I’ve been steering clear of the latest Tonight Show kerfuffle, mostly because I didn’t care about Jay Leno at all. For what’s it worth, I didn’t really think that Leno would be leaving (and I hear he was being a big baby about everything), but he finally (at long last!) announced his departure from The Tonight Show, effective spring 2014. So, he’s got another year to screw around and dither and NBC still has a year to f—k this up royally, which I’m sure they will. Somebody will panic and they’ll offer Leno another crazy lucrative contract because the old white men who control network television are afraid of Jimmy Fallon’s youth, vitality and the fact that Fallon might actually make The Tonight Show hip and interesting. And that can’t happen!

This is no song and dance – like he did with Jimmy Fallon earlier this week. Jay Leno, 62, is retiring from his 22-year job hosting NBC’s Tonight Show, the network officially announced Wednesday.

NBC also said he will be succeeded, as expected, by Jimmy Fallon, 38, once Leno finishes out his contract in spring 2014. The show will also return to New York’s 30 Rock. Johnny Carson had moved the show, which first premiered in 1954 (from Manhattan), west in 1972.

“Congratulations, Jimmy. I hope you’re as lucky as me and hold on to the job until you’re the old guy,” Leno said in a statement released by NBC. “If you need me, I’ll be at the garage.” (Leno has an enviable classic car collection.)

Responded Fallon: “I’m really excited to host a show that starts today instead of tomorrow.”

“Jay Leno is an entertainment icon, making millions of people laugh every weeknight for more than 20 years,” Steve Burke, CEO of NBC Universal, said in a statement. “His long reign as the highest-rated late-night host is a testament to his work ethic and dedication to his viewers and to NBC.”

[From People]

I’m glad they’re moving it back to New York. At least Fallon won’t have to move, which is what happened to Conan O’Brien, that poor bastard. As I said, don’t get too excited – even though this seems like a super-official announcement, NBC will figure out a way to screw it up somehow. Like, they’ll make Adam Levine and Blake Shelton co-host with Fallon because The Voice is super-popular, right? That’s how network executives think.

Can I just rant a little bit? When I was growing up, NBC was THE network. They had the best programming, Today was the centerpiece morning show and The Tonight Show was still vaguely relevant. Where did it all go wrong? Don’t even say “the internet” or “cable” – most of NBC’s problems are self-made, because they hang their programming centerpieces on deeply flawed and somewhat unlikeable personalities like Matt Lauer and Jay Leno. Dateline is a total mess, veering from hard-news magazine pieces (like 60 Minutes lite) to crazy detailed stories about “real life” crime stories that are best left to Nancy Grace. NBC has pretty much abandoned hour-long dramas and – save for a handful of small, critically acclaimed shows which are barely shown any support – the sitcom situation at NBC is DIRE. Nowadays, the only sitcoms worth watching are on Fox and ABC. Truly. Dumping Leno is not the solution to the larger problems facing NBC, but it’s a half-decent start. I hope they stick with it.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

I’ve never been a Jay Leno fan, and I think he’s been a terrible excuse for a comedian from his very first television performance as a guest of Johnny Carson’s on “The Tonight Show,” but for most of this guy’s career, I tried to live and let live even though I just don’t get his appeal. Then Jay played an unforgivable role in the ousting of Conan O’Brien from NBC, and the financal fallout to NBC was nearly as painful as the embarrassing way they dealt with the aftermath. Conan has bounced back with TBS, and Jay has gone back to boosting the ratings with the older viewing crowd, but NBC is starting to realize that Jimmy Kimmel is a serious contender with the 18-49 crowd. Their rumored solution? Get rid of Leno and bring Jimmy Fallon into his spot. Will it actually happen? NBC says no, but here’s the insider story from Hollywood Reporter:

The network says categorically no, but two high-level industry sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that NBC is moving toward a May announcement that the 2013-14 television season will be the last for Leno as host of the long-running late-night show. Sources expect the network to move Jimmy Fallon from his Late Night spot into the coveted 11:35 time slot with a soft launch during the summer of 2014 before a formal fall kickoff.

A Leno rep says, “We do not speculate on rumor.” Whether the network finally executes the Tonight transition plan remains to be seen. Anyone with even a passing sense of Leno’s personality knows that the hardworking comic would be reluctant to leave his perch, especially before his rival at CBS, David Letterman, announces his retirement. Leno and Letterman are both signed through 2014.

Sources believe the network will bring in Fallon partly out of concern about the competition on ABC, which moved younger-skewing Jimmy Kimmel to the 11:35 time slot in January. “The more time Jimmy Kimmel is in that slot, the more the young audience goes that way, the harder it is for Jimmy [Fallon] to keep that audience,” says a source familiar with the network’s thinking.

Leno’s Tonight still performs well for NBC, regularly besting his late-night rivals. But Kimmel is competitive in the 18-49 demo. “Kimmel has done extremely well,” a network veteran says, adding that he is unaware of any contemplated Leno move. “Jay wins overall, but on any given night, it’s neck-and-neck in 18-49. I understand where they might have fear and also feel that they own the solution [in Fallon.]”

Comcast, which owns NBC, in August imposed layoffs at Tonight. At the time, Leno took a big pay-cut from his reported $30 million salary.

NBC could also be concerned that if Letterman does retire in 2014, CBS would be looking for a replacement, potentially opening the door to a bare-knuckles battle for Fallon that could mirror a previous tussle involving Conan O’Brien. In 2004, then-NBC head Jeff Zucker promised the then-Late Night host he would inherit The Tonight Show in 2009 as part of his deal to re-up with the network. But when NBC installed O’Brien at Tonight and moved Leno to 10 p.m., the strategy backfired, leading to an embarrassing feud and a costly 2010 settlement with O’Brien, who now hosts a show on TBS.

[From Hollywood Reporter]

Jimmy Fallon’s definitely a better choice than Leno if NBC wants to shuffle their demographic for advertising purposes. The move makes sense, and Fallon is very likeable and enthusiastic even if he plays it safe for the vast majority of his onscreen moments. If anything, I’d like to see Jay Leno and his classic car collection ride off into the sunset at the closest opportunity. He’s just not funny, and he seems like an incredibly selfish person after what he did to help push Conan out the door.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

Yesterday Kaiser reported that Jessica Simpson had inexplicably signed a deal to star in a sitcom based on her life, on NBC of course, in which she would play herself and actors would play the parts of her husband fiance and family. It sounded like a terrible premise and a dumb twist on her reality show, in which we learned that she’s not the brightest bulb and that she shares way too much information about her bodily processes. (That was honestly the first time I’d ever heard the “dropping kids off at the pool” expression. Eww.) Jessica was on The Tonight Show this week to promote Fashion Star and she of course gave TMI about how her second, unexpected pregnancy came about. She did have some funny self-deprecating things to say about how much weight she gained in her first pregnancy, adding that she “had fun” at the time and realized later “that it wasn’t all water weight.” Anyway here’s some of what Jessica said. She also confirmed that she’s due “in the summer.” It’s going to be a summer of babies! Duchess Kate and Kim K are also due around that time.

On her last pregnancy
The last time I ate everything in sight. I was really happy to be pregnant and I just didn’t even step on the scale. I was the person who turned around and said, ‘Just don’t tell me, I’m having fun.’

I guess I just didn’t realize you could gain that much weight that quickly. I had fun doing it but once I had Maxwell I realized that it all wasn’t water weight and I had to really work hard. In four months I lost over 50 pounds.

On her favorite food
Everything. I didn’t really make any healthy good decisions.

On how Weight Watchers responded to her pregnancy
I think that they were as shocked as I was, because it was so soon and I was hitting all these goals and everybody was celebrating and it was like ‘ah, there she goes again’ But they were really supportive I mean, what can you do? I just said ‘Next time around, I’ll promise I’ll be healthier throughout this pregnancy.’

On how this pregnancy is going
I’ve been puking. I’ve been really, really sick so I can’t wait to actually be able to crave something like I did in my first pregnancy. I’m due in the summer so I still have a ways to go — hopefully I start feeling better.

On if she’ll get married soon
We’ve had two different wedding dates, but he keeps knocking me up. I’m doing it very backwards, I know! I’ll just keep my legs crossed this time.

On how she got pregnant again
I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes, trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And, you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened, all over again!

[Quotes via NBC video, Extra and Access Hollywood]

Classic Jessica. The audience audibly groaned when she said “I’ve been puking.” It’s not a “one night stand” when it’s your husband or boyfriend and the guy lives with you, even if you haven’t had sex in a while. Semantics aside, this wasn’t a bad interview with Jessica and she came across as funny, albeit unable to censor herself. I just want to say – holy chi chis! (Credit: Michael K) Her boobs are huge and they’re pushed up into a shelf like Christina Hendricks’ rack. Here’s another screenshot I took. Also, her hair looks very wig-like.

As an aside, I just want to say NBC sucks for the way they treat their shows. They can hire Jessica Simpson for what will surely be a mediocre comedy but they can’t even be bothered to air the already-completed episodes of the amazing, critically acclaimed cult hit Community. NBC is excellent at getting quality shows, but they always screw it up somehow. I’m just waiting for the axe to fall on Parenthood, I love that show.

Jessica Simpson on her wedding plans:

Two photos above credit: FameFlynet

Here are some photos of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, posing separately natch, at the Argo premiere in LA last night. We do have a supercute photo of them kissing before they hit the red carpet, though. That’s below! Garner is smoking hot in a floor length red Monique Lhuillier gown with a sweetheart neckline. Her hair and makeup are perfection and I love her diamond accessories. She’s so gorgeous when she’s made up. My only minor complaint is that the dress could have been tailored a little more for her. Red Carpet Fashion Awards has a photo of it on the runway and there’s a hot red belt that goes with it, which may have made it look more polished. That’s just me nitpicking. As for Ben, he looks good, and like he’s on his way to becoming a seasoned director. I could gush over him a little.

While he’s doing the interview circuit, Ben is fielding a lot of questions about his wife Jennifer’s Garner’s comment on Ellen that he has “wonder sperm,” and can just look at her and get her pregnant. We previously saw an hilarious clip from Access Hollywood of Ben being blindsided by the “wonder sperm” question. He got flustered and it was obvious that his wife hadn’t told him ahead of time that she said that. In an new appearance on The Tonight Show, Ben told the whole wonder sperm story, and admitted that he had no idea about his wife’s comment until he hit the press circuit and was asked about it repeatedly. He’s so animated and funny in the clip below. The fangirl in me is excited to see Ben back in full force. He really does it for me. (Maybe not as much as Matt Damon, but he’s getting there.) Here’s a clip followed by some of what he said.

“What she meant was ‘wonder member,’” Ben said sheepishly. The Argo actor/director continued to drive the point, saying, “I have a ‘wonder piece’ — a ‘wonder johnson’ … I’m trying to do it on TV. You know what I mean? It’s a PG [show].”

Jennifer made the comments during an interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show last month. The comments circulated so quickly that they made it back to Ben before his wife called tell him about the gaffe.

Ben says that he was thrown off guard when numerous entertainment journalists inquired about his “wonder sperm” until he got home and Jennifer told him about her comments.

[From ETOnline]

I just want to say that Jay Leno is a tool. Jay didn’t even know where Garner made that comment. He thought she made it in an article. Garner said that wonder sperm thing on Ellen, there are plenty of clips of it.

Anyway, hot funny Ben is here to stay, and he’s put the past behind him. Fingers crossed that Argo is a critical and box office hit. Ben has been busting his butt to promote it.

Here’s that cute photo of Ben and Jen that I mentioned.

Also Bryan Cranston! Hey there Mr. White. He looks so good.

Photo credit: WENN.com and FameFlynet

Hilary Swank is still floundering in the midst of the international scandal that resulted when, back in October, she received $1.5 million to attend the birthday party of Chechen dictator Ramzan Kadryov, which included her warm wishes towards “Mr. President” and for which she later expressed deep regrets. In the aftermath, Swank allegedly reacted by firing her manager and many of her agents, and then she was summarily dropped by her PR firm. Yes, Swank has expressed her regrets, but after such an incredible mess, sometimes the best thing for one to do is just drop the matter and hope that people eventually forget that it ever happened.

Part of me wonders why Swank just won’t stop discussing this scandal, but she’s now promoting New Year’s Eve, which arrives in theaters on December 9 and I guess is as good a reason as any for her to continue discussing the faux pas heard around the world. I’ve come to this grand conclusion merely because Hilary apparently doesn’t have much else to discuss during her late-night talk show interview with Jay Leno, as evidenced her great enthusiasm upon discussing her parrot and the eggs that she ordered through the mail. You see, one of these eggs hatched into a chick, which turned into a rooster. Such riveting material, right? After she discusses the Chechen debacle at length, Swank actually imitates the rooster learning to crow, but here’s what she said about the relevant topic:

“I was invited by a Turkish real estate company to go and be a proponent of peace; help celebrate the rebuilding of a war-torn city. It was Grozny city, which is in Chechnya . . . I get offered appearances all the time . . . These people were trying to rebuild their lives too. Just seven years ago it was very war-torn and very dangerous. And I thought, ‘Absolutely, yes. That’s an incredible thing; I love to travel, I love to meet people. This is an exciting opportunity.’

“And then, once there, on the side of the stage, someone said, ‘It’s the president’s birthday; can you wish him a happy birthday?’ . . . I had never heard of him before. In fact, when they said his name, I couldn’t even say it. So I said, ‘I’ll just say Mr. President,’ is what I’m thinking in my head. So, I went out and said, ‘Happy birthday, Mr. President,’ after I said my whole speech about it’s great to be a proponent of peace and you guys are doing incredible things rebuilding this city. And then when I got back, only then was I made aware of who he was . . . Kadryov. Now I can say his name because of I’ve done my research. He’s a bad, bad guy . . . Human rights organizations had reached out to warn me before I went but I did not get those warnings, they weren’t shared with me, and so that went out into the press too, and I had never known, and I thank the Human rights organizations for trying to reach out, and for reaching out, even though I didn’t get it. And the silver lining is that I’m actually working with the Human Rights Watch now.

“[On a question about the backlash] It was all over the world, and shame on me. The bottom line is that I should know where I’m going and I should do better research, and I can definitely guarantee that I won’t go anywhere ever again without doing full research. I donated all the money, and like I said, there’s always a silver lining to things. I’ve learned a lot about the incredible things people are now doing . . . Again, I should know where I’m going . . . I actually didn’t know Chechnya was separate from Russia. Now I know all of that, but I had no idea.”

Oddly enough, Swank still appears to be slightly cloudy on the details, for Chechnya is its own republic even though it technically remains part of the Russian Federation. In addition, it’s interesting that Swank frames her rationale for attending on loving to travel and meet people for a good cause instead of the cool $1.5 million, but at least Swank has now articulated that she’s donated the money to a mysterious cause. Ideally, that cause would be the Human Rights Watch, but she probably would’ve mentioned it if that was the case. Swank still obviously places some blame upon her former manager, but she’s also grovelled quite well by accepting that she should’ve done her research. Mostly, it sounds like she learned her lesson here, and hopefully, that’ll be the end of the discussion. That is, until she decides to imitate a rooster again.

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN

Ryan Reynolds was on The Tonight Show last night promoting The Change Up, which is one of those body switching movies about a single guy (Reynolds) changing places with a married guy (Jason Bateman). It looks dumb and predictable, and it’s written by the guys who brought us the Hangover movies. The director, David Dobkin, did Wedding Crashers and Fred Claus so it’s not like this is going to be groundbreaking or particularly funny, but I could be wrong.

During his interview Ryan told so many funny self deprecating stories. (You can watch it on NBC.com if you’re in the US.) It’s been a while since I’ve seen an interview with him, and he was just so entertaining. First he talked about how he had some trials and tribulations while filming The Change Up in Atlanta. His first trailer caught fire, his second trailer flooded, his hotel room flooded, then he very quickly glossed over the detail that he split up with then-wife Scarlet Johansson at the time. It was clever the way he rattled it off. “It snowballed. My hotel room flooded, my dog got sick, came down with a slight case of divorce and I broke my pinky finger.” He said it like that very quickly as if it were his dog that got divorced and not him.

He told another story about how he got hit by a drunk driver and sent to the hospital with broken bones when he was 19 – after he had decided to walk home from the bar instead of driving. (He was in Canada at the time, where the “drinking age is six,” he explained.) Then we heard about how he jumped off a bridge in Zurich and broke a vertebrae in his back. His friend jumped, but “I dove, because I’m clinically dumb.”

The best anecdote from Ryan was about how Olivia Wilde’s pasties came off during a sex scene he was filming with her.
“In the scene I take her top off… She has these pasties, but she’s drawn these adorable little smiley faces on them. And I forget every line in the scene… I’m nervous… At some point at the end of the scene she takes my hands and puts them on her breasts. So they’re there, palms are a little sweaty. At the end of the scene I take them off. I’m trying not to look at her like a 14 year-old boy who just won the lady lottery.

“I take my hands away and I look down at my hands and there’s two frickin’ smiley faces. I have no idea what to do, so the scene is over now. I reflexively like an idiot just put my hands back on her breasts. I think I’m doing it like to cover them up, but I’m realizing right now it’s a very fine line between chivalry and workplace sexual assault. Thank God someone comes in with a towel.”

The dude is a natural entertainer that’s for sure. He surely practiced all those stories but he came prepared and his delivery was excellent.

At the premiere for the movie last night, Ryan’s maybe ex-hookup and good friend Sandra Bullock came to support him. (She also could have been there for a producer named Jonathon Komack Martin, who works on The George Lopez show, which she also producers.) The two looked very comfortable together and happy to see each other. Bullock wore a black jumpsuit. I’m not a fan of that look for her, particularly the boob ruffle, but at least the pants aren’t baggy as we’ve seen with so many other jumpsuits lately. The shoes are gorgeous and understated too. Her hair and makeup were so pretty.

Olivia Wilde wore this red Antonio Berardi dress with pointy shoulder pads. The dress itself is bizarre but not that bad. The bright red shoes have got to go. This isn’t a wedding or a prom, you don’t need to match your shoes to your dress! Plus the color is off. She’s cute though. Kaiser wants me to mention the bangs trauma. I’m not a bangs fan either but it’s a decent look for her.

And Leslie Mann wore this gladiator-style white dress with a matching braided belt. Why are sparkly shoulders so popular? At least this isn’t as bad as the dress Anna Paquin wore to the 2010 Emmys. I’m always reminded of that dress when I see this style.

Oh and I can’t forget Jason Bateman!

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

A very pregnant Jessica Alba was a guest on The Tonight Show last night. She was promoting Spy Kids 4D, which has this “extra dimension” in that there are scratch and sniff cards for viewers to experience certain smells shown on screen. Joel McHale is in this mess too, which is out August 19. I watched Alba’s interview and she didn’t say much that was interesting. She did reveal that she’s a somewhat strict mom, which we’ve heard from her before.

On Honor’s style
She loves to wear dress up. I had to explain to her that only certain types of girls are allowed to wear plastic heels outdoors, so she’s allowed to only wear her plastic princess heels indoors. I can’t really tell her why yet.

On giving time outs with the lights off
I’m definitely the disciplinarian. We don’t believe in like spankings [or]… hot sauce. My daughter, we give her time outs whenever she’s naughty… Just time out in the bathroom isn’t bad enough. Even though she’s in a lit bathroom that has big windows and it’s a big bathroom it makes it seem that much worse… with the lights off. She freaks out… We have a nice little chair that’s her size. [for Time outs]

[From The Tonight Show, video above]

Alba’s segment was right before registered nurse and sex expert Sue Johanson came on. Johanson had been on for a few minutes and had very frankly answered a bunch of questions about sex when Leno asked Alba if she had any questions for her. Alba wanted to know if there was any way to harm the baby during sex. Johanson basically said “no” and that the uterus was pretty solid. She explained “that baby is in there, and that baby ain’t going nowhere.”

“As someone who’s in the later stage of pregnancy, is there any way to harm the baby during intercourse?” Alba asked.

“That baby is in there and that baby ain’t going nowhere until it’s ready,” Johanson assured her. “That uterus wall is just like that,” she said knocking the arm of her chair. She then painted a picture of the cervix smiling from intercourse and things got a little weird.

[From AOLTV]

Alba’s question may sound crass to some, but it was nothing compared to what Johanson was saying. She had been talking about penises, orgasms and masturbation for a while and she went on about it. I’m not familiar with Johanson and she was cracking me the hell up. There’s just something so funny about an older lady talking about sex. She answered a question about whether men can fake orgasms. “Yes, but they can’t fake ejaculation. It has a very, shall we say distinctive odor.” A 68 year-old widower wrote in to ask if he’d ever have sex again and she said “Boy I hope so, here I am honey.” Johanson is 80!

When I was that far along pregnant I wasn’t interested in sex. I could barely get comfortable in bed and had to use one of those full body pillows to sleep with. Jessica looks big and she said the baby was due “soon,” but didn’t give a time frame. She wouldn’t say whether she was having a boy or a girl, which she seemed to know but not be willing to reveal publicly. (Hollybaby is reporting that she confirmed it’s a girl, but if you watch the clip that’s not the case at all.) I’m not going to fault her for asking about pregnant sex. Given the context it seemed like a totally legitimate question. I will say that my opinion of her wasn’t changed much after seeing this interview. Pregnant or not she’s not the most likable person.

Alba is shown on 7/10, 7/8 and 7/6/11. Credit: Fame

Lindsay Lohan’s appearance on the Tonight Show aired last night. (You can watch it online on NBC.com if you’re in the US.) She came across well, for her, in that she said the right things. She was fidgeting and looked like she hadn’t slept in days, but she was dressed appropriately in a silk black jumpsuit that was somewhat fug but not the worst thing she’s worn.

You could tell that she’d rehearsed ahead of time and that she was coached on what to say. It was all about how she’s learned from her mistakes and is ready to move on. As I mentioned yesterday, she’s putting the cart way ahead of the horse and acting like this whole thing is behind her, but she still has significant jail time looming for her probation violation and faces a separate charge on grand theft charges. Plus she’s been sentenced to three months of full time community service. Given her history of failing to meet even the most basic court requirements, you know she’s not going to be able to complete it.

Lindsay talks a good game, though, and if we weren’t aware of her history she might look like an average burnt out starlet and not like a delusional addict trying to save the last scraps of her career.

Here are some of the things she said, and at times she smirked like she was the only one aware that she was pulling on over on the audience. She kept looking to the audience for validation, as if she was constantly trying to gauge if they were buying her act. They did cheer and gave her a standing ovation, but as someone mentioned in the comments there are flashing signs telling them how to react so it’s not like it was spontaneous.

Sort-of owning up to her mistakes, but thinks it’s time to move on
I made a lot of poor decisions in the past, and I’m dealing with the consequences of those decisions…

I’m a fighter and I know that I have to work to gain the respect back. I’m willing to do the work that I have to do to follow through with being an actress.

Being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have. It all is kind of a whirlwind and people make decisions for you, but I’m not a kid anymore, I’m 24.

Claims to be “in the clear now”
I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I recognize that, but I’m in the clear now and I feel like as long as I stay focused then I will be able to achieve what I want to achieve.

That’s the thing, Lindsay isn’t in the clear at all. This is how she got in this mess in the first place, by thinking she was above it all and that it was all behind her while she was in the thick of it, snorting and smoking and stealing.

Then Leno asked Lindsay what she wanted to change about herself. This was a chance for her to own up to her mistakes, to say she wanted to turn over a new leaf even if she was just blowing smoke up our asses as she’d done the whole time. Lindsay didn’t talk much about what she personally needed to change, it was all about how other people needed to change and focus on her non-existent career. We’ve heard this from her so many times before. In fact she said basically the same thing on Ellen – two years ago.

On what she wanted to change about herself
The public perception. I want it to be about my work, not about things that I didn’t get into this business for, that I put myself in positions where that was the bigger story.

On her jail sentence
I was kind of shocked we didn’t expect the outcome to be what it was, but I’m a big girl, and I’m going to do what I’m told to do. That’s what I need to do to continue on with working in my life and I’m taking responsibility.

On if she was treated fairly in court
I think that I was treated the way I should be treated.

On her jail experience
It was an interesting experience and it was definitely a wakeup call. Everything happens for a reason.

On learning of her sentence
It was shocking. I was a bit numb.

On her childhood
My mom’s amazing, she’s really strong. I’ve watched her keep her strength throughout her life. I have good people in my life.

On the situation with her dad
I plead the fifth on that.

On her fans – what fans?
I feel like I’ve let my fans down by putting myself in situations when I was younger and wasn’t thinking clearly. I want to be the person that I aspire to be. And be the actress, and be in this industry, and make movies.

On where she sees herself in 6 years at 30
Hopefully sitting here after I’ve won an Oscar

So is it time for Lindsay to have a comeback? Will she be able to even complete her community service requirements? Judging by her past behavior, the answer is clear. She thinks this is all behind her and she’s going to move on to a great career and an Oscar, but all she’s got on the horizon is a role that she almost lost that her dad scored for her from his prison mob connections. She’s living in her “I’m a celebrity” bubble and it’s filled with crack smoke, piles of dirty designer clothes, and memories of her Disney past.

There’s a lot of talk about how Lady Gaga is so blatantly copying Madonna’s moves and music but decided to compliment Whitney Houston when she exhibited some false modesty during her Grammy acceptance speech. During an appearance on the Tonight Show last night, Gaga said that Madonna’s people sent their support for her new song, the one that sounds just like “Express Yourself,” and that everything is good.

There is really no one that is a more adoring and loving Madonna fan than me. I am the hugest fan, personally and professionally. And… Well, the good news is, I got an e-mail from her people and her sending me their love and complete support on behalf of the single. And if the queen says it shall be, then it shall be. And I think it’s so important as well, I think today in music there’s the freedom in the song, the sort of R&B early 90s vibe that it has. It’s so full of love and spirit. I think it’s the spirit that people are reacting to the most. I just want everyone to rejoice and celebrate and be unafraid to be happy with music. It doesn’t always have to be so dark. It doesn’t always have to be so sexy. Sometimes it’s just wonderful to celebrate life and kind of go to church with it.

[via DListed]

I watched most of Gaga’s interview and she’s so full of sh*t that it really annoys me. She name drops designers constantly and talks as if she’s here to enlighten the masses about the meaning of life through music and performance art. On the meaning of “Born This Way,” she said “It’s about being able to know that when you were born, you weren’t just born in that moment. You have your entire life to realize the person that you’re potentially going to become, and whoever you chose to be was part of your destiny. So I’m encouraging people to know that if in this moment you don’t feel entirely happy with who you are, you feel bullied or disenfranchised, it’s never too late to harness your confidence and your inner superstar.” See – she’s like a one-woman cult with her “little monsters” and her pep talks. All you have to do is listen to her derivative music and watch her copycat moves and you too will be saved.

I used to like Lady Gaga, but at some point her hype stopped being humorous and she started to take herself seriously.

Chelsea Handler was a guest on The Tonight Show last night. She was promoting her E! show and she made a lot of lame jokes, including some about race, as is typical for her. She brought up the fact that she was dating 50 cent by quipping that she would have brought him with her on vacation, only he can’t swim. Here’s part of what she told Jay, thanks to E! You can watch her interview in two parts on Hulu and a segment is above.

On her vacation with Jennifer Aniston
“She was sweet enough to take me on vacation with her. I was trying not to get photographed next to her in a bathing suit, for obvious reasons,” Chelsea said Tuesday on The Tonight Show. “So I did a lot of stuff on my own.”

Like drink?

“It’s not even cute! I was probably trying to bend over and pick up a margarita,” Chelsea lambasted Jay Leno as he insisted upon cutting to a shot of the funnylady’s bikini-clad butt. “You know how I feel about my margaritas, Jay!”

But because she loves beach vacations, it might be a while before she’s ever caught sipping margaritas with 50 Cent.

She brings up 50 Cent without any prompting from Jay
“I can’t bring 50 Cent with me, ’cause he’s not a strong swimmer,” she joked, adding that her friend has not met her family. Because, as she pointed out again, he’s just her friend.

“It’s Fiddy Cent, isn’t it?” Jay asked.

“I don’t know, I call him Curtis when we’re having sex,” Chelsea deadpanned. “No, but he does have a real name. His name is Curtis. Curtis…I don’t know, I should find out.”

Jay also asked Chelsea about her brief relationship with animal expert Dave Salmoni.

“We just did not have anything else to talk about,” she laughed. “No, he’s a really nice guy…It was a short relationship, you know, in and out.”

[From E! Online]

Was it racist to say that 50 is “not a strong swimmer?” She said it and then looked to the audience for laughs, so I do think she meant it as a joke about his race. Then she made another lame joke after the break that she was “looking over at your band and noticed there are hardly any white guys. They must have heard I was coming. Thank you. Oh there you are, hi whitey!”

This woman is not funny, she’s rude and she makes stupid jokes about race all the time. Somehow she still has an E! talk show though, and she’s friends with Jennifer Aniston. What do they say about the company you keep? I hope Jay had her on due to a last minute cancellation.