I have to be perfectly honest here — when Kaiser emailed me about this story and remarked, “Gross,” my immediate response was “Yay!” What can I say in my defense? I guess I sort of like gross things. However, this actually is a really gross story even when we’re talking about the classic “perfectly gross couple” of Katy Perry and John Mayer. Realistically, I have to wonder how much longer this coupling can succeed because I feel like Katy is (obviously) either deluding herself by thinking this could actually work out or (even worse) she believes that she can change John by making him a one-woman man. For the moment though, things are working out because it’s all about sex for Katy and John — so much so that their exploits are so maddeningly loud that they have to muffle the sound with music. You know they have to be listening to John’s music, right? Here are the details:

The stage isn’t the only place where singers Katy Perry and John Mayer make sweet music, as their neighbors know all too well!

Katy Perry apparently had trouble satisfying Russell Brand’s wild sexual urges, but John Mayer certainly isn’t complaining! Instead, it’s Katy’s West Hollywood neighbors who are complaining, as the couple like to “have very loud sex, keep very late hours and like to turn up the tunes,” reports Star.

Katy’s relationship with John has certainly had its ups and downs, as she has always been concerned about the notorious ladies’ man’s “wandering eye.” However, they seem to be happier than ever lately, and HollywoodLife.com previously reported that Katy thinks the John could be “the one.”

Both stars have been unlucky in love in the past, so here’s hoping that this relationship runs the distance. Katy’s neighbors better buy some earplugs!

[From Hollywood Life]

HAhaha. I have to wonder — if only for a moment — if this is some half-baked story that was planted for Russell Brand’s benefit? Remember, Katy was said to have been appalled at Russell’s wheelchair pr0n, and the flip side of that story was that she wasn’t able to satisfy his kinky urges. Soooo … now we’re hearing the mysteriously-placed report that Katy and John are literally bouncing off the walls and unable to vocally contain their own excitement at the mere sight of each other’s respective private parts? Yeah, that is kind of gross.

In parting, I give you some photos of Mayer’s “O” face. You’re very, very welcome!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

This Katy Perry and John Mayer on-off romance has been dragging on for what seems like forever, right? They keep breaking up and getting back together, and if you’re still vaguely curious about the timeline, go here for a recap that includes John feeding Katy in public before they piled on the PDA. Ick.

Now this week has been pretty hot and heavy (relatively speaking) for the couple, who have been in New York City together nearly every day. In these photos (from Tuesday), John and Katy are seen together having lunch on his 35th birthday (Happy Doucheday!). While Katy has no interest in engaging with the paps, just check out at his smug face.

And here they are that evening heading out for a birthday dinner as well. Isn’t it amusing that he’s recently gotten a haircut while she’s gone back in for hair extensions? CB has noted that whenever John Mayer cleans up and loses some weight, it’s almost a precursor for him to go into “full douche” mode. I agree — look at that dreadful bow tie.

This week’s issue of Us Weekly explains how Katy has managed to keep John’s attention for more than a few months. She is apparently playing “hard to get” because she “believes she can change him.” This sounds awfully familiar:

Can Katy Perry boldly go where no woman has gone before? The pop star, 28, who’s casually dating John Mayer, 35, “Believes she can change him,” a source tells Hot Stuff. “She doesn’t want to be just another one of his conquests.” (His exes include Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Taylor Swift.) Part of Perry’s plan? Play hard to get. Explaisn the source, “She recently told John she was open to see other people.” And her plot has paid off. Adds a second insider, “Once Katy turned her back on him, he started chasing her again!” Indeed, he caught up with Perry in NYC October 13 at the Dolls’ Hotel Chantelle bash, where they “kissed throughout the night,” says a witness. The next day, he watched her NetJets concert, then took her on a double date at Perla. “He was really animated at dinner,” says an observer. “He smiled at her a lot.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition, October 29, 2012]

Sigh. I can totally believe that Katy thinks she can tame John just like she thought she could tame Russell, and we saw how successfully that worked out, right? This will not work out well, but that’s for Katy to worry about since I’m sure plenty of people have warned her about both men. Katy just seems to think she’s such a special snowflake that a guy really would want to change for her.

After their dual-doucheday feast, Katy and John spent the night together at his Soho apartment. Here they are the next morning while exiting the premises, and Katy is wearing no makeup at all. This is a very unusual move for her, and maybe she really does believe she can change another bad boy, but this certainly isn’t a “hard to get” set of behaviors. Two meals out in one day plus overnight sex and showing a bare face the next day? These two are totally comfy together. At least, that’s the case for now.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News

Here are some photos of Katy Perry at Comedy Central’s “Night Of Too Many Stars” benefit for autism where she performed on Saturday evening. I’ve been unable to unearth a designer ID on this sheer gown, but it doesn’t really matter because Katy is still doing her misguided goth impression. Honestly, the hair here is too severe, and the flat black color makes her look much older than her 27 years. Furthermore, I never cease to be amazed at the amount of foundation (also quite aging) she piles on her rather pretty face. Too much, Katy. Too much.

Now onto the latest news in the Katy Perry and John Mayer bad romance, which has seen its ups and downs after first losing traction in late August when they broke up after two months of douchery and being the perfectly gross couple. Then in early September, the two surfaced together again but tried to seem lowkey, but we knew they were totally still doing it. Then last week, Radar Online reported that Katy had enough of John’s crap and told him “lose my number,” but I guess that didn’t happen because now they’re being all disgusting together in NYC where they were spotted on a dinner date together. And to make matters even more icky, John was feeding Katy with his fork:

These two really aren’t shy about showing off some PDA.

When Katy Perry and John Mayer went for a romantic date at Perla in NYC on Oct. 14, they were so loved up that he was feeding her!

“They came in around 9 p.m. with another guy and girl. During appetizers, Katy used her fork and her hands to eat off her and the others’ plates and John fed her with his fork!” the eyewitness tells Life & Style. “For the main course, the table shared a few dishes. And dieting seemed to be the furthest thing from Katy’s mind! She was eating large sums of pasta.”

“Katy and John sat across from one another,” adds the eyewitness. “They seemed relaxed and comfortable. Katy was over-the-moon happy … and laughing a lot. John was just as happy. They were really flirty. They kept leaning into each other over the table to talk and barely checked their phones.”

Katy and her female friend made sure to document the special night.

“When they came back from the bathroom, they asked their waitress to snap a photo of the group,” the eyewitness says. “They left a little after 10:30 p.m.”

After finishing up at the restaurant, they headed to private club Soho House in the Big Apple’s Meatpacking District, where they were spotted playing pool around midnight.

Earlier that evening, John, 34, supported Katy, 27, at her private concert at the Best Buy Theater.

“He was in the VIP area next to the stage on her right,” an eyewitness tells Life & Style. “He wasn’t singing along but he was clapping after each song and nodding his head to the music.”

And the night before, the pair were spotted sharing a smooch at Hotel Chantelle.

“John met Katy at the hotel and they sat at a table near the DJ booth the whole night, looking happy,” a guest at the hotel tells Life & Style. “They were kissing each other every now and then and left together at the end of the night.”

[From Life & Style]

What is up with this recent need for celebrity couples to feed each other in public? Ashton Kutcher was recently spotted feeding gelato to Mila Kunis, and the trend is still as yucky as when Cameron Diaz was caught feeding A-Rod some popcorn at the SuperBowl. Do people really do this? I just can’t imagine feeding anyone who can feed themselves.

Here are some photos of John sneaking out the back door The Troubador in LA on 9/28. He’s definitely not one of those people who are fortunate enough to have a “hat head.”

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

Rihanna was kind of a big deal at the MTV VMAs last night for a few reasons. The first one is her new cropped haircut, which is a refreshing change after those overdone hair extensions that she’s been sporting lately. She also went rather demure (for Rihanna) by wearing a white, custom-made Adam Selman dress that she accessorized with very bright red lipstick and nude Manolo Blahniks. It’s a very minimalistic look with a knotted detail around the waist and backless to perfection. This stands in sharp contrast to the last Adam Selman dress that she wore, which was also white and backless with a knotted detail but gave off a very different vibe and showed off a lot of skin. Here, Rihanna is mostly covered up even though she’s still (of course) nipping out.

Even though RiRi may have looked good, she was still up to her usual bad behavior. TMZ also has video from a live feed from before the show where RiRi approached Chris at his seat in the auditiorium and hugged and kissed him. Because you know, showing love for one’s abuser is always a wise thing to do — especially when there are young, impressionable fans watching from home.

Rihanna opened the ceremony with an extravagant live performance of a new remix for the her single, “C*ckiness,” which I’m sure isn’t a euphemism for anything, right? Unlike Katy Perry and her “Peac*ck.” Then she ran out into the audience (which I’m sure was pre-planned) to move into “We Found Love,” which I’ll always think of as the Magic Mike trailer song. It wasn’t so much a traditional performance as RiRi clubbing it, but she did end up winning “Video of the Year.” Here’s the performance:

Katy Perry (oddly enough) didn’t go for the cutesy, cotton-candy imagery on the red carpet, and she didn’t go faux goth either, which is a relief. She did, however, sit next to John Mayer for part of the ceremony because they’re still doing it, which is gross, but overall, she just sat next to Rihanna and giggled while they made some undoubtedly catty remarks about everyone else.

As for her dress, Katy went slightly glamorous (for her) in an Elie Saab 2004 (yes, that’s right) gown with a leather bodice and lots of sheer panelling. The teal and red floral details are rather striking against the black color of the dress, and Katy kept her hair and makeup relatively tasteful too. Some sites are making a huge deal out of her new extensions, but I’m pretty sure this is a wig. Katy is a mistress of wiggy looks, and surprisingly, she’s not annoying me here.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

This story is like the perfect storm of douche and douche in paradise. Remember how just a few weeks ago, perfect gross couple Katy Perry and John Mayer reportedly broke up after two mere months of douchery? Then Katy went on a touchy-feely dinner date with Robert “Sparkles” Pattinson in Los Angeles, but of course, nothing ever came of that little rendezvous in the aftermath. Because Katy is a woman who “likes to be courted, strongly,” and you know that Sparkles is all laid back in that regard. Besides, he’s probably still hung up on Kristin Stewart while Katy has had a virtual hard-on for John Mayer for several years.

So even though John allegedly dumped Katy via email, they’re supposedly dating again. The couple was spotted together over the weekend at a music festival, and now they’re seen in these photos leaving a dining establishment together on Tuesday evening. The Mail notes that the two took great pains to walk separately and not hold hands, but they’re obviously together. If I were Katy, I’d be more interested in that bouncer or security dude — he’s kind of hot in a weird way. Here are some details from Us Weekly:

John Mayer may not be “the one that got away” from Katy Perry after all. Despite Mayer breaking it off with the singer in mid- August, the musicians met up September 1 at L.A.’s FYF Fest. “They seemed back together,” a witness tells Hot Stuff. “She kept turning and whispering in his ear and kissing him.” Another concertgoer says Perry, 27, and Mayer, 34, “were all over each other! He was grabbing her from behind.” Still, the duo have emailed and texted about keeping their relationship casual. Says a pal, “She told him she just wants to have fun.”

[From Us Weekly]

So … what’s going on here? Has Katy truly conceded to John’s desire to “keep things casual” (i.e., just have some dinner and sex on occasion), or does she think that she can win him over from his lothario ways in the long run? Because we saw how well that worked with Russell Brand. Girl has a serious pattern of behavior, and John is a serial douche that will never change. Her hair does look decent in these photos though.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News

This is getting good, y’all. In the wake of the virtually certain break up of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, the Twihards are eventually going to have to face the fact that both of their idols will end up dating other people. In particular, I suspect that the most ardent Sparkles fans will take great issue with his (inevitable) decision to not forgive KStew and his (hopefully stout) resolution to take his chances elsewhere. Where else, exactly? Quite possibly, the likes of Katy Perry.

I know, I know. It’s almost sacreligious to think of Katy hanging out (let alone doing anything else more illicit) with the very amusing and self-deprecating likes of Sparkles. But she’s a very clever girl; or at least, she’s very good at playing clever in front of very clever boys. Remember, she was married to Russell Brand not too long ago. So in the wake of Katy’s douche-breakup with John Mayer, Us Weekly maintains (via a Katy source) that “she needs a different kind of guy.” Also, Katy and Robert have already been friends for quite awhile, and Sparkles reportedly offered her quite a bit of support through daily text messages after Russell filed for divorce this past winter. So now Us Weekly has the scoop on a very recent dinner date between Katy and Sparkles, whom she considers a very “nice guy” as well as exactly what she needs right at this point in her life. Here are some excerpts:

They are two of the biggest stars on the planet, but Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson managed to go practically unnoticed at private West Hollywood club Soho House August 23. Nestled close at a table for two in the garden, the singer and the Twilight heartthrob — with a cap pulled over his brow — “tried to keep a superlow profile,” says a witness. As the pair lingered over dinner, Perry hung on Pattinson’s every word, giggling like a coquettish schoolgirl. “She was jokey with him and a little touchy-feely. They were flirting.”

Perry, at least, was pouring on the charm. On the heels of her second humiliating breakup in the last 12 months — John Mayer dumped her by email, sources tell Us — the singer, 27, has turned her attention to longtime pal Pattinson, 26. And who better to lend an ear than the actor, also nursing a broken heart over girlfriend Kristen Stewart’s devastating affair with married director Rupert Sanders? “I’m sure they were bonding over how bad this year has been for both of them,” says an insider.

But Perry, who split from husband Russell Brand in December, is interested n more than just commiserating. “Katy would secretly love to land Rob,” says another source. “But she won’t admit it. They’ve been friends for about five years,” says the insider. “Rob and Kristen even hung out with Katy a few times.” After Stewart cheated, Perry reached out as a friend. And with his relationship still in limbo, “Katy’s been checking in with Rob, just to make sure he’s doing all right,” says a Perry source. “After what happened with John, it made her more dedicated to connecting with Rob. They both feel very much like they were played in relationships.”

[Us Weekly, print edition, September 20, 2012]

But wait. Yesterday, it was revealed that Rihanna was possibly sending salacious text messages to Sparkles’ phone. Does this mean that she and BFF Katy are going after the same sparkly dude? Probably not, because Us Weekly also has details that RiRi is getting cozy with Rob Kardashian. Yuck:

The only girl in the world for Rob Kardashian? Rihanna! The two shared an action packed day together August 25, go-karting at Racer’s Edge Indoor Karting in Burbank, then partying at L.A.’s playhouse nightclub. “They were sitting closely at the club, whispering in each other’s ears and clearly flirting,” says a witness. “Rob was doting on Rihanna,” adds another onlooker. “He was pouring her drinks and everything!” And it seems the wooing worked. The singer, 24, was so taken with Kardashian, she didn’t even visit with a neighboring VIP: her ex Chris Brown! The Grammy winner “glanced over at Chris’ table a few times,” said the onlooker. “But mostly she enjoyed herself with Rob.”

[Us Weekly, print edition, September 20, 2012]

Here’s Kaiser’s response to RiRi hitting it with Rob Kardashian: “Girl…” That particular Rob is bad news, for sure, but it doesn’t seem like Rihanna was all that impressed by the fact that the dude took her go-karting and poured her some drinks. After all, she can just hire a chef/bartender for drinks whenever she so desires. Instead, it seems like RiRi was only pretending to be into Substandard Rob to make Chris jealous. Girl, you know it’s true.

In other news, Katy is starring in a new national ad campaign for Popchips, in which she makes annoying little heart symbols with her hands and reenacts her retro pursed lips while saying “I curl Popchips straight to my lips. Good thing they don’t go straight to my hips.“ Say what you want about Kristen Stewart, but she’d never be caught (dead or alive) in such a ridiculous ad campaign.

Basically, everyone wants a piece of Robert Pattinson. Kristen Stewart was such a fool to give that up.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, WENN, and Us Weekly

Katy Perry covers the September issue of L’Officiel Paris, and she barely looks like herself because it seems like the magazine was very heavy-handed with its post-production manipulation of the both the cover and picture which is featured below. The cover looks like a really blurry oil painting. Also, it’s rather obvious that there was very little imagination involved with the styling of the shoot — almost as if someone decided, “Well, Katy hasn’t worn an orange wig yet, and that’s a fall color, so let’s go with it!” Pretty awful stuff, and I am inclined to feel sorry for Katy since this magazine had no idea what to do with her.

In other (semi-relevant) news, Katy is still getting over John Mayer after two months of dating, and will perhaps take a break for awhile. It couldn’t hurt to stand on her own, you know? At the moment, Katy is taking a load off by heading to Disneyland. Eat your heart out, Ryan Gosling.

Where do you go when your heart has been trampled on by not one, but TWO long-haired lotharios in just one year?

Hanging out in bars didn’t cut it for a glum faced Katy Perry on Saturday night after it emerged she’d been dumped by serial womaniser John Mayer, so she headed to Disneyland.

Any fool knows that you can’t be unhappy at Disneyland, the self-titled Happiest Place on Earth. So Katy slipped on a floral playsuit and flowery headband and went for a walk with Mickey Mouse.

The Wide Awake singer first went to California Adventure to check out the new attractions before going to Disneyland and riding Bizz Lightyear Astro Blasters, Space Mountain, and Star Tours.

It seemed to do the trick, with Katy squealing with laughter on the rides. Katy certainly looked merrier, if posed to heck in a cute picture of her peeking from behind a menu wearing the classic mouse ears.

The lucky Disney fan rounded off her evening at Disney with dinner at the famous members-only Club 33. The five star restaurant is located behind a hidden door above the Blue Bayou restaurant in New Orleans Square.

The club was intended by Walt Disney as a place to entertain his friends and has played host to Presidents and the stars of the showbusiness world.

Not open to the public, it is the only place in Disneyland that alcohol is served, allowing Katy and her friends to have a cheeky drink – all the better to soothe her broken heart.

[From Daily Mail]

Now after Katy mends her broken heart (and she’s had a bad year in the romance department), perhaps she’ll run into Ryan Gosling at Disneyland one day. After all, it’s his very favorite place for hot loving, and I know his fans are tired of seeing him with Eva Mendes, right? Maybe Katy would be a better option for him. Or maybe not.

Seriously though, that orange wig is awful. Katy needs a new gimmick besides just changing out her hair color.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and L’Officiel

Katy Perry was out and about over the weekend, which is a good thing because I’d hate to see her unnecessarily go into hiding after being given the brief tour of douche by John Mayer before he mercilessly dumped her. On the topic of John, he celebrated his freedom by cutting his nasty hair — too bad he couldn’t cut off the essence of douche too, right? Oh well.

Katy looks rather somber in these photos despite the fact that she was photographed at the SHOREbar where she threw a party for her friend Jon (Somebody), who is (for what it’s worth) the best friend Ronan Farrow (son of Mia and Woody). Katy is said to have partied at the bar until 2:00 am, and she’s shown holding the hand of jewelry designer Markus Molinari, who is supposedly her best friend and also held her hand on the red carpet in her first public appearance following her split from ex-husband Russell Brand. Another few factoids for you — Katy and Markus also celebrated his May birthday at the SHOREbar. Also, the Santa Monica hotspot was designed by Rosetta Getty. Small world.

Onto the story at hand, which follows the neverending saga of rotating “American Idol” judges. Back in early July, Katy was one of the names floating about for a potential judge pick, but then everyone forgot about that when Mariah Carey was hired to turn the program into “The Mariah Show.” Then Nicki Minaj was supposedly confirmed for a spot on the panel, but then Mariah threw a fit, and it turns out Nicki is not confirmed after all. Now TMZ is reporting (via a leak from Katy’s team?) that Katy was hotly pursued as a judge, and they offered her an even higher salary than what Mariah will receive. Uh-oh:

“American Idol” desperately wanted Katy Perry to fill one of its vacant judge’s seats, so much so, they offered her $20 MILLION … but she she still turned it down … TMZ has learned.

Sources close to the production tell TMZ … “Idol” pursued Perry relentlessly for weeks, eager to get her to sign on the dotted line. According to our sources, they started the offer at $18 million, but threw even more cash on the table … $20 MILLION for a one year contract!!!

We’re told Katy made it clear … she was NOT interested and money wasn’t the issue.

Sources tell us … aside from the fact that Katy’s schedule made it impossible to do the show … she just didn’t think it was right career choice for her.

Mariah must be one pissed, $18 million judge.

[From TMZ]

Okay, I can buy that “Idol” courted Katy, and I can also believe that she turned them down. Because — and I’m sorry if this sounds cruel — these sort of musical judging gigs appeal most to those pop culture figures who are in need of a career boost. Arguably, Katy is on top of her (semi-)musical game and coming off of the multiplatinum-selling Teenage Dream album, so she’s not in need of this sort of television job yet. Give her a few more years, and she might go there if her star starts to fade. Was Katy really offered a $20 million salary for one season though? That’s debatable.

As far as her professional life goes, Katy’s in a great spot. As far as her personal life goes, however, she could use a bit of time off for sure. She looks pretty drained in these photos, right? This is what happens when one makes the mistake of dating John Mayer.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News

Well, that was fast. It seems like just yesterday (and it almost was) that we were all gagging over Katy Perry and John Mayer’s debut as the perfect gross couple as they cavorted for the paps in front of Chateau Marmont in early August. Since then, we’ve heard that they “could be the real deal” and that Katy trusted John so much that she just knew he’d never write a song about her. It’s a good thing John doesn’t have a new album coming out soon, or that theory would be tested in short order. Us Weekly has a story about how John and Katy have broken up, and they were (supposedly) actually dating for a whole two months, but it’s over now:

Talk about hot and cold.

After a couple months of casual dating, John Mayer and Katy Perry have split, multiple sources confirm to Us Weekly.

“She’s really upset about it,” one insider tells Us.

Echoes another insider: “She is making it seem like it wasn’t serious with John, but she is hurt.”

Us Weekly first reported the budding romance, with Perry, 27, and Mayer, 34, making an “affectionate” appearance together at Soho House in West Hollywood June 19.

At a Beverly Hills pool party Aug. 4, recently divorced Perry and notorious Lothario Mayer “were all over each other, making out,” one observer said.

A pal said earlier this month that the “Teenage Dream” singer was ready to get serious with Mayer. “She doesn’t want to get her heart broken again, but she feels a real connection and wants to see where things go” with Mayer, whose exes include Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston.

Perry divorced Russell Brand earlier this year, and briefly dated Florence + the Machine rocker Robert Ackroyd in the spring.

[From Us Weekly]

Hmm, I wonder what happened. My initial guess is that Katy might have pushed for a full-blown relationship, and in return, John pushed her away. I could be wrong though. Maybe Katy is actually the one who broke it off with John after he wouldn’t stop hogging the bathroom mirror. The dude is (unnecessarily) vain. Or maybe she got turned off after finding out that his onstage “O” face is the same as his bedroom “O” face. Nasty!

Update: People has confirmed the split, and Radar adds that John did the dumping: “John did a real number on Katy. She held off from his advances for the longest time, but he laid on the charm thick and promised her he was a changed man. She eventually gave in, fell head over heels for him and then – yep – once he had made his conquest, he dumped her.” What a douchebag. I can’t believe anyone dates John when this has always been his game.

In (now) vaguely-related Katy news, it seems that Russell Brand can’t keep a relationship together either. That is, he can’t keep it in his pants. According to a story in this week’s Star, Russell has already cheated on his current girlfriend, Isabella Brewster:

Looks like recovering sex addict Russell Brand may need to head back to treatment. The British comedian, 37, who’s been dating 30-year-old talent agent Isabella Brewster for two months, was busted kissing a blonde mystery woman in the early morning hours of Aug. 6. An eyewitness tells Star that Russell stepped out of his Range Rober, still in his pajamas, with a messy, “sexed-up” look that can only come after a roll in the hay. And the blonde riding shotgun was definitely not Isabella!

“He opened up the back door to grab the woman’s bag, then proceeded to kiss her on the lips, stroke her hair, and give her a lingering hug before hopping back in his car to drive away,” adds the bystander. “They definitely looked like more than friends.” You think?

[From Star, print edition, September 3, 2012]

I hate to say it, but one really shouldn’t expect fidelity while dating Russell Brand. Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible for him to just have one woman on a long-term basis. You know what Rusty needs? His very own bona fide harem. The timeline of this story quite damning though. Rusty was supposedly all over the blonde on 8/6, and here he is outside the Tate Modern museum in London (with Isabella) on 8/8. What a dog.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News, Fame/Flynet, and WENN

This Katy Perry and John Mayer perfectly-gross romance is already exhausting, isn’t it? They’re coming up on a month of dating, and neither one of them has bailed yet, which is odd because both of them should realize that when this ends — and it will — they’ll probably both be writing passive-aggressive hate songs about each other. Naturally, John would be outraged and humiliated like he was with Taylor Swift’s “Dear John” song even though he’s douchey enough to write a song about breaking up with Jennifer Aniston.

As for Katy, she’s already pitched a legal fit to keep Russell Brand from saying nice things about her even though she included him in her movie (despite his protests), and she wrote crappy, faux-goth song about him too. So it’s pretty rich that Katy has warned John not to “kiss and tell,” and she believes that he’ll comply. If you ask me (and you haven’t), they’re both pretty naive in that regard. Here’s the story from Star:

John Mayer is one of Hollywood’s most notorious Lotharios, with an ungentlemanly M.O. — he picks up hot stars, dates them for a short time, then blabs about their sex lives to anyone who will listen. But his latest conquest, katy Perry, thinks she’s one step ahead of him by laying down the law and telling him that he’d better not openly talk about her — or else!

“Katy is a private person,” says a source. “She knows how John likes to brag about his love affairs with some of the women he’s dated. She made it clear that if he ever talks about what goes on between them, she’d have to move on.” John, whose past love victims include Hollywood hotties like Jennifer Love Hewitt, Minka Kelly, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston, thinks she’s overreacting. Still, even he has been apologetic about his oversharing in the past. he assured Katy he’ll never say anything to the media about them, no matter what happens down the road.

[From Star, print edition, August 16, 2012]

Meanwhile, there’s a new story in this week’s Enquirer that also points to trouble in double-douche paradise, but for a different reason — Katy was allegedly John’s second choice for current celebrity girlfriend. The original choice? Rihanna:

John Mayer may have won pop cutie Katy Perry’s heart, but she might not stick around for long after finding out she wasn’t his first choice! The Enquirer has learned the hunk originally had his sights set on Katy’s BFF Rihanna!

Insiders say the 34-year-old playboy — who’s long had a love ‘em, leave ‘em, and then dish dirt on ‘em reputation — put on a full-court press to get a date with the Barbadian bombshell, but she shot him down every time.

John first put the moves on Rihanna at a 2009 music industry party in New York. “They really hit it off,” one source explained. “John was smitten. He tried to lure her back to his place on seeral occasions, but Rihanna just laughed him off, saying she wasn’t his type. That only made him want her more. Rihanna has ALWAYS been a fantasy chick for John”

He tried again to seduce the 24-year-old stunner at a party last year, but Rihanna wouldn’t play along. And it was only after he’d exhausted all his efforts, say pals, that he turned his attention to Katy, 27. “Katy has no idea just how hard he tried to score with Rihanna,” said another source. “Now, her pals are worried she’s headed for heartache.”

[From Enquirer, print edition, August 16, 2012]

I don’t think I really buy this story. First, Rihanna has terrible taste in men, so I think she may have actually gone for John if he truly put the moves on her. Secondly, John’s David Duke c**k theoretically wouldn’t permit him to be attracted to RiRi in the slightest, right? Then again, he claims to not even recall that Playboy interview anyway, so who knows. Maybe he has a very selective memory.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, and WENN