Monday night was Ashlee Simpson’s Broadway debut, and her immediate family came out to support her. Jessica got weepy, Pete Wentz got drunk and had to pee, Mama Tina was quiet, as usual, and Joe Simpson decided to give some douchey quotes to some waiting journalists. Thank God he didn’t decide to wax poetic on Jessica’s breasts again, although the passive-aggressive force is strong with this family. Papa Joe decided he would make a pre-emptive attack against all of those people who would call his daughters “failures”. He actually used that word - “failures”. Anyway, he says “The world always want to make it look like we’re failures but we’re really just a family that works hard.” Right:

Nobody puts Joe Simpson’s babies in a corner.

At Monday’s performance of Chicago in Manhattan — where daughter Ashlee Simpson-Wentz made her Broadway debut in the role of Roxy — the Hollywood dad admitted to feeling besieged.

“We as a family are under a lot pressure,” Simpson said, adding that people want “to make us look bad and wants us to fail.”

This past year, the proud patriarch saw Jessica, 29, struggle with her weight, mourn the death-by-coyote of her beloved dog Daisy and get dumped by boyfriend Tony Romo.

(Next year she returns to reality TV with The Price of Beauty, the VH1 series set to debut in March.)

While Ashlee, 25, and husband Pete Wentz doted on baby Bronx, who just turned one, she was also recently fired from the CW’s Melrose Place.

“It was never a loss,” her father says of the Melrose burn. “The world says whatever it says. [The world], again, always want to make it look like we’re failures but we’re really just a family that works hard.”

The happy dad — who cried during Ashlee’s Chicago performance — praised both of his daughters’ ability to roll with the punches. “My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong…We’re just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are.”

[From Us Weekly]

Here’s the thing: I’ll buy that some people call Jessica and/or Ashlee “failures”. I’ve seen it happen, and let’s face it, they have “failed” at certain things in their lives. We all do. They’re both resilient girls, so I get that the whole “working hard” thing is defensive for a reason. But it just seems like an odd message for Papa Joe to bring to an audience - especially given that he was at Ashlee’s big Broadway debut. And all he can think about is defending his girls from imaginary (or not so imaginary) attacks… and by doing so, he gives those criticisms legitimacy. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Papa Joe does more damage to his daughters’ careers than they do themselves. He needs to learn how to put a sock in it, at least around reporters.

Joe Simpson at Ashlee’s Broadway premiere in New York, November 30, 2009. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Jessica Simpson at Ashlee’s birthday celebration at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand Resort Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on October 2, 2009.

How many of you knew that Dolly Parton was on Twitter? I didn’t know before today! I could have been following Dolly for months! Damn. Anyway, Dolly’s Twitter feed is pretty f-cking cool, just like the lady herself. Classic tweets, just from the past few days, include such musings as: “Support the Cure. My friends are bowling for boobs tonight in atlanta, strike!” and “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” Unfortunately, most of the tweets seem to be written by her assistant or something, and they revolve around contests and promotional things. Ah, Dolly. Always a businesswoman. So awesome.

So Dolly tweeted yesterday: “Aahhh chiropractor… Hurts so good you lug these around and see if your back don’t hurt!” To which I can only say, “God bless you, Dolly.” I’m not alone, either. Jessica Simpson reads Dolly’s Twitter too, and she responded with and “Amen, sister!” Aw… Dolly should take Jessica under her wing.

Funny enough, Us Weekly described this Twitter situation, and then used the article to remind us once again why so many of us call Jessica’s dad “Pervert Joe”:

Jessica Simpson’s breasts have long been the center of attention.

Her father Joe raised eyebrows when he praised her assets in a 2004 GQ interview.

“Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both,” he said. “She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

[From Us Weekly]

That goddamn quote gets me every time. Every time I grimace. Every time I wince. It’s just so disgusting. That quote might get put on Pervert Joe’s gravestone.

And since we’re talking about the Simpson family now, I thought I’d include this little piece about Ashlee. It’s from Fox News 411, and it’s in the same vein as yesterday’s stories about the “real reasons” Ashlee was dumped from Melrose Place. Yesterday’s theories included the “Heather Locklear pushed her off” theory and the “Ashlee sucks at everything” theory. Fox News’ theory is that Ashlee was fired because she was a diva. And because she sucked.

Ashlee Simpson’s diva behavior got her booted from the CW hit ‘Melrose Place’, a source close to one cast member tells Fox411.

“Ashlee was kicked off ‘Melrose Place’ because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members,” the insider spills. “It created a lot of discord among the cast.”

Another big problem, says the snitch? “She could barely act.”

(If you saw her episodes, you know this to be true.)

But not being able to act and being a diva hardly set Simpson apart from many of the venerable primetime soap’s stars, both current and past. The insider tells Fox411 it was the producer’s need to bring in one of those past stars that also hastened Simpson’s swan song.

The source says producers desperately wanted Heather Locklear to reprise her role, but couldn’t afford her salary demands without cutting someone.

“They basically trimmed the fat and made it possible for Heather to join the show,” says the snitch. “Heather is a much bigger name than Ashlee.”

[From Fox News 411]

Interesting… I could see it. Ashlee seems like a “everybody treat me like I’m the most special” kind of person. Probably because no one in her family treated her like she was special. Because her pervert father was too busy studying Jessica’s boobs. Cringe.

Here’s Dolly at the Tonys in June. Images thanks to WENN.com . Header is an older photo of Dolly and Jessica together.

After battling fly nets and enormous spiders in Uganda in the name of beauty (or The Price of Beauty), Jessica Simpson has returned to America. She commenced with making up for lost time by doing two big appearances over the weekend. The first was as the headliner for the annual Operation Smile Gala, held in Beverly Hills. Her outfit was a little sketchy for a gala - but I suspect Jessica was aiming for conservative and classic rather than her normal style, a buffet of T & A. Jessica gained some weight back, hasn’t she? It doesn’t really matter, I think she still looks great. Good gala hair, good gala makeup.

At the gala, Papa Joe talked up Jessica to Us Weekly - and as always, he probably did more harm than good. You know how Jessica looks a little heavier? Papa Joe says that’s because Jess went into a “fattening hut” in Uganda, because in Uganda, “fat is beautiful.” He also talks about Jessica’s valuable lessons learned about inner beauty:

As she travels around the world filming her upcoming reality show The Price of Beauty, Jessica Simpson - who underwent criticism for her weight earlier this year - is learning that “beauty starts within,” her father Joe tells Usmagazine.com.

“She’s always scrutinized by the world and [it's great] to watch her go to other countries and see women talk about what is beautiful there,” he told Us Friday at a gala in Beverly Hills for the international charity Operation Smile. “We were just in Uganda, and a beauty ambassador [there] knew Jessica’s total story about her weight and blah, blah, blah. [She said] to Jessica that it’s about who you are inside, which is the message of our show.”

Asked if he has given his daughter, 29, any advice on how to handle the weight issue, Joe told Us, “I don’t have to tell her anything anymore. She’s wise.”

He said he also brushes off any criticism aimed at Jessica or his other daughter Ashlee.

“The girls are wonderful kids who have so much to offer, and as a father, the greatest frustration in the world is that people are told who they are instead of knowing who they are,” he said. “So the hardest thing for me as a parent is to say that’s not who my child is; you don’t know the girl because she’s the same girl she’s always been. She’s with children in Uganda or children in Japan or Thailand — she has an open heart and loves these people. I think you’ll see that on our show. I think it’s the greatest show that women can experience because it’s all women all around the world talking about beauty and the message is always the same: It starts inside.”

What can viewers expect?

Jessica “becomes a Geisha in Japan,” Joe told Us. “In Uganda, we sat in a fattening hut because, in Uganda … fat is beautiful. So the bigger you are, the more beautiful you are. She was with a girl who had been in a hut preparing for her wedding for two months and 25 days on a 5,000 calorie-a-day diet.”

Next stop: Morocco.

“It’s going to be beautiful,” he said.

Jessica agreed, telling Us, “It’s going to be amazing … we’re leaving the day after tomorrow I think.”

[From Us Weekly]

Notice that even when Papa Joe is trying to make a larger point about both of his daughters, he always has to bring the conversation around to just Jessica? Yeah. Sometimes I really feel for Ashlee - it must suck for her in that family. Oh, and it was her 25th birthday on Saturday - she had a big party in Vegas. I can’t find any pictures of her dad at Ashlee’s birthday - but he was all over the Operation Smile gala.

Operation Smile has been one of Jessica’s causes for several years - I’m proud of her for sticking with it, even if she’s (maybe) not the most coherent advocate. I think her heart’s in it, though, and the organization does great work. According to its website, “Operation Smile volunteers have treated more than 130,000 children born with cleft lips, cleft palates and other facial deformities and the organization has a presence in 51 countries. In addition to contributing free medical treatment, Operation Smile trains local medical professionals in its partner countries and leaves behind crucial equipment to lay the groundwork for long-term self-sufficiency.” Good for Jessica!

Photo credit: Apega/WENN.com

People Magazine has a story up about how Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” following her split with Tony Romo. It’s not an interview with Jessica, the quotes are only from a “Simpson family friend” and a “source”. Considering it’s People, I’d say this is the sanctioned version of how Jessica is feeling. The “family friend” is probably Joe Simpson, for all I know.

Anyway, it turns out that Jessica was really “blindsided” by Tony, and she is now just laying low with her family. They also make a big deal about this whole idea that Jessica was just trying to be what she thought Tony wanted her to be - “the perfect mold of the perfect football girlfriend”. Yuck. This whole idea of girlfriend-perfection supposedly played on Jessica’s insecurities, which I tend to believe. People makes her sound just utterly devastated, so I do feel for my poor little dumb kitten. However, the “source” does get in a juicy body slam against Nick Lachey, saying that there is too much “bad blood” between Nick and Joe for Jessica and Nick to ever try to reconcile, which totally shoots US Weekly’s cover out of the water. And now I’m thinking People’s source really is Joe Simpson.

While Tony Romo is reveling in his renewed membership to the Singles-R-Us Club, Jessica Simpson is having a hard time coming to grips with being dumped a day before her 29th birthday.

“Jessica was really blindsided,” says a Simpson family friend. “She’s sad, mad, and confused. Her emotions are all over the place.”

Another source close to Simpson tells PEOPLE that “it’s been difficult lately” for the pair, who first started dating in November, 2007.

“Dating her comes along with her celebrity and press – that’s not easy for anyone,” says Simpson’s family friend. “But she and Tony seemingly had it figured out. They rolled with the punches and focused on each other. They just lost sight of that at the end.”

Since the sudden split, Simpson has been laying low. “She is holding up okay,” says the Simpson source. “She is with her family. They are – as always – very supportive of her.”

The one thing the family will not support: The thought of Simpson reconciling with her ex-husband Nick Lachey, who recently split from his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. “It won’t happen,” says a source. “They have no respect for him. Jessica has no respect for him. There is way too much bad blood between Nick and Joe for Jessica to even think about it.”

The Simpson clan, however, was upset to see Romo go. “Everyone really liked him,” says the Simpson family friend. Adds another source close to the Simpsons: “He wanted this perfect mold of the perfect football girlfriend. People don’t realize that Jessica has been worn down by Hollywood. She has insecurities and inner demons that she struggles with. She’s not some upbeat blond cheerleader that people want her to be.”

But Simpson is, if nothing else, strong. “She’s gone through heartache before,” says a source. “She wants someone who is on the same page that she is. If she has to move on for that, she will.”

[From People]

Don’t they make Jessica just sound miserable? If it was someone else, someone a bit smarter, I would think that this version was being put out to garner some sympathy, play the victim. But I totally by that Jessica is probably more devastated than this sanctioned version. Maybe Jessica, for her next dating escapade, should go for someone totally outside of the trappings of celebrity. No singers, no actors, no athletes. Just a nice church-going businessman or someone like that. You know who might be nice for her? Some young, upstart Texas politician. I could totally see Jessica as a political wife.

Jessica Simpson is shown performing on 3/8/09. Credit: WENN.com

Now that Lane Garrison is out of prison, what’s the first, most logical thing to do? Go to Jessica Simpson’s parents house for a party, naturally. That’s where most ex-cons go. Actually, it turns out that Jessica Simpson’s dad and Garrison go way back: Joe was Lane’s youth pastor when he was growing up in Texas.

Garrison served just half his 40 months sentence for felony vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence. His car crash killed a 17-year-old boy and left two teenage girls injured. As a condition of his release, Garrison is spending the next five months in a rehab facility.

Hours after his release from prison and a gathering at Jessica Simpson’s parents’ house, a noticeably thinner Lane Garrison spoke exclusively to E! News as he arrived at the Los Angeles-area Tarzana Treatment Center to begin a five-month stint at the residential inpatient facility.

Wearing a baseball cap with the word “faith” printed on it, the former Prison Break star discussed his plans for the future. “I’m blessed to be alive,” said Garrison, who spent more than 19 months in prison altogether for a 2006 DUI crash that left one passenger dead. “I’m just worried about getting through treatment right now,” he said. Also, “I’m looking forward to getting on with my life and doing the right thing and helping people.”

During his incarceration, Garrison was a peer mentor for fellow inmates, a responsibility that requires a spotless behavior record while behind bars. And he had some famous friends waiting for him on the outside upon his release.

Sources tell E! News that, after being picked up from the California Correctional Institute, he was the guest of honor at a welcome-home reception at Simpson’s parents’ Encino home. Papa Joe Simpson was Garrison’s youth minister in their native Texas and Lane lived with the family for a time. Jessica was at the gathering today, but there was no sign of sister Ashlee. Garrison was at the Simpsons’ place from 1 p.m. to 4:30 p.m., after which he went directly to the nearby Tarzana rehab center.

[From E! News]

I hope this guy works his butt off in rehab. He’s obviously got some serious demons. It seems like he handled this as well as he could. He gave an apology in court in which he seemed to be genuinely emotionally distraught, though obviously he’s an actor. But he took responsibility (at least publicly) for his behavior and has never tried to blame anyone else. He also reached settlements with the victims’ families. I’m by no means on the guy’s side nor do I have empathy for him – that’s for his victims. But I think so far he’s done as much as can be done in a situation like this. Now if Garrison is willing to work hard and really clean up in rehab – and stay that way – that will best demonstrate his remorse.

Here’s Lane checking into rehab yesterday. Images thanks to Pacific Coast News.

Joe Simpson is firing back at recent reports claiming that the stage dad advised daughter Jessica to get rid of NFL boyfriend Tony Romo. Papa Joe responded that, on the contrary, he likes Tony very much and does not, as the gossip had claimed, view him as a distraction to Jessica’s career.

Joe Simpson is slamming a new National Enquirer report that claims he wants his daughter Jessica to dump Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

The tabloid quotes a source as saying that Joe “feels that Tony has become too much of a distraction…. Rather than blaming his daughter’s work ethic, Joe points the finger at Tony.”

“So tired of people saying I don’t like Jess and Tony… He is the best…” Joe says (via Twitter). “Don’t believe the National Enquirer!!!”

After meeting Romo in late 2006, Joe introduced his daughter to the football star. Romo later ran into Jessica and Joe at a Country Music Awards show and emailed Joe, “‘Cute date,’” Jessica told Glamour last year.

Jessica and Romo appear to be going strong a year later: She gave him a shout-out at nearly every show she performed so far this year with Rascal Flatts.

At her last show March 15 in Irvine, Calif, she dedicated the ballad “You’re My Sunday” to the “person I’m in love with right now.”

[From Us Weekly]

On a side note- how strange is it that celebrities’ Twitter messages are now becoming quotes for the media to build an entire story around? It really is a weird phenomenon. How reliable is it, really? And will Twitter messages one day replace the need for celebrity interviews entirely? Anyway, I’m sure there is one thing Joe will never tire of, and that’s being the subject of media stories- good or bad. As much as both of his daughter are desperate for fame, Joe is even worse. Where do you think they got it from?

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are shown in the header out in NY on 2/13/09. Credit: VILA/ANDERSON/bauergriffinonline.com. Joe Simpson and Tony Romo are shown below golfing on 1/8/09. Credit: Fame Pictures.

It seems that Jessica Simpson is no longer being controlled like a busty marionette by her father. Joe Simpson, known for his heavy involvement in his daughter’s careers and inappropriate comments about Jessica’s D-cup boobs, supposedly wants her to break up with Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

“Joe now feels that Tony has become too much of a distraction for Jessica. Any free time she has, Jess wants to spend with Tony. But rather than blaming his daughter’s work ethic, Joe points the finger at Tony. He wants Tony out of her life, but Jessica loves him and won’t even consider leaving him at this point,” claims an insider.

The source adds that Jessica is not listening to her father, and instead is trying to get Romo to settle down with her. “Her main concern is getting Tony to settle down and commit,” says the source, who adds that Simpson was to get married and start a family soon.

National Enquirer via TransWorldNews

It’s not surprising that Jessica wants to get married and have babies with Tony Romo. However, I can see how Joe Simpson might be concerned about his meal ticket. Jess isn’t exactly packing in the crowds, and her country music has generated an underwhelming response. The most press she’s had lately is for her unfortunate taste in mom jeans, but that isn’t likely to sell many records. Maybe Joe should push Jess to spend lots of time with Tony. A marriage and a baby can generate interest in her and could help sell some products, whether that be in the form of music, shoes, or tabloid covers.

Jess is reportedly taking on golf lessons in order to spend even more time with Tony Romo. She’s just finished her tour in support of her country music album, but while she’s back in the Daisy Duke pants (is this look tired yet?) she didn’t know all the words to her songs at a recent concert. Perhaps a refreshing break is in order.

Jessica Simpson is shown performing at the Florida Strawberry Festival on 3/8/09. Credit:
WENN.com

OK! Magazine takes great pleasure in the fact that pop star turned country singer Jessica Simpson recently played a bingo hall at a casino in which her accommodations were less than luxurious. Her dressing room didn’t even have a refrigerator or an ironing board, for goodness sakes!

From stadiums to bingo halls, Jessica Simpson’s performance venues have apparently slid towards the less-than-glamorous: Bingo regulars at the 2,500-capacity San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, Calif., had to go elsewhere for their game on Nov. 13 when she performed there.

The hall’s florescent lighting, dirty carpet and fried-food odor is a far cry from the venues J-Simp played back when her album In This Skin sold 7 million copies.

“Jessica’s dressing room at the bingo hall was a little larger than a broom closet,” an insider tells OK!.

“There’s an iron, but no ironing board. There’s not even a fridge!”

[From OK! Magazine]

It could be true that Simpson accepted an inferior venue as she’s not as much in demand lately, but OK! Magazine has good reason to emphasize her downfall. It’s rumored that relations between OK! and Jessica’s dadager, Joe Simpson, soured after he promised them exclusive access to his daughter in 2005 for over six figures but then turned around and gave other magazines stories.

This January, Jessica Simpson’s people sent OK! the most poorly worded cease and desist I’ve ever read in response to a their report that Tony Romo dumped her, which he subsequently did only to take her back before her sister’s wedding in May. There are plenty of other outlets that are rejoicing in Simpson’s lack of success in film, music and her personal life. While it’s easy to see that Jessica can’t act, she can still sing when she’s not ruining it by talking. It seems people are taking offense at her poor management, which is as much to blame for her downfall as for the media backlash against her.

Jessica Simpson is shown performing on Good Morning America on 9/9/08. Credit: Bauergriffin

Jessica Simpson has finally chosen to address a few of the rumors about her uber-controlling father Joe, who has long been blamed for the wrecking of Jessica’s marriage… and all of her subsequent relationships. Joe’s made a lot of creepy comments about Jessica’s breasts in the past, and is altogether way too involved in his daughters’ lives, especially considering their ages. But some of the rumors are pretty crazy, and Jess finally put one to rest.

Jessica Simpson opened up about her dad during a radio interview in Colton, CA at K-Frog 95.1 on Tuesday.

“There have been stories that are ridiculous,” Simpson who is promoting her new country album said. “Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?”

The singer was on the show to promote her new country album.

“I really just wanted to showcase the talent that God has given me and I don’t believe that in pop music I ever had the chance to stand on two feet and stand firm,” Simpson said.

[From US Magazine]

I had never actually heard that rumor before – or I’ve subconsciously blocked it out – but it’s funny as all hell. As long as you assume it was made up by overzealous teenagers and bares no possibility of truth. Which is what I’m going with, because I cannot even begin to consider the other possibility.

Jessica’s country album is actually getting pretty good reviews so far. Clearly she has employed someone slightly sensible in terms of the music business. Because she’s right, there was just no way she was completive in the pop music market anymore. Even in her heyday Jessica was always a distant third to Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

In a weird way I think Papa Joe has helped her career. She’s gotten a ton of press in the last few years, at a time when no one was writing about her career. Thank goodness for creepy underwear rumors.

Here’s Jessica Simpson leaving a recording studio and heading back to her hotel to her father in New York in May 2006. Header at the Kennedy Center Honors gala performance in March 2006. Images thanks to WENN.

US Magazine has a new interview with Jessica Simpson’s dad, Joe, in which he indirectly responds to accusations that he’s mainly responsible for his daughter Jessica’s brief split with her boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo. His answers are telling in that he seems to bemoan the fact that he doesn’t control his daughters’ Jessica and Ashlee as much as the media claims. He also uses the curious phrase “love to death” when describing both of his daughter’s mates. He doesn’t just accept and admire his daughters’ partners, he loves them both so much he could kill them:

“The media says that I try to plan everything - If I had half of the power they give me…They [Ashlee and Jessica] don’t call me and ask me. They call me and tell me.”

He adds that Jessica “… is as happy as I’ve seen her in years.” and gushes about the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, “He’s a great guy. I love Tony to death….He’s just a good kid….”

Us reports in the current issue that Joe asked Romo, 28, to let him help represent him. As tension grew, the Dallas Cowboys quarterback gave Jessica an ultimatum: Tell dad to back off!

Joe tells Extra that the public has many misconceptions about him as his daughters’ manager. “For all those people thinking I’m sipping Piña Coladas on the beach and enjoying millions of dollars and having this great life – Bull..I work seven days a week, 24/7.”

Simpson, who officiated daughter Ashlee’s wedding to Pete Wentz, says, “I love Pete to death…He has a patient spirit and a kind heart…I’m honored to have Pete as my son-in-law.”

[From US Weekly]

Pete seems pretty chill and like he can handle his father in law’s strong arm ways, while Tony wasn’t about to let Jessica’s dad take over his career or tell him what to do. US Weekly reports in the print edition this week that Joe called Tony many times after he broke up with her ahead of Ashlee’s wedding, and that he begged him to take his daughter back. Although Tony did got out to lunch with Jessica the Friday before the wedding, he is said to have let Joe know that his meddling would in no way be tolerated. He also brought a friend with him to Ashlee’s wedding, according to an insider quoted in the June 2 edition of Star. It was a “college pal named Nick” who acted “as a buffer.”

Tony and Jessica have since been spotted together several times, and seem to have reconciled. If Joe wants Jess to have a chance in this relationship he better back off. Given how defensive Joe sounds in these latest quotes he’s not about to stop interfering and it’s up to Tony and Jessica how they’re going to handle it. Maybe they could just refuse to take his calls for a while.

Jessica may about to make another major mistake in her relationship without her father’s help, though. OK! Magazine reports that she wants Tony to appear in the video for her country single Move On Over, and that he thinks it would be a good idea. All I can picture now is Affleck rubbing J.Lo’s ass.

Joe Simpson is shown with Jessica at the Kennedy Center Awards on 12/3/06. Jessica Simpson is shown signing autographs at the CMA Music Festival on 6/6/08, thanks to WENN.