Esquire has named Rihanna its “Sexiest Woman Alive 2011,” but the joke’s on them, right? They must have never realized that the topless field dancing and all of its associated ills are merely part of an extravagant role that Rihanna plays. Likewise for the public display of raunch that was provided for Esquire‘s journalist, who describes Rihanna as “the indisputable champion of carnal pop” and “the essence of F**k” after getting a ringside glimpse of several of Rihanna’s concerts, which include such “arty” moves as offering her own “radiant ass” in a manner much “like it’s a rump roast.” This is not to mention her rampant onstage masturbation, feigned oral sex on the keytarist, and simulated sex with an audience member. However, Rihanna has added a new layer upon her claim that her risque image is merely a farce. Now she says that it’s your problem if you find her sexy at all. Really:

On Choosing “Simulated Sex” Partners For Concerts: The way I pick the person is, whoever I feel doesn’t take themselves too seriously, or who I think would be majorly embarrassed about it. Like these old men… it’s hilarious. Did you see the one who was getting way too comfortable? I can’t remember the city, but I remember what the guy looked like. He was just getting excited.

On Chris Brown: It’s incredible to see how he pulled out of it the way he did. Even when the world seemed like it was against him, you know? I really like the music he’s putting out. I’m a fan of his stuff. I’ve always been a fan. Obviously, I had some resentment toward him for a while, for obvious reasons. But I’ve put that behind me. It was taking up too much of my time. It was too much anger. I’m really excited to see the breakthrough he’s had in his career. I would never wish anything horrible for him. Never. I never have.

On Sex: At the end of a concert, I don’t feel like I’ve been this sexy thing. Really, I don’t even think about it. Unless it’s a song that really calls for it, like “Skin” or “S&M,” or when I cover “Darling Nikki.” There’s a section that’s called “Sex” in the show, which is the obvious section for sexuality. What I’m saying is, that’s the only part that’s deliberate, you know? Like, really? Honestly, even if it comes across sexual — it has to be a part of my subconscious thought. It’s never deliberate in the rest of the show. I don’t even really… I could see “What’s My Name?” – the dancing is pretty sexy. “Rude Boy.” But I don’t know. I guess people find different things sexy.

On Her Mom & Grandma: I like to say that I’m a bad bitch, she went on to say. But they are badder bitches than me.

On Touring: I hate going to hotels when I’m on tour. I like to stay on the bus. I can sleep, I can shower, I can just pull up right to the venue everyday. I work out. I have a trainer. So, she trains me wherever, whenever. Touring messes with my metabolism, so I have to get tight.

[From Esquire]

So how about that Chris Brown stuff? As time progresses, I really do think that — despite the fact that he beat the living crap out of her — Rihanna would probably take him back if she weren’t so famous; that is, if she didn’t fear that dating her abuser would have serious repercussions oupon her public image. Certainly, if her sketchy cousins had anything to do with it, Chris Brown would still be sitting on her family’s Bajan floor while eating fish and oozing sociopathic charm.

Now, onto the business of Rihanna claiming that her show’s not really all that sexy, and it’s merely an incidental and highly subjective interpretation to claim as much. Girlfriend is either lying through her teeth or highly deluded, especially when she regularly does photoshoots like this one for Esquire. At this point, I’m hysterically laughing at her claim that it’s all just an act while checking out these pictures of Rihanna writhing around in a pool of oil and strategically-placed twigs:

Photos courtesy of Esquire

Rihanna covers the November issue of British Vogue while wearing an Armani Prive dress and what looks an awful lot like a Marilyn Monroe-esque wig (and the blonde is reminiscent of that wiglet she wore in her Armani ads). As the magazine puts it, the photoshoot sees Rihanna “reveal[ing] a new quiet sophistication,” which makes very little sense considering that her ass is hanging out in a number of the shots. Don’t get me wrong — her ass looks good — but it’s still front and center with nothing sophisticated about it. If British Vogue wanted to go with classy, they shouldn’t have relied on the image of Rihanna to try that game. Speaking of images, Rihanna now claims that her entire image (one that actually has a Spice Girl speaking out in disgust) is all just pretend, and she’s not really like that at all:

On Her Sexed-Up, Vamped-Up Image: That’s not me. That’s a part I play. You know, like it’s a piece of art … I just want to make music. See, people – especially white people – they want me to be a role model just because of the life I lead. The things I say in my songs, they expect it of me and being a role model became more of my job than I wanted it to be. But no, I just want to make music. That’s it.

On Her Favorite Designers: Stella McCartney is so much fun and so inspiring, I adore her. Oh my God, when I first woke up to [Christopher Kane] with that collection he did with gorillas? I was like, who on earth is making this perfect sh-t? He is the best!

On Her Everchanging Hair: I don’t ever want to be a theme because then it belongs to someone, and that’s not right. I want to cultivate something that’s part of my personal swagger – whatever my mojo tells me, that’s what I’m going to do…

On Loving The “C-Word”: It’s funny. The word is so offensive to everyone in the world except for Bajans. You know African Americans use the n-word to their brothers? Well that’s the way we use the c-word. When I first came here, I was saying it like it was nothing, like, “Hey ****,” until my make-up artist finally had to tell me to stop. I just never knew.

[From British Vogue]

I honestly haven’t minded Rihanna up until now, but I don’t know about these statements. Her voice is okay, but she’s autotuned to hell, which is to be expected in today’s music industry. Also not surprising is her S&M/sex kitten image, which doesn’t even bother me that much if she at least owns it with some authenticity. However, now Rihanna’s trying to say that she’s not like that at all — she’s a good girl. So the scantily clad, topless videos in Irish fields and the off-duty drunken stripper routine is all “art”? Well, James Franco and Lady Gaga both called, and they want their mutual tired shtick back. Art, really? Just call it moneymaking, and we’ll leave it at that with at least a little bit of respect.

Here’s more from the editorial of the British Vogue shoot. I won’t even discuss the Armani couture because no one’s looking at it while that booty is on full display. Just keep in mind that, you know, Rihanna is merely playing a part here.

Photos courtesy of British Vogue

These photos show Rihanna during the initial stages of shooting her latest video before things went very wrong. Of course, Rihanna and her sexed-up image are no strangers to causing a stir amongst those who are sensitive to her brand (and yes, it is a pre-packaged deal) of scantily-clad, liquor-soaked entertainment for the masses. This story puts a bit of a different spin on things, however, for Rihanna has caused a bit of a political stir in Northern Ireland, where she greatly offended a farmer who had granted her permission to shoot a video (“We Found Love”) in one of his corn fields. Sure, the song title sounds like rainbows and ponies, but Rihanna was involved, so of course there was very little clothing present. For his part, the farmer told Rihanna to get her barely-dressed bum out of his field. How embarrassing.

R&B singer Rihanna caused controversy Tuesday after being ordered to cover up by an angry farmer while shooting a raunchy video on one of his fields in Northern Ireland.

Alan Graham, 61, who lent the pop star a corn field to shoot her latest video “We Found Love,” said he found Rihanna’s behavior “inappropriate” and drove over in his tractor to tell the scantily clad star to put some clothes on.

Traffic came to a standstill near the field in Bangor, about 13 miles east of Belfast, on Monday, as fans tried to catch a glimpse of the “Rude Boy” singer, who stripped down to a red bikini and was also seen wearing an American flag bikini and unbuttoned jeans.

Graham, who admitted he was not “familiar” with Rihanna’s work, said, “If someone wants to borrow my field and things become inappropriate, then I say, ‘Enough is enough. You are not entitled to do that’.”

He added, “I requested that they stop filming and they did. I had a conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I’m coming from. We shook hands.”

The farmer, also a local politician for the Democratic Unionist Party, said he did not receive any payment for loaning his field and had earlier helped Rihanna’s crew free some equipment that got stuck in the mud.

The incident even prompted a political debate in the Northern Ireland Assembly, with one politician asking the country’s first minister Peter Robinson — the leader of Graham’s political party — whether potential investors might be deterred after the pop star was kicked out of a field for nothing more than “wearing red, white and blue.”

Rihanna is understood to have resumed filming at a secret location in Belfast, where she is performing at the weekend.

[From Fox News]

This story is kind of funny, isn’t it? I mean, the farmer could have done a minimal amount of research on Rihanna (like, say, watching the below video of “Rude Boy”) and easily figured out that she wouldn’t be wearing a nun’s habit while shooting in his corn field. And now the Northern Ireland Assembly is concerned about the political fallout after Rihanna was kicked out while wearing a certain set of colors. At least there was a hand-shaking involved, right?

Photos courtesy of Fame

Back in July, Armani announced that Megan Fox was no longer their official spokescrotch. Megan’s print and commercial ads for Armani – for Armani underwear, jeans and makeup – had been going from bad to worse, and her latest set of Asian-looking makeup ads seemed like the last straw. So, Armani replaced Megan with Rihanna. I’ve been trying to figure out if Megan is completely fired, or if she’s just representing Armani’s makeup line now. I don’t know – but I do know that Rihanna has Megan’s old underwear and jeans contracts.

So, these are the new ads. The full set of underwear and jeans ads were just released this week, and… they’re not good. Ugh. Let’s do the positive first: Rihanna is nowhere near as tweaked and jacked as Megan Fox. I tend to think Rihanna’s face is all-natural, but I’m sure someone will correct me. I also like that Rihanna’s boobs are real, and that Armani selected a “model” with a healthy, slender figure (instead of Megan’s weird, unhealthy-looking body). Rihanna doesn’t have fake boobs, which I like as well.

Now for the negative: the blond wiglet. The makeup. The poses. Rihanna looks like hell in these ads. And she’s one of those girls who can look incredibly sexy in just candid photos where she’s walking around: why does she look so UNsexy when she’s posed and blonde and made up? Ugh.

Armani ad campaigns courtesy of Design Scene.

We all remember the horrific injuries sustained by Rihanna in early 2009 when Chris Brown beat the living hell out of her. Fortunately, Rihanna broke off that relationship and hasn’t gone back — although she might have looked back once or twice because a pattern of abuse is very difficult to break even (or especially) on the victim’s end. I always assumed that, in the end, everyone but Chris was happy that Rihanna has chosen that route for herself; certainly, I never imagined that members of her family would be rooting for Rihanna to get back with the guy, but the latest issue of The Enquirer says that is precisely the case. Yeah, I know it sounds unbelievable, right?

Here’s the thing — it’s not like The Enquirer gathered this information from “an insider” close to the family or anything suspect like that. Instead, these are Rihanna’s actual cousins talking to the publication, and they speak of Chris in bizarrely glowing terms:

Rihanna’s closest family members have made an impassioned plea for her to get back together with abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, The ENQUIRER can exclusively reveal.

But experts say reuniting with Brown – who pleaded guilty to a felony after savagely beating the “Umbrella” singer during a ferocious argument — would only reignite the cycle of violence in the couple’s relationship.

Despite that, two of Rihanna’s cousins claim the Grammy winner’s family still loves the shamed star and have forgiven him for viciously assaulting the 23-year-old beauty.

Chris made a mistake, but I forgive him,” Nicola Alleyne told The ENQUIRER. “I think he got hit too. Knowing Rihanna like I do, it was a fight. But I would love them to be back together. I really think Chris still loves her.”

Nicola, a 34-year-old mother of two, bonded with Brown when Rihanna brought him to her native Barbados to meet her family.

“She introduced Chris to everybody. He was really, really nice,” recalled Nicola, whose sister, Noella, travels the world with Rihanna when she’s on tour. Their mother, Rihanna’s Aunt Marcel, hosted the celebrity couple at her home.

“Chris’ mother, sister, nephew and cousin also came. My mother made dinner, and Chris sat on the floor and ate her Guyanese food — baked salt fish and rice.”

Rihanna’s cousin Amanda Thompson — who, like Nicola, works in the fish market and clothing shop that are both owned by Rihana’s extended family in the Barbados capital of Bridgetown — also wishes the couple would rekindle their romance. “I loved Chris Brown,” 38-year-old Amanda — who fondly remembers braiding a young Rihanna’s hair — told The ENQUIRER.

“I met him after Rihanna had just won her first Grammy. She had a party in the Boatyard Bar in Bridgetown, and I danced with him. I don’t know what happened, but I would love for them to get back together. Everybody makes mistakes.”

[From The Enquirer, print edition, September 19, 2011]

Honestly, I find the behavior of Rihanna’s cousins in this instance to be rather disgusting. Exactly what kind of a supportive family member would (publicly or otherwise) encourage their cousin to get back together with an abusive ex-boyfriend? All based upon the fact that he was “really nice” and sat on the floor while eating fish and rice. Of course Chris was cordial to Rihanna’s family because he probably wanted to make a good impression, but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t a violent nightmare behind closed doors. And he undoubtedly was just that.

In this case, there is photographic evidence that Chris beat the living crap out of Rihanna, and yet her cousins are willing to overlook that as trivial in light of the fact that he was sweet and danced with them. They honestly seem to believe that Chris merely made a series of consecutive mistakes when his fist hit Rihanna over and over again. How would these cousins feel if Rihanna took their advice and ended up dead one day because of it? I don’t even want to think about that; and hopefully, Rihanna will ignore her cousins’ misguided words too. Not only is her own safety at stake, but she also must think about the image she sets forth to her fans that experience abusive relationships as well.

Photos courtesy of Fame

We’ve heard Rihanna speak way too frankly about her sex life and kinks, and she’s had some nude photos leaked in the past, so I guess this isn’t surprising. Apparently she made an adult home video with a rapper named J. Cole, with whom she’s collaborated professionally. (And otherwise.) Adult company Hustler confirmed that they have the tape, but Rihanna’s unnamed sources (i.e. her camp) are claiming it doesn’t exist. It probably does given how specific this story is. Without Rihanna’s sign off the tape can’t be released, however.

“Hustler are in possession of the Rihanna and J-Cole tape,” said a rep for the adult company. “We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet.”

While they refused to disclose any further details of the tape, the fact that it exists is sure to have Rihanna quaking in her stilettos.

However, despite Hustler’s claim about the pair, a source close to Rihanna is still denying it exists.

“Rihanna is surprised because there is no s3x tape,” they told RadarOnline.com.

J-Cole opened for Rihanna on her 2011 Loud tour and in turn she made a cameo in his music video Can’t Get Enough.

Neither rep was available for comment.

[From Radar]

I could definitely imagine Rihanna taping sex for kicks. Or she might legitimately not know that the footage exists because it was taken without her knowledge. If that’s the case it’s such a violation. I’m so glad that tiny video cameras didn’t exist when I was in college. I wish we had cell phones, though. That would have made things so much easier.

Anyway I don’t see Rihanna ever letting this tape see the light of day. Her image is too valuable now. She’s not a Kim Kardashian or a Kendra Wilkinson type who needs the exposure and the cash that would go along with it. She’ll fight back and put her lawyers on it. I hope. She might also just shrug about it and try to ignore it. It doesn’t seem like much fazes her at all.

Here’s Rihanna eating an ice cream and having dinner in Portofino, Italy today and yesterday. She slays me. (It may be tasteless to use these photos in conjunction with this story, but they’re the latest we have!) She’s also shown performing in Essex, England on 8/21.

Photo credit: WENN.com

Well, this is an interesting turn of events. Melanie Chisholm, a.k.a., “Sporty Spice” of the Spice Girls, has climbed upon a virtual soapbox to complain about the oversexualization of young girls, a phenomenon which she claims has been willingly perpetuated by the likes of Rihanna. Never mind that the Spice Girls themselves have recently been, ironically or not, invoked by Shia LeBeouf as an example of faux-feminism and also previously bared their midriffs on an long-term and quite willing basis. That’s different, you see, because today is an altogether different matter and, conveniently, most of the Spice Girls themselves are now mothers of young, impressionable girls. That would necessarily include Mel C. herself, who has spoken out in protest of the unseemly example that today’s pop stars are setting for young girls:

She might be a big fan of the Barbadian singer but Melanie Christholm has spoken out about Rihanna’s ‘inappropriate’ overtly sexual behaviour.

The former Spice Girl believes that the singer has a responsibility to younger children to protect them, something which she has realised since becoming a mother.

Mel, 37, took to Twitter and posted: ‘For the record. I am a big fan of Rihanna, I am also a mother.’

She said: ‘People have to take some responsibility because we’ve got to a point where over-sexualisation of young children has gone too far,’ the Mirror reported.

‘I think music is a big part of that. Women in music, very successful women, are extremely sexual and they have young fans. It is inappropriate.

‘Rihanna has responsibility and although culture’s always changing, it’s changed too much. It needs to be dealt with. It’s reached saturation point, we owe it to our kids to protect them.

‘Rihanna’s free to do as she pleases, of course, but I think her take on the criticism she’s had is interesting.’

Mel, who found fame as Sporty Spice in the most successful girl group of all time, gave birth to her daughter Scarlet Starr in February 2009.

And since then her priorities, and views have changed and she accepts that Rihanna might not understand her viewpoint given that she doesn’t have children of her own.

She told the paper: ‘I love Rihanna, I think she’s a f****** brilliant artist, with great songs, a great record and she looks fantastic… but she’s not a mum. Maybe if she becomes one she’ll feel different. I hope so anyway.’

Mel was no stranger to strutting her stuff in skimpy outfits during her Spice days and were often seen backflipping her way across the stage in cropped tops and tracksuits bottoms.

She said: ‘It’s a long time ago since the Spice Girls were first together and we were criticised for being sexual. Yes, we wore crop tops, I mean look how much has changed.’

And it isn’t just the music industry that has changed since Melanie rose to fame with Geri Halliwel, Melanie Brown, Victoria Beckham and Emma Bunton.

The mother of one has made a furrow into acting enjoying s successful West End theatre debut in Blood Brothers, which she received a Laurence Olivier nomination for.

But like her fellow Spice Girl Geri, Mel C has also been back in the recording studio working on her latest album Sea.

Mel’s new single “Think About It” is out on September 5.

[From Daily Mail]

First off, I’d like to point out that a couple of Spice Girls tunes still reside within my iTunes collection. However, if Mel C. doesn’t think that she still monetarily benefits (royalty wise) from the fruits of the poisoned tree — that is, the bared midriffs of the entire group and the extremely short hemlines of Posh Spice — then she is sadly mistaken. In fact, much of the money with which she raises her little girl comes precisely from that source. With that said, yes, Rihanna is a bit too sexualized for today’s tween audience, but she’s not really any worse than, say, Katy Perry, who takes great pleasure in wearing cupcake bras and shooting whipped cream out of her boobs. Ultimately, it’s up to parents to decide whether or not their tweens listen to Rihanna, Katy Perry, or any of their contemporaries. As to Mel C, I do sympathize, but it’s also fairly apparent that she’s not only hypocritically expressing outrage but also promoting her own upcoming album. And yes, I do wish Mel C. much luck with her new prospective demographic.

Photos courtesy of WENN

As more and more photos of Rihanna’s rum-soaked Barbadian holiday come out, I grow increasingly jealous. The whole trip looks like so much fun, and Rihanna just seems to be having the best time. I wish I was part of her crew so I could get hammered with Rihanna and go night-swimming in Bob Marley swimsuits. Once again, I have to hand it to Rihanna – the girl knows how to party, and she knows how to maintain too. Sure, she looked drunk in all of the photos from Kadooment Day, and she looked like she might have a buzz in those white bikini photos too, but she never looks like she’s completely wasted, like she’s too far gone to function. Even in these new photos, of Rihanna night-swimming and bringing her dear friend, beer, along with her, she still knows what she’s doing. She’s PARTYING, for the love of God. She’s on vacation. Let the girl get hammered and go night-swimming.

Apparently, this “Banks Beer” in Rihanna’s hand is the official beer of Barbados or something. As for the Bob Marley swimsuit, Rihanna is a big Marley fan. In an interview last year, Rihanna said she had a “Bob Marley room” made in her LA house, which is sort of her shrine to him, “The Bob Marley room is my loungey room, so there’s incense burning, there’s a painting on the wall of Bob Marley in black and white, which I love. The rest of the room goes from green into yellow into red, like the Jamaican flag. There’s a little coffee table and these seats that are like big pillows on the floor, so it’s not formal at all. There are lots of Bob Marley books, lyric books. He’s one of my favourite artists of all time – he really paved the way for every other artist out of the Caribbean.”

The Mail also has a piece about Rihanna’s relationship with her hair stylist, Ursula Stephen, who changes more than $3000 a day. A source says, “Rihanna likes to pioneer new styles but it’s costing her a fortune. She makes several public appearances a week, and the cost soon stacks up. Ursula is a close confidante and they are together all the time. You have to wonder why she insists on keeping such an expensive member of her entourage on the payroll 24/7. Most of these costs are paid for by her management.” Yikes. She’s paying way too much for these hair styles, although I think she looks so much better without the Kool-Aid color.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

As we saw earlier this week, Rihanna is currently in Barbados, where she’s partying her ass off. Rihanna looks like she’s a lot of fun, and she seems like she either has a really tolerance for alcohol, or she’s just really good at “maintaining”. These are new photos of Rihanna, post-Kadooment Day, enjoying herself on the beach with friends. Damn, Rihanna’s got a GREAT figure, right? She looks healthy, athletic and like she eats regularly. That bikini is kind of fug, though. It looks… 1980s Miami Vice.

Also: while Rihanna is in Barbados, she’s getting some vacation booty with an ex. His nickname is Love God, but you can call him Negus Sealy. Apparently, Negus was Rihanna’s first boyfriend? And he was one of the dudes grinding on her for Kadooment Day.

It was a photograph that shocked even Rihanna’s over-exposed fans – a man grinding behind her as she bent seductively over wearing only a skimpy Carnival outfit in her native Barbados.

But RadarOnline.com has learned that the man in question, Negus Sealy, was in fact her ‘first love’ and as their ‘dirty dancing’ suggests the pair have gotten really friendly again.

Superstar Rihanna – who split-up with LA Dodgers baseball star Matt Kemp last year and was rumored to have been seeing hip-hop singer Drake – is back with Sealy.
The Barbadian – who is nick-named Love God by local beauties – has been inseparable from Ri-Ri since she went home.

The couple has enjoyed an on-off relationship since they first started dating in 2006 before her mega-watt career music career took-off. And when her violent relationship with Chris Brown was exposed in 2009 she turned to her first love for support.

A source told the UK’s Sun newspaper: “Negus has hardly left her side. He was her first true love but all the ladies love him – they call him the ‘Love God’. They have hooked-up in the past when she’s back in Barbados but now things have progressed to a proper level again.”

And judging by the racy images of the pair dancing together at the Kadoomet Day Festival Rihanna and Sealy are very much an item again. Partygoers claimed the pair was all over one another and they were acting just like a love-struck couple.

The superstar seems to love being back home and she has been drumming-up support for her concert in Bridgetown on Friday.

She just tweeted: “I know de Bajans comin out to ALL tomorrow nt!!!! Dress to KILL!!!!!! My boy @JColeNC WILL be in the building!!!And our very own Coverdrive!”

Rihanna will officially begin her role as ambassador of Barbados tomorrow which will be marked by her concert which is part of her Loud Concert worldwide tour.

[From Radar]

Knowing Rihanna, this probably isn’t love. It probably won’t even last the length of the trip. But some vacation dong is always nice, especially if it’s from the guy nicknamed Love God, which hopefully isn’t an ironic nickname. Like, I could see someone douchey and horrible giving themselves the “Love God” nickname.

Look how much fun Rihanna’s having! I wish I was there.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

You have to give Rihanna credit for something: she knows how to have a good time. Yesterday, Rihanna was in Barbados for their national holiday, Kadooment Day. I’m not even going to try to explain what the original holiday is celebrating, suffice to say that the holiday has devolved into a day in which ladies wear red bikinis and fishnets and get drunk as hell on the streets. It’s sort of like… college? Anyone else have a liberal arts education?

Anyway, Rihanna took part in a “traditional Bajan festival” by wearing this outfit and getting on top of float and simulated sexual acts with randoms… while atop the float. I’m not judging – first of all, all of this looks very much like a Gay Pride parade, so much so that I find myself playing “Find the Drag Queen” in the photos (I think I found one). Also, in no photo does Rihanna look uncomfortable or even out of control. She looks like she maintained a really great buzz throughout the day, for which I applaud her.

Rihanna was also recently named the official ambassador for Barbados to… the world? Probably. So, whenever we think of Barbados, we should think about Rihanna maintaining a killer happy-buzz as she straddles randoms on a parade float. Seriously, there are totally worse ambassadors.

Photos courtesy of Fame.