I don’t even know. Life & Style has a sketchy history with their cover stories about Angelina Jolie and Shiloh. It began in 2010, when Shiloh got her little bob haircut and everyone freaked out because bob haircuts = lesbianism, obviously. And God knows, little girls should ONLY have long hair. There was significant backlash against Life & Style for basically declaring that Shiloh was a lesbian (because of her hair), but that didn’t stop the tabloid from running several more covers in the same vein, meaning that Shiloh has been “manipulated” into her tomboy lifestyle by her EVIL, horrible mother, Angelina. And now this – photos came out a few days ago of Angelina and the kids at the Farmer’s Market – see them here. Shiloh was working a new, shorter haircut. Which, obviously, is the direct result of Angelina’s awful parenting, which has obviously caused Shiloh’s lesbianism. Of course.

Shiloh shows no signs of changing her obsession with being a little boy and while Angeline thinks it’s great, is Brad worried about bullying?

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt showed off the cut while out with her siblings and mother, Angelina Jolie, on January 22. In the August issue of Vanity Fair, Angelina explains the short style, saying, “She wants to be a boy. So we had to cut her hair. She likes to wear boys’ everything. She thinks she’s one of the brothers.”

While Angelina seems all for the look, Life & Style reports that sources say Brad Pitt is concerned that other children will tease Shiloh. Poor Brad, it must be so hard for a parent to have to be concerned about his child being bullied!

[From Hollywood Life]

Yes, Brad is so concerned! He’s the good parent, you see. And when he finally leaves Angelina, he’ll bring Shiloh to Jennifer Aniston, and Aniston will magically convince Shiloh to wear her hair longer, and instantly, Shiloh will no longer be a lesbian! HUZZAH.

Seriously, though – LEAVE SHAX ALONE. She’s doing her own thing, Montenegro Style. The kid has an excess of personality, which speaks to her parents creating an environment in which their kids’ individuality can flourish.

Cover courtesy of Hollywood Life, WENN, Fame.

The tabloids are full of Jolie-Pitt stories this week, but I’m only going to cover a few of them. The Enquirer has three different stories, all of which I don’t care for. One is about Angelina currently being 3 months pregnant, but that she and Brad have decided not to tell anyone because she’s so underweight. There’s another one about the kids not being allowed to swear which… meh. And yet another one about the family’s trip to Las Vegas to see the Cirque du Soleil show, and how the kids were all acting like brats, acting rowdy and making a mess. That one seems the most likely – the Enquirer even has photos of kids at the show, and they look squirmy and there’s popcorn all over the place.

But really, this is my favorite story of the week. In Touch Weekly (I know, I know) claims that Shiloh is so obsessed with being like her brothers, she wants to change her name from Shiloh to Shax. OMG. Shax Jolie-Pitt. It’s perfect.

What’s in a name? A lot, if you’re 5-year-old Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. The famous tomboy – who prefers to play rough with her older brothers than play dolls with her sisters – has taken her gamine ways to new extremes, asking her parents, Brad Pitt and Angelina, to call her Shax.

Why Shax? She wants to be just like her brothers, Maddox, Pax and Knox, whose names all end in the letter “X”. A childhood friend of Shiloh’s mom isn’t one bit surprised.

“Angelina was also a tomboy,” the friend tells In Touch. “She changed her name to Vince when she was the same age.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Vince Jolie and her tomboy daughter Shax. It does make sense! I wonder if Angelina is ever like, “Yeah, my mom put a curse on me, I have a daughter that is JUST LIKE ME.” Marcheline got the last laugh. Shiloh is a fun, wild kid, just like Angelina. Let’s hope that Shiloh does have quite the difficult trajectory that Angelina had throughout her teen years (and into her early 20s). But I have faith that like Angelina, Shiloh will figure her life out. And until then, I think Brad and Angelina have the right idea: just let their kids be kids. Let Shax be Shax.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.

There are lots of tabloid stories about the Jolie-Pitt children this week, for whatever reason. Most of the stories are pretty dumb and/or completely unreliable, but there are a few gems of hilarity. First, one of the more reliable stories: according to Life & Style, Knox and Vivienne (who are three-years-old) are now enrolled in school! While Brad is finishing up the interminable World War Z in Budapest, L&S claims that Viv and Knox were enrolled in the Lycée Français Gustave Eiffel. It’s the same school that the older kids were enrolled in last winter and spring, when Angelina was shooting In the Land of Blood and Honey. A source tells L&S, “The twins are really excited that they’re finally in preschool. They have long seen the other kids pack up and head off to school and yearned to be a part of it all. Now they can finally join them!” But… it would be preschool, correct? It’s not like three-year-olds go to school all day like the older kids, right?

Next story, from In Touch Weekly, of course. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a story about how Angelina Jolie is a TERRIBLE mother who abandons her children:

The Jolie-Pitt family have been living in Hungary while Brad Pitt works on his new film World War Z, but the actor put everything aside to care for his youngest daughter!

According to In Touch, Brad and Angelina rushed Vivienne to a Hungarian hospital for a stomach bug. Angelina Jolie took her daughter to the hospital, but then she had to go to Libya for a UN humanitarian mission — leaving Brad to take care of his sick child!

Always the doting father, Brad cared for Vivienne, in addition to her five brothers and sisters, while Angelina was away. In Touch reports that Brad was exhausted and stressed without Angelina’s help — he is “cracking under the pressure” while Angelina travels.

The family will likely be in Hungary through Christmas, so we hope little Vivienne is feeling better!

[From Holly Baby]

Did this really happen? Eh. I bet Vivienne probably did get sick, and maybe they did go to the hospital. I’ll buy that Viv was even sick just days before Angelina’s trip to Libya. But I doubt Angelina would have “abandoned” one of her children if they were really, really sick. Or maybe she would and she just figured that Brad could handle it and her plane tickets were non-refundable or whatever.

And now, to end it with the funny story – once again, this comes from In Touch. They claim that Shiloh J-P and Kingston Rossdale are in the midst of some kind of epic romance. They were born within days of each other, and they moms (Angelina and Gwen Stefani) have “played matchmaker” and encouraged the love affair between the two five-and-a-half-year-olds. That’s probably why Angelina and Gwen met up for a playdate in London – they were allowing love to blossom. A source tells the mag, “Shiloh and Kingston love playing the same games, watching the same movies and even dressing up in the same silly costumes.” And they have a “very special bond” and Skype when they’re not in the same city. Is it weird that I think Kingston might be more into Empress Z?

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

These photos are so cute! Fame Pictures claims that Zahara, Shiloh and Knox are all present in these photos, but all I see are Z, Shiloh and some of their little friends who are not Jolie-Pitts. Anyway, Shiloh, Z and their gang went to the London Eye today. I love when the Jolie-Pitts do touristy things, I really do. For today’s trip, neither Brad nor Angelina went with the girls – they seem to have a nanny-type with them, and it seems like the mother of one of the other children was there too.

Between Zahara and Shiloh, I think Shiloh is the one most likely to get into some serious trouble. You can see her swinging on something, and you can just tell she’s itching to compete for who can swing the furthest or something. Zahara is just taking it all in, and I’d be willing to bet that as the older sister, one of Z’s main duties in life is making sure that Shiloh doesn’t run off and do something crazy. Also: look at Shi’s Montenegro Style! It’s not so much Montenegro style as it is Mr. Rogers style. Shi likes pants and boy shorts and old-man cardigans. She likes a good Tony Soprano-style golf shirt. Shi dresses like a cross between Mr. Rogers and a New Jersey mobster on his day off.

The London Eye must be a lot of fun for kids – if they’re not afraid of heights. I would think it’s terrifying if you’re afraid of heights. Z and Shi don’t appear to be afraid of anything. Now, I’ve been accused of making Zahara sound too badass, but in my defense, the little girl is badass. Look at her face! She’s all, “Yeah, I’m a tourist. What are you looking at?”

Photos courtesy of Fame.

In case you missed it yesterday, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie walked the red carpet for the morning premiere of Kung Fu Panda 2 in Los Angeles. Jolie wore black Michael Kors, Brad wore head-to-toe SAND. It was all lovely. But not as lovely as these photos – apparently, Brangelina brought their older kids to the premiere! Shiloh got done up in a little vest, tie and pants, and she was more dressed up than her dad. I love this little girl. I love that Brad and Angelina are like, “You want to wear a vest and tie to the premiere? Awesome!” Sidenote: Angelina slipped on a comfortable black SACK/poncho!!! Huzzah!

Meanwhile, Maddox is starting to get tall! He’s starting to be a big kid now. Pax is just kind of there (I know he’s a favorite of some commenters, but his style never really impresses me). And my favorite, The Empress, was shooting the stink-eye at everyone. And she was rocking the hell out of some awesome pink booties. I guess all of the kids at the premiere got those little drinks, it was probably some marketing tie-in with the film soon to be seen at Burger King or whatever.

All of the kids were in France with their parents at the Cannes Film Festival, but they weren’t photographed once. Angelina had to confirm her kids’ presences at the KFP 2 press conference: “Yes, we’re all in France. Our whole family is in France, and we’re very happy. They’re running around the hotel now, playing games and making a giant mess! I’m sure they’re having a great time. They love it here.” At the LA premiere, Jolie told Us Weekly that she is able to balance her work and her family life “Like every woman does in life. I think we just take time to do all the things we love. If you love what you do, and I’m very blessed that I love my job, and I love to do charity work and I love to be with my kids, so you find time. You’re not exhausted by it if you’re passionate.” Here’s video from the premiere:

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Last week, Chaz Bono got a lot of attention when he answered a question about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s daughter Shiloh. Chaz said: “I would love to talk to them at some point… to at least let them know we have this resource for them if they ever need it. People get too freaked out about kids and what to do with kids. If you just let kids do what they need to do they usually have the right idea.” People kind of overreacted to Chaz’s statement, but in the defense of those people, Chaz shouldn’t have even gone there. Shiloh isn’t even 5 years old yet, and she just has a cute little pageboy haircut and she dresses like a tomboy and she thinks her brothers are the coolest people on earth. This is not about gender identity. This is about a little girl marching to the beat of her own drummer.

Anyway, OK! Magazine has a story based on quotes from an “insider” claiming to know what Angelina said and thought about Chaz’s comments. Yeah… it’s probably a fake story, but it surprises me that Angelina could get through all of those Cannes interviews without anyone asking about it:

Angelina Jolie fumed when she was told that Chaz Bono had spoken about her daughter Shiloh in an interview.

“Angie really feels that her kids are off-limits,” says an insider. “People have been openly discussing Shiloh’s sexuality for a while, simply because she dresses like a tomboy. It’s ridiculous. She’s not even 5 and she’s already labeled as having a gender crisis? It’s upsetting to them – it would be to any parent.”

Angelina resents the attention Shiloh’s tomboy ways have attracted.

“The way she sees it is that it’s perfectly normal for little girls to be tomboys when they’re that age,” says an insider.

Experts say Angie has the right attitude.

“Tomboys generally don’t want to be boys – they just don’t want to be girly,” says Dr. Vicki Panaccione, a child psychologist and the founder of the Better Parenting Institute. “It’s more a desire to engage in activities traditionally considered for boys, and a disinterest in playing out feminine roles. However, this does not mean that they don’t eventually want to be women; they just may not be as feminine or interested in girl things.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition]

This quote bothered me: “The way she sees it is that it’s perfectly normal for little girls to be tomboys when they’re that age.” It’s perfectly normal for girls to be tomboys when they’re ANY age. Just because teenage or adult women wear pants, have short hair and/or play sports, that doesn’t make them any less than “normal” for the love of God. I also don’t think “Angie really feels that her kids are off-limits.” I think Angelina is aware that people say stupid crap about her kids, and she deals with it by simply defending her kids or ignoring the criticism. Go back to her Vogue interview last year – she didn’t pull the “no one should talk about my children” angle, she just made it sound like Shiloh is just a cool, wonderful little girl with Montenegro Styles, WHICH SHE IS.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

Angelina Jolie took her four oldest kids out for some New York shopping on Tuesday. They went to Lee’s Art Store – again. That’s where Brad and Angelina took the twins a few days ago. The Empress is wearing a fabulous little black coat, obviously taking style tips from mom (the black, and the coat porn), while Shiloh seems especially eager to ham it up for the cameras in… whatever kind of get-up this is. Some are saying Nutcracker. Some are saying pirate. I’m leaning more towards one of those British guards, you know? The ones that can’t move when they’re on duty. All Shiloh needs is a big furry black hat. Which I’m sure she’s got at home. My favorites of the photos are where Shiloh is hamming it up big-time and the Empress cracks up. Z has such a beautiful smile – I sometimes forget that because I love her little bitchface so much.

By the way, Johnny Depp sang Angelina and Brad’s praises as parents while walking the red carpet for The Tourist’s premiere. He told E! News: “I was surprised by how down-to-earth she is. After all the, sort of, madness that surrounds their lives, Brad [Pitt] and Angelina, just how beautifully they deal with all the attention [and] chaos. They’re very, very good parents. Great parents. Wonderful people. Down-to-earth. Sweet.” I remember when Depp and Jolie were filming together, The Enquirer ran a funny story about Shiloh being obsessed with Johnny Depp, because of Captain Jack Sparrow. I thought the story was a little silly at the time… but now I’m kind of wondering. Shiloh seems like the spiritual heir to Depp’s eccentricities.

One last thing – apparently, only one photographer grabbed a photo of Brad Pitt squeezing Angelina’s ass at The Tourist premiere. Us Weekly has a good shot here, but here’s a decent pic… you can’t really see the squeeze, though.

More photos of the kids:

Photos courtesy of Fame.

There has been a sighting of the Empress, and her lady-in-waiting Shiloh. This morning, Angelina took her two oldest girls to a Paris aquarium, which sounds like a really fun way to spend a morning. Maybe it’s just me – I love aquariums. Sigh… anyway, the most notable thing about these photos, beyond the obligatory Empress Zahara worship, is that Shiloh is rocking her new zebra-print boots.

On Sunday, People Magazine had a story about Brad and Angelina taking the girls shopping, and the zebra-print boots were mentioned. I was under the impression is was some kind of Christmas-shopping excursion. Maybe it was, and maybe Brad and Angelina are the kind of parents who let their kids have their Christmas presents early. Or maybe Shiloh pitched a fit when she was told that she would have to wait to wear her snazzy zebra boots, and Angelina relented. I guess this means that story about Shiloh getting medieval knight costumes for herself and Knox is probably true as well.

Photos courtesy of Bauer-Griffin.

I don’t know if PopEater’s gossip guy got it right, and Angelina Jolie refuses to allow her family to celebrate Thanksgiving, but the Family Jolie-Pitt did spend the holiday doing somewhat unconventional things. First, Us Weekly reports that the kids spend Thanksgiving on the beach… I don’t know where, as in, what country, but Us Weekly claims the kids went with nannies rather than their parents (one photo here). Additionally, People Magazine reports that Angelina and Brad flew in to Paris with the kids either on Friday or Saturday, and spent part of Saturday shopping for the girls. Empress Zahara approves of black suede boots! Shiloh approves of zebra prints and medieval knight costumes. Take notes.

On the first day of Christmas, my sisters gave to me … a large plastic alligator?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took daughters Zahara and Shiloh holiday shopping in Paris Saturday and it looks like they’ll be able to check quite a few things of their gift list, including pants, pajamas, gloves, sweaters, boots, stuffed animals, knights’ costumes (complete with tunics, swords and shields) and one large green plastic alligator, according to staff at the Bonpoint boutique on rue de Tournon near the Luxembourg Gardens.

“Angelina was great,” an onlooker tells PEOPLE. “She’s patient, and a very hands-on mother, making certain everything fits.”

Pitt was “very agreeable, absolutely polite and excellent with the girls” as well, a store employee says.

In town to promote film projects – Pitt’s Megamind and Jolie’s The Tourist – the couple squeezed in more than an hour of shopping with Zahara, 5, and Shiloh, 4, at the celeb-friendly boutique, where Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba and Michelle Obama have visited.

“[Shiloh] wanted pants and picked out a pair of zebra-patterned boots,” a clerk says of Saturday’s stop.

Zahara, the employee says, chose “black suede boots and a ‘Duchess’ dress.”

The Bonpoint store contains one fun feature which the girls enjoyed: an entire room that holds a child-sized farmhouse with several levels, meandering passages and see-through walls. Both girls played inside, according to a witness, while a laughing Jolie took pictures of her daughters.

Helping Shiloh try on a medieval knight’s tunic, Pitt watched while she playfully waved around a wooden sword and shield. After deciding on both the costume and its accessories, Shiloh told the shop assistant that she wanted two complete sets. “‘One is for me,’ she explained,” the clerk tells PEOPLE. “‘The other is for my brother, Pax.’ ”

Pax may get his presents before the holidays – he turns 7 on Nov. 29.

And the large plastic alligator Shiloh selected at the last minute? “That’s good for Knox,” she told the sales staff.

[From People]

I love the image of Shiloh and the Empress working out their Christmas shopping lists beforehand. Shiloh’s list probably consisted of “COSTUMES!!!” Meanwhile, I get the feeling that Zahara’s list was probably more practical. The Empress was probably like “Maddox needs a scarf. And an iPad.”

Older photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

From the looks of it, every tabloid other than Us Weekly seemed to be phoning it in this week, probably because they knew People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive would be the magazine women picked up at the grocery store. Thus, this week’s tabloid covers are going to be pretty boring – OK! Magazine is running a Twihard fan-fiction story, and now Star is phoning it in with a silly “Suri Cruise vs. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt” story. They released an excerpt, and I’m not really seeing how “the nannies” are telling us anything we don’t already know, except for the whole idea of Suri playing with diamonds. Can you imagine giving a little girl a diamond to play with?

At just four years old, both Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt are already living like Hollywood royalty. But for the little princess and the rough and tumble tomboy, life couldn’t be more different! One plays with diamonds, the other, with dead animals. And who would know better about their polar opposite lives than the people who care for them?

In the Nov. 29 issue of Star, on sale now, insiders from the Cruise and Brangie camps reveal the most intimate and shocking secrets of Suri and Shiloh’s totally different lives.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter Suri “never hears the word ‘no,’ from a nanny or anyone else,” a source explains. Whether it’s a priceless diamond tiara or cupcakes at midnight, spoiled Suri’s wish is her overworked staff’s command!

But taking care of tomboy Shiloh, the daughter of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, presents a different set of challenges. Though she’s a sweet girl with a heart of gold, Shiloh has a serious mischievous streak that often gets the better of her. As we report in this week’s issue, the wild child collects dead animals, plays childish pranks on unsuspecting nannies and cuts the heads of sister Zahara’s dolls! “She was playing cowboys and Indians once and she said she had to scalp them,” an insider reveals. “Brad made her apologize.”

[From Star Magazine]

Shiloh learned about scalping from Brad! She watched Inglorious Basterds and she screamed “I learned it from watching you, DAD!” Also: Shiloh cuts the heads off Empress Z’s dolls?!? The Empress is not pleased with this. The Empress shall bide her royal time and then Her Serene Highness shall order Minion Knox to do something absolutely horrible to Shiloh’s beloved, dead, stuffed pet bird.

Star Mag cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics courtesy of Bauer-Griffin & Fame.