a former drug addict who’s been arrested twice for prostitution and is also HIV positive – is shopping herself on the Long Island, N.Y., edition of backpage.com, a free internet classified service used by many hookers.

While the adult entertainment ad touts a 36-year-old sexy blonde named “Denise,” The ENQUIRER learned the ad is actually for 49-year-old Alison, who charges $250 an hour for house calls. The picture is fake, natch.

“You have no idea how badly I need cash right now,” a distraught Alison admitted to The ENQUIRER. “But I’m not having ‘sex for money’! I provide personal companionship and erotic body rubs.”

In an emotional and candid conversation, The ENQUIRER spoke to Mariah’s sister when she showed up Jan. 21 to meet a male business traveler in room 431 at the Hilton Garden Inn hotel in Ronkonkoma, N.Y.

Dressed in jeans and a baggy sweater, Alison said: “I’ve been forced to do this because my family refuses to help me financially. For weeks, I was driving in a vehicle with practically no brakes. It was unsafe, so I reached out to my family for help, but they basically ignored me. I wish I didn’t have to make a living by hooking up with strangers on the Internet, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have any other choice.”

Alison’s pathetic plight stands in sharp contrast to her sister Mariah’s fairytale life. The 41-year-old, five-time Grammy winner is expecting twins this spring with her 30-year-old husband Nick Cannon.

In 2000, Alison tried to find a publisher for her explosive tell-all book about her famous sister – reportedly dubbing her a “vain and heartless multimillionaire,” but Mariah’s legal team allegedly put a stop to the publication.

Things continued to go downhill for Alison, who was busted for soliciting prostitution in June 2005 after offering to have sex with an undercover officer for $250. It was her second prostitution arrest within a 10-week period. Alison, who had her first child at 15, has battled HIV since the 1990s.

In 1995, the sisters’ mother Patricia Carey – fearing for the safety of Alison’s then-7-year-old son – reportedly triggered a custody battle by refusing to hand him back to her troubled daughter after a family visit. A court later awarded them joint custody.

Although the sisters are still at odds, mom-to-be Mariah has reportedly paid for Alison to go to rehab multiple times.

“Regardless of how it might appear, I am trying very hard to turn my life around,” Alison told The ENQUIRER. “I’ve been clean and sober for 14 months. I attend drug and alcohol support meetings, receive counseling and have a sponsor to lean on. I’m also enrolled in college, which I hope will someday provide a better life and financial independence.

[From The National Enquirer]

So… okay. Mariah has paid for her rehab several times, and Alison is still saying that Mariah won’t help her out? How does Alison afford college? And HIV antiretroviral drugs? Hand jobs? Are “hand jobs” the answer to all of these mysteries and more?

I’m of two minds about this – I tend to think Mariah should just help her sister out financially, even if Alison does have a history of drug abuse. BUT – we don’t know Mariah’s side of the story, and I would imagine it is quite different than Alison’s.

Still… an HIV-positive hand-job hooker is related to Mariah Carey. Who would have thought?

I couldn’t find any photos of Alison, but there’s this video of her singing… you can tell she used to have a nice voice, but she ruined it with a crackpipe.

Header courtesy of WENN.

America’s favorite cockroach with his cock out, Charlie Sheen, is heading back to the set of Two and a Half Men in just two weeks, according to his hardworking lawyer. We heard this was happening, but there was still the glimmer of hope that Charlie and his many enablers would get the message that an extended stint in rehab was necessary to recover from the scandal of hiring 19 year-old hookers from the “Barely Legal” porn series to hold drug fueled orgies. In Charlie’s case people expect him to be even worse than the character he plays on TV and somehow he’s gotten a pass. The guy did “at home” (read: nonexistent, keep your head down and hire more discreet prostitutes and drug dealers) rehab and he’s going back to work very soon.

The actor’s attorney, Yale Galanter, exclusively reveals to E! News that the actor will be returning to the set of Two and a Half Men before the end of the month.

“We are thinking Charlie will be going back to work two weeks from today,” he said.

Galanter refused to comment on Sheen’s current rehab whereabouts, but he did say, “Charlie is fine healthwise and doing really well. Things are looking good. Everybody’s intentions are to get him back in the swing of things as soon as possible.

And despite recent troubles, Sheen’s family is sticking by him.

“They are a very close-knit family,” Galanter tells E! News. “Charlie has seen all of his kids since he was in the hospital. He is even spending time with the boys today.”

[From E! nline]

I hope “seen all his kids” and “spending time with the boys” means while they’re accompanied by their eagle-eyed mothers. Both Brooke Mueller and Denise Richards have been incredibly quiet during this whole scandal, with Denise simply tweeting that she wouldn’t let an adult film star watch her kids. Charlie pays his ex wives a lot of money to keep his secrets, although the people he pays to f*ck him and sell him drugs don’t give him the same courtesy.

Charlie Sheen’s rep is using celebrity mouthpiece People Magazine to thank everyone for their “support” as he tries to hold on to his client’s career as the top paid star on television now that everyone knows that he smokes crack and hires porn star hookers on his off time. The statement to People is in contrast to what Charlie told E! in a typically dismissive text message in which he pulled the ‘ol celebrity “there’s a war on, why are you paying attention to me” argument. First off, Charlie’s texts to E!:

“All crap,” he told us via text.

“Believe nothing. I will never speak about any of this as long as I’m alive. You’re all gonna have to keep towing the same redundant line, guessing wrong.”

He’s obviously following the news, because Sheen suggested the focus on his situation was overblown.

“BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bullsh-t….?”

Sheen called it “pathetic” that the media cared about his personal life and how he chooses to spend it.

“Shame shame shame,” he said.

We wished the troubled actor well and told him people really do just want to see him get healthy and happy and return to work.

“Absolutely I see that,” he said. “For that I am grateful.”

[From E! Online]

According to Charlie, we should be ashamed that we’re listening to the 22 year-old porn star he paid $30,000 to f*ck him and watch while he smoked cocaine all night and critiqued porn. There’s photographic evidence the dude was with these women, he looked like death in the picture, and he was rushed to the hospital shortly afterwards with a “hernia.” This is his M.O, though, deny and act like it’s our problem for paying attention.

Charlie’s rep realizes that he’s alienating his fan base and all of the people whose jobs depend on him showing up for his easy, insanely high paid job. He issued a statement thanking everyone and suggesting Charlie is going to take a hiatus and put his “sword down,” “like Errol Flynn,” although I bet that hiatus will last all of three weeks.

“I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people,” the actor, 45, says in a statement released by his rep Wednesday.

“I want to say, ‘Thank-you’ to my fellow cast members, the crew of Two and a Half Men, and everyone at CBS and Warner Bros … for their concern and support.” He singled out his bosses, CBS chief Les Moonves and Bruce Rosenblum, president of Warner Bros. Television Group.

“Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, ‘Thank-you,’ ” says Sheen. “And to my fans, your good wishes have touched me very much.”

[From People]

It’s too bad that Rosenthal’s efforts are being undermined by Charlie and his bitchy text messages. Also, I’m not as up on old Hollywood as I should be so I checked Errol Flynn’s wiki page and he was a partier like Charlie Sheen, was married three times and was accused of statutory rape by two different women. Charlie at least likes them a smidgen on the other side of 18. US Weekly has an overview of the porn stars that were over at Charlie’s house the night in question and two of them were 19 – Gigi Rivera and Melanie Rios, while the one who is going to media, Kacey Jordan, claims to be 22. His latest madam starred in the “Barely Legal” porn movies and told Radar Online that Charlie would regularly request women from that series. They’re “legal,” although prostitution isn’t outside of the state of Nevada.

These photos are from January, 2010 of Sheen courtside at a Laker’s game. Credit: PRPhotos