Nick Lachey was a guest Monday on Watch What Happens Live, on Bravo. He was there with his 98 Degrees bandmates promoting their new album, 2.0, which is their first release in 13 years. Also, they’re going on tour this summer with – I sh*t you not – New Kids on the Block and Boyz II Men! That makes me lol so hard, but it’s kind of genius. (Barely related sidenote: did you see John Krasinski and Jimmy Fallon’s lip sync battle in which they do Boys II Men? It’s awesome.)

Anyway Nick was playing this game with host Andy Cohen called “Plead the Fifth” in which he gets asked three questions and he can only plead the fifth on one of them. He was asked about the most overrated boy band of all time (he said “O Town”) and the second question was “What is the best thing about no longer having Joe Simpson as a father in law?” His brother quipped “everything” and Nick said:

“The best thing about not having Joe Simpson as a father in law is that I don’t have to play grab ass under the table on Easter Sunday.”

He was smiling when he said it, and his brother Drew joked “our publicist is freaking out right now.” I swear he was telling the truth, especially when Andy said “that’s funny,” and Nick added “it may not be [funny] tomorrow but it is tonight.” Oh snap, that story is true!

The third question was “a famous person you hooked up with that no one knows about.” Drew said he couldn’t think of anyone because “all my skeletons are out there.”

Later, he was asked about Jessica Simpson and if he still talks to her and he made it clear that he doesn’t. He said “it’s been years, probably six years. It was like another lifetime ago.”

That was a long time ago, but I remember it well since it was such big news. Nick wasn’t the one who wanted to end the relationship. He did an interview back then with Rolling Stone admitting that Jessica pulled the plug before he wanted to break up. He said that still loved her and wanted to be with her and admitted he was heartbroken. He even broke down crying in that interview, but he didn’t trash Jessica or her family, he remained very classy about all of it. There were stories that Joe Simpson caused the end of Jessica and Nick’s marriage, but Nick didn’t pin it on Joe. He just said Jessica was a grown woman. “I don’t pretend to understand Joe. And I can’t speculate about what he did or why he did it or for what purpose. It would be easy for me to blame my divorce on him. That would be convenient. But at the end of the day, Jessica is a grown woman, and she made her own decision.”

So Nick was massively hurt by Joe’s daughter, and he could have easily aired his suspicions at the time that Joe was a creeper. He didn’t do that, he just dropped a line in an interview many years later when it was already known that Joe preferred the company of very young men.

Comments on Joe are at 1:50 into this video:

Nick and Jessica in 2005

photo credit: FameFlynet and WENN.com

At the end of the day, when all things are said and done, it really does seem like Papa Joe Simpson was living a lie for most of his life and at some point in late 2011-early 2012, he took a young 21-year-old man as his lover. The man was named Bryce Chandler Hill, and the details of Bryce and Joe’s affair became public last fall, when it seemed like Bryce was being particularly indiscreet. To be fair to Bryce, Papa Joe seemed tired of living a lie too, and he seemed to WANT his wife to find evidence of his gay love affair. And Tina Simpson did find the evidence, and she allegedly confronted Joe about it and some other stuff happened and now they’re doing a fast and dirty divorce. But what happened before Tina filed for divorce? What happened when Tina first found out that her husband, a former Baptist preacher who fathered their two daughters, had taken up with a young gay hustler? Well, according to Radar it was NOT pretty. At all.

Tina Simpson wrote a secret suicide note soon after finding out that her ex-husband Joe Simpson was having a gay affair, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively.

Shortly before traveling to New York to confront Joe, 52, about his tryst with 21-year-old model Bryce Chandler Hill in August 2012, Tina scrawled a cry-for-help letter threatening to shoot herself after she discovered her husband’s homosexual tendencies, a source close to the situation tells Radar exclusively.

In the note, Tina, 53, also said she wanted to shoot Joe, her husband of 35 years, for cheating on her, a family insider reveals. Tina left the note in the Encino home she shared with Joe and he found it! Joe immediately handed it to his lawyers who were handling his divorce proceedings.

“Tina was so distraught when she found out about Joe’s secret gay affair, she immediately wrote a suicide note,” a source close to the Simpson family tells Radar. “It was fairly detailed and she said she wanted to shoot herself for what Joe had done to their 35-year marriage. Worse still, Tina wanted to shoot Joe as well. She was just so angry with him.

“But, instead of killing herself, Tina headed straight to a New York hotel to confront Joe about Bryce Chandler Hill. However, when Joe returned to the Encino home in Los Angeles they shared, he found the note, made a copy and gave it to his divorce lawyer as a bargaining tool for the settlement.”

Tina eventually offered Joe half of the family fortune. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Tina offered Joe the financial settlement because he wanted to put an end to their divorce battle quickly.

“An offer of a 50 percent split of everything under the Simpson name has been offered to Joe,” a source close to the family told Radar. “That includes the coveted Jessica Simpson Collection, which Joe desperately wanted because that’s the real cash cow.”

[From Radar]

While I don’t want to minimize the awfulness of the threat or create some kind of double-standard for violence against philandering husbands, I can understand how Tina would be that raw, that devastated, that angry, that violent. The betrayal was awful and it came it in waves. Joe was cheating. He was cheating on her with a man. He was cheating on her with a really young man. A really young man who was a hustler using Joe as a sugar daddy. Joe was raiding their finances to support his young lover. Wouldn’t you need to vent and at least let your mind wander to the worst case scenario? I’m a big believer in “it’s not against the law to fantasize about committing a horrible a crime.” There are no thought police! So in that sense, I think it’s kind of unfair that Joe used Tina’s note as a tool, a bargaining chip in their divorce. Still, we don’t really know if this is exactly what went down.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

As we now know (allegedly!), Jessica Simpson’s father, Papa Joe Simpson, has been secretly gay this whole time. The Enquirer/Radar ran the story last week, claiming that Joe had recently “come out” to his family, and his wife and daughters were surprised and devastated. I’ll admit that Joe had never really beeped on my gaydar – I only thought that he was rather creepy, but now that people are saying that he’s gay, the creepiness has dissipated and now I look at Joe and think, “Ah, okay, that makes sense. He was living a lie this whole time.” Deep within the Enquirer’s reporting, another detail emerged: when Joe got his DUI a few months ago, his young boy-toy was in the car! Well, now Radar has an ID on the boy-toy. Or maybe we should say “one of Papa Joe’s many boy-toys”?

A young, aspiring male model has been boasting that he has been having an affair with Jessica Simpson’s father, Joe, for the past year, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Fresh-faced Bryce Chandler Hill, 21, has been bragging about dating 54-year-old Joe on/off for around a year and has recounted torrid details of their alleged trysts to various friends around West Hollywood.

A source close to the situation tells Radar exclusively that Bryce met Joe Simpson through a mutual friend, who is very close to Joe’s daughters, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. And the close pal says they believe that Bryce has been taking Joe for a ride and is using him just to get famous.

“Joe Simpson being outed by the National Enquirer was no surprise to the gay community in Hollywood, Bryce has been bragging about hooking up with Joe for a while now,” a source close to Hill revealed.

“Bryce is close to TJ Espinoza, who in turn is good friends with both Jessica and Ashlee and worked for Britney Spears as a back-up dancer. TJ introduced Bryce to the Simpsons – and that’s how he met Joe. Bryce claims he’s been dating Joe for roughly a year and absolutely loves to boast about it because he loves being the center of attention. He’s also been quick to tell anyone that will listen that he’s using Joe to climb the showbiz ladder.

“Bryce is desperate to become famous, he’s done lots of modeling shoots and wants to become an actor. When he met Joe, he knew what a good job he had done in managing Jessica and Ashlee’s careers and wanted a piece of the pie himself. But the sad thing is, he mocks and laughs at Joe behind his back. He doesn’t care for him in the same way Joe does about him. Bryce has been boasting about this for months, but no one believed him at first,” the source divulged.

[From Radar]

Don’t you feel kind of sad? Doesn’t Papa Joe seem kind of sympathetic all of a sudden? Yes, he’s been living a lie for years, and yes, his family is probably devastated and confused. But Joe was taken in by some young hustler, a user and an unsavory character. Of course, we don’t know that all of this is true. But it feels true. It feels… ugh. For the record, Bryce has denied it on his Twitter, but ONTD also got some screepshots of Joe Simpson tweeting him too. So… there are no winners here.

Also, I purposefully tried to avoid using the words “rent boy” and “twink” because I’m not sure that I, a heterosexual woman, am allowed to use those words in casual conversation. Am I allowed? Discuss. I’m also including some photos of Bryce (I think?) below. He looks very, very young. UGH.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Google Images.

As we discussed yesterday, The Enquirer claims that Jessica Simpson’s father, Papa Joe, is now gay, that he’s always been gay, and that his marriage crumbled because of it and now he has several boyfriends or something. Just hours after Radar excerpted the Enquirer’s report, People Mag and Us Weekly got a statement from Joe and Tina Simpson – they are officially divorcing now. It was kind of a crazy PR strategy to announce that on the same day that everyone was discussing whether or not Papa Joe loves dong. Crazier still, the statement included this cryptic part: “It is an amicable split and there is no third party involved. Any other related allegations are completely false.” Hmm.

So, it’s kind of funny that The Enquirer and Radar are still going after this story. Today’s version is “poor Jessica and her poor gay father, she still loves him because she loves gay people.”

Jessica Simpson was completely blindsided by her father’s reported gay bombshell, a source close to the Simpson family exclusively tells RadarOnline.com. The pop star-turned-fashion-designer is struggling to come to terms with the revelation that dad Joe, 54, a former youth minister and Baptist pastor, has come out of the closet the source says.

But the insider insists that the 32-year-old Dukes of Hazzard star, who has a number of close gay friends in her life, has vowed to stand by her father despite his sexual preference.

“Jessica had absolutely no clue that her father was gay, not even the slightest inkling,” the source tells Radar. “She thinks she has very good gaydar, especially since a lot of her friends are gay, but she did not see this coming at all.

“It was a complete shock to the system, she feels terribly for her mom who was left reeling by the announcement and her sister Ashlee has also taken the news quite badly. Jessica’s been trying to process the information slowly, but she’s having difficulty dealing with it. She can’t understand why Joe stayed married to Tina for so long, and can’t help wondering how much of their life was a lie,” the source continues.

“Despite that, she’s going to stand by him and support his decision. After all, he’s still her father and Joe’s always been there for Jessica whenever she’s needed him… And not just as a father, but as her manager too.”

The National Enquirer broke the bombshell news that Tina filed for divorce after Joe came out as gay and confessed to an affair with a 20-something boy toy, according to a source close to the Simpson family.

“Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet,” an insider told the Enquirer. “He told them that he’d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn’t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men.”

On the same day that explosive news broke, a spokesperson for the Simpson family confirmed that Joe and Tina had officially filed for divorce, but the rep denied that the split involved anyone else.

“It is an amicable split and there is no third party involved,” the rep said in a statement Wednesday. “Any other related allegations are completely false. The family appreciates your respect for their privacy at this time.”

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Joe has been spiraling out-of-control for some time. He was busted for drunk driving in Sher­man Oaks, Calif., on August 4.

“The police report stated that there was someone else in the car with Joe,” a source close to the Simpson family told the Enquirer. “Some reports have stated it was Tina, but now the belief is that it may well have been a boyfriend.”

[From Radar]

In the Enquirer’s story, sources claimed Ashlee “lashed out” at her father, asking him how long he’d known he was gay. Papa Joe apparently replied that he’d known for “quite a while” and Jessica said “that he’d not only deceived their mom, but her and Ashlee as well.”

All joking aside… is this story for real? I’m actually thinking that there’s a good chance it might be. I mean, we have to throw “allegedly” around and all, but I think most of us felt, “Wow, this makes so much sense.”

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Back in August, it really seemed like Jessica Simpson father/manager Papa Joe Simpson was headed off the rails. He got a DUI in LA, and shortly after that, he and Tina Simpson announced their split. Jessica has always been very tight with both of her parents – as I said, her dad is her manager, and her mom is a central part of Jessica’s fashion lines. So what caused Papa Joe’s breakdown? Some kind of mid-life (late-life?) crisis? A crisis of faith for the former preacher, maybe? Or is it something quite different? Is it dong, and the love of dong?

According to a bombshell new report, Jessica Simpson’s world was turned upside-down when her manager-dad Joe Simpson re­cently dropped a bomb on his unsuspecting family: An insider says he confessed he’s gay!

And not only has a family source told The National Enquirer that 54-year-old Joe came out of the closet, the source says the former youth pastor and Baptist minister has a 20-some­thing boy toy!

The stunning confession was the real reason wife Tina filed for divorce from Joe, her husband of 34 years, in late September, the Enquirer reports.

“Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet,” an insider divulged. “He told them that he’d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn’t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men.

“Joe said it wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to him.”

Tina, 52, filed for divorce in McLennan County, Texas, on Sept. 24. In the paperwork, she cites “discord or conflict of personalities” as grounds for the marital dissolution.

Meanwhile, Joe has been spiraling out of control for some time. He was busted for drunk driving in Sher­man Oaks, Calif., on August 4.

“The police report stated that there was someone else in the car with Joe,” said a source close to the Simpson family. “Some reports have stated it was Tina, but now the belief is that it may well have been a boyfriend.”

For more exclusive details on the Simpson family saga, including how this could affect Jessica’s billion dollar empire, pick up the latest issue of The National Enquirer on newsstands Thursday.

[From Radar]

If Joe Simpson has been secretly gay this whole time, I honestly think it makes everything all better. Truly. Papa Joe’s obsession with Jessica’s breasts no longer seems AS creepy and inappropriate, and Papa Joe’s ability to wade through the Hollywood cesspool as Jessica’s manager makes a bit more sense too. Now, do I completely believe this story? Not really. I’m just saying – it could be a possibility. Why not, you know? A lot of men of that generation have come out later in life.

UPDATE: Oooooh. So the same day the Enquirer/Radar is all “He’s totes gay,” that’s the same day he announces his divorce? Shocking. Papa Joe and Tina are officially divorcing now, and they released a statement: “Tina and Joe Simpson have filed for divorce. It is an amicable split and there is no third party involved. Any other related allegations are completely false. The family appreciates your respect for their privacy at this time.” I think that means that Papa Joe has several young lovers, and he’s not calling any of them his “boyfriend”. YET.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Wouldn’t you need a stiff drink if you were one of Jessica Simpson’s parents? I would. According to TMZ, Papa Joe Simpson was arrested for a DUI in LA several nights ago. This answers several questions I had about the Simpson family. First, where did Jessica learn how to guzzle booze like a champ? Her father. Two, how does Papa Joe overcome his unhealthy interest with his daughter’s boobs? Booze. It all makes sense now:

Joe Simpson — Jessica Simpson’s father — was arrested for DUI in L.A. … TMZ has learned.

According to law enforcement sources, 54-year-old Joe was busted on Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks on August 4.

We’re told LAPD cops pulled Joe’s car over around 10 PM … and during the stop, officers got the feeling he was intoxicated and ultimately cuffed the famous pop and took him to the pokey.

Joe was booked and spent the rest of the night behind bars. He was released without having to post bail at 9:41 the following day.

The case has not been sent over to prosecutors in the L.A. City Attorney’s Office yet, but if criminal charges are filed, it’s likely Joe will not get any jail time since it’s his first offense. He’ll probably end up with a big fat fine — something his daughter will have no problem paying.

[From TMZ]

Hm, it doesn’t sound like they gave him a Breathalyzer? Maybe he really was obviously intoxicated and the Breathalyzer wasn’t necessary. Whenever it’s some dumb starlet who gets pulled over for a DUI, I hammer them about their idiocy and how they could have killed someone. I shall do the same here – Papa Joe is old enough and wealthy enough to hire a car and driver. In fact, I almost think it’s worse when it’s someone older like Papa Joe, because I always get the feeling that they’ve been driving drunk for a long time, and they only got caught now. So, congrats, Papa Joe. You’ve now joined the ranks of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes.

Incidentally, Jessica is off the booze, at least according to her. I think she only just realized how many empty calories are in her beloved Scotch.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday, I had an interesting little piece from OK! Magazine that included a few choice quotes from Joe Simpson. Papa Joe was discussing Ashlee Simpson’s marriage problems, and how he’ll “never let his daughters be alone” whenever they’re in crisis. Well, PopEater had an interesting pro-Pete Wentz story about Papa Joe too. According to a pro-Pete insider, “Just like when Jessica split from Nick, Joe is doing nothing to encourage Ashlee to give the marriage another try, if only for the sake of her son. Joe likes being the only man in his daughters’ lives and is happy that Ashlee has moved back into his home [in Encino, Calif.], just like Jessica did after she announced she was leaving Nick…Joe got rid of Nick, and now he is saying goodbye to Pete. Let’s hope Ashlee finds more happiness than Jessica did when she finds herself officially single again.” Ouch.

Now, Even though the idea of Papa Joe forcing out his daughters’ significant others is particularly juicy, I have to admit, I don’t completely buy it. I think Joe stage-manages Jessica’s relationships, sure, but Jessica is now and has always been his blatant favorite. I just don’t see him as super-involved with Ashlee. And maybe Ashlee is the one who needs his help, even more than Jessica. Us Weekly has another pro-Pete story too – and this one is all about Ashlee’s alleged late-night problems:

When the going gets tough, the tough go partying — at least Ashlee Simpson does. Although their Feb. 9 divorce announcement took many by surprise, pals close to Simpson and husband Pete Wentz tell the new Us Weekly that the spouses of nearly three years “have been talking about splitting up forever.”

Simpson, 26, had coped in part with the impending split by having some late, late-night fun. “Ashlee has been out late partying for the past few months,” says one insider.

Specifically, the singer-actress — and mom to son Bronx, 2 — hangs with a crew of pro skateboarders in San Clemente, Calif., and returns home at sunrise.

“She would lose track of time,” the insider says. A source says a part-time nanny helps look after Bronx, and in her divorce filing, Ashlee asked for physical custody of Bronx and child support.

A Simpson source says the skateboarder thing is all innocent, however. The skaters are from Joe Simpson’s new show, The X-Life. “She went to the wrap party for the shoot, and Pete deejayed. They went and came back together.

Fall Out Boy rocker Wentz, 31, “started getting burnt out” by those antics, another source says. On the road with his band, he “would constantly check in on Ashlee, and he’d have his friends call the house and her cell to make sure she said she was where she said she was going to be,” an insider explains. “He felt like he couldn’t trust her.”

Even when Wentz was at home, Simpson didn’t put on the brakes. At a December 14 dinner party at the LA restaurant Eveleigh, Ashlee, “had a good amount of Belevedere cocktails… she wasn’t being loud, but you could tell she was drunk.” Wentz left a full hour and a half before his wife, who chainsmoked outside with Nicki Hilton.

Add to that, Ashlee’s career problems, like getting fired from Melrose Place halfway through the season. “She’s frustrated and insecure,” says on source, saying that the anxiety has caused her to lose weight. “She’s so skinny… I worry.”

[From Us Weekly, print and online editions]

I’ve read the print edition of Us Weekly too, and there’s even more in there. Here are a few tidbits: Ashlee has decided to go back to her maiden name. Ashlee and Pete’s marriage fell apart a few months into their marriage, and Ashlee only got married because her parents basically forced her to (through guilt, I think). “Everything changed” after she got pregnant. Sources also say that she’s left the home she shared with Pete, and she’s moved back in with her parents.

Oh, and here’s another gem: Us Weekly’s sources say that Joe Simpson is going to try to use Ashlee’s divorce to re-launch her career. Once source predicts, “In a few weeks, she’ll have an album annoucement… Then he’ll announce she’ll go back on Saturday Night Live to promote it.” Ooooh… that should be good!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

For some reason, Joe Simpson consistently gives all of his late-breaking official statements to OK! Magazine. Granted, Papa Joe isn’t “People Mag worthy” but you’d think Us Weekly would throw him a bone and print his magical words. Anyway, Joe finally makes a statement on his daughter Ashlee’s split from Pete Wentz. To my knowledge, this is Joe’s first statement on the subject, and it’s all folded into a larger story about Pete and Ashlee’s split.

“Things were not right for a while,” Ashlee’s father, Joe Simpson says exclusively to OK!.

“Ashlee has lost weight in the last six months and was upset all the time. When she needed Pete, he was never around,” a friend reveals. “She basically gave up her career when she got pregnant with Bronx. She spent weeks alone; he went on with his life.”

A family friend adds: “Ashlee does have an amazing temper. She’s very spoiled and can be very dramatic. I’ve seen her screaming, slamming doors. She’s threatened to leave a million times.”

“We will never let our daughters be alone,” says Joe. “We are here to hug them and give them a shoulder to cry on.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition]

There’s more – Ashlee has “trust issues” but some say she had reason to not trust Pete – that he was always coming home with girls’ numbers, and some think he was screwing around. But OK! Magazine also emphasizes how they’re both spending time working on their issues now, and that Pete comes over nearly every day to see Ashlee and Bronx.

Regarding the Joe Simpson stuff – sorry I built that up so much when it was just two little quotes! I wonder if he said much more and they just used the most basic stuff? BUT: “We will never let our daughters be alone.” Yes, that is one of the many problems, Joe.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

OK! Magazine got an exclusive interview with Joe Simpson, post-engagement. I have to admit something – whenever I think about Jessica’s engagement these days, I always get a wave of happiness thinking about how she was c—kblocked by Kate Middleton. After Jess tried to steal Nick Lachey’s thunder, Jess had her own thunder stolen! Instant karma. Anyway, Papa Joe Simpson is trying to get some attention for his beloved daughter (Ashlee doesn’t count!) and so he’s given a shockingly delusional interview. Well… most of it is his normal BS, but then he utters this line: “She is an example of a woman who had overcome obstacles and moved forward. If there’s one woman that Jessica and I are looking at — and where I want Jessica to be — it is Angelina Jolie.” Yes. Jessica Simpson is modeling herself after Angelina. In what way now?

Just after Jessica Simpson announced her engagement to Eric Johnson, her dad, Joe Simpson, sat down with Daphne Barak for his first-ever in-depth interview for this week’s issue of OK!. The stage dad opens up about Jessica’s future, business and weight and even confronts those nasty control freak rumors.

Daphne, who knows Joe well, says he is overwhelmed with fatherly pride. “I am so happy!” Jessica exclaimed to her father, who tells OK!, “I’m very happy for Jessica.”

Joe also added, “May they have a lifetime of joy and happiness.”

Jessica and Eric’s engagement isn’t the only thing the Simpson’s are celebrating though. “Jessica does not have to work anymore,” Joe reveals. Her businesses with be making a turnover of $700 million by the end of this year!

With everything going so well for the Simpson family, Joe must have seen it as the opportune time to let his guard down and finally open up to the public.

Joe on being the misconception of him as a control freak: “We let the girls [Jessica and sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz] know we are here for them no matter what. They suffered so much in front of the world that I would not imagine it is possible unless each time it happened, we were there to take care of t hem. I am so happy my daughters want to spend time with us. This is one thing people who judge me don’t understand.”

Joe on the secret to The Jessica Simpson Collection’s huge success: “We always knew Jessica is Midwest America. Some people, when they move to Hollywood, they change. They buy different clothes, have different budgets. We never forget where we are from, where Jessica is from. And that is the clothes and accessories we are producing.”

Joe on Jessica’s weight: “I have nothing to do with Jessica’s weight. Jessica has been working since she was 12. She was told how to look perfect. How many people can look perfect all the time? I think she’s an all-American girl. She is sending a message to the world that it is okay to be normal; it is okay to indulge. Her message is: “Let me be normal! Everyone else gets to do it.”

Joe on what he wishes for Jessica: “She is an example of a woman who had overcome obstacles and moved forward. If there is one woman that Jessica and I are looking at — and where I want Jessica to be — it is Angelina Jolie.”

[From OK! Magazine]

New game: how Angelina and Farty McDumbAsABoxOfHair are different. Angelina has a thriving film career, while Jessica couldn’t pay someone to put her in a movie these days. Angelina is not managed by her freaky, trainwreck father. Angelina doesn’t make international headlines for wearing God-awful mom-jeans at a chili cook-off. Angelina also has never farted so loudly in a business meeting that her mom had to yell at her. Of course, that last one is pending. If Angelina was a gasbag, don’t you think the tabloids would have pounced on it by now?

In all honesty though… it’s completely dumb to use Angelina as a model – Jessica isn’t going to be an actress anymore, and her biggest success is as the face of a clothing brand, and as a former reality star and singer. You know who Papa Joe should use as a model? Dolly Parton. For real.

Jessica Simpson’s rep has confirmed Jessica and Eric Johnson’s happy engagement news to everybody at this point, and without any sense of shame or awkwardness at having a big announcement just nine days after Nick Lachey and Vanessa announced their engagement. Jessica even flashed her ring at a mall appearance on Friday – a ruby with two diamonds, set in yellow gold. No disrespect to Zales, but Eric has tacky style if he picked out this ring. Anyway, beyond the confirmation from Jess’s rep, I was waiting for Jessica’s father to say something. After all, this is the man who so obviously prefers (worships) one daughter over the other. This is a man who talks freely about the size of his daughter’s boobs. This is a man who seems to compulsively c-ckblock his daughter, in business and in life (the thought of c-ckblocking Jess turns him on, I think). So… as you can imagine, Papa Joe was probably weeping at the thought of Jessica getting married:

Someone sure sounds excited about walking his daughter down the aisle!

Just days after Jessica Simpson accepted a ruby-and-diamond engagement ring from her boyfriend of five months, football player Eric Johnson, the bride-to-be’s father, Joe Simpson, posted his good wishes on Twitter.

“So very happy for Jess and Eric,” he posted Sunday night. “May they have a lifetime of joy and happiness.”

Joe joined Johnson, 31, at the filming of Jessica’s Thanksgiving PBS special last month, where the singer, 30, gushed to PEOPLE about her relationship with her beau, which she termed “just normal, thank God. He’s very, very supportive.”

She added that she “couldn’t ask for a better man in my life right now.”

[From People]

Does anyone want to take bets on Jessica and/or Papa Joe f-cking this engagement up? I can see it going in one of two ways: either Eric has been fully prepared for every step of this engagement-to-wedding day famewhore extravanganza, and this is totally what he signed on for, OR Eric is going to run screaming in about two months, after Jessica’s millionth interview where she talks about Eric “loving her curves” and “being so smarty-pants” – and after the millionth time of Papa Joe making some kind of comment about his beautiful daughter’s massive rack. Ugh. This family. I want to hear from Tina.

UPDATE: Now I feel dumb for not seeing this one coming. According to PopEater’s gossip guy, Papa Joe and Jessica are already fighting over whether or not she needs a prenup. Note to Jess: You need a prenup! I’m with your daddy on this one. According to PopEater’s sources, “Nick walked away with over $10 million of her money when they divorced, because they had no prenup. You would think she would have learned her lesson. But where romance is concerned, Jess follows her heart not her head. At the moment, Joe is sitting back and being a great father, supporting his daughter and his future son-in-law… However, you can bet after all the excitement has died down, Joe is going to do everything in his power to make sure Jessica doesn’t walk down the aisle until Eric signs away any right he might have to Jessica’s enormous fortune.” Jess is worth an estimated $100 million, if not more.