In relatively good news, Charlie Sheen’s ridiculous Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour (and all of its associated angry fans and walkouts) has officially concluded. However, now that the man has returned to “Sober Valley Lodge” and realized that he’s got absolutely no immediate career prospects and (presumably, even worse) he’s down to just one goddess, he’s got absolutely nothing to do with his time except maybe do some more drugs and complain to the nearest available media outlet that will take his calls. As such, Sheen has spoken about possible goddess replacement, his ongoing custody battle with Brooke Mueller, and his career with E! Online, which has also posted a video of Sheen’s new “anthem” (we aren’t posting it because it’s stuck on autoplay, but you can watch it here), which is a musical collaboration with Snoop Dogg and guitarist Rob Patterson and is entited “Winning.” The song was actually part of Sheen’s tour roster, but the audience booed in response, so Sheen pulled the song but is now selling it on iTunes (allegedly as part of a foundation to help tornado victims in the South) and wants to tell you all about it:

On “Winning”: “Well, the genesis of the song is about, you know, winning…it’s just everything in life,” Sheen tells E! News. “I think Snoop did a really good job at kind of encapsulating the whole vibe of you know the movement. Yeah, and it was taken out and then it was brought back in for the rest of the tour we played it every night pretty much for the end of the show.”

On His Completed Tour: “Overall as a grade on this as a team I think we went 17 [wins] and 4 [losses],” says Sheen. “I know there’s a couple in there that felt sorta phoned in but gave me the inspiration for the following night when it was all passion and lunacy.”

On Replacing Goddess Bree Olson’s: “Probably not today. That’s all I know. Not going to happen today. I don’t know. You know I was pursuing that with all the right intentions and what are you going to do? People bring variables,” says the the motor-mouth. “I mean, depends on who it is.”

On His divorce & Custody Battle: “I thought it was a s–t sandwich,” says Sheen of his last court hearing, in which a judge refused to give him custody of the ex-couple’s twin boys. “Two slices of bread filled with s–t…Seemed like there were rules in place and it seemed like someone didn’t follow them. And there’s no consequences, so I don’t get it. System is broke, you know.”

On “Two and a Half Men” Continuing Without Him: “I don’t know what they’re planning. I’m just plodding along like its over, like there’s some closure,” admits Sheen. “I have closure now because when Chuck [Lorre]…issues a statement talking about…writing shows without me…that feels like it is pretty final, you know? It’s hard.”

[From E! Online]

Charlie goes on to say that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever consider another television show because he “wasn’t treated fairly.” Well, I’m not sure exactly what Sheen’s definition of “fair” is, but making $2 million per episode and being allowed to lock hookers in closets, inhale briefcases worth of cocaine, and badmouth one’s boss and the network repeatedly before getting fired, well, that seems more than fair to me. I think that, at this point, even a great portion of people who initially supported Sheen after he was fired from “Two and a Half Men” have fallen by the wayside. As far as his anthem goes, I was initially puzzled as to why Snoop Dogg would even associate with Sheen, but then I realized that Snoop associates with everything. He makes mashed potatoes with Martha Stewart; he films beer commercials as German folk singer Roy Black; he records records country music and dedicates it to Johnny Cash. So Snoop is somewhat forgiven for his transgressions here, but Sheen? Never.

Photos courtesy of Fame Pictures

Here’s a cute story that Cameron Diaz told George Lopez when she was a guest on his show. I didn’t realize that Cameron was promoting anything, but apparently she’s in that Green Hornet movie that came out last week and is top at the box office. (I should have known that.) Cameron first talked with Lopez about her Prius, saying she’s owned one since the first models came out and that she always drives herself. She told Lopez that she’s from Long Beach California, and when he asked her if she knew Snoop Dogg that’s when she admitted that he was probably her dope dealer:

“We went to high school together. He was a year older than me… There was a lot of kids at our school, like 3,500 kids. I remember him, he was very tall and skinny, wore lots of ponytails on his head and I’m pretty sure I bought weed from him. I had to have.”

Lopez quipped, “You were green even in high school.”

Later on she joked about how her Green Hornet co-star, Seth Rogan, likes to smoke and said that she would wonder if she smelt a skunk on set.

I guess the photo above is from later in the show when Cameron golfed with George and she took off her shoes for it. She’s such a goof ball.

Cameron was photographed out in Miami last night having dinner with her boyfriend Alex Rodriguez and President Bill Clinton. No sh*t. Some photos are below and DListed has more, with some pretty hilarious ones of Bubba staring intently at Cam. He appears very red and drunk and is out with a group of people. (He looks less red in the photos here.) So Cameron supposedly knew Snoop Dogg in high school and just had dinner with Bill Clinton. It’s a small world when you’re richer and more famous than almost everyone else.

Martha Stewart’s business is all over the National Enquirer this week. The story is called “Martha Collapses” but inside, you find that the whole story is based on a “tell-all” book written Mariana Pasternak, who was allegedly one of Martha’s closest friends. Apparently, according to Pasternak, Martha went on lesbian “dates” and she was attacked in prison. Oh, and Martha drinks a lot. And she has a temper. Pasternak used to be Martha’s friend, but the Enquirer claims that Pasternak was one of the people to testify against Martha in her 2004 insider-trading trial, and that they haven’t been friends ever since. Which begs the question… if they haven’t been friends since Martha’s trial, how would Pasternak know anything about Martha’s “prison attacks” or any dates Martha has been since getting out of the pokey?

Martha Stewart had a meltdown after finding out that her darkest, deepest secrets will be exposed in a tell-all book written by her former best friend!

The explosive memoir by Mariana Pasternak will reveal intimate details of 68-year-old Martha’s private life, including her lesbian “dates,” the attacks she faced in prison, and her boozy temper tantrums, sources tell The ENQUIRER.

And the domestic diva is worried sick that Mariana will reveal she cheated on her ex-fiance Charles Simonyi, according to insiders familiar with Mariana’s book, The Best of Friends: Martha and Me due out in March.

“Martha has good reason to be panicked about the book. Mariana knows everything!” a former colleague of Martha’s who was also close to Mariana told The ENQUIRER.

“Martha has called Mariana in tears, screaming at her, ‘Why would you do this to me?’ She still doesn’t know exactly what Mariana has written, but Mariana knows Martha’s most intimate secrets, and the book is sure to spill them.

“Martha is under extreme pressure from worrying about which secrets the book will reveal. She collapsed in tears in her bed wondering how badly her reputation will be affected.”

Martha and Mariana, 56, were close for more than 20 years. They chatted on the phone nearly every day, lived around the corner from each other in swanky Westport, Conn., and took vacations together.

But in 2004, Mariana testified against Martha during her stock trade trial, and her statements helped prosecutors win a conviction. Martha eventually served time in a federal prison, and she never forgave her former best friend, insiders say.

“Martha considered Mariana a turncoat, someone who said whatever the prosecutors wanted,” the pal divulged. “Now Martha feels Mariana has betrayed her a second time by writing this book.”

[From The National Enquirer]

Meh. I bet Martha has never collapsed, ever, in her life. I bet when she feels tired she makes herself a cup of tea and does some light welding. I don’t understand why people still want to bring Martha down. She’s a goddess! Sort of. I mean, I get that she’s not the warmest person, but she actually comes across as cute sometimes. Like on a recent show, when Snoop Dogg stopped by to make “green” brownies. Martha is so cute with Snoop! They’re both such good sports, it kind of slays me:

Martha Stewart in New York on December 14, 2009. Credit: WENN. Also, the Enquirer cover courtesy of the National Enquirer online.

I have long had an obsession with Snoop Dogg. Not the music, but the man. He literally haunts me in my dreams. I’ve had a reoccurring one about him since I was in the fifth grade. Sometimes they’re humorous and he’s offering me gin and apple juice. Once he was shooting me, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t dying, and I looked down and realized Snoop was shooting me with rubber bullets and he was just teasing.

There is – I like to think – and underlying fondness for him in my dreams, or at least a hope that he’s sort of a good guy. Or my subconscious is whack. Okay that’s probably it. Nonetheless, I wasn’t surprised to learn that yesterday Snoop tried to help out an employee who got arrested for marijuana possession – by claiming the pot was his.

Snoop Dogg is the boss you dream of — if you’re a pot smoking employee who is looking for someone to take the rap.

A few hours ago, cops in Norfolk, Virginia got a tip that a suspicious package had just arrived in the mail from Canada to the Norfolk Plaza Hotel, where Snoop and crew were staying.

Our Norfolk law enforcement sources tell us cops monitored the package that was addressed to a member of Snoop’s entourage … then swooped in and arrested the dude for misdemeanor marijuana possession.

That’s when Mr. Dogg showed up in the lobby and told cops the weed was for him, and then flashed his medical marijuana card.

So here’s where it stands. The dude whose name was on the package was arrested. Cops are still investigating. Will Snoop’s marijuana card become a get-out-of-jail free card?

[From TMZ]

According to the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana laws, there’s no medical marijuana exception in Virginia, so I doubt Snoop’s card would have helped even if the package had been addressed to him. Who knows if it really was eventually meant to end up in Snoop’s bong – I sorta doubt it. Not because the guy isn’t baked 24/7, but if he’s got the card and thinks that gets him off the hook, why not address it to him in the first place?

I don’t know a whole lot about drug etiquette, but I’m guessing trying to take the fall for someone else’s weed is downright chivalrous. Is it strange that it made me think, “Aww, that’s so sweet!”? Actually, to rephrase, how strange is it? And on a related note, I wonder what was suspicious about the package? It came from Canada, so it’s not like some dude in an overcoat delivered it. I’m assuming it was more about the person it was addressed to than anything. If it’s the guy’s first offense, he could get up to 30 days in jail, and up to a year if it’s a subsequent offense. Too bad Snoop doesn’t have a get out of jail free card instead of a medical marijuana card.

Here’s Snoop unveiling his wax figure at Madame Tussauds in Vegas on April 20th with the Los Angeles Pomona Steelers, one of the football teams in his Snoop Youth Football League, which works to get at-risk kids involved in football and off the streets. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Snoop Dogg freely admits smoking pot, saying that it’s for medicinal purposes and that it’s perfectly legal in the state of California where he lives. He told the ladies on The View last year that he has a license to smoke pot and a medical condition that makes it necessary, but he didn’t specify which medical condition he’s alleviating by getting high.

On his live stream broadcast on UStream, posted to his Twitter, Dogg has several saved videos in which he’s smoking joints and talking about it. In one video posted on TMZ, he rolls what looks like a joint and smoked it on camera with a young friend, looking at the webcam, singing along to some reggae music and laughing. In other clipped videos on his UStream he makes more direct references to smoking pot and tells people to join him. In the one shown above called “Wake ‘n Bake” he says “If you got some chronic now’s the time to blaze that sh*t up. Obama smoked too. Make sure you’re wakin’ and bakin’. Stay Smoking.” In the videos there’s technically no way to tell that he’s smoking pot, and it could be a hand-rolled cigarette. It’s pretty obvious what it is, and he’s admitting it, but don’t cops usually say that they can’t prosecute based on videos as there’s no way to verify that people are using drugs? That’s how Kate Moss got off for that cocaine video.

Dogg has been arrested multiple times for drug possession among other reasons, so it doesn’t seem like the wisest idea to smoke a fattie and broadcast it on the Internet. TMI is in style with the celebrity crowd, though, and now that they’re all on Twitter broadcasting their mundane doings to the world they may as well let us see it too. Pot use is not a big deal to Snoop’s fans, and he sings about it in his songs, but it’s a different thing to tape it and recommend that other people smoke up. What are his TV show producers and their sponsors going to say about it? You can bet he’ll be getting some phone calls about it after TMZ’s story.

It’s the end of an era: rap legend Snoop Dogg is stepping away from the pimp chalice and the bong in favor of Islam. Snoop announced his conversion yesterday while attending a Saviors’ Day celebration in Chicago. The hip-hop artist donated $1,000 to the Nation and then announced that he will be converting to the religion with the goal of “advocating peace.”

Rapper Snoop Dogg surprised fans and reporters alike this weekend by revealing he has joined the Nation of Islam. Speaking at the religious group’s Saviours’ Day convention in Chicago, the 37-year-old praised the group’s supreme minister and national representative Louis Farrakhan. It is reported by the Associated Press that he also made a donation to the group of $1,000.

Snoop Dogg, real name Calvin Broadus, talked about his reasons for joining the religious group in relatively loose terms. “I’m an advocate for peace. I’ve been in the peace movement ever since I’ve been making music,” he told followers. “My whole thing is not about really trying to push my thing on you. It’s just about the way I live, and I live how I’m supposed to live as far as doing what’s right and representing what’s right. That’s why I was here today.”

The Nation of Islam was founded in 1930 with the aim of promoting the conditions of black Americans. The group’s most famous convert is activist Malcolm X.

Snoop Dogg’s career has spanned nearly two decades and has been as controversial as it has been successful. He has been arrested numerous times, mainly for possession of marijuana, and was charged as an accomplice to the murder of Phillip Woldermarian in 1993. The rapper was found not guilty.

He sought to reinvent himself as a family man with the recent reality show Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood, which portrays his domestic side along with his wife and three children. However, he was prevented from entering the UK in 2007 following a previous violent incident at Heathrow airport.

Discussing his religious beliefs at this weekend’s Nation of Islam event, the Doggystyle rapper referred to himself as the “leader of the hip-hop community” and hinted that his affiliation with the group is not new. “It’s about seeing yourself and what you can do to better the situation,” Broadus said. “We’re doing a lot of wrongs among ourselves that need correcting.”

[From The Guardian]

There was a time when you didn’t see Snoop without a blunt in his hand. And let’s not even get started on his “Girls Gone Wild” videos. Looks like Snoop is trying to turn over a new leaf as a family man these days. I do wonder how long his devotion to Islam will last – he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who responds well to strict rules. And how will the rest of the Nation of Islam feel about having the Doggfather representing their religion?

Here’s Snoop at the “We Rock Hip Hop Monday’s” event at Prive Las Vegas in January. No more nightclubs for him these days! Photo credits: Newscom.

Paris Hilton raps in this clip from MTV show “Dogg After Dark,” a new variety show in which Snoop Dogg interacts with various pseudo celebrities like Paris, and Heidi and Spencer, along with musical guests. Judging from these segments, Dogg’s smooth and entertaining personality are not enough to carry this show, but The Hills is a hit for some reason so maybe this will be too.

Paris’ rap is below sub par in both content and ability. In case you can’t listen at work, here’s what she says but the words hardly capture how truly awful it is. It’s worth watching with the sound down just to see her ridiculous facial expressions:

[In terrible nasal tone]
“Yo what’s up, my name is P. Hizzle.
“I’m chilling in the clizzle with my homeboy Snoop Dizzle.
“He’s sexy, he’s fine. He is the man of our time
“I love him, I love being in the club.
“I’m serving drinks and I’m a thug.”

I hope Paris wrote that herself and someone writing for the show didn’t come up with that for her. Maybe they heard her trying to rap though and decided to make the rhyme really lame because they didn’t want to make it seem planned.

Here’s another clip in which Dogg dishes out relationship advice to Heidi and Spencer in an elevator.

“Dogg After Dark” is on Tuesday nights at 9 on MTV.

We found the video of Paris rapping on CoverAwards.com, and were not contacted or encouraged to promote this show.

Paris is shown at Fashion Week on 2/16/09 with her sister Nicky and Stacey Bendet. Credit: WENN

In 2006, Snoop Dogg and his 30-strong entourage caused a riot scene in Heathrow Airport, smashing whiskey bottles in a duty free shop and injuring several officers. Snoop and five of his entourage were arrested. Then in 2007, Snoop was supposed to do a UK tour with Sean Combs (I believe he was “Diddy” at the time), but had to cancel after the British refused to grant Snoop a visa. Now he wants to go back to London to get his creative juices flowing and the government is still denying him entry. Snoop has decided that the best way around the problem will be to ask British celebrities for their help. The only problem is that he references all the Beatles as potential supporters, when only half of them are available:

We can reveal the hip-hop legend has called on heavyweight A-listers Sir Paul McCartney, David Beckham and Madonna to fight his corner.

In an exclusive chat with 3am, the star howled: “I love London and I’m desperate to come back.

“I’ve called David Beckham, Sir Paul McCartney, hell, I want to get the whole of the Beatles to help me get back in” ….

John Lennon and George Harrison might not return your calls Snoop… don’t take it personally. Snoops and Becks became pals after David moved to the States to play for LA Galaxy. Becks even taught him and his kids how to play football on his Sunday night reality TV show Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood on E! Entertainment.

Now the Dogg wants Becks to play ball with Gordon Brown. And he adds: “I’m trying to get through to Madonna as well. I’d love them all to write to the Prime Minister to change his mind.”

Snoop’s visa woes began with an arrest at Heathrow following a fracas in April 2006. His joint mega-tour with P Diddy had to be cancelled when he was banned from entering the UK.

Now he says he’s a reformed man and has begged us to come to his aid. He pleaded: “You got to help me too. London was one of the first places I came to when I first made it. The people are so warm and friendly and I need to be there for my creativity.”

[from The Mirror]

Snoop needs to be in London the same way that he needs marijuana for his migraines. And someone needs to update him on his music history. John Lennon died in 1980 and Harrison in 2001.

Some Googling revealed that after the Heathrow incident, a British judge overruled the original decision to deny Snoop a visa, and that the judge even said Snoop wasn’t at fault. So I’m not sure why he is having visa issues now. Maybe the appeal didn’t fully go through. Either way, good luck with getting Madonna to write the Prime Minister. And good luck getting Gordon Brown to listen.

Snoop Dogg is shown on 1/19/09 launching ‘We Rock Hip Hop Mondays’ at Prive Nightclub in Vegas. Credit: WENN

I will admit there is a very long list of celebs I’m afraid of. Sometimes I have dreams I meet them in real life and tell them what I’ve said about them, and then the dream normally ends with me in a puddle of my own blood and or tears. But I think of ALL the celebs I’m afraid of, Snoop Dogg and Russell Crowe are definitely in the top five. Put the two together… well I’d just give them whatever the hell they wanted.

Snoop has been denied a travel and work visa for Australia, thus preventing him from going on tour there. He’s also been banned from the U.K. While he has a long rap sheet with some super serious (older) offenses on it, the current bannings come mostly from his drug possession/use.

Crowe wrote a truly impassioned letter on behalf of his friend Snoop, reassuring the Australian government that he posed no threat to anyone and asking them to reconsider.

The rapper, whose real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus, has several criminal convictions for drug and weapons offences and was banned from Australia last year by then-Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews.

But Crowe, who has been friends with Snoop for three years, said the musician deserved to be allowed to perform here later this year. “I submit to you that Snoop Dogg poses no threat to Australia or to any individual in this country,” Crowe wrote. “He has toured here three times before without incident and there are no reasons to assume this tour will be anything but the positive experience the last three have been… Snoop has built a stellar reputation with promoters and audiences worldwide.”

Crowe also cited the rapper’s extensive charity work and said Snoop had pledged to make an appearance at a charity event organised by South Sydney Rugby League Club. “Some of our First Grade players will attend with him and he will deliver a powerful and positive message about rising through adversity, drawing on his own underprivileged background as an example,” Crowe wrote. “As you can imagine, such a visit will have a phenomenal effect.”

[From News.com.au via ONTD]

You can read the letter in its entirety here. My first thought was, “I’m not sure I’d want some actor with a legendarily explosive temper writing my character defense.” But Crowe’s letter is so eloquent, passionate, and well-written (I’m assuming ghost written, but who knows) that it really did change my mind. Of course I’ve sort of got a bleeding heart and would probably let Snoop in if he promised to only bring half his usual amount of marijuana, a quarter of his standard gun stash, and I’d be somewhat negotiable on his other vices. So I’m probably not the best judge of what a foreign government should do.

That said, I do like that in some ways the inability to get a travel visa seems to serve as more of a deterrent towards illegal behavior than legal trouble. Most celebs know they’ll never do any real time for most of their offenses due to good lawyering and overcrowded jails. But not being allowed into other countries costs them a lot of money and publicity, and that seems to be a pretty powerful incentive.

Here’s Snoop Dogg and his family at the 23rd Annual Cedars-Sinai Sports Spectacular Awards in Los Angeles on June 1st. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Snoop Dogg was on “The View” this morning to promote his new reality show “Father Hood” on E! and he charmed every woman on that panel.

He talked about his new CD, Ego Trippin, in which he sings and mixes genres such as R&B and even country.

Barbara Walters mentioned that Snoop is no longer doing only gangster rap, and that he’s matured. She said “no more gangs, no more pot,” and he said “I didn’t say that!” She asked what vices he’s given up since becoming a responsible dad. Snoop said he doesn’t drink, but that he has a medical condition he didn’t specify and that he needs medical marijuana. Joy mentioned glaucoma and Snoop scrunched up his eyes and said “I can’t see that good!”

Barbara pressed “What you’re saying it’s only medical marijuana.”
Snoop: “Only medical, no street weed… I have a license and everything”

They show a clip of Snoop doing yoga on his reality show and Joy says “he’s stoned, that’s why he’s lying like that.”

Snoop said that every strong man has a strong woman and that his wife runs the house and takes care of everything.

Joy Behar then brought up the fact that Snoop is a former pimp and asked him for advice for governor Spitzer.

Snoop said “It’s too late for advice now. If he’d seen me before… it would have been real discrete and would not have exposed his game. He would still be able to be client number nine.”

Whoopi then questioned Snoop about guys dating his daughter in the future that might be like he was in the past and he said “I can’t fix what I’ve done in the past, all I can do is be better today.”

Snoop talked about his youth football league and also confirmed that he’ll be a guest on the soap opera “One Life to Live,” and said he got hooked on soaps when he was young and got suspended from school a lot. According to the Miami Herald, his episodes will air May 8 and 9.

Snoop mentioned his clothing lines for women, men, and dogs, and said he’s just trying to give everyone some of that Snoop Kool aid.

Here’s the full interview with Snoop. Why do I have a crush on this guy?

Here’s the short clip where he gives advice to Spitzer.

And his performance:

Snoop is shown performing on 2/28/08, thanks to PRPhotos. Thanks so much to Redlasso for these clips.