The very first thing I saw this morning when I got up was everyone yelling about Kim Kardashian’s Givenchy dress at last night’s punk-themed Met Gala. Was Kim’s dress “punk”? No. Was it flattering? No. Was it cute in any way? No. But I still want to defend it, kind of.

Life & Style says that Kim decided “at the last minute” to wear this floral disaster, and she had to get it radically altered to fit her expanding pregnant body. Apparently, “She’s gained a lot of weight in her arms and her stylist has told her she should not show them off. So her dress now has sleeves when it was sleeveless before.” So that’s why the dress has SLEEVE-GLOVES?! Apparently, “Kanye is annoyed, as the dress is by his best friend Riccardo Tisci at Givenchy, and he feels embarrassed that Kim is messing with a beautiful piece of art.” Well, Kanye doesn’t look happy with her on the carpet, but he hasn’t looked happy with her in a while.

Obviously, there are a lot of problems with this dress, but really, people… it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. The floral fabric looks like a 1980s couch, the built-in gloves are giving her hands an “optical illusion” vibe, and I wish her hair was different. But still. It could have been way worse.

PS… OMG, her shoes are made from the same fabric. The Met Gala is not a bridesmaid convention!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

HAHAHAHAHA. OMG. Oh, this is just too funny. First of all, Kristen Stewart went to the Met Gala last night… and Robert Pattinson did NOT. There were widespread rumors and reports that this would be their first non-Twilight red carpet together, but it looks like Rob didn’t give a f—k. Which is kind of funny because Rob just got an incredibly lucrative contract with Dior, and I bet Dior would have loved to have on the carpet too.

But here’s something else funny: Kristen is the star of her second ad campaign with Balenciaga. Balenciaga just hired Alexander Wang as their head designer, and Wang is definitely Team Liberty Ross. So Kristen didn’t even both wearing Balenciaga on the carpet. She wore this FUG FUG FUG Stella McCartney jumpsuit. OMG. I know a lot of you are like “No, Marchesa will always be the pinnacle of all that is awful in the fashion industry” and while you make a valid point, Stella McCartney is the worst. Always. She’s worse because A-list celebrities treat her fashion sense like it’s not terrible. Anyway, Kristen’s onesie is terrible, of course. It looks like she’s wearing a diaper. OH AND STOP SLOUCHING.

And because they are the same (!!), here’s Ashley Greene in Marchesa. YES. This is terrible too, obviously. But somehow I don’t think it’s WORSE than what Kristen is slouching around in.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

I haven’t looked through ALL of the Met Gala photos, but from what I’ve seen, very few celebrities really had fun with the “Punk: From Chaos to Couture” theme. I’m not sure if Anne Hathaway qualifies? Anne came as a guest of Valentino – she’s ALL about Valentino these days, Valentino designed her wedding dress, she wears a lot of Valentino on red carpets, and she came close to wearing a Valentino gown for the Oscars. This particular Valentino gown is nothing special (ugh, feathers), but it acts as a blank canvas (sort of) for her dramatic hair change: Annie’s a blonde now! I don’t know if this was just something she did to be “punk” or whatever and she’ll change it in a week. It’s a pretty dramatic change for just the Met Gala, you know?

Who does Blonde Annie remind you of? I can’t put my finger on it. There’s some January Jones there. Maybe some young Brigitte Nielsen? While the blonde doesn’t suit Anne, it’s really not as bad as I thought it would be. It does make her look less princess-y and more edgy.

Guess who else radically changed up their hair for the Met Gala? Nicole Richie. Nicole went for (temporary?) white-blue-grey and a really dark fake-tan. She wore Topshop. Can I just say? I actually love this dress. This might be one of my favorite dresses that I’ve seen so far. As for her overall look – I like that she tried something different and visually interesting for the punk theme.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Guess who else wore Givenchy, just like Beyonce and Kim Kardashian? MADONNA. Are they the same level of celebrity? Ugh. Anyway, let’s talk about Madonna. Let’s talk about this look and Madonna’s insistence on showing up at the Met Gala every year, even though she’s “fallen out” with the cool kids, like Gwyneth, et al. I think Madonna is just throwing it in everybody’s faces at this point. I think the Met Gala is just her chance to shine and be a famewhore and have fun and get attention. They say that she arrived AFTER Beyonce, which is a pretty big deal considering Beyonce was the co-chair.

As for Madonna’s look… it was punk, I guess. The wig is fug, the outfit is funny and my favorite part is the crucifix hanging off of her butt. What do you want from her? She’s Madge. If she doesn’t show some butt cheek at a punk-themed event, who will?

Gwen Stefani could have showed some butt cheek and I think many of us would have expected it. But Gwen kind of didn’t know where to go, I think. She lives a pretty punk life as a rock star, so she tried to mix that with some glamour in this Maison Martin Margiela dress, and I’m not sure she succeeded. It’s not bad, and I think she really thought about the theme, but it’s more boring than I was expecting.

And just for a laugh, here’s Miranda Kerr in Michael Kors. For Kerr, punk = abs? I think she looks really dumb.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Beyonce was one of the most photographed women at last night’s Met Gala. Probably because she was the co-chair, I guess. And probably because, from the looks of it, she posed the longest and the hardest on the red carpet. She wanted to make sure every photographer got every angle on her ensemble. Like Kim Kardashian (HA), Beyonce wore Givenchy. And like Kim, everything was very matchy-matchy – matching dress and gloves and boots. I don’t know what’s happened with the house of Givenchy – responsible for many of Audrey Hepburn’s most iconic looks – but I honestly wondered, “Huh, is this House of Dereon?”

So, let’s talk about it. Is this punk? Eh. It doesn’t work on the “punk” level at all, nor does it work on the “well, at least it’s a pretty dress” level either. The combination of a sequined, cropped bustier with belt and the “paisley fire!” fabric just seems kind of trashy and the whole thing – like Kim’s look – is just too matchy-matchy. I think the dress would have been more interesting if she paired it with straight-up black leather dominatrix boots and straight-up black leather gloves. That would have been a more interesting look at least. But this is just so… yeah, House of Dereon.

I don’t know where Jay-Z was? He was probably there, but I guess he didn’t walk the carpet with Bey.

Photos courtesy of Andres Otero/WENN.

It’s not that I think Gwyneth Paltrow’s pink Valentino gown is the worst. It’s far from the worst. It’s just that… I expect more from her, I think. This gown seems like she was phoning it in at last night’s Met Gala. I don’t understand how a self-respecting (self-adoring, actually) Fashion Girl wears this to a punk-themed Met Gala. You know what it is? Four or five years ago, if Gwyneth had to go to a major fashion event with a punk theme, she would have gone all out and punked-out. But now that she’s a lifestyle maven trying to appeal to middle-America moms, she feels she can’t go that far. So she plays it safe in an ugly pink Valentino. Goop, you disappoint me.

Also disappointing? Carey Mulligan in this completely blah Balenciaga. It’s a cute dress, it looks okay on her, and it would have been perfectly suitable for one of the premieres or screenings of The Great Gatsby, but it looks out of place for the Met Gala. She looks miserable too. What’s up with her lately? She always looks like she’s about to cry.

And what the hell is Anna Wintour wearing? This is Chanel. And it’s not punk at all.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sarah Jessica Parker was one of the decked out guests at last night’s Met Costume Institute Gala, the theme of which was “Punk from chaos to couture.” It was all about how the punk movement had influenced fashion, and few designers really captured that, in my opinion. In the livestream from the red carpet on Vogue.com (which you can watch there, it’s still available, also the Fug Girls liveblogged it!), they interspersed the interviews with pre-taped segments with designers like Ricardo Tisci of Givenchy. The designers kept saying “pink is the color of punk,” which sounded ridiculous to me. Isn’t black the color of punk? It sounded like an excuse to create the same old gowns, although there were notable exceptions.

Out of all of last night’s ladies, I give Sarah Jessica Parker props for really trying to work it, for trying to capture both high fashion and punk in her look. She was in an abstract print Giles Deacon dress paired with custom-made Louboutin velvet plaid shoes and a custom Phillip Treacy headdress. Some may say she looked ridiculous, but given the theme of the night she nailed it. She also looked like she was having a lotof fun. Her date was Hamish Bowles, the International editor of Vogue.

In contrast, here’s Ashley Olsen looking like a yellow ghost in vintage Dior. This is not punk, this is just some bizarre fairy dream. How does this dress even translate to the theme? (We don’t have pics of Mary-Kate, you can see her equally baffling look here.)

Emmy Rossum was in Donna Karan Atelier. This is a lovely princess dress which would be stunning at a big red carpet event, but again it’s not “punk” per se. Maybe they tried to capture that with her updo and heavy makeup. It’s kind of a miss for this event, but for anything else it would be lovely.

Nina Dobrev wore this kind of amazing Monique Lhuillier black lace bustier pantsuit with a tulle skirt and leather underbra. The outfit was very spot-on for the event, and I would have liked to see her punk it up a little with some daring shoes and more risky hair and makeup. It’s a little too “pretty” but still one of my favorites.

Photo credit: WENN.com and FameFlynet

I was wondering if anyone besides Kristen Stewart would wear Stella McCartney, and here we go. I should have figured that Cameron Diaz would go with Stella – that whole group of girls (Camy, Goop, Kate Hudson) are all tight with Stella. So what did Stella make Cameron wear? A giant, figure-covering blue… thing. I don’t even want to call this a dress. It’s awful. Like the pope’s vestments with a built-in cape…? She looks like Monk Smurf. And that spiked belt? That’s Cameron’s version of a chastity belt. You can’t hug her. At all. I wonder if she poked anyone last night? I wonder if she drew blood?

Diane Kruger wore Chanel. Not punk. But not bad. I mean, she’s beautiful and she makes everything look good. She and Joshua seemed subdued on the carpet though, and there are hardly any photos of them.

Kate Bosworth in Balmain. This makes me sad. It’s like she didn’t even try. Again, this would have been cute at a movie premiere, but it’s not “big” enough for the Met Gala.

Marion Cotillard wore Dior (like Jennifer Lawrence). Marion looks really pissed off about it too. She should be – this dress is so boring and it’s just… blah. Nothing.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Call me crazy, but I actually like Jennifer Lopez’s Met Gala look. No, it’s not punk. At all. And I’m surprised to find out that it’s Michael Kors, because Kors has been phoning it in, design-wise, for a while. But I actually think J.Lo looks good here. Think about it – Jennifer is covered up yet still showing her crazy body. The cut of the gown is clingy yet perfect. The reptilian vibe of the pattern really works. And Jennifer paid homage to the punk theme with big hair, I guess. Yeah, I really like this. I think this works so much better for the Met Gala than, say, Gwyneth’s dumb pink dress. Oh, and Casper Smart was there. Which sort of negates all of the nice things I just said about Jennifer. Ugh.

Speaking of disappointing couples, Gisele and Tom Brady were at the Met Gala, like always, although Gisele looked like she was about to go clubbing in Miami. Gisele wore an Anthony Vacarello minidress. I mean… for a premiere, or for a party or something, it would have been fine. It’s a sexy little mini and she has a crazy body. But for the Met Gala? It just seems kind of trashy. And I don’t know if I should even speak to whatever is going on with Tom Brady. I think Gisele just dresses him up like he’s her personal Ken doll.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I was all prepared to make Stacy Keibler the lead girl for this post until I saw the mess that is Jessica Pare. Jessica plays Megan Draper on Mad Men, remember? And Jessica is trying to make this “Fashion Girl” thing happen, so she’s been doing more and more fashion events over the past two years. Jessica wore Jason Wu – one of her favorite designers – to the Met Gala last night. Sigh… ugh.

I had been sitting here, wondering if anyone had the temerity to actually wear pants to the Met Gala, and now I’m sorry for wondering. I don’t know if Jason Wu collaborated with Jessica on this look, or if she was like, “Hey, let’s cut the skirt off of this terrible dress and I’ll wear it with pants!” Whatever happened in the design process was a complete failure. And I will give her no credit for trying to “make it work” by matching her eyeshadow. NO CREDIT.

Here’s my girlfriend Doutzen Kroes in Theyskens Theory. It’s not the best, and it’s FAR from the worst. I actually kind of like it and I wonder why Gisele wasn’t wearing it.

Lena Dunham in Erdem. This is so boring for her. Ugh.

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Calvin Klein. This is awful. I love Maggie, but this is awful. Her breasts need more support, and the flutter detail on the bust makes her boobs look lumpy. And I’m not entirely sold on her pixie cut either.

Stacy Keibler in Rachel Roy. Blah. The dress is nothing special, but the shoes are God-awful.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.