Honestly, we’ve been having a bit too much fun with the entire running joke that Jude Law will impregnate someone at Cannes. It’s such a ridiculous yet highly probable notion, and I’m completely unable to stop hearing Barry White music every time I look at these new photos of serious/reflective/professional Jude acting out his duties as Juror.

Admit it — you hear the music too, right? Despite Jude’s real-life (and well-founded) reputation as a manwhore, however, the actor laments that his days as an onscreen loverboy have passed. He points towards evidence of this fact within his new role as the wronged husband in the latest adaptation of Anna Karenina, according to Daily Mail’s Baz Bamigboye:

Jude Law is mentally preparing himself to play the spurned husband in Anna Karenina opposite Keira Knightley.

That’s not a role Jude has ever played on screen — and certainly not off it.

“I’m the cuckold. I’m the husband she discards,” the actor joked as we chatted at the official opening night dinner for the Cannes Film Festival, adding ruefully: “I can’t play the dashing young blade in films any more, those parts don’t come to me.”

Jude is sitting on the festival’s jury with the panel’s chair Robert De Niro and fellow Hollywood star Uma Thurman.

He told me he was excited to be working with director Joe Wright and that Tom Stoppard’s adaptation of Tolstoy’s classic novel was a masterpiece in itself.

“It’s an excellent screenplay, you just want to be a part of it,” he added.

As I revealed when this column broke news of the project last November, Keira will play the eponymous heroine, who humiliates her husband Karenin when she falls for handsome army officer Count Vronsky.

Aaron Johnson will play Vronsky. And Wright told me he’s hoping to also cast Saoirse Ronan, who was in his adaptation of Atonement alongside Keira, and can be seen on screens now in his scorching psychological thriller Hanna.

[From Daily Mail]

Aww, poor Jude! He does sound a bit regretful that he won’t be shagging Anna Karenina senseless as Vronsky, doesn’t he? Well, he can rest assured that playing the jilted husband will demonstrate some flexibility in the acting department. As opposed to, you know, the flexibility that he often seeks in his random and various bedmates. Fortunately for Jude, he’s highly in demand not only in cloakroom closets but also on the big screen, and we’ll see him later this year in Contagion: The Sienna Miller Story as well as A Game Of Shadows, which is Guy Ritchie’s follow-up to Sherlock Holmes. Remember, more paychecks = incentive to impregnate more women. Get in line, bitches!

Cue the Twihard furies to defend their righteous Queen of Love Triangles, or at least, so the hopeful filmmakers behind the adaptation of The Host would have you believe. It’s a question of whether Meyers’ fans will flock to see any movie based upon her novels as they have done (to the tune of worldwide) for her previous de minimus efforts, but a few producers and a screenwriter certainly believe that the audience is there for The Host, which is a sci-fi novel embedded with Meyers’ never-to-be-abandoned love triangle formula. Now, get ready to weep, for the actress that has been newly confirmed for the lead role is none other than the Oscar-nominated Saoirse Ronan:

Saoirse Ronan has been set to star in The Host, the screen adaptation of the bestselling novel by Twilight Saga author Stephenie Meyer. Scripted by Andrew Niccol, the film figures to be one of the hot titles when Inferno launches sales at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival next week. Niccol, who was originally set to direct, might resurface as the filmmaker.

Ronan, the Oscar-nominated star of Atonement, The Lovely Bones and most recently Hanna, will play Melanie Stryder, one of the last humans putting up a fight against an alien species called Souls. These parasites invade human bodies, fuse to each person’s consciousness and systematically erase their personalities. Melanie is captured by the aliens and implanted by a Soul called Wanderer, something of a legend because of all of the “hosts” she has attached to on numerous planets. Wanderer’s goal is to get Melanie to give up the remaining pockets of humans, but instead the alien finds Melanie to be unique in her unwillingness to surrender her consciousness. Wanderer is so overwhelmed by Melanie’s memories and feelings, the alien is driven to reconnect with Melanie’s old life.

The concept is more of a visual challenge than Meyer’s Twilight Saga books, but one thing they plan is for Ronan to play both Melanie and Wanderer. Meyer’s book has an enormous fan base, and the author had long resisted offers to sell it. She finally made a deal two years ago with producers Nick Wechsler and Steve and Paula Mae Schwartz, who’d done the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road together. They deliberately developed the script outside the studio system, and invited the author to be very hands on in the adaptation. Meyer was involved down to choosing Niccol because she was such a fan of his films Gattaca and his script for The Truman Show.

[From Deadline]

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that, after reading The Host, I found that it was indeed rather mindless but not on such a grand scale as any of the Twilight Saga books. However, Ronan is obviously much better than this movie deserves, so in one respect, it’s almost maddening to think of Ronan wasting her talent upon bringing yet another silly Stephenie Meyers story to life on the big screen. Still, I do think it’s permissible for an indie queen to occasionally throw in her chips, say “F&#$ it,” and just go for the money grab for once. After all, we don’t have to worry about this movie going franchise or anything … yet.

Photos courtesy of Fame Pictures

As I just discussed in the Blanchett story, last night was a big screening for Hanna, the Cate Blanchett-Eric Bana-Saoirse Ronan film that comes out tomorrow. Cate wasn’t at the screening! Boo! But Eric Bana was there, and my GOD. This man. I’ve always liked Bana, but lately he has just been doing it for me, Big Time. And you know, I generally don’t go for the nice, handsome beefcake-types. My type is willowy, pasty, smarmy bastards with an accent. Maybe it’s Eric’s fabulous accent work that wins me over? No, it’s not just that. It’s his EVERYTHING. The bitch is fine.

Saoirse Ronan is turning out to be a beautiful young woman, isn’t she? I love her too! She might be a little mini-Blanchett. We’ll see!

And just a little Matt Bomer – he was at the screening too, and the boy can wear the hell out of a suit.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

With all the talk of Nine and A Single Man, I had kind of forgotten that I was really looking forward to The Lovely Bones this awards season. I read the book several years ago, and I was very impressed with the both the casting, and with the hiring of Peter Jackson to direct. Thus far, the reviews are mixed (read Time Magazine‘s review here), but I’m still going to see it. Just to hit the highlights of casting – Mark Wahlberg as the father, Rachel Weisz as the mom, 15-year-old Irish actress Saoirse Ronan (Oscar nominee for Atonement) as the murdered daughter Susie and Susan Sarandon as the fabulous Grandma Lynn. Wahlberg and Weisz didn’t make it to last night’s charity premiere in London (hosted by the Prince of Wales), but Susan Sarandon and Saoirse Ronan did, and they both looked gorgeous. My God, Susan is pretty much ageless, isn’t she? Maybe it’s the red hair. The red hair keeps her young. And Saoirse is a beautiful little thing too – she’s growing up to be an absolutely stunning young woman. The Daily Mail has more from the premiere:

She has been under the harsh glow of the celebrity spotlight for decades, but last night Susan Sarandon showed she had lost none of her sheen.

The actress, who turned 63 last month, dazzled the rain-soaked crowds at the Royal Film Performance and premiere of The Lovely Bones in London’s Leicester Square.

Dressed in an elegant floor-length dress, which she covered with a long, black sequinned coat, Miss Sarandon managed to smile despite the downpours battering the capital.

She was heard to mutter, however, that she was ‘not really enjoying the weather’ as she stepped out of her car.

Miss Sarandon plays a grandmother in the Oscar-tipped film, directed by Peter Jackson, which centres around a family that has been destroyed by the murder of a young girl.

Other star guests at the premiere, which was raising funds for the Cinema and Television Benevolent Fund, included Prince Charles and his wife Camilla, who wore a teal blue velvet dress and matching evening cape with a pearl necklace.

The film’s young star Saoirse Ronan arrived in a grey strappy chiffon dress despite the winter chill. Miss Ronan, 15, who plays the character Susie Salmon, said it had been ‘nerve racking’ making such a high-profile film.

The American-born Irish teenager, who was nominated for best supporting actress Oscar for her role in 2007′s Atonement, said: ‘It was great to grow as an actress. I think there is a little bit of pressure but I’m trying not to think about it.’

She described how Miss Sarandon had become like a ‘mother’ to her during filming.

She added: ‘She’s very maternal on the set. She did look after me. And she’s a very open person so it was nice to be with someone like that. Just being around someone as experienced as that is great.’

The film is based on the best-selling novel by Alice Sebold, which tells the story of 14-year-old Susie, who is raped, dismembered and murdered by a neighbour.

[From The Daily Mail]

When asked about whether Grandma Lynn is really a good person, Susan said: “Grandma Lynn is quite wacky, which is good for me because my kids think I am wacky anyway! But she’s not your typical grandma and when I asked my kids what makes a bad grandparent, they could tell me because theirs aren’t exactly the best! But in the end Grandma Lynn comes good for the family, as they struggle to come to terms with the death of her granddaughter Susie – she is the one holding them altogether. She failed miserably with her own daughter but she’s been given a second chance and while she doesn’t embrace it at first, she soon becomes the one they all need.” I’m telling you, casting Sarandon was totally brilliant. She is perfection.

Susan Sarandon and 15-year-old Saoirse Ronan at the Cinema & Television Benevolent Fund Royal Film Performance of ‘The Lovely Bones’ on November 24, 2009. Also pictured are H.R.H. The Prince of Wales. Credit: WENN.