It’s like we’re going back to 2007, when every day there was some new Britney Spears hell. Yesterday, it was the report from The National Enquirer that Jamie Spears still won’t allow Britney to be alone with her sons. Today’s story comes from In Touch Weekly, and it’s partially along the same lines as that article from The Sun a few weeks ago, about Britney’s dad ordering mandatory breakups (with Jason Trawick) and bras. Only in this In Touch Weekly story, it’s Britney who wants to breakup with Jason, and she also wants her daddy to fix her up with someone new before she does the dumping. She even has a list of dudes she’d like to date. Hold your breath, because this list is hilarious:

Britney Spears’ romance with her agent, Jason Trawick, seems to be nearing the end — so she’s asking her father, Jamie, to help her find a new guy! Since Jamie is Britney’s legal conservator, he keeps a watchful eye on anyone with whom the star, 28, is romantically involved.

According to a friend, she has given him a “wish list” of famous men she’d be interested in dating — and Britney’s got high standards. The friend claims that Brit has her eye on, among others, Ryan Phillippe, Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Doug Reinhardt and Avatar star Sam Worthington.

“Britney wants a new boyfriend lined up before she dumps Jason,” the friend explains. “She doesn’t want to be alone, so she has her dad looking for her.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

The Situation? Sure. Ryan Phillippe? I think the guy’s a douche, but I know he wouldn’t get anywhere near Brit. Sam Worthington? How random. And Doug Reinhardt? That’s my pick, honestly. Paris Hilton will be so pissed!

Anyhoodle, is there any merit to this story? Who knows? I’ll buy that Brit doesn’t want to be alone, and I’ll buy that she thinks she needs to have a boyfriend at all times. What I don’t buy is the idea that Britney is making her own decisions about her love life, or anything else. I think her daddy told her to “date” Jason because Jason would be a good “minder” for her. And I think the only way Jason and Brit are going to breakup is if Jason wants out of his contract.

Britney’s daddy still isn’t convinced she’s sane. That says something, you know? Because we can make gentle jokes about her unharnessed nipples of doom, and her reluctant wearing of the bra of sanity, but we don’t really see what she’s like in private. Is the girl still totally crazy? Are the meds helping at all? I think they must be helping, just because the sole appearance of the pink wig was as it stood cryptically in the background of Brit’s Candie’s ads. But Jamie must think that Brit is still pretty crazy, at least according to the National Enquirer. They’re reporting that Jamie still won’t let Brit have unsupervised visits with her sons. And now Brit is starting to resent him even more, because she wants to spend private time with her boys:

BRITNEY SPEARS and her father are at each other’s throats again – this time over the pop star’s desperate wish to be alone with her kids, sources say.

Under the terms of her court-ordered conservatorship, Britney must be supervised by another adult when she’s with her boys – Sean, 4, and Jayden, 3. The singer feels that at 28, she’s mature enough to parent her sons on her own when they visit her.

“Britney is furious that she isn’t trusted to care for her own kids without supervision,” an insider revealed. “She gets into screaming matches with her father Jamie because she can’t have quiet time with the boys without bodyguards, nannies or another family member.

“She’s had enough of the watchdogs, and she’s afraid her sons won’t feel bonded to her as they get older because there are always other adults around.”

The troubled singer also resents being given advice on how to raise her children, and she often lashes out, said the source.

“Little things set her off – like being told what the kids should eat. Britney has always been fond of junk food, and she sees nothing wrong with getting take-out pizzas or hamburgers for the kids,” the source divulged. “When her parents or a nanny suggest the boys shouldn’t eat so much fast food, Britney sees it as interference and resents it.”

Britney’s ex-husband Kevin Federline was granted sole custody of the boys after she suffered a headline-making breakdown in January of 2008. During the incident, she held Jayden hostage in the bathroom of her Beverly Hills mansion, and police had to break in to rescue him.

Britney ended up in a mental ward, and a judge ordered the conservatorship, putting her father in charge of her money, her business affairs and her personal life.

After her successful “Circus” world tour, Britney was convinced the restrictions would be lifted. Instead, the conservatorship has been extended indefinitely, leaving her devastated. But the extension was good news for Federline, said the source.

“Kevin never trusted Britney’s decision-making when it came to the boys. She never kept them on a regular schedule, and their diets were poor. She’d sometimes feed them greasy fast food at 10 p.m.,” said the source.

Meanwhile, Britney is completely frustrated.

“She feels there’s nothing normal about being watched all the time,” said the source. “When it comes to making decisions about the boys, she’s being overruled by her father, Kevin, even the hired help – and Britney blames it all on her dad.”

[From The National Enquirer]

As much as this story breaks my heart a little, I’m kind of happy that Jamie and K-Fed are still putting their feet down regarding the boys. Because, at the end of the day, would you really feel comfortable with Britney watching after her, yours or any child unsupervised? I’m not sure she’s ready. That being said, I think it’s a good goal for her to work up to, and although I have doubts about her mothering skills, I don’t doubt that she adores her sons.

These photos are from two days ago, so my bad for not catching the breaking news before now. Look – Britney is wearing a bra! Hurray! It was just last week that we heard about Jamie Spears ordering mandatory bra-wearin’ for his daughter Britney. Although Jamie might make some questionable calls on Britney’s general well-being, I was all for the mandatory bra rule, and I’m happy to see that it’s being enforced.

Three sidenotes: first, Britney’s expression in the above photo is cracking me up. She looks like she’s f-cked up but trying to act sober. It’s a funny look to me. Second point: is that Britney’s real hair? At first I thought she was wearing a wig, but now I’m thinking… busted weave? Third point – although Brit is wearing a bra, I don’t think it’s her correct size. Daddy needs to buy her a C-cup, methinks.

Anyway, Brit is headed to her lawyer’s office in these photos. That is probably why she’s wearing the bra, actually. Because somewhere in Britney’s mind, she has made the association: wandering nipples = insanity. She put on her bra and is trying to prove to her lawyers that her lojacked nips mean that she’s ready to take care of herself. We’ll see. I’ll believe there is substantial improvement when I see Britney wearing a bra every day for a month.

Meanwhile, Britney’s songs might be used for an upcoming episode of Glee, so says Glee creator Ryan Murphy:

Good news for Britney Spears and Glee fans: series creator Ryan Murphy tells EW that an all-Britney episode of the hit Fox musical, an idea floated by Spears’ manager via twitter on April 21 after Tuesday’s all-Madonna Glee, is actually being considered. Says Murphy, “I’m interested in the Britney Spears idea. I’ve always loved her. I’m entertaining it. I think young kids would like that.”

Murphy also says that he’s contemplating doing similar hour tributes to Billy Joel, Led Zeppelin, and, even, Courtney Love! “I actually ran into Courtney Love the other day and talked to her,” says Murphy. “She’s interested. I would love to have the kids do a Courtney Love episode one day.”

But he stresses that with all of these artists it really all comes down to the music and how it fits in the Glee universe. “The key is the songs in the catalogue have to have a certain degree of theatricality,” says Murphy.

[From Entertainment Weekly]

That might be cute. I don’t know, whatever. I don’t watch the show. I’ve heard that since it’s come back, Glee has lost something? Maybe it got too overexposed too quickly? That’s what I like about Lost. Everyone talked about it for about a month when it first came on, and then people started losing interest once the storylines became too complicated, and now it’s just me and the f-cking diehards, sitting this bitch out until the bitter end. Sigh… no Lost this week. I was truly devastated. Do you think Britney watches Lost? Probably not.

Britney in LA on April 27, 2010. Credit: Fame Pictures.

I was glancing through this story, thinking about how funny it is that Jamie Spears is trying to put some kind of lojack on Britney’s nipples, when I came across the buried lead – according to The Sun, Jamie made Britney and Jason Trawick split up?!? What? Jamie thought Britney’s relationship with Jason was “too intense and volatile. He feared it was sending her back to her old ways. He warned her: ‘It’s Jason or your children’.” Jesus, I just shuddered. I mean, yes, I still think Britney probably needs the conservatorship, and I do believe she needs someone to help look out for her. But threatening a mentally unstable woman that she needs to dump her boyfriend (who seems like a good influence, seriously) or she won’t be able to see her kids? Ugh. It reminds me Changeling, when you found out all of the women in the asylum had been institutionalized because they pissed off the cops in various ways. Bad call, Jamie. If it’s true, that is. Anyway, on to a happier subject: Britney’s wayward nipples.

BRITNEY SPEARS’ worried father has banned her from leaving home without wearing a bra. Dad JAMIE – who has legal control over all Britney’s affairs – fears his troubled daughter is getting close to the brink again and has imposed a host of new rules on the Womanizer singer.

He is embarrassed by constant pictures of her nipples popping out of her clothes and has insisted she only leaves her Los Angeles home wearing the correct support.

Jamie, 57, is taking the order so seriously he has even threatened to sack one of the 28-year-old’s security guards who has let her be photographed bra-less several times in recent weeks.

Jamie recently forced his daughter to dump her 38-year-old boyfriend JASON TRAWICK because he was worried she was falling back into her emotional turmoil after years of recovery.

He feared their volatile relationship was sending fragile Britney close to the edge.

A pal revealed: “Jamie’s control over Britney’s life is incredible. He hates the pictures of her with her nipples all over the place so he has banned her from leaving the house without a bra. He wants her to put across the right impression. One security guard was told he is close to getting fired because he lets her go out without her bra.”

“It was also Jamie who made her split with Jason. He likes Jason but their relationship was too intense and volatile. He feared it was sending her back to her old ways. He warned her: ‘It’s Jason or your children’.”

The friend said Jamie treats his daughter “like a child” but added: “Jamie means it all for the best.”

[From The Sun]

FREE THE NIPPLES. No, I get it. Britney’s nipples (and her boobs in general) are out of control. I’ve been wearing a bra since I was 12 years old – I developed early, but they didn’t become huge until college, when my weight fluctuated. And save for a brief moment in college when I was like “f-ck my bar, I’m going commando” I’ve always been strict about my bra-wearing. It’s important! Because for that brief time period where I didn’t wear one, too many dudes commented about my nipples. Just like Britney.

We don’t have access to the photos discussed here, but you can see them here

Last week Britney Spears was photographed crying in a car while she was behind the wheel, her maybe on-again boyfriend Jason Trawick in the back seat. Apparently some paparazzi from the X17 agency witnessed an altercation inside the parked car, with Britney hitting and/or slapping Jason in the face during an argument. The way an eyewitness at X17 describes it is that she “hit Jason in the face five or six times,” but it’s later described as slapping rather than punching. Both In Touch and The National Enquirer are running this story, with different viewpoints as to how and why Britney flipped out. In Touch runs with the headline “Jason Pushes Britney Over The Edge” while The Enquirer reads “Britney Beats Up On Jason.” If it was a guy hitting a woman, no tabloid (except maybe Star) would claim the woman had “pushed him over the edge.” Britney is responsible for her own behavior and there’s no excuse for resorting to violence. This doesn’t bode well for Britney’s mental health or for the state of her relationship.

Here’s some of The Enquirer’s account, which has Britney pounding on Jason after he turns down her marriage proposal:

An enraged Britney Spears punched her boyfriend-watchdog Jason Trawick in the face after he flatly refused her plea to get married, an insider tells The Enquirer.

The 28-year-old pop star believes tying the knot is the best tactic to terminate her father’s conservatorship over her affairs, according to sources. But Jason, 38, balked at her marriage talk during a meeting with her lawyers, sending Britney into a rage.

“Britney thought getting married would be a good strategy to bring an end to her father’s conservatorship, but Jason wasn’t on board with it at all,” divulged the insider.

“Britney has begged Jason to marry her, and he’s repeatedly told her no. When the meeting with her lawyers didn’t go her way, it put Britney in a horrible mood.”

After the meeting – a seething Britney and Jason – a William Morris agent who was hired by her father Jamie Spears to monitor her – headed to Barneys to shop, said the insider.

“Britney walked into Barneys hopping mad, and wanted Jason to buy her almost everything she saw,” said the insider. “Even worse, she treated Jason like a servant in front of the store’s staff, and he got increasingly irritated.”

When Jason told Britney that they had to head home, she blew up, said the source.

“She started cursing him and threatened to end his career,” said the source.

“Jason quickly led Britney out of the store and she got behind the wheel of her car, a white Mercedes SUV. She started screaming at the top of her lungs, and as she drove off, she started to slap, hit and punch Jason.”

When she finally stopped pummeling him, a stunned Jason announced that he was quitting his job as her minder, said the source.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 26, 2010]

According to X17, Britney was at the gym before she went over to Jason’s. He was following her leaving the house in another car with a bodyguard and called her on her cell phone, asking her to pull over. She ended up blocking traffic waiting for him and she laid into him when he got into her car, screaming and slapping him. X17 doesn’t mention this alleged Barney’s trip preceding the incident, but In Touch reports the same sequence of events as The Enquirer does for the same day. Britney was at Barneys with Jason, then she had a fit in the car. It’s possible Britney went to both the gym and Barneys that day. Whatever happened, Britney was seen slapping Jason, if X17 is to be believed. I expect we’ll hear soon that they’re breaking up again, and I hope Britney is ok and can keep it together. On one side I feel sympathy for her because it’s possible the man she wants to be her boyfriend is bankrolled by her dad, who also controls her life. On the other hand it’s really upsetting to hear that she’s smacking Jason. Is that due to mental illness, anger management problems, or a lot of both?

The National Enquirer has a sad story about how Britney Spears is hurting herself in a desperate attempt to have some control over her life. Last week, Kaiser wondered if this could be the case when Britney was seen with a large bruise on her left forearm, where it could have possibly been self inflicted. The Enquirer claims that Britney has been hurting herself with weights in her home gym in a desperate attempt to lash out at her parents’ control over every aspect of her life. They also tell a disturbing anecdote about how she once threw herself down the stairs in front of her mother. I’m really hoping this isn’t true, but given her history it very well could be.

To add to Britney’s woes, they report that the man we’ve all assumed is her boyfriend, Jason Trawick, is around in just a caretaker role and that there’s no romance between the two. (Kaiser wondered about this too.) That would explain all the breakup stories.

The troubled 28-year-old has thrown herself down stairs, dropped weights on her arms and legs, and repeatedly rips out her hair, insiders say.

Worried family members are desperately trying to keep a lid on her bizarre behavior, sources say, for fear she’ll be committed to a psych ward again…

“Britney wants to run her own life,” the source said. “Right now she can’t leave her own home, spend her own money or even get her nails done without her father’s permission.

The angry mother of two regularly flies into fits of rage and uses the equipment in her home gym to hurt herself, sources say.

“Britney has dropped weights on her arms and her legs, and she’s thrown temper tantrums that go on until she passes out from exhaustion,” the source divulged.

The stressed star has also been yanking out her hair, said the source. Her mother Lynne was shocked at the chaos in Britney’s home during a recent visit, said the source, and was horrified when Britney hurled herself down a flight of stairs.

“Britney and Lynne were preparing to go out, and Britney paused on the stairway that leads to the garage,” the close source divulged.

“She looked at her mother, and then she leaped off the top stair as if to make her watch. Lynne started screaming and lunged toward Britney to grab her. Fortunately, Britney’s bodyguards were able to catch her before she hit the floor.”

Britney is also upset about her lack of love life. Although it has been reported that she is dating her agent Jason Trawick, sources close to her say there is no romance, and that Britney’s dad brought him in to watch over her and help keep her stable.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 12, 2010]

If this is true, it might explain why Britney’s mom and sister are now living with her. Maybe they just want to make sure she’s ok. She’s looking slightly better lately, but it’s she’s still not wearing a bra or showing very good personal grooming habits. Britney really needs to keep busy or she seems lost. She did so well on tour and a lot of people thought she was out of the woods. I hope this story is exaggerated or untrue and that she’s not dealing with the same mental health issues she had a couple of years ago.

Doesn’t Britney Spears look cute, y’all? I think she looks better here than she has in recent photos. Britney went out shopping yesterday on Rodeo Drive – in an original outfit of jeans and a turtleneck. As she shopped, she changed into one of her new purchases, this white strapless from Bebe. Is the dress too tight and too low-cut? Of course. But it’s still a vast improvement. Her bodyguard is helping her with the shopping too – apparently, he was seen carrying lots of packages.

What do you think of Britney’s glasses? I love them! I need new glasses – I usually wear contacts, so my glasses are like from two prescriptions ago, and I’d love a new pair. I know it’s impossibly hipster to get the black frames, and ideally I’d like to get a smaller, more oval shape rather than Britney’s big, round frames.

The thought occurred to me as I look at Britney looking so happy in her glasses – do you think she photographs looking pissy and strung out so often because she can’t see? I’m a mess when I’m not wearing glasses or contacts. I can’t read people’s faces, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m sure I look as strung out as Britney. I don’t know, but it’s a solid theory, in my opinion.

Britney Spears on March 31, 2010. Credit: Fame Pictures.

Here is Britney looking a bit better than when we saw her the other day. Of course the weave is still busted. But her skin looks better, and she doesn’t look quite to… tired. Pop Sugar points out that they’re actually leaving Jason’s house, not Britney’s. So she’s allowed to do sleep-overs? That’s good, I guess. Unfortunately, OK! Magazine has another theory as to why they’re spending time at Jason’s. Apparently, Britney has moved her mother Lynn back into her LA home. And Britney did it without telling Jason! Oh, Britney.

Yes, they’re back together, but for Britney Spears and her agent boyfriend, Jason Trawick, nothing is ever simple. The latest hurdle? The singer has moved her mother, Lynne, into her Calabasas, Calif. Home, a source tells OK!.

The decision was made without Jason’s knowledge.

“Jason felt like he had absolutely no say,” says the source. “But he let it slide because Brit’s mood improves by leaps and bounds when her mom is around, and Lynne helps at defusing fights between Brit and her dad.”

[From OK! Magazine]

I’ve been paying a little more attention to Britney over the past few weeks, just because I’m worried about her, and worried that she and Jason really did break up and that The Pick Wig of Doom is coming. Anyway, I’ve started to really wonder if Jason is less a “boyfriend” who sees Britney in any way romantically and sexually, or if Jason is pretty much Britney’s main handler. In Touch Weekly is reporting this week that Jason and Brit are staying together “for so many reasons, none of which seems to be love.” A source tells the magazine: “Jason is more like a best friend than a boyfriend to Britney, but he’s basically her only friend right now.” And now I’m starting to wonder if Jason is being paid to be Brit’s “friend”?

Also, why does she wear these shorts? She needs someone to stay with her and dress her every damn day. And do her hair. And makeup.

Britney and Jason on March 23, 2010. Britney solo on March 19. Credit: Fame Pictures.

Oh, Britney. You know I love this girl. And you know I worry about her. And right now I’m particularly worried about her, because this is not a girl who looks well. There have been various times over the past few years where people were like “oh, nuts, the pink wig will be coming back any minute now” where I disagreed. Granted, Britney usually has at least one busted thing about her appearance – usually it’s the weave. But lately, doesn’t it seem like Britney’s general busted-ness is growing? In these photos from yesterday, Britney is seen with two cigarettes in her hand (that’s also clasping Britney’s current crack, Starbucks). Her weave is just… gross. And her lipstick? Ugh. She doesn’t look like she’s bathed. Her clothes… ugh. Britney, pull it together sweetheart. We love you.

Anyway, Britney was out with Jason Trawick yesterday, so it does seem like they are still going strong, despite the rumors of their split. Is Jason keeping her sane? I don’t know, honestly. But I feel like this situation is a disaster waiting to happen. And to make matters worse, the whole Kesha-dissing-Britney story has legs. Apparently Kesha not only gives interviews disrespecting Brit, she also sings songs disrespecting Brit. But Kesha is trying to backtrack:

A reportedly “new song” by soggy glitter bomb, Ke$ha, was unofficially released on YouTube today. The song is grabbing attention because the lyrics directly attack Britney Spears.

In the song “Styrofoam,” Ke$ha sings: “In ten years/ Britney Spears/ Britney…who?” Because, you know, it isn’t like Britney has been making music for the past 12 years.

The song caused an outrage and Ke$ha went on immediate damage control, giving an interview to So You Think You Can Dance (the first place stars turn to clear their name), saying that she didn’t write the song, that it was recorded when she was 15 (in 2003) and that she chose not to include it on her Animal record because she has “mad respect” for Britney.

However, a few things don’t add up about Ke$ha’s excuses for the song. For one thing, the “Styrofoam” song talks about sleeping with guys, smoking cigarettes, partying and getting tattoos–not exactly the type of subject matter a 15-year-old would sing about, even with Ke$ha’s “bad ass” posturing.

Ke$ha has a couple major reasons to backpedal but the biggest one may be that she sang back-up vocals on Britney Spears’ song “Lace and Leather.” Oops!

[From Celebuzz]

Yeah, I’d be willing to bet that Kesha is such a f-cking loser that she thought she could make fun of Britney and everyone would be like “Oh, Kesha is right, and Kesha is a punk goddess.” And when people were actually like, “Jesus, will someone get this f-cking drunk child to shut the hell up” Kesha began to eat sh-t. Someone needs to school these drunken children.

Oh, Fame Pictures notes that Britney is bruised up too. I know my first thought probably should have gone to “someone is beating on Britney” but I actually think this girl is self-harming. So sad:

Britney and Jason on March 22, 2010. Credit: Fame Pictures.

Britney Spears has spent the last several months as a brunette, and while that color agreed with her, the state of her weave was almost always busted. So imagine my surprise when I saw these new photos of Brit from this weekend – apparently she went into a hair salon that actually knew what they were doing, and they fixed her hair in a rather spectacular fashion. I can’t even tell if this is a weave! Is it? Or is her hair completely grown out now? I think the front part is her real hair – the bangs especially – while the longer pieces in the back might be definitely are a weave. But still, improvement!

Fame Pictures notes that Brit got her hair done at Nine Zero One in West Hollywood, CA on February 27, 2010. CB (and many of us) were worried when Brit went back to brunette, because she seems to be a little bit crazier when she’s got darker hair. It was a little more than a month ago when there were reports that Britney might be speaking in a fake English accent again, and so were all put on a Code Pink Wig High Alert. Britney even had a scary allusion to The Pink Wig of Doom in her Candie’s ads, released two weeks ago. So, basically, Brit going back to blonde might be just what the team of highly specialized doctors ordered. The state of Britney’s weave is like a mood ring for her crazy – and right now, she seems to be doing better, thank God.

Britney Spears on February 27, 2010, credit: Fame Pictures.