I will not discuss Penelope Cruz’s hair in this post. I’ve already discussed my feelings on Penelope’s ever-changing bangs (trauma) situation here and here. I’ll just say that for the Pirates of the Caribbean 4 photo call early Saturday in Cannes, there were no bangs. And then they magically appeared for the Cannes premiere, hours later. I will, however, talk about Penelope’s dress. This junk is… just tacky. It’s Marchesa, obviously. I guess Marchesa’s designer, Georgina Chapman (wife of Harvey Weinstein), just built an entire collection of budget, unflattering, trashy-looking lace dresses (remember Rachel McAdams?) for the film festival and Harvey encouraged all of the young actresses in his films to wear the designs. Should I try to say something nice? Eh. The color isn’t horrible (but it’s not good either). Other than that, I hate the entire look.

I think Johnny looks really nice, though. I think Johnny and Penelope make such an attractive red carpet couple. They seem very at ease with other, so much so that I wonder where the hell Vanessa Paradis and Javier Bardem are. Maybe Pene and Johnny get some “freebie” time together, huh?

Here are some photos from the photo call earlier in the day. I don’t even like Penelope’s dress here either! It’s Stella McCartney. I hate the way the neck and the shoulders of the dress are cut. I find that style so unflattering on ALL women.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sarah Jessica Parker arrived at the Cannes Film Festival on Friday, and she had a lot of duties. She’s trying to promote her film I Don’t Know How She Does It, which doesn’t come out for months and months. She was also there to be “the American celebrity” at the premiere of a Chinese detective film Wu Xia (which will be called Dragon in America). I think her real reason for showing up at the festival was to show off this Elie Saab dress. It’s certainly unique, isn’t it? I’m not saying that in a crude “It’s so ugly, I’ll just call it ‘unique’” kind of way. This Elie Saab is a great improvement over that tacky, FUBAR Valentino from the other day. While I think this dress has faults – that black lace/netting junk at the too-high neckline, waist and wrists, for one – I appreciate that SJP went for something different. Hey, at least it’s not Marchesa.

The fabric – the patterned silk georgette – of the body of the gown is rather beautiful. I would like to see that fabric used for a sleeveless, long, full-skirted sundress/gown. It would be more appropriate for Cannes, and it would just be prettier overall. Technically, this gown is from Elie Saab’s Autumn/Winter collection, though, which is why it’s long-sleeved.

For another event, SJP stepped out in a doily. The actual dress wasn’t so bad (kind of Miss Havisham, but it’s okay), but then she wrapped a doily around herself. And then there’s the problem with the pearls…hh, SJP. Crazy woman.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

In my mind, I often compare Tilda Swinton to Cate Blanchett. It’s not really fair to either of them, because both are stand-alone talents and impressively capable women. Cate is “the beauty” and Cate’s got all of the interest in style and fashion and she gets more attention overall. Tilda’s a world-class actress who quietly does her work and doesn’t seem to understand the other “parts” of being an actress – wearing pretty clothes and looking great on red carpets and magazines. So why do I compare them? To me, they both seem like aliens. Cate is the alien who has come to earth to charm, to love and be loved. Tilda is the alien who has come to earth to study us and she often fails to “blend in.”

So these are photos of Tilda Swinton’s alien-brain trying to compute what’s happening at the Cannes Film Festival. She’s promoting We Need To Talk About Kevin, a story about… well, it’s based on the book by Lionel Shriver. It’s about…sigh… it’s difficult to put in non-controversial terms. It’s about a boy (Kevin) who kills his classmates and teachers in a Columbine-like massacre. Tilda plays Kevin’s mother. It’s about whether the Kevins of the world are born that way, or whether they are made by their environments. It’s supposed to be an intense movie, and Tilda is already under consideration, nay, a front-runner, for all of the Best Actress awards and nominations. Here are some early reviews of the film from Cannes – go here and here. Here are a couple of (very difficult) clips from the film:

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I published this Angelina Jolie story later in the day yesterday, because I knew I was going to be consumed by NEW JOLIE PHOTOS today. The photo call for Kung Fu Panda 2 has already gone down, and I think Jolie and Brad Pitt are due at the big evening premiere tonight…? Maybe. I’m seeing that the Tree of Life premiere isn’t happening until Monday, and I thought that was happening tonight. Ten bucks says that whenever Jolie appears on an evening red carpet, she’ll be wearing either A) A glittery sack or B) black. No, I shouldn’t be so harsh. For Cannes, Angelina sometimes tries something new. Fingers crossed that Angelina wears something awesome.

As for La Jolie at the KFP 2 photo call – she looked nice. Her skin looked great (her skin has been looking amazing for months now). Her hair was okay (not great but not bad). And she wore a glorious beige sack and cinched it with a belt. PRAISE IT. Here are some quotes from Angelina at the KFP press conference:

On violence in KFP2 and showing her kids violent films: “You have to know your children. There are children that have a better understanding and are ready earlier than others. But for a film like this, I don’t see this as a film that’s too violent. I think this is actually quite the opposite because the strength, even in the final battle, the inner peace and sending back that negative energy is what wins. My boys are in martial arts classes. Boys are boys and they have a certain kind of energy, naturally. It’s been wonderful to get them focused on martial arts to teach them about the discipline and the respect and the control of their own bodies. I think to ignore that that’s a part of humanity, especially little boys, is wrong. So it’s to help guide them — what’s a positive thing, what’s a good guy, To try not to [use violence] certainly, but if you have to, to defend yourself.”

On bringing the kids to Cannes: “Yes, we’re all in France. Our whole family is in France and we’re very happy. They’re running around the hotel right now, playing games and making a giant mess, I’m sure. They’re having a great time. They love it here. Cannes can be overwhelming and it can be that you meet a lot of friendly faces and have a good laugh and you also get a chance to see some great films. It’s very nice.”

On picking KFP2 to appeal more to her kids: “We’re all big kids at heart…but in many ways I did it for them and I was excited for them to see it. The trick of a sequel is you have to make it better than the first one, which is hard to do especially when the first one is so successful, and I think we pulled it off.”

On finding inner peace: “Especially for people that have children. You wake up and if they’re healthy, you know that that’s the most important thing, so you have first of all that peace. They also come with a lot of chaos, but we’re all searching for it. It’s part of the human journey. We all have moments of inner peace and we lose it and we look for it again. But really it’s in knowing the people you love are safe and healthy. That’s the best.”

On her real life alter ego to all her tough characters: “Certainly my alter ego is who I am 100%, which is a mommy who is changing diapers and coloring all night long. I’m sure I’m very very soft. I’ve always been drawn to strong characters and I admire strong women, emotionally and physically, just people I feel are fighting for something. . .have a sense of justice and injustice. I’ve been very lucky that I came to my career at a time that women are being allowed these roles and have such great opportunities for these types of characters.”

[From Pop Sugar]

Sounds good. I’m sure some people will react poorly to her comments about exposing her kids to violence, but I think she sounds like a mom who has actually thought about all of those issues long and hard, and come up with the solutions that work for her. Plus, I think the Jolie-Pitt kids are exposed to real-life scenarios where they see the real effects of violent societies – she and Brad let the kids meet wounded veterans, refugees, etc.

Back to the photo call – Jack Black was predictably hyperactive, and he and Angelina are totally cute together. Dustin Hoffman was there too! My favorite photos are the ones of Angelina making a face as she embraces the panda.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some photos from both the photo call and the press conference for Pirates of Caribbean 4: This One’s Just For The Money. Now, I think Penelope is a beautiful and talented woman, and she’s currently one of my favorite girls to watch. That being said, her bangs trauma is making me twitch. Sometimes, you and I will disagree about someone’s bangs and I don’t like to admit that I see your point, that the girl doesn’t look hideous with bangs, or that maybe the overall hairstyle is more flattering than I’ve originally said. This is not one of those times. Penelope is a gorgeous woman – and these bangs are a styling tragedy, completely. They are way too short, and they do strange things to her lovely face. She was aiming for Audrey Hepburn, and she did not succeed.

Oh, and the outfit is kind of fug (IMO) too. Snowflakes and a giant neck bow? In May in the South of France? Nope. Maybe in December in Berlin. But not today. And not with that giant bow/collar tragedy.

UPDATE: Whoops! Okay, this photo call took place in Russia, not Cannes! My bad. It’s still a bad look for May, though, even though it’s more excusable for Russia.

Meanwhile, Johnny really is bringing the hot lately, right? Look, his clothes even fit! His hair is great, and he has his “dirty” look under control. Nice.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Bedhead already covered one of the first interviews with Woody Allen to come out of the Cannes Film Festival. Woody is there to promote his latest movie, Midnight in Paris, and these are some pics from the photo call. In my humble opinion, Rachel stole the show in this Maxime Simoens dress with floral appliqués. While the dress is kind of bridesmaid-y and bridal in general, Rachel looks stunning. She’s just… so pretty it hurts. I’m not a huge fan of her as a blonde, but this current blonde she’s working isn’t so bad. Not bad at all.

More photos from the Midnight in Paris photo call – Adrien Brody looking like The Douche Supreme, all in black in the middle of the friggin’ day in the south of France. WTF? Take off the hat, you jag!

And here’s Rachel’s boyfriend, Michael Sheen, looking like Welsh Jesus.

And Owen Wilson, looking nice. I think he and Rachel are playing husband-wife or girlfriend-boyfriend in the film, but here they look like brother-sister.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I thought I had heard a rumor that this might be the first Brangelina-less Cannes Film Festival in five years, but thank God it’s not true. While Brad’s latest film, the Terrence Malick-directed Tree of Life – isn’t up for competition for the Palme d’Or, the film is going to get a major premiere and roll-out at the festival. And as for Angelina – well, she will likely be giving interviews too, because scenes from Kung Fu Panda 2 will also be getting a screening. Yay! Brangelina on the red carpet!

Cue the paparazzi: Cinema’s rite of spring – the Cannes Film Festival – will feature an all-star cast, as will be officially announced on Thursday. But, for now, PEOPLE has learned that fans can expect to find Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem, as well as Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson sharing the spotlight along the Croisette from May 11 through 22.

In addition, invitations to the 64th Cannes Fest are also out to Rolling Stone Keith Richards, Madonna, Jack Black and France’s First Lady, Carla Bruni, who happens to be making her acting debut in a Woody Allen movie.

One thing is already for certain: Robert DeNiro will be sticking around the entire fest – he is the head of the jury that hands out the prizes.

Topping the list of premieres is the multi-generational saga Tree of Life, starring Pitt and Penn and directed by the highly regarded Terence Malick (Badlands, Days of Heaven). Pitt will no doubt remain in the South of France during the first half of the festival, which will also bring a sneak peek of Kung Fu Panda 2, featuring the voice of Jolie, as well as that of Dustin Hoffman and Jack Black.

Depp’s appearance is keyed to a world premiere, that of Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, which marks the return of Jack Sparrow. Cruz is among the costars.

The festival’s previously announced Opening Selection, Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris, will bring to Cannes cast members Rachel McAdams, Michael Sheen, Owen Wilson, Kathy Bates, Adrien Brody and, it is anticipated, Marion Cotillard, though she is due to give birth at the end of April.

Also on the agenda: a special tribute to the late Elizabeth Taylor, whose amFAR event to benefit her AIDS foundation has become an annual Cannes event.

[From People]

Tree of Life is also supposed to be getting a big, splashy London premiere on May 4, but who knows if that date was set before the Cannes date? My guess is that the big premiere will be for the world’s media at Cannes, and then they’ll go directly to London for another big premiere. I’m seriously excited about this, even though I think Tree of Life looks like artsy BS. Oh, HOLD UP. Sean Penn is in Tree of Life too! Do you think Sean will bring his young lover Scarlett Johansson to the event so we can have a glittery sack fashion faceoff between ScarJo and Angelina? Oh, this makes my day!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I put this Dlisted post in the links yesterday because we don’t have access to the photos – Adrien Brody making kissy-faces with Paris Hilton. Is your crush over now? I asked this less than a month ago – “Was Adrien Brody ever cool?” Y’all can officially be over him now, right? And if the Paris thing wasn’t enough, how about this sight, of Adrien promoting himself in Cannes – wearing a shiny brown leather (pleather?!?) suit. Gross. Disgusting. Totally f-cking K-Fed. What’s worse is that I actually think Brody probably thinks it’s so anti-fashion, it’s cool. It’s not.

There were some other notable (and notably bad) fashion choices in Cannes. Like little Rachel Bilson, who needs a new f-cking stylist:

Guess who thinks she’s high-fashion, y’all? La Beckinsale. Easter egg sack.

Mischa Barton lost some weight and is back to doing the “I’m emaciated and I’m in a sack” style. It wouldn’t be so bad, except for the corpsey makeup and styling.

Seriously, what is going to take to get Elizabeth Banks a new stylist? She’s so cute, and her style is always unbelievably horrid.

Sorry they were all bad fashion statements today! For more photos from Cannes, Pop Sugar has a good slideshow. Emily Brunt actually looks amazing in Cannes, I just didn’t feel like putting her up.

Header: Adrien in Cannes on May 19, 2010. Credit: WENN.

I’ve been wanting to do just a fashion post for the Cannes Film Festival ever since the the day after Robin Hood premiered. While there was definitely some spectacular fashion happening on that night, opening night, so far Cannes has been pretty solid, fashion-wise. Sure, Kate Beckinsale is on the jury so she’s been everywhere in a dazzling array of “look at me!” gowns. But some other people have been making waves too. Like Naomi Campbell, above. How f-cking hideous is that dress on her? On someone else, it might not look like gold tin foil, but on her… yeah.

Naomi Watts has been all over the festival. I think she’s promoting something crazy like four films, including Fair Game (the Valerie Plame movie), which hasn’t even premiered yet. Here is Naomi wearing an absolutely amazing black gown to the Biutful premiere. On someone else, it might have been plain. But it looks amazing on her.

I don’t like it when Naomi wears pale colors like this. It washes her out – plus, the red lipstick isn’t helping. This is Naomi at the You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger premiere:

And here’s Naomi’s low-key/high-fashion for a photo call. Killer shoes, and she should wear more jewel tones. They work on her so well.

Some may say that Meg Ryan is no longer jacking her face. They may be right – her lips don’t seem as ridiculous as before, and she doesn’t look frozen and waxy. But whatever she was doing left lasting damage. The dress is pretty though.

Excuse me. *Picks up pieces of exploded panties.* Ladies and gentlemen, a little Javier Bardem…

I just think it’s so funny that Kate Beckinsale is posing with her leg out like this. The dress isn’t terrible, at all, but can make anything look boring and desperate. It just feels like (to me), she’s throwing out her leg like a ham hock.

Kate again, this time looking very Eva Longoria/Vanna White.

Speaking of, here’s Eva. Once again, I don’t hate the dress, it’s just boring and game-show-hostess on her. Plus, every time she shows up at these events, I can just read her thoughts: “One day, I’m going to be a big enough star to actually have a reason to be here.”

Much like Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin is in several of the movies premiering in Cannes. His wife Diane Lane showed up to support him too. I like the blue much more than the black. The black is way too old.

Guess who wasn’t even invited to Cannes but still wanted to make an appearance somewhere in the South of France? Oh, J.Lo. I love this crazy bitch. Here they are in Monte Carlo:

And that’s the end. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of people you love or love to hate, so my bad. I also left off Salma Hayek’s appearances, which I covered yesterday. I’m sure there will be another one of these before the festival is over, so I’ve left somebody out, just put them in the comments!

It seems that with all the tabloid speculation about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, we rarely get to hear much from the couple, as they don’t do a huge amount of interviews. Angelina has two films that she’s promoting in Cannes, Kung Fu Panda, and The Changeling, and she gave a surprisingly revealing interview that puts a few tabloid rumors to rest.

On her relationship with her father, Jon Voight, who she has been estranged from. She refers to him in the interview as ‘Dad’.

“I think sometimes you have to distance yourself from relationships you feel are unhealthy for you. But we have spoken recently and we are going to try to get to know each other and maybe try not to be this daddy and daughter, but to be there for each other as friends in the coming years.”

On those marriage rumors:

“I turned on the news and heard we were getting married, and thought, ‘That’s odd’! You know, we’re not against it; it’s not something we’re making a stand about or are scared of. It’s just not felt necessary. We’ve both been married before and I think we feel like we are together because we want to be. We want to raise these children together; we’re committed to them and that’s the priority. It’s not about some contract binding us to have to be dedicated to each other, but that we were going to start building this family and be close just because we are. So we don’t need to do it but one day we will. Maybe if the kids start asking – they’ll probably be the ones to make the decision.”

On her relationship with Brad Pitt:

“I actually was dead set against being with another actor before I met Brad.”

Really? “Oh my God, yeah, yeah. I was sure it was going to be a doctor in the field or some kind of human rights activist. The last thing I wanted was the epitome of the attractive male movie star,” she quips.

The so-called “Brangelina” are not only considered Hollywood’s most powerful couple, but Hollywood’s hottest brand.

“We find it silly because we are both so goofy and we know who we are,” Jolie responds, literally shooing away the notion with her long-fingered hand. “The fortunate thing is we have so many kids and so many things that ground us. Brad was laughing on the red carpet and people were asking if we were having a great time, but what he was laughing about was he’d just gotten peed on by our daughter.”

On how she balances work and children:

“We take turns working so one of us is always at home and when we work we limit the hours. We don’t work on weekends. We make sure both of us are at home for at least breakfast or dinner. We adjust everything around family and we’re lucky that we can. I feel for mothers who give birth and have to go to work immediately. We can bring our kids to work, and we only work four months of the year.”

Where she’ll be giving birth:

When the time comes Pitt, of course, will be by her side. As yet she hasn’t decided if the birth will take place in France, she says. They have been staying at a Riviera villa owned by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen during the festival and, given that they have another Riviera abode on hand, it seems likely rumours that she will give birth in the south of France are correct. In any case, this is possibly the last we will see of the actress for a while: “I plan to disappear for at least a month or two afterwards.”

Will they have more children?

“We keep thinking, ‘is there ever going to be a time when we don’t have kids in the house?’ Maybe we’ll eventually start a foster home or something. We have a clinic that handles children so there are ways of looking after kids without actually physically having them in your home and we’re doing more and more of that. But I think we will adopt again. I’d like to do it again.”

Health scares in pregnancy:

“Yeah, I’m OK, so far I’m just fine,” the 32-year-old says of her pregnancy with twins. “Everybody said I didn’t have to come, but I was feeling all right. It’s not such hard work. I’m sitting and talking a lot and everybody is being nice to me. If anything, being pregnant and not working I’ve had more time to read and study, to do all those things that I don’t when I’m working.”

You can read the full interview in the Sydney Morning Herald.

Everytime you read an interview with Angelina Jolie she comes across as the nicest person, although what has she got to be mean about? She’s worth a fortune, is married to Brad Pitt, has a bunch of cute kids, and enough help so she can take care of them and have a satisfying career. Still, she does seem to embrace the fact she is in a position of privilege few working mums could ever aim for.

I think this clears up a few rumors, because Angelina never seems to outright lie. She does dodge issues though – because I’m pretty sure that she has decided where she’s giving birth. It doesn’t matter how much money and fame you have, you can’t expect an entire hospital to shut down at short notice to accommodate you.

The interviewer, Helen Barlow, mentions several times how wonderful she looks, and what amazing cleavage she has. She does seem to look amazing, in a way that most heavily pregnant women can only dream about. Hopefully when she ‘disappears’ for a couple of months following her new babies birth we’ll get at least one picture of her with a bit of a mommy tummy.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are shown at The Changeling premiere in Cannes on 5/20/08, thanks to WENN.