These are photos of Britney Spears from the weekend, looking like hell. CB and I were debating whether or not Britney looks pregnant in these photos. If it was anybody else, I might be saying something about a “bump” but it’s more likely that Britney just had too many Cheetos over the holidays. Anyway, Britney’s new single has been released! There was a demo (sung by someone else) that got a lot of attention last week, but this is the first time I’ve heard Britney singing in a while. If you want to call it singing… this is auto-tuned to a crazy degree. Still, a solid pop song.

The lyrics feature lines like “If I feel my heart was beating loud/If we could escape the crowd some how/If I said I want your body now/Would you hold it against me.” “It” being “dong” I believe. And now I’m picturing myself begging Michael Fassbender to “hold it against me”. Mm… what were we talking about?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

It feels like we haven’t had any interesting Britney Spears news in a while. There hasn’t been any good photo op in a while either – Britney has stopped with the biweekly paparazzi-filled outings to Starbucks. There was a rumor, sometime around Christmas, that Britney had finally gotten engaged to Jason Trawick, but I doubt it. The rumor seems to have started because she was wearing what looked like a simple band in a Christmas photo. It was nothing. Which brings me to the first big Brit story of the year – Britney is going to get her patented, greasy, nasty, budget extensions… down to her butt, y’all. Britney’s extensions won’t start out as a hot mess, but that’s how they’ll end up:

When it comes to her hair, Britney Spears is going all. The. Way.

The “Piece of Me” singer has scheduled an appointment to get super-long hair extensions from stylist Kim Vo at the Montage Beverly Hills, a source tells UsMagazine.com.

Spears, 29, has recently turned to the celebrity stylist for hair help. “[Vo] wasn’t responsible for her hair over the last few years but is trying to fix it now!” the source tells Us.

Although that may prove difficult given Spears’ ever-evolving hair styles. “He mentioned how often she changes her mind about it. This week she wants it to her butt, and…two weeks later they’ll probably cut it again.”

The extensions will hardly be a first for Spears. In July, the singer revealed a botched (or simply half-done) hair extension job.

[From Us Weekly]

God, this is such a hideous idea. I will maintain that what Britney really needs to do if shave everything off and just start from scratch. No weaves, no extensions, no hairpieces, no dye. Just go natural for a while, and see how she likes that.

Also – can you imagine how busted butt-long extensions are going to look on Britney after a month? Ugh.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Britney Spears and boyfriend Jason Trawick went on vacation to Mexico to celebrate Britney’s 29th birthday. This comes on the heels of the scandal over the most-likely fake recordings of a Britney sound-alike telling her first ex husband, Jason Alexander, that Trawick was abusive. Maybe Britney and Jason had this whole trip planned before the recordings came out, or maybe they did it as a response to that and a sign of togetherness. Either way, they’re using this vacation for as much positive PR as possible. US Weekly has a whole story in their upcoming issue about their romantic getaway, and People had details yesterday. It just seems too heavy-handed to me when it was obvious to most people that those tapes of Britney were fake. She has a lot of fans though and her people want to make it seem like she’s fine after all she went through a couple years ago. Here’s US Weekly’s story:

Days after Star magazine and Radaronline published fake reports about Jason Trawick’s alleged physical abuse of girlfriend Britney Spears, the content pop singer and her beau of nearly two years were a world away from Hollywood: at a private, $5,000 per-night villa in Conchas Chinas, Mexico, as revealed in the new Us Weekly, out now.

The occasion? Spears’ 29th birthday Dec. 2 — and her former agent Trawick, 39, surprised the singer with a red-velvet cake shipped from L.A. and much more.

The happy duo shrugged off the false abuse rumor for their luxe Puerta Vallarta trip. “They did not allow it to get them down,” an insider tells Us.

In fact, Spears tells Us exclusively: “My birthday weekend away with Jason was amazing. Best birthday of my life!”

For much more details and pics from their romantic, luxe birthday getaway, pick up the new Us Weekly, out today.

[From US Weekly]

Yeah, we get it, they’re doing great and all. I’d be more likely to believe it if they went to Mexico and we weren’t privy to the details afterwards.

Meanwhile Britney went to a Walmart in LA with her bodyguard yesterday. She was dressed appropriately in a low cut silk top with a leopard print bra that was only partially visible. Her hair and makeup also looked decent and she looked thrilled to be out shopping. She’d do much more to further her image if she’d look as put together and happy as this on most outings.

Photo credit: Fame Pictures

Britney Spears’ camp has vigorously denied the rumors that it’s her voice on a new tape with her first ex husband, Jason Alexander, detailing abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, Jason Trawick. If you listen to the audio, it doesn’t even sound like Britney or a decent mimic, and there’s a lot of crackling and evidence of editing. Britney’s people have promised to sue over the story, and it sounds like going to follow up on it and aren’t just issuing empty claims. Meanwhile Britney, or more likely her manager Larry Rudolph, has taken to Twitter to give a less formal warning to the outlets with that false story. She tells Star and Radar to ‘kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!‘ I’m not really buying that Britney personally writes her own tweets, because that’s genius. I’m sure she cosigned it though:

Britney Spears has a message for anyone claiming she was physically abused by her boyfriend: pucker up.

Addressing her missive to “Star Magazine, Radar Online, Jason Alexander and the rest of you liars,” Spears Tweeted Thursday: “Ya’ll can kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!”

The sentiment was prompted by a tabloid report that Spears – who turned 29 Thursday – was abused by boyfriend Jason Trawick.

The allegation came from Spears’s one-time husband, Jason Alexander, whose 55-hour Las Vegas marriage to her was annulled in 2004. In the report, Alexander says Spears told him Trawick “beat on me,” and RadarOnline posted an audio clip of the alleged conversation between Alexander and Spears. The singer’s reps, however, deny the woman’s voice on the tapes belongs to the pop star.

Spears, who announced she has a new album coming out in March, also Tweets she is “off on a romantic weekend with Jason for my birthday. xoxo Brit.”

[From People]

On Wednesday Britney was seen outside the offices of the William Morris agency, where her boyfriend works. US Weekly says that she was there to screen the movie The Secretariat for charity. US also has a new statement from Britney’s manager about this ongoing story. He says a lawsuit is coming soon. “It’s amazing that Star continues to try to defend their story by putting out more and more pieces of a fraudulent recording. Everyone knows it is not her. The more they put out, the more ridiculous they look. The lawyers are drawing up the legal papers right now; there will 100 percent be a lawsuit. We are suing.”

Britney turned 29 yesterday. Happy belated birthday Britney.

Britney and Jason are shown out on 12/1/10. Credit: Fame Pictures

Britney Spears’ team of professionals is amassing their response to Star Magazine and Radar’s report that Britney is being abused or has been abused by her boyfriend Jason Trawick. Star published an interview with Britney’s first husband Jason Alexander early Wednesday morning – Alexander claimed that Britney had told him Jason Trawick was abusing her, and he, Alexander, was “very concerned” for her. Then, hours later, Radar released alleged audio of Alexander and Britney’s conversation, where you could here Britney (or a Brit imposter) saying stuff like “my daddy’s got a shotgun” and stuff. Now, while I wouldn’t think much about a denial from Britney herself, I do trust her manager Larry Rudolph, and if Rudolph says Star’s report is a load of crap, then it’s a load of crap. Rudolph goes even further – he says that the audio is “100 percent not” Britney, and that the lawyers are now working on a formal response:

Britney Spears has been happily dating Jason Trawick for over a year but is their relationship toxic?

The pop star’s rep is denying a new tabloid report, which claims that Trawick has been physically abusive toward Spears.

The allegations were made by Spears’s one-time husband, Jason Alexander, whose 55-hour Las Vegas marriage to the singer was annulled in 2004. In the tabloid report, Alexander says Spears told him Trawick “beat on me.”

An audio clip of the alleged conversation was posted on RadarOnline Wednesday, but the singer’s manager Larry Rudolph denies that the female voice belongs to Spears, who turns 29 on Thursday.

It is “100 percent not her,” Rudolph told Access Hollywood. “Lawyers are amassing. We are 100 percent taking stern and immediate legal action.”

Sources close to the couple also tell PEOPLE that allegations of violence are untrue.

“Jason has never been abusive to Britney,” says one close source. “Britney has in the past been very difficult and has had tantrums around Jason, but he was and is nothing but patient with her.”

In fact, says the source, “The couple’s relationship is better [than ever]. Britney and Jason lately have been very happy together.”

[From People]

Meanwhile, Britney’s rep released this statement to Us Weekly:

“Every aspect of the story published by Star Magazine is completely and utterly false and Star Magazine was informed of the falsity of this story before it was published,” reps for Spears tell UsMagazine.com in a statement.

“The statements attributed to Jason Alexander are a complete fabrication as Britney has not had any form of communication with Mr. Alexander in years. The audio recording posted on Radaronline this morning purporting to be between Britney Spears and Jason Alexander is so obviously fake as to be laughable. Suffice it to say, that Jason Trawick has never laid a hand on Britney.”

The statement continues: “These irresponsible statements are defamatory and Britney Spears’ legal team will be taking legal action against all of the appropriate parties.”

[From Us Weekly]

Is it over now? Well… I think Star is getting sued. This isn’t some Ashton Kutcher-Chris Martin fakeout “I never cheated, I’m going to sue!” tantrum and then there is never any follow-through. As far as the actual claim of abuse – while I kept an open mind yesterday, I tend to think People’s report is probably more to the truth – that Britney throws tantrums and fits, and that Jason is very patient with her.

Star Magazine has an uncomfortable story about Britney Spears on their cover this week. According to Britney‘s first husband Jason Alexander, who gives Star an “exclusive interview”, Britney told Jason Alexander that Jason Trawick has been beating her up. The cover photo allegedly shows Britney with a black eye – which, it could be, or it could just be that Britney has screwed up makeup. Oh, and Britney was pregnant…? Jesus. I hope none of this is true:

After her very public breakdown and a string of failed romances, Britney Spears made a tremendous comeback — professionally and personally — largely because of her agent-turned-boyfriend Jason Trawick, who helped her rebuild her career and life. But in a blockbuster world exclusive, Star has learned that the relationship has turned violent!

In our Dec. 13 issue, on sale today, Britney’s former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.

“Britney is in an abusive relationship,” the entertainer’s first husband says in a detailed interview with Star. “She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”

Childhood friends Britney and Alexander stayed in touch after their 55-hour marriage was annulled in 2004. But their casual texts, phone calls and emails took a dark turn when she recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye,” Alexander says.

And the abuse wasn’t a solitary incident, Alexander tells Star in our issue. Nor was it the only jaw-dropping secret the megastar told her ex! She also revealed that she had been pregnant with Trawick’s child earlier this year, Alexander says.

Alexander says he’s telling this story because he’s “really concerned” for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.”

For the entire shocking story — including photos of a battered and bruised Britney, the messages she sent her ex and the details about her secret pregnancy — pick up Star today.

[From Star Magazine]

The fact that Jason Alexander is giving the interview and that he has no qualms about being a named source does give me pause. I also think it’s possible that Britney did tell him some of this stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually true. If it is true, however, I hope that her daddy steps in and straightens this mess out. Britney is still under her conservatorship, and it was just extended into next year:

Britney Spears will ring in the new year under her long-standing conservatorship …. sources tell TMZ. We’re told there are no plans to end the conservatorship, which was created in February 2008.

And, it’s not bad news for Britney. We’re told she’s “content” with the current arrangement and is no longer antsy to end it.

Britney is actually under two conservatorships — one to care for her, and another to take care of her business affairs. As for the latter, it will probably remain in place for a long time, because Britney Spears, Inc. has never run more smoothly.

As for the personal conservatorship … we’re told no one involved — Britney included — wants to end it.

[From TMZ]

In my opinion, I think the fact that Britney is still under conservatorship makes any possible accusation of abuse that much more serious – it’s like a mental patient or a child is being abused. That being said, it’s totally possible that Jason Alexander is making the whole thing up. We’ll see… there could be denials about this story soon.

UPDATE: Radar (which is basically the same company as Star) has more on this situation here. Apparently, Jason Alexander taped this conversation with Britney, and you can go to Radar to hear the audio. Honestly, I don’t think it sounds like Britney, but the sound quality isn’t awesome, so maybe it is, maybe not. Britney says stuff like “Before or after he beat on me?” and “My dad has a shotgun and he’s just waiting to use it.” Radar also claims that they’ve gotten Britney and Jamie Spears’ denials of all of this.

Star cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics courtesy of Fame.

Here’s a sad story from The Enquirer that claims that not only is Britney Spears not happy that her parents are reuniting after their 2002 divorce, but that she suspects they’re doing it to get more of her money. Britney’s father Jamie has been her conservator since 2008, and she’s been trying to get out from under his thumb ever since. Britney used to think of her mom as an ally, and enlisted her help to try and end the conservatorship. Now that her parents are back together, Britney feels that no one is on her side and that they’re conspiring to control her – and her cash. Here’s part of the Enquirer’s story:

You’d think Britney Spears would be thrilled to see her divorced parents get back together – instead she’s furious!

The troubled performer believes the reunion will destroy her chance to gain her freedom from court-ordered supervision…

Until the recent reconciliation, Britney shared her complaints about her father’s supervision with mom Lynne, 55 – and she was convinced that Lynne would help her win back her freedom.

“Britney feels completely betrayed,” revealed a source. “Britney used to be able to confide in Lynne about all the problems she had with her father.

“Lynne gave Britney hope that she could get out of the conservatorship and be on her own again. She even promised to speak to Britney’s doctors and lawyers on her behalf. Now Britney realizes Lynne was going behind her back and telling Jamie everything she said.

Britney, who turns 29 on Dec. 2, believes that Lynne was working with her father all along to manipulate her into being more cooperative – and that she did so for financial reasons.

Dad Jamie, 58, earns $16,000 a month for his role as Britney’s conservator.

“If Jamie were no longer her conservator, the money would stop and Lynne and Jamie would both again become dependent on Britney’s generosity for money. Britney doesn’t want her parents back together. She thinks their relationship is very dysfunctional.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 6, 2010]

Britney has been a cash cow for her family since she was a little girl. You like to think that her family has her best interests in mind, especially since her dad was able to help Britney turn her life around after her breakdown. Her mom Lynne was not there for her when she was growing up, and she made a lot of excuses about it during her book tour two years ago. It makes sense that Britney thinks her parents are motivated by money. They’ve arguably used her to make a living for most of her life, although her dad genuinely seemed to want to help her these past few years. We also know that he supported himself as a chef after the divorce and before he was called in to be Britney’s conservator. Hopefully Britney’s parents got back together for love and no other reason.

Photos are from a Hawaiian vacation that Britney took with her parents and boys in late August. Britney is shown on 11/2/10 outside California Pizza Kitchen. Credit: Fame Pictures.

SURPRISE! Britney’s hair is still jacked to hell. And now she’s back to flashing her panties, although this is a top-of-the-thong flash, as opposed to an open-leg/short-skirt flash. So… small miracles? And honestly, her clothes look like they fit and she’s wearing panties, so she’s doing a lot better.

It seems kind of sad that all I’ve got on Britney Spears today is her consistently f-cked up weave. I’ve already said so much about the state of it – I don’t know why she forces herself to live with this junk. I wish I had some kind of statement from her about her parents’ reconciliation, and how happy she was. Instead, we get The Weave on Parade, with costume changes. Sigh… Britney…JUST SHAVE IT OFF.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

These are photos of Britney Spears and Sean Preston getting some yogurt in LA over the weekend. Whenever I see photos of Britney with her kids, I always go back to something mean my mom said about Brit as a mom: “She doesn’t deserve those beautiful babies.” I mean… now you know where I get it, right? But still, Britney is trying, and this yogurt outing was rather cute. I think Sean must have just done a face-plant in the yogurt, because he’s got chocolate ALL over his face. I want to was his face, and while I’ve got the soap and water handy, I think I might take a wack at Brit’s busted weave.

In other Britney news, she recently gave an interview in which she credited her boys for keeping her in shape.

Britney spears credits being a mom to her two little boys for helping her retain a slim figure. The Break The Ice star – who is working on a big new song with producers Dr Luke and Max Martin – says running around and looking after 5-year-old Sean Preston and Jayden James (4), keeps her in shape.

“How do I keep slim?,” Spears said when quizzed about exercising. “Having two boys definitely helps, and I love to dance. It’s the best way to stay in shape.”

Brit also enjoys rewarding herself, “I love treating myself to a spa day. Massages are my favorite,” she explained.

And discussing her make-up, Spears shared: “Sometimes I keep it simple and don’t wear much make-up – just a little mascara and lipgloss. Other times, I’ll play around and do heavier make-up or some fun lipstick.”

[From OMG Music]

Is anyone ever going to ask her about the pink wig? You know that’s what she wants to talk about it.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

These are photos of Britney Spears wandering around LA yesterday. Fame Pictures notes that Brit was not headed to her mothership, Starbucks, but was instead headed into Barnes & Noble. Barnes & Noble has a coffee shop too, right? I mean, most do. The one in my town does. So Brit decided to switch it up after the mothership refused her entry a few weeks ago. “I’m goin’ to the book suppository, y’all! They have mah coffee!” Fame Pictures is also bitching about her appearance, saying that she “looked a slightly under the weather… Britney’s face was a red as well as a little swollen around her eyes and checks…as usual her hair was a mess with extensions sticking out and looking ratty as she wore a short pink lace top, no bra, with a pair of short cut off brown shorts.” She does look tired and underdressed, but whatever.

In other Britney news, remember that bodyguard who was selling his story (through “sources”) to The Sun? The bodyguard claimed that Britney wandered around her house naked, trying to lure her bodyguards into having sex with her in The Den of Cheetos and Lust. He also claimed that Britney abused her children. In any case, TMZ reports that Team Britney has asked for a protective order for Britney, against this bodyguard:

The people in charge of Britney Spears are asking a judge to protect her from a potential “shake down” by a former bodyguard who they believe could release info that may put Britney in danger.

It all has to do with a lawsuit filed by Fernando Flores, a former bodyguard who claims the pop star sexually harassed him by, among other things, walking around her home in the nude.

Flores wants the case tried in civil court — but Britney’s conservators are concerned that Flores will use the public forum to release private information to extort a settlement out of Britney.

In new legal docs filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Team Britney begs the judge to move the case to a probate court, where all of the accusations could be kept from the public … and protect her from a “shake down.”

The conservators also believe, “There is a real possibility that Ms. Spears will be exposed to danger by the release of confidential and personal information.”

A hearing on the matter is scheduled for the end of the month.

[From TMZ]

Do I think the bodyguard wants money in some kind of “shakedown” situation? Sure. Do I also believe that a few of his claims were true? Sure. But it’s Britney, bitch. You kind of know that you’re signing up to guard The Crazy. I think Team Britney is less worried about paying out and more worried about what information (and proof) Flores could possibly release.

Britney, bitch, on November 1, 2010. Credit: Fame.