Oooohhhh, Maxim is mean! The writers there actually had enough time (and malice) to come up with a list of the top five unsexiest women. Topping the list was Sarah Jessica Parker… not exactly a big surprise. I don’t find her totally gross, but she is rather… equine. I was watching an old episode of “Family Guy” the other day that had to do with censorship on television, and one of the characters said, “”What the hell! They let Sarah Jessica Parker’s face on TV and she looks like a foot!” So there you go. How much can I say about someone not being very attractive? She still looks better than I probably do. So with that crushing blow to my ego, here’s the list:

Sex & the City star Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the world’s unsexiest woman by Maxim magazine. ”How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with ’sex’ in the title?” the magazine said. In the runner-up position is the beehived singer Amy Winehouse, because of her ”openly haemorrhaging translucent skin, rat’s nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats.”

On the small screen, Grey’s Anatomy star Sandra Oh came third and Madonna, ”with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull”, was fourth, Britney Spears, took last place in the Unsexy 5. ”Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. “Since then, she’s lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of … pudge.”

[From The Age]

I think working at Maxim must be one of the most indulgent jobs out there. You sit around looking at beautiful women, and talk smack about any of them that are physically less than perfect. But it’s not exactly hard to make fun of Sarah Jessica. My ex-boyfriend and I had an entire two and a half year relationship built on a mutual hatred of Prince, Smashmouth, and the agreement that neither of us would ever want to sleep with Sarah Jessica Parker. Granted that as much of a stretch for me as it was for him, but I respected his taste, nonetheless. Really, I don’t think she’s actually that unattractive, just a bit less of a conventional beauty, in Hollywood terms.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s the unsexiest, in unsexiest order. Because I’m sure you wanted to see more grimy Whitney Bears pics, huh?

I know yesterday I said that I wouldn’t watch the Sex and the City movie in the theater and I stand by that. I would watch it half for the shockingly bad couture anyway, and we’re getting plenty of that from the paparazzi pictures.

Splash News calls Sarah Jessica Parker a “corpse bride,” while describing these pictures and although I wouldn’t be that harsh I have to say the pointy details over the bustline do manage to emphasize her clavicles and make her look old. Add that giant blue feather on the side of her veil and she’s positively witchy.

There weren’t any pictures of Big that I could find, and I looked through photos from three different agencies. It’s possible they were just filming the outside scenes and he didn’t need to be there, or maybe Carrie is marrying someone else. While we think they’re giving away the plot by filming out in the open in NY, maybe they’re deliberately making some things unclear.

Sex and the City was – and still is – one of my favourite guilty pleasures on television. Even if by the time it screened in Australia the fashions were very last season. Doing my nails in front of Grey’s Anatomy just isn’t the same. So I’m pretty excited about the movie, and as hard as I tried to resist temptation, I read the spoilers.

Sporting a large baby bump and laden with shopping bags, Kristin Davis’s character and Mr Big, played by Chris Noth, get into a heated argument outside a restaurant. An outraged Charlotte takes to him with her shopping bags.

(Has Big been busted dining with a lady other than Carrie?)

Charlotte’s waters break during the slinging match and — sparing no thought for what a woman’s waters will do to luxury car upholstery — Mr Big ushers Charlotte into his car for the trip to the hospital.

In other plot news, Sarah Jessica Parker’s (SJP) character Carrie goes flat hunting with Mr Big after the pair agree to move in together.

ninemsn.com.au

I’m not sure how careful the movie is going to pick up where the series left off – and will it all be tied into a nice little bundle at the end? I sort of liked the ending, as it wasn’t a fairytale, like they were real people who would keep on living.

For those of you who can’t remember the season finale, Carrie and Big were reunited in Paris after she split with sexy Russian Aleksander Petrovsky. Big’s real name was revealed to be John.

Miranda was married to Steve and living in Brooklyn with his mother and their baby.

Charlotte married Harry and they were adopting a baby from China.

And Samantha found true love with Smith Jerrod, after beating breast cancer.

The movie has already begun filming, but Kim Cattrall’s feud with Sarah Jessica Parker may be back on again, after she stormed out of a party to celebrate the start of filming the movie. Hopefully they’ll catch some of their fights on film for the DVD extras.

Thanks to Splash News for the header image of Big and Carrie kissing, which was taken on set.

Playing hard to get for once worked for Samantha. Kim Cattrall, long-rumored to be the sole holdout on the upcoming “Sex and the City” movie, signed up for the film now confirmed to be in the works only after her demands were met.

She’s now getting equal pay and equal screen time with lead star Sarah Jessica Parker. She’ll also get the same treatment on set:

After repeatedly refusing to sign on the dotted line since the TV series ended in 2004, Cattrall stubbornly held out and won what seemed like her impossible dream when producers finally caved and gave her 1) equal salary, 2) equal billing and 3) the same onscreen time as star Sarah Jessica Parker! Kick-ass Kim even negotiated an “equal perks” rider - insisting on a top-of-the-line dressing trailer identical to Sarah Jessica’s, plus an exclusive dream team of hair and makeup artists!

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, July 30, 2007]

It has also been reported that Cattrall even worked out a deal with HBO for a new series!

This was a decent show, but when it finally comes out is it going to do well at the box office? According to IMDB it doesn’t start filming until the fall of this year so it will be some time before it finally comes out.

Will any of you guys go see it? I enjoyed the show occassionally, and could relate to it when I was single and lived near NY. To me it got kind of old though, and at this point I don’t really care what happens to these characters. I don’t know if this show has the kind of cult following needed to give it a decent draw in theaters four or five years after it wrapped, but maybe that’s just because it didn’t resonate with me.

Good for Cattrall for getting equal pay and perks with Parker, though. I hope that Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon aren’t too far behind, because without either of them it wouldn’t be the same, either. Woman can probably identify more with their characters’ normalcy than either sexaholic Samantha or shopaholic Carrie.

Valentino celebrated his 45th anniversary as a top designer with a star-studded three day affair in Rome this weekend to the tune of over $10 million. Celebrities including Uma Thurman, Claire Danes, Sarah Jessica Parker, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Hudson, Liz Hurley, Eva Mendes, Claudia Schiffer, Joan Collins, Rupert Everett, and Guan Yin attended a fashion show, exhibition, dinner, and gala ball in honor of the famed designer.

The bash kicked off on Friday with a gala dinner in the 2nd century Temple of Venus in the shadow of the Colosseum.

Valentino, 75, spent a reported £135,000 restoring the ancient monument built by the Emperor Hadrian and flew in royal florist Rob Van Helden from London to bedeck columns with garlands of flowers.

He also launched an exhibition of his creations in the city’s Ara Pacis museum with examples of his coveted designs showcased behind bulletproof glass.

Visitors were greeted by a giant red glass cube encasing one of his earlier dresses, then led along a walkway featuring 300 of his designs in red, black and white on mannequins.

The collection included sequined and ruffled gowns worn by the likes of Audrey Hepburn after Valentino opened his first boutique in Rome in the 1960s.

On Saturday a 1,000-strong audience watched him unveil his latest collection of 61 outfits in the medieval Santo Spirito in Sassia church near the Vatican.

The opulent bash continued with a lavish party in the grounds of historic Villa Borghese and the launch of his new perfume, Rock’n'Rose Couture.

[From The Daily Mail]

While the 74 year-old Valentino has not mentioned that he’s retiring, his fashion house was taken over by a private equity group in May, with the handover to be finished sometime this summer. His partner said that everything would continue as usual under the new owners, but the equity group that has acquired the firm is known for cost-cutting and are expected to reign in Valentino’s excessive spending. At least he’ll always have Rome.

Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.

The Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art held a ball last night to celebrate the opening of an exhibit on British design. Sienna Miller, wearing an awful gold sequined minidress and black tights, served as co-chair for the event.

The guy dressed like a cabaret pirate posing with Charlize Theron is Dior designer John Galiano. He’s responsible for her monstrosity of an Oscar gown with the giant shoulder bow. Sienna Miller is shown with Christopher Bailey, Burberry’s creative director.

We have over 100 pictures from the event. Stars and designers attending include Alexander McQueen, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, John Galliano, Charlize Theron, Lindsay Lohan, Victoria Beckham, Emmy Rossum, Eva Mendes, Gisele Bundchen, Gretchen Mol, Jessica Alba, Josh Hartnett, Lenny Kravitz, Donatella Versace, Rupert Everett, Linda Evangelista and Amber Valetta, Jessica Alba, Marcia Gay Harden, Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Melania Trump, Donald Trump, Molly Sims, Rosario Dawson, Scarlett Johansson, Stella McCartney, Amanda Peet, Andre Leon Talley, Naomi Campbell, Angela Lindvall, Angie Harmon, Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day, Bridget Moynahan, Tom Brady, Chloe Sevigny, Ciara, Dita Von Teese and Marliyn Manson, Drew Barrymore, Elizabeth Hurley, Erin O’Connor, Matthew Williamson, Eve, Gina Gershon, Ginnifer Goodwin, Ivana Trump, Jacquetta Wheeler, Jason Lewis, Jessica Stam, John Legend, Johnny Rotten, Josh Lucas, Joy Bryant, Julia Stegner, Iselin Steiro, Karolina Kurkova, Lily Cole, Lauren Bush, Lily Donaldson, Gemma Ward, Liv Tyler, Francisco Costa, Lydia Hearst, Mandy Moore, Minnie Driver, Nick Cannon, Petra Nemcova, Rachel Roy, Damon Dash, Ralph Fiennes, Richard Gere, Cary Lowell, Thandie Newton, Selma Blair, Shalom Harlow, Sienna Miller, Christopher Bailey, designer for Burberry, Zooey Deschanel, Sophie Dahl, Ivanka Trump, Mark Ruffalo, Taye Diggs, Idima Menzel, and Sarah Wynter.

Sarah Jessica Parker has slammed Hollywood for making movies for dumb teen audiences:

Parker, your last film was totally panned as insipid and predictable, and the one before that wasn’t too much better. It’s not like you’re making thoughtful art films so who are you to complain about the industry that made you rich? Maybe you’re trying to make excuses for starring in terrible films. You’re starting to sound like Gwyneth Paltrow and should zip it.

Here’s Parker with her husband, Matthew Broderick at “The American Theatre Wing’s Annual Spring Gala Honoring Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane,” on April 10th and at the Fragrance FIFI awards on April 3rd. Maybe Dr. Ruth can help her mend her lousy relationship with some old fashioned loving.

Sarah Jessica Parker, 41, had to have her feet digitally enhanced for her terrible film “Failure to Launch” because years of wearing heels has left them hideously deformed:

Sarah herself isn’t faring too well either, as evidenced by these candids taken on Friday in New York. No offense to her three year-old son, James.

Parker recently ruled out a Sex and the City reunion, and may have ruled out her marriage to Matthew Broderick as well.

Pictures [via]

Four more including Parker’s son after the jump.

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Sarah Jessica Parker thinks her husband can do better. She recently said that she fears she’s “holding him back.” Isn’t that what people say when they need an excuse to leave?:

So she’s sick of him, she thinks he’s cheating, or she’s cheating and wants an excuse. Either way, there’s something wrong with their marriage.

Parker, 40, and Broderick, 43, have been together since 1992 and have been married for 9 years. They have a three year-old son, James. In a January, 2005 interview Parker revealed that she works hard on her marriage, and that she does practically everything for Broderick:

It sounds like Parker is sick of waiting on Broderick hand and foot for 14 years and wants out.

Matthew McConaughey was said to be wearing a gold band on his left ring finger in his Wednesday morning appearance on “Live with Regis and Kelly.” This comes after speculation that his girlfriend of a year, Penelope Cruz, is pregnant. McConaughey wore a ring on his right hand to the “Failure to Launch” premiere. Life and Style reported that McConaughy was sporting a wedding ring a week ago, but they used a horizontally flipped photo to prove it.

Salma Hayek showed up at the “Failure to Launch” after party in New York last night. She looks gorgeous as always. We just wish Penelope could have made it.

Three more after the jump.

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