TMZ has video of Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s most recent ex, trying to sell a watch and a stereo for cash at a pawn shop. As they mention she makes $55,000 a month from Charlie in child support and got a divorce settlement that was at least $750,000. (The ‘multi-million’ settlement that TMZ mentions in that article is not accurate based on known details of her prenup.) Still, Brooke is a wealthy woman by most people’s standards but she’s trying to pawn off some stuff for cash.

Brooke wasn’t able to sell the watch or the stereo as she didn’t have ID. Most people are saying this points to her falling off the wagon again. You never can tell when Charlie is involved though. Maybe he’s not paying his child support. Or maybe he’s not paying his child support and Brooke needs money for drugs. Radar sums up this story, and they reveal that Brooke has been trying to get friends to give her some pee so she’ll pass a drug test (as if she has any friends with clean pee) and that she’s been dropped from that reality show with Paris Hilton. That’s got to hurt:

Thursday was the day from hell for Brooke Mueller, sitcom star Charlie Sheen’s soon-to-be-ex-wife.

It started with frantic calls to friends for drug-free urine, continued with a failed attempt to hock an expensive watch in a sleazy Inglewood pawn shop — and it ended with friends believing Mueller is hitting rock bottom.

A RadarOnline source said worried pals have been trying to reach the 33-year-old Mueller all day but have not been able to connect with her. The spy added that Mueller is believed to have attempted to pawn one of Sheen’s expensive time pieces – even though she gets $55,000 a month from the former Two and a Half Men actor.

Mueller’s habit over the past few months was to return calls from associates immediately. That stopped Wednesday.

Brooke Mueller ‘Pee-Gate’ Fallout: Charlie Sheen Could Seek Twins’ Full Custody

“Brooke seems depressed,” the friend said. “We’re worried for her safety.”

In addition to her pending divorce from Sheen, Mueller is said to be desperate to become famous. But her best chance at it — a starring role in a soon-to-be-premiered reality show with hotel heiress Paris Hilton — fizzled when most of her scenes were left on the cutting-room floor.

Another source told ROL that Mueller, who like Sheen has battled addictions to booze and drugs, is complaining of money trouble.

On Wednesday, Mueller missed a red carpet event in Hollywood. And she was dropped from Friday’s TV-trade presentation of The World According to Paris, Hilton’s new Oxygen network show.

[From Radar Online]

Brooke has gone to “outpatient” rehab several times, most recently in March after Charlie Sheen kicked her off a private jet when he was headed to the Bahamas with his other two girlfriends. (Here’s a happy photo of them all together before the falling out.) Brooke is probably back on the sauce yet again though and Charlie is making sure the press hears about it. I bet he’s hoping to get custody of his twin boys back so he can bring them with him on his crazy tour. No judge will allow that though, and for now at least they’re safe with Brooke’s mom. Those poor kids.

Charlie Sheen’s dad Martin has expressed a lot of sympathy for his son’s drug addiction, and has reportedly tried to stage multiple interventions. Charlie has totally dismissed his dad and brother Emilio Estevez’s help when he’s been asked about it – of course. He’s said “I’m not interested in your rhetoric right now and “I’m 45 years old, and I’m not interested in people treating me like a 12-year-old.” Martin seems to think that’s exactly the case, though, and that once Charlie started using heavily his emotional growth was stunted at that point. He revealed this in an interview with British paper The Telegraph, and he also talked about how he struggled with alcoholism while he was shooting “Apocalypse Now.” Martin was 36 at the time, and got sober when he was around 50. Charlie is now 45.

Martin Sheen understands the “hell” son Charlie Sheen is going through.

He believes that Charlie, despite being 45, is still “emotionally” a child. “Because when you’re addicted, you don’t grow emotionally. So. when you get clean and sober you’re starting at the moment you started using drugs or alcohol,” the actor tells the U.K’s Telegraph magazine. “You’re emotionally crippled.”

Sheen, 70, has been through similar difficulties, he concedes: “I know what hell he’s living in. I’ve had psychotic episodes in public. One of them was on camera – the opening scene of Apocalypse Now. … I know what Charlie is going through. And when you do something like that, that is out of control, that’s the most difficult thing. You have to have courage.”

Courage and faith are required, adds the committed Catholic, whose latest movie, The Way, costars his son Emilio Estevez, 48, who also wrote and directed the father-son drama.

“Faith can help all of us. Addiction is the dark side. It’s a reflection of despair. And it’s fed by all the other negativity,” Sheen tells the magazine, a supplement to the Daily Telegraph newspaper.

Estevez, meanwhile, is optimistic his brother can beat his problems. “There’s always hope, and there are so many examples of people pulling themselves out of the sh– and having a rebirth,” he told The Sunday Times. “So you just pray for him and hope he has that moment of clarity.”

[From People]

For all the family members praying and pulling for him, Charlie doesn’t really give a sh*t because his career as a meme is thriving. He’s added multiple dates to his tour, he’s allegedly in talks with the people at Fox for some kind of talkshow and there’s even news that CBS is desperate to have him back on Two and A Half Men. If that happens, will Charlie drop that $100 million lawsuit against producers? Will he even consider the offer now that he’s struck out on his one-man crazy tour?

Here’s Charlie with some new chick he says he hired. He tweeted “the warlock hard at work; and they told me I couldn’t find a sexy stenographer. epic. ybw c”

Photos from Charlie Sheen’s twitter except for Martin Sheen, which was taken 9/12/10. Credit: PRPhotos

US Weekly is reporting that Charlie Sheen was invited to his twins’ second birthday party last weekend at Kathy Hilton’s estate. Earlier reports had his ex wives Brooke Mueller and Denise Richards deliberately keeping him away from birthday parties for the twins and for his seven year-old daughter, Sam. According to a source, Brooke really wanted Charlie to come to the twins’ party though, since she was filming her reality show with the Hiltons and also planned to sell the photos of Charlie showing up. He decided not to give her the satisfaction or cash money. This news is in an inset in a story in US about how Denise Richards is keeping her daughters far away from Charlie. They don’t quote Denise directly, but it’s implied that she’s their source.

Sheen was notably absent from another of his kids’ birthday parties on March 13. His other ex wife, Brooke Mueller, threw a fete for their 2 year-old twins, Bob and Max, at family friend Kathy Hilton’s pad in LA’s Bel Air. But in a twist for the woman who has a restraining order against the actor and was granted temporary physical and legal custody of the boys March 1, she begged him to come. “She said said she’d leave while he was there,” said a Sheen insider. Her motivation? Reportedly cash. The source reveals that Mueller, 33, sold photos of the party to a magazine and was set to receive more money if Sheen made an appearance, but it “seemed like a trap” to him because of the restraining order.

[From US Weekly, print edition, March 28, 2011]

In Touch reports this week from a source close to Brooke that he was a “no show” at the party, but that she didn’t want him there anyway. It sounded straight from bitter Brooke. Here’s what they report:

Title: Charlie’s a no-show at kids’ birthday. Charlie Sheen recently told In Touch that his kids “f’ing love me.” But the erratic star was nowhere to be seen at the second birthday party for Bob and Max, his twins with ex Brooke Mueller. Even though the warring couple have reportedly come to some kind of truce over the recent restraining order she had against him, a friend of Brooke’s says she didn’t want Charlie, 45, at the party, held at Paris Hilton’s parents’ house in LA. “There was a petting zoo and clowns, and the boys had a great time,” says an insider. “The only member of the Sheen family who was there was Charlie’s brother, Ramon Estevez. That was kind of sad.”

[From In Touch, print edition, March 28, 2011]

It sounds like Brooke wanted Charlie there and he didn’t show so she’s trying to save face. Of course they wanted him there, they’re filming a reality show and Brooke wanted to sell the pictures on top of that. Charlie makes for good ratings.

Meanwhile Charlie isn’t crying into his crack pipe over the loss of his job at Two and a Half Men. TMZ is reporting that he’ll bank around $7 million for his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour and that he’s signed a deal that nets him 85% of the profits plus money for merchandising and parties. The shows will consist of Charlie sitting in a chair ranting for about an hour and fifteen minutes.

Photo of Charlie and his “goddesses” from his Twitter. Photo of Brooke Mueller is from 3/5/11. Does she look sober at all? Credit: Fame

In news that seems entirely predictable but still made me roll my eyes, TLC is going to air a one hour Charlie Sheen special called Charlie Sheen: On the Brink on March 20. It’s being co-produced by NBC and it sounds like they’re just going to repackage some of the footage he gave them. The show will also include segments from some of the countless other interviews he’s done in the past few weeks. The format sounds similar to an E! True Hollywood story in that they’re featuring “original interviews on [Charlie's] rise and fall.”

Here’s more:

TLC is getting into the Charlie Sheen business.

The Discovery-owned cable channel, famous for putting on shows like Jon & Kate Plus Eight and Sarah Palin’s Alaska, has ordered an hour-long documentary entitled Charlie Sheen: On the Brink.

It will chronicle the very public unraveling of the recently fired Two and a Half Men actor’s career and public image.

With behind-the-scenes footage and brand-new expert commentary, including MacKenzie Phillips discussing life as a celebrity who has dealt with drugs and recovery, the show takes viewers inside Sheen’s home and examines the relationships with the women in his life and his children.

The special will also highlight other celebrity meltdowns that have captured public attention and offer insight into what drives this bizarre behaviour.

The special, which is being produced in association with NBC News, is slated to air on March 20 at 10 p.m. (EST).

It is expected to include news footage from Sheen’s 24-7 media blitz, as well as original interviews on the actor’s rise and fall.

[From The Star Phoenix via Fark]

It’s a great idea for a documentary and will surely earn a lot of viewers for TLC. I just wonder how they’re going to fit it all in to a single hour.

An ten minute animated special on Charlie recently aired on Spike TV. It tells Charlie’s story as if all his outlandish claims are true, and really captures his absurdity. (You can watch it on SpikeTV here.) It was produced by that brilliant Taiwanese animation company, Next Animation, who regularly chronicle celebrity foibles in computer animated skits. According to Reuters, the special counted “down 10 to 12 of Sheen’s most outlandish moments, including: Charlie wrecks a hotel room and loses a $150,000 watch; Charlie Sheen rents a mansion and fills it with porn stars who live as one big happy family; Charlie Sheen does the drug Charlie Sheen.” I almost totally forgot about the hotel room incident after all that Charlie’s done since. He redefined the celebrity freak out and then capitalized on it.

Charlie is now offering T-Shirts through his website. They retail for $19.95 and feature Charlie’s wacky slogans like “Tiger Blood,” “Duh Winning,” “Gnarls Gnarlington,” and “I’ve Got One Speed Go!”

What’s next for Charlie – a TLC reality show? You know they would offer it to him, but they probably can’t afford his salary requirements, hence the documentary.

In other Charlie Sheen news I’m not prepared to recap he’s:
- Moving next door to Paris Hilton and moving out of his “Sober Valley Lodge”
- Supposedly about to film Major League 3 any day now
- Created a short spoof movie for Radar Online with a military theme and featuring music from The Bourne Identity. It shows Charlie dressed in camouflage and going with his buddies to steal his Two and A Half Men trailer. They’re successful at the end, and I was left baffled as to why Charlie was allowed to keep the keys to the trailer. You would think they’d keep that thing on lock down.

I was hoping the Charlie Sheen hoopla would die down after he made that Funny or Die video spoofing himself and said during a radio interview a couple of days ago that it was his last. Only there’s too much drama swirling around the warlock’s jaundiced highly evolved brain to keep him out of the headlines. Police stormed Charlie’s mansion last night to investigate a possible violation of the restraining order taken out on him by his most recent ex wife, Brooke Mueller. Under the terms of the order, Sheen is not allowed to possess any firearms, which sounds very sensible given his state of mind and some of the things he’s said. Apparently only an antique gun was found, but it’s worth noting that Charlie’s lawyer was informed about the raid ahead of time. Charlie was cooperative and no arrests were made. Here’s more on this story from Radar Online:

Charlie’s lawyer talks to the press

Cops swarmed Charlie Sheen’s house shortly after 8 pm PT Thursday investigating a possible violation of a restraining order against the star by his estranged wife Brooke Mueller. No arrests were made.

Sheen is not allowed to own firearms under the terms of the restraining order and a spokesperson for LAPD told RadarOnline.com: “it came to the attention of the LAPD that Sheen is a registered owner of firearms. LAPD is conducting an investigation to determine if Mr. Sheen is in possession of firearms or ammunition, that would violate terms of the TRO.”

LAPD Officer Norma Eisenman told RadarOnline.com that “Mr. Sheen was very cooperative and he is at home. He is not being arrested. The LAPD has completed their investigation. They will not be releasing their findings.”

Charlie’s attorney Mike Gross spoke to reporters outside the neighborhood and said the police found one 1800s-era rifle and “a few bullets.” He said that Charlie didn’t have any other weapons in the house.

RadarOnline.com was at Sheen’s gated community and witnessed a chaotic scene with at least five police cars arriving immediately, a helicopter flying overhead and rumors flying until police issued an official statement.

The first police statement said: “LAPD detectives responded to the home of Charlie Sheen to investigate a violation of a restraining order that was filed on March 1. As more information is available we will release it.”

Police notified Sheen’s attorney before going to the house, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Mueller and Sheen are locked in a custody war over their twin boys and Mueller has accused Sheen of being violent and needing psychiatric help. Sheen infamously shot then-fiance Kelly Preston by accident in the arm in 1990.

[From Radar Online]

Cops outside Charlie’s house

Charlie tweeted about the raid afterwards, writing “#fastball; the LAPD were AWESOME. Absolute pros! they can protect and serve this Warlock anytime!!! c”

Also on Charlie’s Twitter account is an announcement of his upcoming tour. You might assume that Charlie won’t be performing his one-man rant for some time, but he’ll be in Chicago at the Fox theater for two performances this Saturday! (Update: Those dates have since been changed.) My mouth is honestly hanging open. You can get tickets through Ticketmaster starting Saturday at 10 AM. That’s going to sell out within a few minutes. Charlie writes that the show, titled “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option” will feature “the REAL story from the Warlock.” Crazy like a fox indeed. The dude must have been itching to spew his grandiose metaphors since he stopped doing interviews. Maybe he stopped talking nonstop as part of a strategy to help drum up interest in the show.

In other Charlie Sheen news, the National Enquirer is reporting in their print edition that Charlie ODed four times in the last six months but was assisted by people at his house and not taken to the hospital. They also claim he pops nitroglycerin when he takes too much cocaine in order to try and stave off a heart attack.

Charlie is said to want to have a birthday party for his seven year-old daughter, Sam, at his house this weekend. Charlie’s ex Denise Richards is keeping her daughters far from Charlie’s craziness and told him there’s no way the party is going to happen.

And Charlie and Brooke reached some kind of undisclosed custody agreement regarding their two year-old twin boys.

Photos of Charlie are from 3/7/11. Other photos are of the chaos surrounding Charlie’s house last night. Credit: WENN.com.

Charlie Sheen toned down the crazy from previously deafening levels and now seems to be attempting to play nice. His last video rant may have been his swan song, because he claims it was his final one and he also claims one of his two radio interviews yesterday, was his last. (*sigh of relief with realization that this won’t last*) For him I guess this is progress.

It looks like Two and a Half Men could be proceeding at some point with a new lead, which would make financial sense for producers and CBS in that it remains one of the most popular shows on television despite its mediocrity. Names that have been floated by the press include Robert Downey, Jr. (no chance), John Stamos, and most recently Rob Lowe.

In his radio interviews yesterday, Sheen said that Lowe would be a great choice, and claimed that he’ll get paid for those episodes even if Lowe is replacing him. (TMZ reported a couple of days ago that Sheen has a “Michael J. Fox clause” in his contract that stipulates that he gets paid if someone replaces him. That’s going to be a long court battle.) He also expressed doubt as to how the transition from his character to Lowe’s would be presented on screen. He even apologized, sort-of, to co-star Jon Cryer for calling him a troll. Someone talked some much-needed sense into Charlie or maybe the withdrawal psychosis is wearing off. Sheen half-admitted the rumors that he’s broke (he said “I have no dough“), so that could be the motivation right there. Here’s some of what Sheen said:

On calling Jon Cryer a troll
“I’ll apologize to Jon right now. I was in a mood and I threw that out to somebody… It’s a half apology — it’s an apol! I didn’t know they – well I kinda knew they were gonna print it. Yeah, I knew they were gonna print it. I confuse myself.”

On his financial situation
“There’s tons of opportunity…I’ve got geniuses just waiting for me to say ‘let’s do this.’ I’m not really worried. I’ve got no job, I’ve got no dough, but…”

On Rob Lowe replacing him
“He’s a buddy of mine, he’s a beautiful man, a brilliant actor, and I hope he does it and kicks its ass because I still get [paid]”

His advice to his replacement
“Don’t look at the 177 episodes that I brilliantly did. Just park those!” he said. “Ignore the 400 reruns every week that you can’t avoid. Cancel your Sheen app. I’d recommend, in all seriousness, that they make it their own.”

On the future of the show
“I don’t even know if they would call the [character] ‘Charlie’ anymore … how does the show transition?” he asked. “Do you have [the show's creator & executive producer] Chuck [Lorre], that silly sad troll, do you have him talk in the camera and say, ‘Here’s what happened’ and then Rob Lowe comes out? Or do they just do it, without explaining it, and hope no one notices?”

On Saturday Night Live spoofing him
“Those are all warm hugs, they’re all an absolute homage. If it’s done tastefully and with really smart humor, I just think it’s totally gnarls-gnarlington.”

On if he’ll do another interview
“This could be my final interview. This is where it all began and where it all ends.”

[From KEarth101 and The Dan Patrick Show via People, Hollywood Reporter]

It’s telling that Sheen is flattered when people make fun of him while Lohan gets her panties in a twist. So Sheen is just an addict with a creative mouth who managed to squander a fortune on hookers, blow, watches and mansions. He’s trying to tone it down now, and he could possibly be successful with a lot of help. You know that’s not going to happen and it’s just a matter of time before he acts out again.

Oh and I just found out that Sheen shot a video for Funny or Die that’s scheduled to go up today. They previously did a spoof of Jerry O’Connell auditioning for Two and a Half Men and doing his best Charlie impression. It was hysterical.

Jerry O’Connell auditions for Two and a Half Men.

Photo credit: WENN.com

White House Party Crasher and all around grifter Michaele Salahi was cast on Celebrity Rehab this season, along with such luminaries as Michael Lohan, Bai Ling and Dwight Gooden. It’s known that Michael Lohan is supposedly sober, as he’s some kind of sanctimonious preachy sobriety coach for teenagers when he’s not giving press conferences about his daughter. Lohan admitted as much when he was cast, and said that he was hoping to get treatment for his “anger issues.” It was Michaele Salahi who just got kicked off for not being addicted to anything, though. Like the e-mail “evidence” that the Salahis gave to “prove” they were invited to the state dinner, her husband Tareq swears he has e-mails that show that producers wanted Michaele to fake an addiction. (At least that’s what he implied.)

But that’s apparently why former Real Housewives of D.C. matron Michaele Salahi was more or less fired by Dr. Drew Pinsky today.

“The treatment program that Celebrity Rehab documents is intended for individuals with serious substance abuse and addiction issues,” VH1 said in a statement to E! News. “Prior to the taping of the current season, producers were advised that Michaele Salahi met the criteria to be treated in this setting. However, professional assessments spanning from that time to the present, found that she did not meet such criteria.

“As a result, she is no longer participating in the program.”

A rep for Salahi said yesterday that the self-proclaimed philanthropist, who didn’t appear to suffer from addiction during Real Housewives, was hoping Dr. Drew would “be able to assist her about everything she has endured over the last year.”

Salahi revealed in September that she suffers from multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease that attacks nerve cells around the brain and spinal cord.

Dr. Drew did a full medical workup on Salahi and she is doing fine, a production source told Radar Online. But apparently she and her husband are pretty pissed!

“She was really leaning on Dr. Drew, who is a respected doctor to get her through some of the issues after the White House, when she went to Congress, when she went into relapse with her multiple sclerosis,” Tareq Salahi told Radar.

“My wife takes her health situation very seriously, she has a real diagnosis of multiple sclerosis,” he continued. “You know, we can show you a bunch of emails about what they wanted her to pretend to be, therefore, but that’s going to come out later on with one of the major networks.”

[From E! Online]

A chronic illness and an inability to tell the truth do not constitute an addiction. (An inability to eat full meals might, however.) Then again, from what I understand the Celebrity Rehab model of addiction is rather loose and is based on whoever they can get to be on the show. Remember Rachel Uchitel and her “love” and Ambien addiction? Sadly, there are celebrities on that show who are truly addicted to drugs as well. Bassist Mike Starr of Alice in Chains was on Celebrity Rehab in 2009, and he just died at the age of 44 from as-of-yet unknown causes. He was arrested for felony of a controlled substance last month.

Meanwhile Tareq was staying with Michael Lohan, who just kicked him out of his West Hollywood apartment for not paying the bills. Radar has video of Michael complaining about Tareq, and suggests that Michael may have staged it for publicity. Given all the scams that Tareq and Michaele have pulled, it’s likely Michael was telling the truth and that Tareq didn’t pay his share.

There’s news that trainwreck Sean Young, 51, will join the cast of Celebrity Rehab, probably in Michaele’s place. Young was kicked out of an awards ceremony in early 2008 for being drunk and disorderly, and the decline of her career is generally blamed on her eccentric, probably drunken behavior and the way she stalked James Woods after their breakup in the late 80s. She’ll be an interesting addition for sure. Look at this crazy bitch. She’s holding a bunny and wearing a fur coat. She brought that rabbit with her too, no one else at that event was holding it.

Photos of the Salahis from October, 2010 credit: WENN.com. Photos of Sean Young from December 2010 (bunny pictures) and April, 2010 credit: PRPhotos

Charlie Sheen is really mad now, and that means he’s going to unleash his fiery fists of verbal fury. He has a new rant up on UStream (below), I think it’s his fourth, and he seems to have abandoned the crew that were with him in his first broadcast over the weekend. (In this second UStream video he’s on the phone and says “I’m better solo, I invented solo.”) In this most recent video, he goes on an extended tirade that’s undoubtedly about the fact that he was finally officially fired from Two and A Half Men. It’s hard to tell exactly what he’s talking about because his speech is so full of bizarre metaphors and random wordplays that it sounds like cracked out poetry, which is pretty much what we’ve been hearing from him all along. You can read Charlie’s rant on Radar Online, where they put up a transcript, and watch it below. Like a lot of the crap that Charlie spouts, it’s so creative that it makes you wonder if it’s scripted somehow. He may have written it ahead of time and be reading from an offscreen script. The content focuses on how great Charlie is and how his enemies have wronged him, which is again typical for him.

Many people are wondering if Charlie’s demeanor is some kind of act or performance art, similar to the way that Joaquin Phoenix went off the rails last year for that documentary and eventually came back looking completely normal. Charlie is rebranding himself as an nonstop insanity meme and he has a massively popular Twitter account, is looking for an intern to manage his social networking, and is reportedly in talks to launch a one-man tour in which people will presumably pay for the privilege to see him rant on stage like he’s been doing for free for the past few weeks.

I’m pretty sure that this is genuine, and that Charlie is either still on crack or is feeling the effects of the drug in the form of lingering mental illness. He may still have enough faculties to be able to poke fun at himself and come up with clever catchphrases like “jaundiced gorilla pelts,” “undigested hummus” and “an angry mob raiding your muck hole” but that doesn’t mean he’s in control of his faculties. He’s not a good enough actor to play a raving drug addict so convincingly.

Here are some excerpts from an article on medscape on Cocaine related psychiatric disorders. The source article explains that psychotic disorders can occur both with cocaine intoxication, and during the withdrawal process:

Cocaine-induced psychotic disorders with delusions
A person demonstrating delusions clings to a false belief or judgment despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. For example, a female abusing cocaine may demonstrate delusions of grandeur and believe that she possesses great wealth, intellect, and power, despite the fact that she is homeless and without education. Suicidal or homicidal ideation can occur in response to delusional beliefs.

Cocaine-induced mood disorder
A patient presenting with acute mania may demonstrate inflated self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, talkativeness, flight of ideas, distractibility, increased goal-directed activity, and/or irritability.

[From Medscape]

That sounds very close to what Charlie is exhibiting, and while it is at times funny it’s also very disturbing to watch. We’ve never seen a celebrity go off the rails like this. Britney had a lot of very serious issues three years ago, but she didn’t broadcast them online and we only saw photos and heard about it secondhand. While the coverage of Charlie seems excessive there’s a human tendency to rubberneck. (You can black out all references to Charlie Sheen online using this handy Firefox and Chrome plugin if it’s getting to you.)

Meanwhile Charlie told E! how upset he was that his costar Jon Cryer didn’t reach out to him like so many other people did when Charlie started flinging his sh*t against the walls and blaming everyone else for it. Charlie said that “Jon has not called me. He’s a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he’s a troll. He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a ‘traitor, juvenile and scared’ for him to get it?”

Only Cryer never did issue a statement, there was just a fake Twitter account from someone claiming to be Cryer, and his rep has refused to comment. He did do a spoof skit on Ellen in which he played an administrative assistant, but he didn’t say anything about Sheen’s problems or the controversy over the show being put on hiatus. A source also tells E! that Cryer did call Sheen. He apparently didn’t fawn over him enough or tell him exactly what he wanted to hear, which amounts to “you’re special, you’re better than everyone else, you can do whatever you want and get paid millions of dollars for it, and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong.” Oh I’m sorry, I need to translate that to Sheen speak to be understandable “Your Tiger Blood makes you indestructible and unfathomable to all the worms who live inferior, goddess-weak lives.” That’s still not crazy enough, is it?

After I wrote all that People Magazine came out with their new cover on Charlie Sheen, their second in two weeks. It’s about how his twin boys are faring. This is going to be the top celebrity story this year, and we don’t know yet how it’s going to end.

Video streaming by Ustream

Charlie Sheen’s 20/20 episode was watched by over 9 million people, drawing in the highest ratings for the show in two years. As we mentioned yesterday, a rerun of Two and a Half Men Monday night was the highest rated show of the evening on any network. On 20/20 Sheen was bragging that he exposes “people to magic, I expose them to something they’re otherwise never going to see in their boring normal lives.” That’s true for me, I’ve never witnessed the insane ravings of an addict like this before and for that I consider myself lucky. I’ve seen people wandering around the street muttering to themselves, but I’ve never paid attention.

Sheen is now on Twitter, having joined on Tuesday night. I’m impressed that he’s only Tweeted a single page and that he seems to grasp the nuances of Twitter. One of his “goddesses,” stage name Bree Olsen, is also on Twitter and may have taught him the ropes. He has over a million followers already.

Donald Trump recently sung Charlie’s praises. He called him a “winner” and said “I think they are going to end up signing him for a lot more money then he was getting paid in the first place. It’s all about ratings in this crazy business and if you have ratings you can be the worst person in the world but they will sign you.”

Charlie may not be the worst person in the world, but he sure is a scary, abusive SOB when he’s not bragging about how evolved and different he is than the rest of us relatively sober peons. In Brooke Mueller’s declaration to the court requesting a restraining order, she detailed an incident in October, 2009, in which he pushed her, causing her to hit her head on a couch and to black out. She went to the hospital afterwards and has photos, witnesses and a written apology from Charlie. This happened prior to the Christmas 2009 incident in which Charlie choked Brooke, held a knife to her throat for 20 minutes and threatened to kill her. Of course Charlie claims he’s never hit a woman, which could technically be true. Shooting, choking, pushing and threatening to send someone’s head to them in a box are not “hitting.”

Brooke also has an anti-semitic text message that Charlie sent her in which he calls his manager a “stoopid jew pig” and says he “must execute” him. Charlie claims that Brooke framed him by taking control of his phone and sending herself the message, meanwhile Brooke has an alibi and was filming a reality show with Paris Hilton that day.

Brooke admitted in her court declaration to doing drugs with Charlie during their brief reconciliation a couple of weeks ago. (See this picture.) She claims to be working on staying sober and is in day treatment (again) now that she’s retained custody of the children. Charlie is of course using this to try and smear Brooke. A new article in US Weekly claims the twins are in “a really bad situation” and that “Brooke is just as bad as Charlie.” She’s obviously an addict too, but I find it hard to believe that she’s even marginally close to being as whacked out as Charlie, or that the twins are worse off with their grandmother, Brooke’s mom, than they were with a couple of porn stars.

I really dislike doing Charlie Sheen stories at this point, because the guy says and does so many things that it’s hard to cover it all. I like to keep up and mention all the stories on a celebrity when we cover them, but it’s impossible with crazy ass Charlie. He has creatively insane ways of describing things, he goes on extended rants to just about anyone, and just about every outlet chronicles them and breaks them into multi-day interviews so we can revel in how far gone he is. He’s also opened up his life of self indulgence, and invited both CBS and ABC cameras into his home. This story angers me on so many levels, not least of which it pisses off the perfectionist in me. In the five years I’ve gossip blogged there’s never been a story this complicated and detail-filled.

Charlie has hired two young women, a 24 year-old porn star and a 20-something “model” to be his constant companions. They both spoke to the media about how they just love Charlie’s twin nearly two year-old boys, and how they co-parent them when they feel like it. (The nannies take care of the rest.) Charlie also let cameras from ABC tape him with the boys. (You can watch the 20/20 interview here.)

That may have been the last straw for Charlie’s most recent ex and the twin’s mom, Brooke Mueller, because she filed for a temporary restraining order against Charlie, citing recent abuse, and got a judge’s order to have her boys temporarily removed from Charlie’s home. Brooke has her own substance abuse issues and is currently in “day treatment” for drug addiction. At least she’s getting help. Brooke’s mom will care for the boys while she’s away.

A judge temporarily stripped Charlie Sheen of custody of his twin sons Tuesday, after Brooke Mueller submitted a declaration in which she alleged Charlie said, “I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom” … TMZ has learned.

TMZ broke the story … Brooke’s lawyer got a temporary restraining order against Charlie, prohibiting him from going near her. The judge also ordered Charlie to surrender their twin boys — Bob and Max — to Brooke while the TRO remains in effect.

Police removed the twins from Charlie’s house late Tuesday.

According to legal docs, Brooke also claims … on February 23 Charlie threw a phone inside his house and then with a penknife in hand, threatened to stick it in Brooke’s eye.

Today’s hearing was held without notice to Charlie — his lawyers were not present.

Brooke’s lawyer confessed to the court … Brooke is currently in a “day treatment” facility for substance abuse. She says she will see the kids for around 4 hours a day while the TRO is in effect and her mom will provide care for the rest of the day.

Sources tell TMZ Charlie’s team is furious that the order was issued and plans to go to court tomorrow in an attempt to undo it.

Charlie twittered Tuesday night, “My sons are fine … My path is now clear …. Defeat is not an option!”

UPDATE: Charlie was just live on “Today” where he said he didn’t say those words, adding “it’s colorful … that’s a good one I guess. If you spend enough time around me you can formulate things and make it sound like it could have come from my mouth, but you can do that watching reruns.”

He also looked at the camera and sent out a message directly to Brooke, saying “I’m sorry you felt this had to be done in this way, but this does not display any responsible parenting.”

[From TMZ]

Radar has a tape of Charlie’s kids getting removed from his house and they say he was respectful to cops. (I have not watched the whole thing, I’ve had enough of Charlie.) He said that “my fangs are dripping with tiger blood.” Wait, didn’t he say he had tiger blood and Adonis DNA? Does that mean he bit himself?

Charlie also gave an “exclusive” – ha! – interview to People Magazine and is featured on the cover this week. He goes off on his tangents, and I have to give it to him, he’s really clever when he’s talking about how great he is.

Here’s my favorite quote from his 20/20 interview, and it came at the beginning because I’m not going to sit through any more of Charlie’s insanity than necessary:
“I’m bi-winning. Everyone thinks I’m bipolar, thanks Dr. Loser. Bipolar the earth is bipolar.”

Here’s a link to more of Charlie’s quotes and it’s hard to do them justice at all.

What’s more is the dude has joined Twitter. Yes he did. These clearer photos are from his Twitter account. Guess what’s now the top trending topic: #tigerblood. He should have just stuck to Twitter all along and resisted the urge to give video interviews. If he could have simply posted his quotes to Twitter people would have been calling him a satirical genius. As it is, we know the reality for Charlie and it’s pretty scary to witness.

A rerun of Two and A Half Men was the top watched show on Monday night.

Photos courtesy of Charlie’s Twitter feed.